Through My Veins
by Grissom1
Summary: Sara discovers a secret Grissom has kept from the lab that explains his past. How will she react to the news? How will he react to her discovery? Romance and angst...GSR
1. Chapter 1

**Note from author:**

**Hello everyone. It is good to be back. I was hoping to have this up much sooner but I recently had surgery so it put my schedule behind a bit. I want to personally thank Keri (PiperGrissom) for making a video for this story as well as posting the first chapter of the story on her website. You can see the video and leave Keri a message on youtube as well as visit her site: gsrforeveronlinedotcom**

**Chapter One:**

**Too Tough to Die:**

He sits holding her hand like he's done so many times and yet today is different.

Today, they called him and he came rushing.

Her blood pressure had dropped prompting the call.

He was in the middle of a crime scene when his beeper went off.

The only time he was ever called to her side was during a crisis.

He dropped his gloves into his kit, grabbing it as he ran.

He whispered briefly to Brass as he hurried to his vehicle, speeding away.

His sudden departure caught the attention of his team, not used to seeing their boss leave before the job was completed.

There were whispers of concern.

A certain brunette's head bobbed up, glancing at Brass, needing to know that Grissom was fine.

His smile indicated that everything was okay.

She returned to work but a nagging voice told her something was not right.

Grissom's life had always been a mystery.

He kept to himself and did not associate with the team after hours except on rare occasions.

His behavior was always odd.

One minute he would be discussing a case and then the next he would disappear without a word, no one knowing his whereabouts.

They learned to shrug it off.

It was Grissom being Grissom.

As he sped to the convalescent center, he wondered if this would be the night.

It didn't feel different.

It felt like any other night.

He thought that when it happened he would sense something or get caught unprepared.

He was prepared to face what was to happen.

He'd been prepared for years.

He had been there so many times he thought he could drive there blindfolded.

He knew how many steps there were from the front entrance to her room.

He knew how many tiles there were on the ceiling where she had remained for the past eight years.

He knew how many machines were attached to her body, particularly the ones that would end her life if unplugged.

The layout of the room never changed.

There were photos of her childhood, her graduation and then their wedding.

He didn't need to see them.

They were engrained on his brain.

Her parents had insisted they be brought, placed around the room along with some of her other things.

The only time he was reminded of his past was this room.

Upon her admittance to the place where she would most likely die, he had walked out of their home taking nothing with him.

He wanted no fight with his in-laws.

They placed her here when the hospital could no longer keep her.

He began the long task of paying for her medical care, insisting on caring for his wife even though her family was financially secure.

He disliked his in-laws the moment he met them but he fell in love with their daughter.

She was a beautiful, smart young lady who had been given everything to her on a silver spoon.

There was little he could deny her when she flashed that smile of hers in his direction.

He told himself he was far too old for her but she had chosen him and Elizabeth Matthews got what she wanted.

After a whirlwind romance, she was planning the wedding, the house they would purchase along with the first of many children.

His life was planned out for him and he could not resist letting her guide him into marriage.

He'd been so wrapped up in his career that he had not taken time to find or love someone much less think of a family.

He was completely captivated by her.

She was vibrant, intelligent and very much able to convince him that she could give him a wonderful life.

He wanted a life.

He wanted all of those things that she offered.

Elizabeth offered him the world and he took it.

He just wished the in-laws were not part of the deal.

It was hard to separate the daughter from the father.

When she wanted anything, she ran to her father who wrote out a check.

It bothered him.

He struggled to provide for her the life she was accustomed to living.

He'd purchased their home on his own despite the pleas from her to allow her father to help.

It was not as grand as she wanted but it had been a very nice home, far above what he should have started out with.

Working long hours helped to keep their head above water financially.

There were words over money.

She did not understand why she could not spend lavishly with her credit cards.

He finally had to remove them from her wallet.

It had been quite a battle but in the end, she had given them up, clinging to him, begging for forgiveness while he soothed her tears.

He worked extra hours, gambled a few times to provide those "extra things" she felt she needed.

He would have done anything for Lizzie.

The long hours took a toll on their marriage.

He was rarely home but he cherished every moment with her, trying to give her the family she desperately wanted.

All of her friends were having babies and she wanted one as well. He'd wanted more than anything to give her this but months passed without success.

He blamed it on the long hours while she withdrew, almost pouting.

He tried to comfort her, trying to spend as much as he could with her but Las Vegas was filled with dead bodies and there were bodies to process.

It was a difficult time in their marriage.

Then, the unexpected happened.

Lizzie became pregnant.

Her smile returned along with the laughter and he thought that things were going to be fine.

Their beautiful dreams were shattered when he was notified of her car accident.

He shook his head as he whispered the same "good night" before kissing her briefly on the forehead.

He had prayed things would be different tonight.

He had hoped above hope that she would be gone this time, ending this long dry spell of loneliness.

So many times he had been here by her side when there had been a change.

The change had never lasted, only brief glimpses of unanswered prayers.

He had prayed so much in the last eight years that surely there was no room left in Heaven.

He had been faithful.

He had been the dutiful husband, clinging to every possibility that she would return to him.

Weeks after her accident and the last CT scan revealed what he suspected.

Scientifically it was impossible for her to improve.

Technically she was gone and he had accepted that.

He had lost her the night she lost control of the vehicle.

He clung to his faith when the life within her struggled to be born.

He'd already lost her.

Surely God would not deny him the life of their child.

Lizzie continued to live while the baby died a few hours after birth.

He wiped the tears from his cheeks.

God help him, he prayed she would let go and end this torture.

He prayed he would get the call that she had passed away.

It never came.

His prayers seemed suspended just like his life.

He was caught between the duty to his wife and the love for a young C.S.I. who had kept him going all these years.

He knew it was cruel to lead the young girl along but he needed her.

She was good for the lab.

She was good for his sanity.

She reminded him there was still beauty in the world, in his life and forever in his heart.

He'd managed to keep all of this from her.

Hardly anyone knew about his past.

Brass had found out when Grissom had to leave a crime scene on the night Lizzie had been rushed to have an emergency C-section.

It was the only thing Brass knew that Catherine didn't.

He preferred it that way.

He opened his book, letting his voice fill the room as he sat there by her side.

He could not remember a time when he did not visit her.

Even when he was bone tired from pulling a double, he did not rest until he visited.

He asked the same questions, looked at the same charts, observed the same lifeless body and wept.

It was getting hard.

He had almost told Sara when she sat in his office, tearful over an encounter with a case.

The victim had been left in a vegetative state.

"_The husband doesn't get it," said Sara as she wiped at her tears._

"_He's so happy she's going to live. He doesn't realize she's going to be in a vegetative state for the rest of her life….and the kid Thorpe is going to be out of juvie in 48 months….it's not fair."_

"_It's the system," Grissom reminds her._

"_What kind of system rewards the suspect when the victim is too tough to die?"_

_She stood, tired of being the only person with feelings._

"_Sara, you've got to learn to let this go or you're going to spend all of your time in hospitals trying to save the people you can't save."_

"_I wish I was like you, Grissom. I wish I didn't feel anything."_

_Grissom gasped at the pain in her voice and the intensity of his own._

He could have told her then.

He almost did.

He went to her apartment intent to tell her but then the hospital had called and he had rushed to Lizzie's side.

She had developed an infection.

He had not left her side during those days her life hung in the balance.

He ignored the jabs by his father in-law.

The words were hurtful but they had a ring of truth in them.

Grissom was hoping she would let go this time.

He even thought to sit by her bed, not holding her hand, hoping the absence of it would indicate to her that she could move on.

He could never bring himself to be so cold, always slipping his hand into hers, whispering that he was there.

He read nonstop to her for hours until the crisis passed.

His father in-law grunted in satisfaction as he gathered his silent wife and left once more.

It was the only time John Matthews came.

His wife, Emma, came every now and then, slipping into the room, to watch Grissom as he sat with his legally dead wife.

She never spoke to him and he was glad.

His battles with her husband were enough.

He thought the old man sent his wife to check on him, to ensure he was still being the dutiful husband to his daughter.

He was even though he felt the life drain out of him each and every time he faced a crisis with her health and she remained.

At least one of them was dying.

Elizabeth Grissom had proven repeatedly she was too tough to die.

Note from author:

Yes, the angst starts off really fast…but the story moves quickly.

Take care,

Penny


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two:**

**Secrets Surface**

"Has Grissom seemed different to you?" asked Warrick as they sat in the break room.

Nick shrugged his shoulders. "He's been racing out of here a lot…like he has something or someone to go to…that could be good."

Sara hid behind the newspaper.

She had noticed his erratic behavior.

It wasn't like Grissom to be the first person to leave after shift but it had been that way for days now.

"He's not going home," announced Catherine.

Eyes shot to Catherine.

"I went by there…he's not been home lately."

Sara tried to ease the tension slowly building inside.

_Maybe he's found someone…_

"Maybe Grissom has a girlfriend," stated Greg.

It was just her luck for Greg to point out her very fear.

Sara gulped.

He had seemed distant of late, not caring to chat.

He rarely picked up his phone unless he was called from the lab or it was during working hours.

She knew.

She had tried a few times.

"Hey, Sar, what do you think?" asked Nick.

"What?" she pretended she had not been listening.

She had learned a nice trick.

By wearing her earplugs with her ipod stuck in her pocket, most assumed she could not hear.

She'd picked up a few morsels here and there with this tactic, mainly by listening to the guys.

She didn't care to pry into anyone's personal business, just Grissom's.

She was worried about him.

He seemed rather tired these days despite the first to leave and the last to arrive.

It was very odd behavior for a workaholic.

She did not bother getting up when the others vacated the break room.

She remained, knowing she had a few more minutes on her dinner break.

Sara stretched on the couch, closing her eyes intent to listen to her music when a shuffling of feet was heard.

She knew it was Grissom.

He grumbled when he almost spilled his coffee, glancing in her direction.

His phone rang and he grabbed it.

His voice was low even though he did not think she would hear him with the ipod.

Sara and Greg had one thing in common and that was loud music.

"Grissom…yes…any change?....what does the doctor say?...yes, I will…right after shift."

She jumped when he nudged her.

"Shouldn't you be working?" he asked.

"Ten more minutes…of dinner break," she reported.

He examined her from head to toe.

"Did you eat?"

She yanked out the earplugs, shoving them into the same pocket with her ipod. "I'll get back…to work."

He openly sighed. "Sara…you're entitled to a dinner break…I was just hoping you had remembered to eat."

She smiled at him.

He loved her smiles.

There were genuine glimpses into her very soul.

"What about yourself?" she asked.

He'd forgotten when he had last sat down for a meal.

"I could run down to the deli," she offered.

"That would be nice," he accepted.

She started to leave when he called out, "You should turn off the ipod…save the batteries."

"Oh…right."

_He's observant even when he's tired…_

She was back within five minutes, placing his food onto his desk.

She started to leave but he called after her. "We could discuss the Brennan case….stay."

He shoved over some papers making room for her sandwich.

They discussed several cases, ending with the latest robbery she and Greg had worked.

She crumbled up the empty wrapper and threw it in the trash.

"Finish," she ordered softly as she stepped out of the office.

He grinned, finishing off the rest of the sandwich.

She could not keep the smile from her face.

It had been ages since they had shared a meal and usually it was with the others.

He didn't seem to care that they were alone in his office, although the door was open.

His eyes followed her down the hall.

It was encounters like this that kept him going.

His phone rang and he was rushing down the hall, out of the lab without stopping.

Sara remembered the one-sided conversation and wondered if a family member was ill.

The only family she had known about was Grissom's mother but she had passed away a year ago.

She grabbed her kit and headed out into the field.

It was by sheer chance she happened to notice his vehicle parked outside the convalescent center.

She slowed, making sure it was his.

When shift ended, she drove by there once more, taking note that his vehicle remained.

It was still there when she headed in to work although it had been moved to a different spot.

She tried not to hover near his door when he arrived for work the next evening.

He looked tired as he shuffled his feet, stopping along the way for updates.

"Hey Griss, everything okay?" asked Catherine.

"Yes," he replied, brushing her off by flipping through his messages without making eye contact.

Sara knew different.

_Who is the person at the convalescent center?_

_It has to be a relative…_

_Maybe Brass knows…_

_Catherine doesn't…_

He gave himself a burglary case, shifting the 419s to the others, including her.

She didn't mind.

He needed a break.

She hadn't meant to eavesdrop as she passed his office but Ecklie's voice was rather loud.

"Why is Catherine leading the Thomas case?" asked Ecklie.

"Catherine is qualified. I know she will…"

"Look Gil, I can expect this when you're buried in bodies but there is no reason why you shouldn't be leading the investigation."

"I gave it to Catherine."

"Take it back."

"You can't yank a case back when she's nearing the end of the investigation."

"She has a suspect?" he asked.

"She'll let you know."

It was Grissom's way of not telling a lie.

Sara knew the Thomas case was far from over.

It wasn't like Grissom to hand over such a high profile case.

He didn't want the notoriety but rather he was willing to take the heat from the undersheriff when things did not go as fast as the media wanted.

She hastened her step to the break room not wishing to appear she had heard the conversation.

He slammed the cabinet as he retrieved a coffee cup.

"You okay?" asked Sara.

Grissom took a deep breath. "It's been a hard month."

Compared to other months, the caseload had been lighter but she said nothing.

He took a sip. "Interested in a 419…with me?"

She smiled. "Do I get to drive?"

He grinned. "You yes…Greg never."

Greg stepped into the break room. "I heard that. You're playing favorites."

"I like arriving in one piece," called out Grissom. "Sidle, let's go."

"Have fun," grumbled Greg. "He's been a bear."

He tilted his back, relaxing in the passenger seat as she drove.

She looked in his direction and wondered if he were sleeping.

It was hard to tell with the sunglasses.

"Eyes on the road…not me," he ordered.

She grinned. "I was just preparing to grab the coffee mug when you fell asleep."

"I'm fully awake…who can sleep while you or Greg is behind the wheel."

She intentionally swerved and he sat up.

There was a look of fear in his eye as he turned mentally checking her seat belt.

"Sorry."

He grumbled something under his breath.

"Are you sleeping okay?" she asked.

"I could get more," he admitted.

"Anything I can do?" she offered.

"No…thanks, Sara."

"Look you and I have got to be the most private persons in the lab…but I tell you things."

It was true.

He knew more about Sara's past than anyone.

"We've known each other for a long time," he reasoned. "With time…comes trust."

He took a drink. "Sara…is there something wrong?"

She took a deep breath. "I saw your…car at the convalescent center."

"I was visiting someone," he replied.

"You've been visiting a lot."

He almost dropped the coffee mug, juggling it with shaking hands.

"My private life is none of your business!" he yelled.

"Exactly…I don't want to interfere but it's just….that you're tired…I'm concerned…"

"The convalescent center is not near the lab or your apartment. The only way you could have noticed my car is by snooping into my private life. Stay out of it!"

Her hands gripped the steering wheel.

He'd never spoken to her so harshly.

She'd only done it out of concern for his physical health.

The remainder of the ride was done in silence.

He slammed the car door, stepping out, grabbing his kit as he marched onto the crime scene.

She was angry as hell but more importantly she was hurt by his callous response to her concern.

She grabbed her kit and took off to process the dead.

She yanked her arm away when she felt the slight touch of her elbow.

"Hey! Don't hit me," chuckled Brass.

"Sorry, Jim."

"Must have expected someone else," he said, glancing around.

"Not likely."

"Is he inside?"

"Has been for the last two hours," she muttered.

"How is he?"

She wiped her brow. "Should I be concerned?"

"No…of course not. He's just been busy and…"

"With what?"

An inner voice warned her to let it drop but even if he had been shitty, she was still worried about him.

She quickly added, "The convalescent home?"

Brass showed no emotion.

"I know about the person."

Brass looked down at the ground.

"Jim…is he alright?"

"I can't give you any answers."

"Who is there? We both know his mother is deceased even though he never told anyone."

"Grissom is a very private man."

"What do we do when his private life interferes with his career?"

"What do you mean?"

"He's burning out. He's exhausted before he even gets to the lab."

"I'll talk with him," offered Brass.

She waited until he was a few feet away.

"Hey Jim…I didn't mean to find out about….her."

She gambled.

His expression gave her the answer.

_Grissom is visiting a woman…_

_Who is she?_

He was livid by the time the case was over.

He threw evidence into the back of the vehicle, slamming the door as he got inside.

She did not look in his direction for fear she would see that the anger was directed at her.

As soon as they arrived, she insisted on logging in the evidence.

He disappeared into his office, shutting the door with a rather loud thud.

The others stayed clear for the remainder of the shift.

As soon as it was over, he fled.

She was surprised when he arrived at the lab early the next day, even staying late to work a double.

He was still short in his replies but he appeared more rested.

_Maybe he's no longer going there…._

_Maybe the person got better…_

_Maybe the person died…_

_He seemed better…_

Sara checked her rear view mirror.

She could not believe she was doing this.

He exited the Center and drove away.

_He's still coming…_

_But why?_

She had no idea where she thought she was going.

There were over a hundred patients in the facility.

_Maybe one has the last name of "Grissom"…_

_They won't release that information to a person off the streets…_

Unless she knew exactly the room Grissom entered each night, there was little chance of finding the person.

She couldn't very well ask...or could she?

A young nurse stepped out of one of the rooms.

"Miss…I was looking…for a friend, Gil Grissom. I need to give him some information."

The nurse hesitated.

She noticed Sara's badge.

"We work together. I know he comes here after work each day."

"He may have already left."

"Could we check…in the room…I promise I'll only be a minute."

"Mr. Grissom usually leaves Elizabeth's room by now."

"So…can we check?"

Sara could not believe her luck as she followed the nurse down the hall.

"I've never seen a man so devoted to a woman. He never misses a visit."

She felt guilty as they walked further down the hall.

She reached out her hand to stop the woman but it was too late.

The nurse stopped at a door but then turned quickly when a monitor sounded down the hall.

"You go ahead. I'll just check with Grissom and then leave," offered Sara with a tight smile.

The nurse hesitated for a moment but then flew down the hall.

Sara stepped into the room

She was not prepared for what she found.

Note from author:

See, I told you it moves rather quickly….thanks to those who are always faithful and leave a review. To those of you who have put me on author alert…thanks but what did you think? LOL Tomorrow is supposed to be a pretty day here so if it's nice where you live, get out and enjoy Spring before we get another blast of Winter to remind us that it is not over yet….

Take care!


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three:**

**Hearts That Suffer**

A young woman lay in a vegetative state.

There was a bouquet of flowers in a vase beside the bed along with a book of poetry she recognized as Grissom's.

Her eyes caught sight of the photos around the room.

A gasp escaped her lips at the sight of the wedding photo.

She stepped toward the shelf intending to take a closer look at the photo, although she recognized those blue eyes.

The door flew opened and Sara was shocked to come face to face with Grissom.

He grabbed Sara's wrist.

"What are you doing?" he seethed.

"Griss…I…"

"You have no right in here! How did you…"

He saw her badge.

The nurse quickly stepped in. "Dr. Grissom, this woman from your job needed to give you something."

Grissom glared at Sara.

"Is everything alright?" asked the nurse nervously.

"Yes, Mary," stated Grissom.

The nurse closed the door.

Grissom nails dug into Sara's wrist as she tried to break free.

"You wanted to see! Well, get a good look!" He yelled viciously.

"What's the matter Sara? Aren't you happy that you found out? Let me introduce you to my wife, Elizabeth."

"Grissom…let me go…please."

"Does she remind you of someone?"

"You said you wished you were like me…no feelings…well, I have feelings, Sara!"

"I'm sorry…I was worried about you."

"You couldn't leave it alone! You just had to know!" He gulped in air. "I brought the flowers yesterday. It was our anniversary…ten years."

His nails bit into her skin, hurting her.

She couldn't bear to see the anguish in his eyes as he tightened his grip on her.

"Why?" he pleaded, lowering his voice.

"I saw your car by accident. I drove by here again and …"

"You wanted to spy. You wanted to see how Gilbert Grissom spends his evenings."

He dragged Sara toward the bed but she resisted.

Sara tried to pull away but his grip was firm.

She winced from the pain.

"You wanted to see her…look!"

Hot tears spilled down Sara's cheeks.

"Are you satisfied Sara? Are you happy to know that I come here to sit with her, hold her hand, talk with her, plead with her to…." He stopped feeling a bit lightheaded.

Sara's quiet sob made him release her wrist but took her hand instead.

"She was in a car accident. She forgot to buckle her seat belt…was in a rush."

His other hand covered his mouth to stifle a sob.

"She's never going to wake up. She's dead…but alive….do you understand?"

The second he released her hand she fled.

Grissom grabbed the poetry book Sara had given him as a gift.

It was the reason he had returned, leaving it by mistake.

"Now…at least she knows," he breathed as he slumped into the chair beside the bed.

His hands held his head as he cried.

_My God, what did I do?_

_I've never yelled at her…_

He trembled when he caught sight of the blood on his fingertips.

He rushed out of the room, hurrying to catch up with her.

Her hands shook as she fumbled with the keys into the ignition.

The keys dropped to the floor board and she feverishly tried to find them.

He stepped out of the building and caught sight of her vehicle still parked.

Her heart thudded loudly when he approached.

She quickly started the vehicle, throwing it in reverse, barely missing another car as she drove away.

It was obvious she was upset.

She ignored the long lengthy honks of the car she cut off, trying to get away.

Grissom cursed, flipping on his phone in his attempt to call her.

She cringed when she saw the caller I.D.

_I never should have gone…_

_He'll never forgive me…_

_God, how could I have been so stupid?_

He jumped into his vehicle, intent to follow her.

He needed to explain himself.

She swiped at her eyes as she slowed.

She could still hear the pain in his voice.

"_I wish I was like you, Grissom. I wish I didn't feel anything."_

_I can't believe I accused him of such a thing…_

"I didn't know," she sobbed.

How could she have been so cruel?

"_I've never seen a man so devoted to a woman. He never misses a visit."_

_He'll never forgive me…_

The light turned and she halted.

She glanced in her rearview mirror and saw him.

Her phone rang

She knew it was him.

As soon as the light turned green, she took off.

She felt the impact as another car ran the red light.

Sound of breaks and horns exploded in the air.

The air was knocked from her lungs as the airbag exploded.

She lost consciousness briefly but then hands were touching her.

She had no idea how long she had blacked out.

A hand caressed her cheek and she tried to reach it but her arms were immobile.

The ambulance and police were on the scene.

Blurry images and sound were all that registered in her brain.

A moan slipped from her lips when she moved.

It hurt to move.

"Be still, honey," whispered Grissom.

"Griss?"

"I'm here, Sara."

"Head…ribs hurts," she moaned.

She felt feather like kisses on her cheeks and forehead.

"It's going to take them a few minutes to get you out…don't move, honey…please."

His voice became urgent as he yelled at the paramedics.

She felt strong arms removing her.

Someone was holding her hand.

It was warm and comforting.

She felt an I.V. pushed into her veins and she cringed.

"It's okay…you need fluids," he whispered. "Sara, listen to my voice. I want you to stay awake."

Her eyes opened.

"That's good. Stay with me, Sara!" he begged.

Her fingers caressed his hand.

She felt herself floating.

"Sara! Stay with me," he insisted.

She could hear Grissom barking out orders to the medics along with her medical history.

"Try to keep her conscious…we're not sure about the head injury," cautioned the medic.

There was a gash on her forehead.

He gripped her hand tighter.

"Sara, open your eyes, sweetheart."

He began to panic when she did not respond.

"Sara!"

Her eyes fluttered open once more.

"That's it…stay with me," he urged as he leaned down to kiss her lips.

The sirens blared.

Her eyes drifted shut.

"Sara!"

He held her hand to his lips as she lost consciousness.

She drifted in and out as she felt her body being moved.

She tried to open her eyes but the lights were too bright in the examining room so she kept them shut.

The pain medicine finally dulled her senses and she was adrift once more.

When she woke she was in a room.

The door was open and a nurse stood at the end of the bed.

"How do you feel?" the nurse asked.

"Feel?"

"Your friends are outside. We told them they could come in as soon as you were settled."

"Settled?"

"Are you in any pain?" asked the nurse.

Sara's hand shot to her head.

She felt the bandage.

There were a few cuts and bruises on her arms.

Her ribs hurt.

"You're going to be quite sore from the airbag. The doctor is outside. He's documenting your chart."

The nurse patted Sara's leg.

"Sara Sidle?" asked the Dr. Ramsey.

Sara nodded.

"You were very lucky," he said. "You've got a deep gash on your forehead…the stitches should not be noticeable once they dissolve. Two of your ribs were cracked and there's some extensive bruising caused by the airbag but otherwise, you're going to be fine."

"Airbag?"

"Sara, do you remember the wreck?"

She heard Grissom's voice outside talking in hushed tones with someone.

Her memory seemed garbled.

She heard his voice again.

She looked at her wrist, remembering the fight with Grissom and what she had done.

She nodded nervously.

"We're going to keep you overnight and then release you tomorrow."

"I can't….go home…now?"

"I'd prefer to keep you just for observation."

She struggled to sit up, trying to hide the pain.

"The nurse can give you something for the pain," he offered.

She shook her head.

"I'll let your friends come in," stated Dr. Ramsey.

She was not prepared for everyone to crowd into the room.

"Hey cookie," smiled Warrick as he squeezed her hand.

Nick leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. "You scared us…Grissom called in the wreck."

"Grissom?" she managed to get out.

"Yeah…he was a few cars behind you…good thing," stated Warrick.

Catherine patted her foot. "I used to admire your car…until now."

"Ouch! That was cold," grinned Greg. "Of course it's now ready for the salvage yard."

"My car?" asked Sara suddenly.

"I'm afraid so, kiddo," announced Brass as he stepped into the room.

Her eyes searched for Grissom but he was not present.

"Listen, we can't stay. We're actually on the clock. We just wanted to see you," smiled Catherine.

"Get some rest," ordered Nick. "I can give you a ride when you get discharged."

"That…would be great," she said.

Brass waited until the others left. "Grissom got a call. He's somewhere in the hall."

She nodded.

"You're going to hurt like hell tomorrow. Better get some sleep…take any drugs they offer," he ordered.

He caught the telltale signs of pain.

"Sure," she said.

Brass traced the bruises on her wrist.

She gently pulled away.

She had been able to hide it from the others.

He kissed her on the forehead. "We'll talk tomorrow…understand? Call me if you need anything."

The door shut.

She rolled to her side, grimacing from the movement.

A nurse stepped in. "Here's your medicine."

"Medicine?"

"Yes…he stated you needed something for the pain."

She never liked hospitals.

She disliked pain medication as well but it helped take off the edge as she drifted in and out of sleep.

Grissom stepped into the room but halted when he saw that she was sleeping.

He knew the others were gone.

He sat down in the chair beside the bed.

He brought her hand to his cheek.

"I was so scared, Sara."

"I thought I had lost you too."

Note from author:

Yeah, their talk happens in chapter four. I hope everyone got out and did something fun. As for me, I am tired and in major pain. I did yard work all day….really…just ten days after surgery and I'm doing yard work….not recommended…so don't try this at home. LOL

Take care.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four:**

**Soul Searching**

She stirred.

He quickly wiped his face, still holding onto her hand.

He pulled up the blankets.

He saw the bruising on her wrists.

_I bruised her…_

_Those are my fingernail cuts on her skin…_

"I didn't mean to hurt you," he choked.

He reacted instantly when he felt her hand withdraw from his.

"Sara?"

"Grissom?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you," he said softly. "How do you feel?"

"Groggy…pain medicine," she slurred.

"You were…lucky," he gulped.

"I'm fine…I get to leave in the morning," she stated, wary of this conversation, expecting to be thrashed with his tongue once more.

She would have preferred a beating rather than his tone or the anguish she had witnessed.

"Sara…"

"I'm sorry," she mourned, feeling the word was rather hollow compared to what she had done.

"Sorry?"

"I…never should have gone inside," she cried.

"No, Sara. I never should have yelled at you…or hurt you."

He took her wrist, kissing the bruises.

"You didn't deserve that," he seethed. "I was out of line."

She withdrew her hand, not wanting to be so easily forgiven for her actions.

He did not know how to take the withdrawal.

He was mortified that he had physically left a mark on her.

"This can wait…you should sleep," he urged.

She closed her eyes, hoping he would leave, not knowing how long she could hide her emotions.

She heard the scuffling of a chair.

She waited for the sound of a door opening but it did not come.

She opened her eyes and found him, still sitting beside her bed.

"I didn't want…to leave you," he explained.

She didn't deserve his kindness.

She wondered if he somehow blamed himself for the wreck.

It had been an accident.

The other driver had tried to run through the light while she had shot off as soon as her light turned.

If she had not been in a hurry, perhaps she would have glanced in the opposite direction to ensure it was clear but she had wanted to put some distance between herself and Grissom.

_He probably does blame himself…_

She was not prepared for him to take her into his arms.

"I was so scared, Sara….so afraid that you…"

He released her immediately when she stiffened.

"I'm sorry! I forgot…the bruises," he lamented.

"I'm fine," she soothed not wanting to burden him with any further misplaced guilt.

"I'm only here for observation…there really isn't any need for you to stay."

He sat there not wanting to leave.

The wreck had stirred memories of Lizzie's wreck and the painful hours they waited for some word only to be given the devastating news that she was brain dead.

Both of their emotions were in turmoil.

She swallowed the lump in her throat recalling the nurse's words.

"_I've never seen a man so devoted to a woman. He never misses a visit."_

She gulped.

_He'll never belong to me…_

_He's married…_

_Devoted to his wife…_

She needed to sift through her feelings but knew it would be impossible to do that with him present.

It would have to wait.

His phone rang.

"Grissom."

By the sound of the conversation he was being called in.

He closed the phone in frustration.

"Be safe," she said.

"I'll come back," he offered.

_You'll need to visit your wife then…_

_You never miss a visit…_

"That's not necessary…really."

He lingered by her bed.

She felt uncomfortable.

He wanted to kiss her but couldn't….shouldn't.

He reached for her hand and was glad that she let him take it.

He kissed the palm.

"Get some sleep," he urged.

The door closed and she burst into tears.

The pain in her heart was unbearable.

He had never lied to her.

He had just never admitted that he was married.

No one knew she was certain of that.

She suspected Brass had known.

It did explain Grissom's spurned offers.

He was a devoted husband, not wanting to break his vows.

"_It was our anniversary…ten years."_

She knew he cared for her.

It was obvious in his touch.

His feelings were genuine.

She also knew that there would never be anything except friendship.

She tried to stifle the sobs.

It hurt.

She could not imagine the pain Grissom carried.

His actions spoke of his love and devotion.

_Just once before I die, I'd like to be loved like that…_

Sara had never felt loved in her whole life.

Her mother tried but was too busy fighting battles with Sara's father.

She yearned to be loved and had thought that someday Grissom would fall in love with her.

Now, those dreams were over.

Grissom had fallen in love ten years ago and the proof lay in the Center.

_Oh, to have been her…._

_To have loved and be loved by Grissom…_

_She's in a vegetative state, Sara…_

_But just once…_

_To be loved like that …._

She lay there quietly sobbing herself to sleep.

Hours later the door opened and Grissom slipped into the chair.

A nurse stepped inside.

"Sir, visiting hours are over," she whispered.

"I know. Could I sit with her? I promise I won't get in the way," he begged.

"Are you family?" she asked.

"Yes. I have power of attorney for medical purposes," he stated.

The door opened and closed again.

She floated above consciousness and the deep sleep the drug had induced.

She felt as if a hand stroked her hair.

It felt strange but soothing.

"I'm here Sara," he whispered. "I'm sorry I had to leave but I'm here. Just sleep."

She felt something soft against her cheek.

It felt so warm as if a kiss had been placed there.

She wanted to wake but a soft voice lulled her to sleep once more.

Grissom's lips gently swept across her cheeks.

Softly he quoted Shakespeare as he continued to hold her hand, placing feather like kisses in the palm while he caressed her bruised wrist.

When she woke, he was gone along with any sign that he had been there.

She insisted on being discharged as soon as possible, wanting the comfort of her own bed as well as the privacy of her own home to hide her sadness.

As promised Nick arrived, giving her a lift to her apartment.

She leaned back in Nick's seat.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Just glad to be going home," she breathed.

"I got a few cracked ribs playing football. It's not fun. Just lay in bed for a few days and…"

"I've never stayed in bed….,"

"Grissom removed you from the schedule for a week."

She'd never been off for more than two days.

"I'm sorry we didn't think to bring you any clothes."

"Shower and my own bed sounds good," she admitted.

She was stiff getting out of the vehicle.

His arms supported her.

"I'll get you settled and then get some breakfast," he announced.

Nick took the keys from Sara and started to open the door when it was thrust open.

They came face to face with Grissom.

He looked startled as he glanced from one to the other.

He held up an overnight bag.

"I thought I would bring you a change of clothes," he explained.

"Leave it to Grissom to remember the minor details," smiled Nick.

"I was coming back…this morning," Grissom said as he stepped aside letting them enter.

"Nick offered to bring me home," she explained.

"Oh…I didn't know. I uhm picked up some things…I didn't think you would feel up to grocery shopping for awhile," he stuttered.

"See, I bet he even has breakfast food," grinned Nick.

"Yes…I do," Grissom replied feeling rather awkward.

"I promised Sara breakfast," announced Nick.

"Bagel with cream cheese?" offered Grissom.

"I can get that," stated Sara as she made her way to the kitchen but was blocked by the two men.

"Nick you keep her busy and I'll fix breakfast…bagels okay? There are waffles or cereal or…fresh fruit?"

There were none of those in her kitchen before this morning.

"Bagel sounds good," she agreed not knowing how to feel about Grissom sifting through her clothes, particularly her undergarments.

"You think you should lie down or something?" asked Nick.

"Shower…I would like a shower," she admitted as she tried to remove her jacket.

Nick gently removed it for her.

Both watched as she disappeared.

Nick's beeper went off.

"It's the lab," he whined.

Grissom grinned slightly.

He smiled when Nick announced his case was breaking.

"Griss…are you going to stay for awhile?"

"I planned…to," he said.

"I feel bad about leaving while she's in the shower."

"Nicky, Sara will understand…take a bagel," he offered.

"Thanks Grissom…Oh Griss? She needs to take something for the pain. She didn't want to admit it but the ribs hurt."

"Thanks Nick."

She eased into a chair at the counter.

"Where's Nick?" she asked suddenly.

"He had to leave…his case is breaking."

"Oh."

He set a small plate in front of her with the bagel along with some fresh fruit.

"Thank you," she murmured.

He added a glass of orange juice.

"I'm sorry I thought I had enough time to stop by here before you would be discharged."

"I kind of pushed to be discharged," she admitted.

He smiled. "I should have known."

"I'll reimburse you for the groceries," she said reaching for her purse.

"I wanted to do this…you've always meant more to me than…" his voice trailed off as he attempted to compose himself.

"Gil…it's okay."

"There were so many times when I wanted to tell you," he grieved.

"Why didn't you?" she asked. "Why the secrecy?"

"Survival I supposed…Elizabeth's accident happened when I was working in the coroner's office. I later went to graveyard. No one knew…anything about my private life unless I told them so I didn't. It was better."

"I don't understand…"

"People have good intentions…about condolences but after awhile it turns to pity and…I just couldn't…it was easier keeping my life private."

"I never told anyone about…my mom and my dad…or foster care. I didn't want their…pity…I understand."

He smiled sadly.

"There are times when Elizabeth…gets ill…they call me and I have to go."

"She's ill?"

"She was…she's better…the same…Sara, she's legally dead."

She nodded. "About what I said…when I was working the Pamela Adler case…I had no idea…"

"I know. I almost told you then. I didn't want you to wind up like me…trying to save…"

"She's your wife."

He braced himself against the counter. "I'm told she's in good health…except for the brain injury. She could…linger for years." He could never see her as "living", the only life in her was through the use of machines.

She nodded.

"When it first happened….and we knew…we had to put her on life support. There was no choice."

"You're Catholic and…"

"Elizabeth was pregnant."

Sara's eyes widened.

Note from author:

So sorry for the delay in posting but I got caught up at church choir and then hubby wanted to talk....and all I could think about is how I needed to post...LOL Thanks for all of the kind words about my health and the good advice. I plan to take it...especially since I can barely walk...LOL

Take care!


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five:**

**Friendship Expressed**

He raked his hand through his hair. "She was four months pregnant when she had the accident. No one knows why she went into labor at seven months. The baby…Emily died a few hours after birth."

Sara's hand rested on his.

He took it, holding it tight.

"I switched to graveyard since it was easier dealing with Elizabeth's doctors during the day. Every month that passed, I was hopeful. I thought that…there would be some kind of…miracle out of all of this. I was wrong. The baby died and Elizabeth…"

He busied himself making tea.

"Her father would fight if I…tried to go to court and…"

"Gil, you couldn't do that…you wouldn't."

"I tell myself that every day and then I see her lying in that bed supported by those machines. There is no life there, Sara. It is a body that refuses to die….but no…I don't think I could."

Both were silent for a moment.

He offered her a cup of tea and she took it.

"We'd been married for two years when she had the accident…for eight years I have waited."

"Eight?" She was surprised he had endured this hell for so long.

"Yes…the only time I felt as though I were alive was when I taught that seminar class. You wore your hair in a ponytail."

She was surprised he would have been willing to leave his wife in order to come to San Francisco.

"After the baby's death, John, my father in-law prevented me from visiting for awhile."

"Why?"

"He had to blame someone. I just happened to be there."

Grissom took a deep breath. "John Matthews never liked me…said I was too old…not wealthy enough for his daughter."

"When did you…get to visit again?"

"After I came back to San Francisco…I felt as though I was finally living again…I guess they thought so too."

He quickly added. "I wanted to see her…I tried a few times…finally John sort of ordered me back. I didn't go back…because of his threat. I wanted to…see her. I felt I should be there with her."

Both were silent for a moment but then Grissom smiled at her.

"You don't know how much your friendship meant to me. I tried to come up with a way…to offer you a job.…I was going to call you but then Lizzie got pneumonia…her doctors wanted to withhold treatment…let her succumb to the pneumonia."

"John wouldn't allow it?" asked Sara.

"I wouldn't," he admitted. "John was away on business. I knew that even with treatment, the odds were not good. I was afraid to leave her…afraid she would die and no one would be there to hold her hand."

He wiped his face on his sleeve.

"You're a good husband."

"Am I?" he asked bitterly. "You have no idea how many times I've prayed for her to die. Every time the hospital calls, I wonder if this will be it…I'll walk in and she won't be breathing anymore. Honestly Sara, I've grieved for so long I think I will be relieved when it happens. What kind of husband does that make me?"

Her hand caressed his.

"The only thing good that came from Lizzie's illness was my not offering you a job."

"But…you did…later when Holly…" she did not finish.

"It would have been you….not Holly. I told myself not to call you…not to bring you here…but I wanted to see you again….so I asked you to come."

"And I did."

"I struggled…not knowing if I should offer you the job or let you return to San Francisco."

"I recall inquiring about a position…liking the lab…the people working here."

They smiled at one another.

"You took the job and my life…had some light in it again," he admitted.

He took the empty plates and placed them in the sink.

"I'm sorry…if I led you…to believe that there could ever be…anything…but friendship."

"You didn't…I did. I understand now," whispered Sara.

"Sara…if we were…if things were different…"

"You're a good boss…and friend," she cried. "That's enough…for me."

"Is it? I wish I could offer you more…but…"

"I understand," she grimaced as she slipped from the stool.

"How are you feeling?" he asked suddenly.

"Very tired," she admitted as she moved to the couch.

It was hard settling down into the cushions.

She reached for the afghan.

Grissom tossed it over her.

"Maybe you should…try to sleep…in your bed," he stated.

"I'm not sleepy…just…"

"In pain?"

She nodded.

He grabbed her medication from the counter, handing her a glass.

"Thanks."

He wasn't sure what to do with himself.

"You…don't have to stay," she urged. "I'm fine…really."

"Do you mind…if I stay?"

His words shocked her.

Grissom rarely encouraged moments like this and she wondered if Nick had pressured him into staying with her.

"Griss…if you're uncomfortable…you don't have to…really."

"It's not that. I wasn't sure…how you would feel…about me…after…what I did."

"Grissom…your private life was none of my business. You had a right to be angry."

"I didn't have the right to do that," he grieved pointing at the bruises and cuts on her wrist.

"You didn't mean it."

"I've never…hurt anyone…before."

"I bruise easy," she urged.

"I'm sorry."

Years of tension seeped away.

Conversation lightened and with it a kindred spirit of sorts.

Both carried deep scars.

Grissom knew that Sara would not divulge anything to the others.

His fear that she would be angry over his deception and want to leave Vegas was just a lonely man's fear of truly being alone.

He was relieved to finally talk with someone about Lizzie.

He knew that Brass had offered but he had never been able to open up like he did with Sara.

He checked his watch.

"You need to go," she yawned.

"You need to sleep."

"Thanks, Grissom…but I can manage on my own."

He nodded. "If you need anything, you can call me," he insisted.

She returned to work in a few days, getting lifts from the guys.

She refused Grissom's offer, setting her own boundaries to her heart.

"Car shopping?" asked Nick.

"As soon as the insurance is settled."

"Good luck," muttered Catherine.

Sara frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Settlements can take months."

"I guess I'll get a rental," she sighed. "Maybe a sports car…candy apple red."

Warrick whistled. "A hot chick with a hot car…only in Vegas."

Sara laughed.

It was moments like these that she loved the most.

The team had become a family of sorts.

"I know this dealer," said Catherine. "Let me know when you're ready to buy…he'll give you a good deal….he better…he owes me."

"Thanks, Cath."

"I have assignments!" smiled Grissom.

"You are too cheerful these days," griped Catherine.

"Just for that you get the vic covered in…a white sticky substance that…is attracting a lot of bugs."

"Aren't you the bug expert?" quipped Sara.

Grissom frowned. "You want to help?" he taunted.

"You mean…I can go out into the field?" she asked eagerly.

"No."

She returned the frown and he chuckled.

He handed her a slip.

"I get to…sit in on an interrogation…oh yippee," she muttered.

"Yes…but it should be an interesting interrogation."

"A man claims someone killed his wife and replaced her with an exact replica."

"Get out," chided Sara.

"Can I sit in?" asked Greg.

Grissom handed Greg an assignment.

"When do I get to be your favorite?" whined Greg.

"You are…that's why I'm sending you out to work your first solo."

"Really?"

"No…but you were my favorite for a second."

Grissom turned and left.

"Someone needs to turn down his happy meter…I liked the old Grissom better," muttered Greg.

Sara chuckled.

A week passed.

She slammed the rental car door, slipping her key into the door.

She grabbed her phone and called him.

"Grissom."

"I hate insurance companies," she seethed.

He grinned. "What's the excuse this time?"

"They're blaming it on the other insurance company. I don't care…I want this behind me. You would think that since I paid my premiums every month they would pay for the car and collect theirs later. It's just like them to…"

She took a gulp of air followed by a gulp of water. "Sara?"

"Here…just trying to cool down," she breathed.

"Insurance companies take time."

"How do you know?"

"It took months to clear up Lizzie's wreck. I filled out just as many insurance claims as I did hospital forms."

"Oh…sorry, Grissom."

He smiled. "Give them a few more weeks."

"Right…I hate the rental. It's costing me a fortune while I wait on the payout…I miss my car."

"Sara, return the rental. You can ride in with me every day."

"No…thanks."

"It wouldn't be an inconvenience," he assured her.

"You…go to see Lizzie and…"

"I visit after shift. I can drop you off and then go."

"I'm not sure about this."

"I have influence with your boss and I can probably guarantee we'll be working the same nights."

She was silent.

"You can throw in dinner every now and then…but no veggie burgers."

"Are you sure?"

"Sara it will only be for a few more weeks."

"Maybe…I should just wait…I'm sure Nick or Greg could…"

"Why can't you take a ride offered by me?"

That was the question.

While she enjoyed their new relationship, it was difficult hiding her feelings for him.

Nothing had changed.

She still loved him with every fiber of her being.

She also knew that one slip and he might very well shut her completely from his life.

She could not imagine a life without Grissom.

Friendship was better than the harsh reality of life before Gilbert Grissom.

He had been a lifesaver to her as well.

Even though her life appeared on the upswing, there were times when she did not feel grounded, no desire to push back the skeletons in her own closet, hush the demons and think of a life that was not filled with pain.

"Take the car back today. I'll pick you up this evening," he said as he hung up.

She huffed but then grinned.

He arrived on time, trying to set her at ease as he drove.

"Are you sure…about this?" she asked for the second time, feeling out of sorts with the arrangements.

"You can buy me dinner with the money you save on returning the rental car."

"But no veggie burger," she teased.

"No," he said sternly but chuckled adding a wink that made her swoon.

She turned, looking out the window trying to calm her pulsing heart.

_Just Friends…._

_We can only be friends…_

Sometimes she cooked, having it ready by the time he arrived.

Sometimes he surprised her by bringing dinner.

She was grinning when she stepped into his office.

"You look like the cat that just swallowed a canary," he grinned.

"My insurance is writing a check tomorrow. I get to shop for a new car."

He smiled even though he was going to miss their arrangements.

"Get a safe car…one that has side impact air bags."

"My other one didn't but…"

"Sara, you could have been killed," he cautioned, his voice raw with emotion.

"You won't have to pick me up…or suffer from my cooking."

"I never complained. I rather liked your…what was that you called it?" His eyes twinkled.

She knew he was only teasing and she laughed.

He loved her laugh.

It was a rare occasion when Sara Sidle laughed and it was more valuable than any amount of money.

She turned and headed out the door.

"No candy red sports car," he ordered.

"Yes…boss," she called as her laughter continued.

His beeper went off.

She had been fine when he left her several hours ago.

He'd even seen the latest medical report.

He grabbed the assignments and hurried down the hall.

"Sara!"

By the look on his face, she knew he had been called.

He placed the assignments in her hand.

"Go…we'll manage," she urged.

He stepped out of his vehicle, intending to go inside but stopped abruptly.

John Matthews stood at the entrance.

_He was called too?_

_Maybe…_

"Don't look so hopeful, Gil. Elizabeth is fine," he spat.

"You…paged me?" asked Grissom.

"The nurse told me someone was in Elizabeth's room a few weeks ago. I thought I told you that no one is allowed in there except family."

Grissom's jaw twitched. "I was needed- she came to get me."

"You know the precautions we have to take. Elizabeth is susceptible to…"

"A nurse could expose Lizzie…what's the matter? Are you upset that something slipped by you? You haven't been here in over a month. You didn't even come a few weeks ago when Lizzie…"

"Stop calling her that. I never liked that damn nickname you gave her. I was out of town. I was busy…couldn't make it. By the time I could she had recovered."

"I have work also and sometimes they need me. There was no harm done."

"I won't have just anyone…especially another woman coming into my daughter's room and…"

"I've been making the decisions ever since you placed Lizzie here. You're not going to…"

"That's my daughter and I won't allow her to be mistreated. I won't let you jerk on your responsibility to her."

Grissom's face reddened. "I've covered every medical emergency. I've sat through every procedure, every…"

"You should! You're her husband. She wouldn't be here if it weren't for you!"

"John, I've just about had enough…of the guilt. I am not…"

Mrs. Matthews stepped between the men. "John, let's go."

She attempted to take him by the arm but he yanked, causing her to stumble.

She felt quite embarrassed at her husband's actions.

"We both know what happened that night. She begged you to come home. She needed you and…"

The old man stepped back, as if to catch his breath.

"John…please," she begged.

"I don't want anyone else…in there…touching my daughter's things…touching her!"

"John…I would never allow anyone to disrespect Lizzie."

The old man nodded, followed by a grunt as he stalked away.

Mrs. Matthews spoke softly. "He couldn't come…he was sick. I couldn't leave him alone in the hospital. I knew you would take care of…Lizzie."

She hurried to her husband's side.

It was the first kind thing she had ever said to him.

Grissom sighed out loud as he returned to his vehicle.

He showed up at her crime scene.

He slipped on his gloves and began to assist.

She said nothing but worked by his side slowly collecting the evidence.

"It…wasn't her…my father in-law…he had them page me."

"Is everything alright?"

"Yes…no. I've never liked the man…always wanting to throw his weight around…hated weakness. Today was the first time I've seen him weak…tried to hide it. I just wonder if it's killing him as slowly as it is me."

She wanted to reach out and comfort him but she couldn't for a number of reasons.

Nothing further was said.

They returned to the lab.

He locked himself away in his office, not wishing to see anyone for the remainder of the shift.

She tried to talk more but he had closed himself off, not wishing to bear his soul to how truly tormented he was with his wife's condition.

She tapped on his door at the end of shift.

"Greg said he was going my way…said he could give me a lift."

"I can…do that."

"He wants to show me this car on a lot…I promise I won't buy it if it's not safe."

He nodded sadly.

"Sleep well," she offered.

"Sara…" he stopped himself, shaking his head.

"Call me…if you need anything," she said as she disappeared around the corner.

Note from author:

Well, I'm not as sore today which is good and after a little housecleaning I did nothing but write so I think I'm mending while finishing up on this story. LOL. Thanks for the good advise as you can see I took it today.

Thanks and take care!


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six:**

**The Effects of a Kiss**

"You don't like it," she grumbled as Grissom walked around the car.

He tried not to show the discomfort he felt at the sight of the candy apple red car.

While they had joked about the color and type of car, he had been serious about his dislike remembering the mangled car that once belonged to Lizzie.

She didn't know why she felt she needed his approval.

"I like it," he announced, smiling as the news made her happy.

"I moved up a little in price range…but it was reasonable…still affordable," she mused. "And it has side airbags."

He grinned.

"When do I get to ride in it?" he asked.

"Actually, I thought I would take a drive out to Red Rock before shift," she beamed.

"Let's go."

She looked shocked. "Really? You really want to go?"

"Just drive the speed limit," he warned.

"Yeah…right," she grinned.

He reached over and checked her seat belt.

She had purposely put in several concertos hoping that he would like her choice in music.

"Sara Jane Sidle," he preached.

"What?"

"Opera? I thought you were more rock…like Greg," he grinned.

"I just thought that if you said yes, the least I could do is play your kind of music."

"That's very nice…got any Pink Floyd?"

"Floyd man, huh?"

Her sultry laugh made him swallow.

His senses were on overdrive, sitting beside her.

"Sorry but I do have Aerosmith."

"David would like this car. He loves Aerosmith."

"So David would love any car as long as it plays Aerosmith?"

"David has a crush on you…as well as Greg."

"I shouldn't tell you this but….David tried a rather poor pick up line on me. It was very sweet but not very romantic."

"I hope you didn't hurt his ego."

"I gave him some pointers…complimented him. He wouldn't be a bad catch…just I wouldn't reel him in."

"A fishing analogy…you like to fish?"

"It depends on what I want to catch," she teased.

He laughed.

"You didn't say anything about Greg," pointed out Grissom.

"No…no I didn't," she said with a huge grin on her face.

He didn't know how to take her reply and decided to let it go.

Some things were best unknown.

The drive was refreshing.

Sara frowned at the dust on her car.

"It's not fun if you don't get it dirty," he chided.

"Coming from a man…that figures," she said.

"Sara…this has been fun. Thank you."

"Better than going alone. Of course I could have brought Greg…I probably would have had a headache by the time shift rolled around. Heavy metal can be…heavy."

It was a good day.

Little sleep was gotten but it didn't matter.

They'd pulled doubles before.

She stopped in front of his house. "You could get a short nap before you have to leave."

"I think I'd rather stay up…enjoy the daylight a little more," he confided.

"Grissom, thanks for coming with me."

"You're welcome," he said as he got out of the car, anxious for work so they could be together again.

The mood shifted as soon as they entered the crime scene.

Some cases bothered her more than others.

It usually had to do with a domestic violence situation or an abused child.

Of course there were times when death itself just bothered her.

She sighed at the debris in the yard.

It would take several trash bags to pick it up and hours of lab work to sort through it for any evidence if there was any evidence to be had.

Still, she pushed on ignoring the small voice in her head that told her it was going to be a bad shift.

The house was immaculate.

Nothing was out of place.

She glanced back at the front yard.

It didn't make sense.

She continued making her way through the house, looking for a body but not finding one.

She stopped in the kitchen.

It was clean, except for the litter on the floor that had been removed from the trash can.

"Looks like someone was looking for something," she commented.

She continued her search, stepping around furniture, picking up evidence of trace every now and then.

She stepped into the bedroom and noticed the body of a young girl.

She was probably ten or eleven years old.

She appeared to be sleeping.

Her face was angelic.

Sara looked at David.

"I hate when the little voice inside my head is right," muttered Sara.

"You have a little voice too?" he asked.

"It's more like this feeling…you get when you enter a crime scene. You know you're not going to like what you see."

"Oh, well, can you warn me next time?" he breathed.

Sara patted David on the shoulder and he smiled.

"She's been dead for about five hours," he said. He coughed, clearing his throat. "There's a gunshot entry wound in her back and passes through her body. The bullet must be here somewhere in the room."

Sara nodded.

Grissom appeared in the doorway. "David…when can you move the bodies in the next room?"

"Oh…I'm sorry. I've been down with a cold…or something."

Sara stepped back.

"Sorry, Sara. I know how you hate germs."

"I just don't like being sick," she corrected.

Grissom's face was drawn.

He had said very little since they began working the case.

Sara stepped into the other room, finding a man and a woman.

Both had been shot.

"Three vics?" Sara asked.

"There's one more," replied Grissom.

Sara started to the other room but Grissom did not follow.

She thought it was strange that he would linger in the hallway.

From the contents, it was a baby's room.

Taking a deep breath, Sara stepped toward the crib.

These were the worst kind of scenes.

David joined her.

He worked silently, gently lifting the baby.

Sara grabbed a blanket from a shelf and assisted.

"There was no reason to kill the baby. It could never identify the intruder," David sniffled.

Sara touched his arm briefly.

Neither said much while they collected the evidence.

They each went their separate ways once they entered the lab.

The evidence was leading them quickly and so they chose to run with it, ignoring the fact that they had just entered into a double.

Brass motioned to her as he brought in a suspect.

Within minutes the guy was confessing.

She tapped on the window.

Brass stepped out.

"Ask him…Ask him why he killed the baby?" she asked.

It didn't matter. The man was facing the death penalty or life in prison.

Brass returned to his seat and crossed his arms.

"Mr. Saunders…why did you kill the baby? It couldn't finger you. It was too young to do you any harm," stated Brass.

"I couldn't leave it. It might be days before someone found them and it would just lie there and suffer so I…did the right thing and put it out of its misery. You think that will help me? With the sentencing?" asked the man eagerly.

"Yeah, it probably will. You be sure and tell it to the jury just like you told me," said Brass.

Sara gritted her teeth.

Grissom stood at a distance and watched her.

He knew she was upset.

It had been hard finding the baby.

It was those cases that haunted him the most when he dreamed.

She refused to answer her phone after shift, tossing it on the counter while she showered.

She'd spent an hour cleaning things that didn't need to be cleaned.

She was beyond exhaustion.

Each time she closed her eyes she saw the young girl with the bullet hole or the look in Grissom's eye when she helped David with the baby.

There was so much hurt and anguish behind those dark blue eyes.

She hated to feel helpless and yet she was just that.

There was nothing she could do to soothe his pain.

Her tears were more for him than for herself.

She avoided his office.

Like a coward, she had stormed out of there, hoping to hide from the world in the security of her home while she cried through the conflicting emotions.

She checked her watch, knowing that eventually her body would give up and blessed sleep would come.

She just needed to keep busy until her mind could shut down.

She reached for a beer in the fridge but put it back, slamming the door much too hard, rattling the contents.

She leaned against the wall in another bout of tears.

_He's lost so much…_

_All these years of accusing him of being heartless…_

_Stupid, stupid Sara!_

The knock at the door startled her.

She quickly wiped at her eyes.

She looked a mess but figured it was her neighbor who dropped in from time to time.

It was an elderly lady who lived alone.

She opened it and found Grissom.

"Griss?"

"I...was worried about you. You left without coming by my office. You haven't been answering your phone."

His shaking hand reached out and cupped her cheek.

Inch by inch they slowing moved into each other's arms.

It was as if a damn broke as she sobbed into his shoulder.

She hadn't had a good cry like this since he had rejected her dinner proposal.

He had no idea what to do but he held her, wrapping his arms tightly around her in hopes she could feel how much he loved her.

"I keep…hearing…his…excuse. He could have left the baby…the baby was just an innocent," she sobbed.

"I know, honey. I feel the same way," he choked.

He kissed her softly on the forehead.

He could not resist kissing the salty tears from her cheeks.

He wanted so much to remove the pain she was feeling.

He felt the anguish and the sadness that poured from her body.

He hadn't meant for it to happen.

It just did.

His lips moved from her cheeks and pressed lightly on her lips.

They were warm and moist and he fought to stop at that point but he couldn't.

He felt her lips open, inviting him to enter and he took her, dipping deeply as if thirsty for the need of her.

Both clung to the kiss not wanting it to end.

Suddenly they both stepped back as if something very forbidden had happened.

Grissom shuddered at what he had done.

Shock and horror were plastered on each of their faces.

That single kiss had been explosive, more dangerous than anything they had encountered.

Her hand went to her lips while the other wrapped itself around her midsection.

He was gone in a flash, slamming the door as he left.

"What have I done?" she cried.

He slammed his fist hard onto the dashboard as he drove.

In an instant he had crossed the line.

The last thing he wanted to do was to jeopardize their friendship.

_Friendship…_

"You stupid bastard," he cried out to the nothingness he called his life.

He had no idea why he went to see Lizzie.

Perhaps he needed to see for his own eyes why he could not have Sara.

_I have nothing to offer her…_

_I can't give her my name…_

_I can't even acknowledge our relationship…_

He wiped the tears from his eyes.

He slipped into the chair and held her lifeless hand.

His shoulders shook as he cried.

He needed comforting but there was none in the body that refused to release him from this torture.

Her voice startled him as Emma Matthews stepped into the room, shutting the door behind her.

He glanced over his shoulder, hoping beyond hope that she was alone.

He could not bear to see the old man and hear his contemptuous voice.

"Who do you cry for Gil? Eliza…Lizzie or someone else?"

Note from author:

Oh, now that is the question! Don't you just want to hug Grissom? He's so....sad....and Sara is so....near. I know. I'm teasing. Thanks for everyone who is reading along. I've been finishing up the story and of course I simply don't know how to count. So far, I am up to chapter 38 and it is still going....so frankly I don't know how long the story will be....but does it matter? A little tidbit....things are going to shift again by chapter ten....hint.

Take care!


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven:**

**Back Stepping**

"I'm sorry. I didn't know anyone was here," said Grissom as he vacated the chair.

He avoided her eyes as he grabbed his jacket.

"You didn't answer me," stated the old woman.

"No, I didn't," he said as he stepped past her.

He didn't know why he said it.

It wasn't as if she had asked in a mocking manner.

Mrs. Matthews had never been cruel but she had never been supportive either, keeping in the shadows throughout his marriage to her daughter as well as the arguments with John, her husband.

Lizzie looked like her but she was nothing like her mother.

Lizzie was high spirited but there was also a softness that had drawn him to her.

Over the years he had missed that softness but had seen it in Sara.

He hated the way things were as he trudged home to his lonely townhouse.

He passed out on the couch, letting the fatigue take him.

He woke from the sound of the gardener next door.

He had not meant to sleep so long but his body took over forcing him to give it the rest it needed to continue.

He still managed to get to the lab a little early.

Grissom had no idea how he would react when he came face to face with Sara.

He felt like a coward running out of there like he did but he had not trusted his actions near her.

He wanted more than life to make love to her.

His marriage life had been satisfying but there never was any true passion.

He blamed himself, never knowing a day when he was not exhausted when he came home to Lizzie.

He made love to his wife and then passed out.

She never complained but he felt there was a void he could not seem to fill.

Their childless home had been hard on Lizzie.

Her friends were busy with their families and she felt more and more isolated with the strange hours he kept with the dead.

When Lizzie discovered she was pregnant, she focused on preparing for the baby.

There was a purpose again in the life they had made with each other.

His absence did not seem to hurt as much.

The car accident shattered everything.

When he met Sara it was different.

She had taken his breath away at the mere sight of the young brunette with her hair in a pony tail.

Her sparkling smile had warmed him to his soul and he sought to be near her, finding excuses to linger after the lecture so that she might come forward and talk with him.

He had wanted her the moment he laid eyes on her.

He felt a kindred spirit with her, an inner desire to have her that he'd never known with Elizabeth.

With Sara, he saw a chance for a new life filled with new hopes and dreams.

It was painful at times knowing that she was just in his grasp but he would never have her as long as he was tied to his previous life.

Sara stepped into the conference just as Greg did.

There was little time for small talk and he was grateful.

He could easily go down his list, avoiding any direct contact with her.

She and Warrick were the first to leave on their assignment while he pretended to be engrossed in Catherine's latest update on the high profile case.

As soon as Sara was out of the room, he relaxed, hoping that with a little time, they could return to the way things were before he had totally screwed up their relationship.

She threw her notebook into the seat as she slammed Warrick's car door.

"Woah…who woke up on the wrong side of the bed?" asked Warrick.

"Sorry…just one of those weeks," she fumed.

"Yeah, I heard about the case with the baby," he said. "Those cases keep me up sometimes."

She smiled silently at his honesty.

"We work and then we eat at the diner…okay cookie?" he asked.

"Want to flip to see who gets done first?" she quipped.

"I think the lady is hungry," he chuckled.

Grissom slid into the booth.

He had not planned on stopping at the diner but Catherine insisted.

"A girl has to eat sometimes," she argued.

She looked over the menu at him. "Jim told me about the case you and Sara worked."

He took a drink of coffee.

He knew her intentions were good but he had no desire to discuss his feelings.

When he did not respond she nudged him. "Even supervisors are allowed to show their feelings."

"Right now, this supervisor would like to eat."

Catherine grinned. "Not going to budge…okay. Jim had a few beers over it. I left him passed out on his couch. We thought you might drop in for awhile."

"Are you going to order?" he asked.

She huffed. "Has anyone ever told you how stubborn you are?"

"Yes…you."

He smiled at her.

She let it go, knowing that he understood she was only concerned about him.

Catherine and Jim had been a steady support for him over the years but he never could bring himself to really confide in them.

Once Sara had found out about Lizzie, he talked nonstop with her.

He trusted her.

Catherine scooted closer to Grissom.

He frowned.

"We have to make room for the others," she whined.

"Others?"

Nick and Greg joined them.

"Oh…well, scoot over," Grissom ordered.

She shoved him out of spite which made him chuckle.

He stopped abruptly when Warrick and Sara stepped into the diner.

He frantically looked at the seating arrangement.

Nick had started to take the seat next to Catherine but noticed a young waitress and stepped off to the side to chat.

Greg had shot off to the bathroom.

The table was wide open.

He exhaled, telling himself he was being juvenile about the matter.

He'd sat beside Sara before.

But, that was before he had kissed her, pressing his body against hers.

He could still feel her body in his mind and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

He gulped, grabbing for his glass of water.

"You okay?" Catherine asked.

"Why is everyone here?" he barked.

"Dinner break…we're entitled to one," replied Catherine.

"I didn't mean…it like that."

Nick returned just as the others joined them.

Nick stood as if to offer the seat beside Catherine to Warrick.

He took it without thinking.

Nick followed the waitress with his eyes.

"Sit down, Romeo," ordered Catherine.

"I…always like the scenery in here," he drawled.

Greg sat down beside Grissom.

He was thankful.

Nick then sat down leaving the spot between Warrick and Nick open for Sara.

She took her seat, grabbing her water as if she were dying of thirst.

His eyes shot up and met hers.

_Oh great…_

_Now we're sitting directly across from one another…_

_It would have been better side by side…_

He grabbed his water, finishing off the glass.

Catherine set hers beside Grissom.

They kept busy in the conversation, avoiding one another as best as they could.

"Glad shift is over," sighed Nick.

"Doc has been run ragged. David is out sick," announced Greg.

"Poor fella took the baby case pretty hard," added Warrick.

"I would like to string that guy up by his balls and leave him for the buzzards," seethed Catherine.

Sara's eyes remained on her cup of coffee.

Grissom did the same.

As soon as they finished, Grissom stood.

"I've got to go," he announced.

"Stay awhile," urged Catherine.

"Catherine, I can give you a lift back or you can ride with someone else," he replied.

"All work and no play can make Gilbert Grissom a very grumpy man," she huffed.

He turned, ignoring the jab.

"See you tonight, Grissom," called the gang.

"Where does he go?" asked Greg.

Catherine sighed. "He's probably headed back to the lab and then home. Man does nothing but experiments…he needs to experiment with getting a life."

"He seemed better…until this case," stated Nick.

It had been more than a week since their kiss.

She threw her gloves into her kit.

He had not paired himself with her on a single case.

By the time she had gotten to the lab, she was completely worked into a frazzle.

She stepped into his office and refused to leave until he looked at her.

"Yes?" he asked.

"Do you have a problem with me?" she asked.

"No…should I?"

She gulped.

She hated it when he was like this.

"I've…we've…why won't you work with me?"

He put his pencil down and sighed.

"Look, I'm not good…with confrontations."

"We know!" she snapped.

"I didn't want you to get the wrong impression…I take full…"

"Shove it Grissom…you're putting more into something that didn't really happen or mean anything."

If he needed an "out" she would give it to him.

It was better than this avoidance.

He felt deflated.

He never thought the kiss would not mean anything to her.

It meant everything to him.

"I'm glad…we both feel that way," he sputtered.

She forced herself not to react.

There would be time to cry over misplaced feelings later.

Her kiss had only embarrassed both of them.

He did not feel the same as she had.

"So…are you going to keep avoiding me?" she huffed.

"No…I'm sorry."

She fled, throwing her things into her locker and virtually ran from the lab.

Her talk seemed to do the trick as his eyes settled on hers at the beginning of shift.

"Sara, you're with me," he announced.

She grabbed her things and waited for him outside.

He started the engine and smiled at her.

"Thanks," she said.

"Thank me after you read the description," he answered.

"A decomp? We're working a decomp?" she asked.

"Yes…you and me," he announced.

"You think this is funny…that I would ask…for a decomp."

"Be careful what you asked for but I'm sure the others are thankful it is you and not them."

It made her grin.

It didn't turn out to be so bad.

Most of the body fluid was contained in a barrel.

They sealed it, making it ready for transport.

"Don't envy Doc," she cringed.

The days got better as they settled into their relationship once again.

He called a few times, easing back into their banter with one another.

Each thrived on the attention.

His visits with Lizzie became more and more painful.

Mrs. Matthews was there from time to time to remind him of his duty.

Grissom halted when he heard his name called just as he reached the lab door.

He turned and saw John Matthews standing by his car.

"What are you doing here?" asked Grissom.

"Don't think that I don't know what you're up to!" spat John.

"John…this is not the place for us to…"

"I will not agree to have her removed from life support…do you hear me!" he yelled.

Grissom frantically searched the parking lot.

He was glad that it was still empty.

He stepped closer to the old man.

"I didn't ask…you…to do that. I never have," seethed Grissom.

"Well, I won't! You have a duty to her…you took vows," he demanded.

"I know what I did. I've kept them."

"Just see that you do! Don't think that I'm going to let you have someone on the side while she lays there in that bed!" he growled as he drove away.

Note from author:

Yeah I know. You want to just sucker punch the in-law…LOL

Take care!


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight:**

**When It Rains It Pours**

He could feel his pressure boiling.

He was sick of being reminded of his duties.

He had never broken a single vow to Lizzie.

His answers were short and he barked at the others before he realized what he was doing.

He blasted Hodges, blamed Greg for not being thorough in the collection of evidence while listening to the old man's words over and over in his head.

Sara waited until he was by himself.

"Gil."

He turned immediately.

It was not like her to use his given name.

"Don't take it out on them. They don't know…if they knew they would understand…but they don't. You can talk…with me…if you need…me."

_Need her?_

He needed her like he needed air.

He nodded as his shoulders slumped.

Could his in-laws know about his feelings for Sara?

Was he that obvious?

He folded within himself.

He threw himself into his work, not wanting to face his in-laws, Lizzie or his love for a certain brunette.

She tried to talk with him but he refused, telling her he was fine, ignoring the others when dinner invitations were given.

Catherine arrived on his door step once or twice but he practically ran her off.

Jim followed.

It wasn't so easy getting rid of Jim.

"Want to tell me what's got you so…back to your old self again?" Brass asked.

"I don't know what you mean," huffed Grissom.

"I didn't say anything….when Sara had the wreck. I saw the way you were at the hospital practically blaming yourself for the accident. I've never pried into your private life and I don't plan to but…it's just I thought that after Sara had found out about your wife, things would be a little easier for you…you always being able to talk with Sara more than any of us."

"It does help…Sara is a good friend."

"So you've talked with her…about why you're being an ass to everyone…hiding back in your office…not socializing with the team…the very team that would walk through hell and back for you?"

"There are some things…I can't discuss."

"Gil, we both know you love Sara. I also know that you're the only man that I know who honors his marriage vows. Listen, it's been eight years…that's a long time. Don't you think you could…"

"Lizzie is my wife….my wife," he almost choked.

"Gil, despite the bullshit your in-laws feed you, it was not your fault that Lizzie had that wreck. I've seen the police report. She was driving well past the speed limit, without a seat belt and…"

"You don't know…what happened that night."

"No, I don't. Want to tell me?"

He didn't or couldn't and it made Brass angry.

"I could threaten you…not to hurt Sara but I would be wasting my breath because I know you didn't mean for whatever happened…that evening. The two of you are so much alike…never wanting to hurt another soul…while letting yourself suffer. Just…don't shut us out. We care."

A couple of drinks helped but Grissom avoided what was bothering him.

If the in-laws had picked up on his feelings for Sara he was certain John Matthews would make his life a living hell while he visited Lizzie and he had to visit, had to see her, even if it meant being tortured with guilt.

He knew something was wrong when he woke with a heaviness in his chest.

He dismissed it, taking his coffee with him as he shuffled out the door.

He wiped his forehead as he tried to focus on the assignments.

"Hey, Griss, don't forget Ecklie and I are talking with the media about the…"

He tuned Catherine out.

The others rambled about nonsense while he tried to catch his breath.

The others were oblivious but Sara wasn't.

Her eyes intently watched his every move.

He looked up and stared into pleading brown eyes.

"Nick…go with Greg….make him do the work…you observe," he instructed.

Nick teased Greg.

"Warrick…come with…Sara…and me."

Warrick glanced at Sara.

"Hey, Griss, you've worked a lot of overtime. I'm sure cookie and I can handle…"

"I'll meet you outside," he grumbled as he gathered his things and left.

Warrick shrugged his shoulders.

He drove, getting irritated at the looks from Warrick and Sara.

He was just tired.

He had worked before when he was tired.

He coughed, expecting some relief from the tightness but there was none.

She tried not to hover but her head shot up each time he coughed.

Her eyes pleaded with Warrick.

"Hey Griss. We're almost done…why don't you take a break? Get something for that cough?"

"I'm fine," he grumbled.

She fumed but kept on working.

He trudged out of the lab, halting by his car.

She stood there by hers. "Get some rest…please."

He smiled slightly.

He took a deep breath but went into a fit of coughing.

His legs felt like lead as he slowly made his way to her room.

He wiped his forehead as he took her hand.

"Mr. Grissom?"

He turned to Mary, the nurse.

"Yes?"

"Could I get you a glass of water for that cough?" she offered.

"Yes…Mary that would be nice."

She handed him the glass, slipping some medicine into his other hand.

"Just in case you haven't taken anything," she smiled.

"Thank you…no, I haven't."

He leaned his head back as he closed his eyes.

"Are you sick?" asked Emma.

"What?"

Mrs. Matthews came closer to the bed.

"You look sick."

"I'm…just tired," he sputtered between coughs.

"Get out!" came a booming voice.

John Matthews flew into the room, yanking Lizzie's hand from Grissom's. "Get out! You're trying to make her sick!"

Grissom looked shocked. "I wasn't!"

"Get out now!"

Grissom stumbled from the room.

"John…he doesn't even know he's sick," she whispered.

"He knows! He wants to get rid of Elizabeth. Well, I won't have it! You…Mary…sterilize my daughter's hand…get rid of the germs."

"Yes, sir," replied the young nurse.

He refused to answer his phone.

He berated himself for not taking precautions with Lizzie.

He felt his forehead.

He didn't think he had a fever.

"It's that damn cold of David's…Doc got it and now I have it," he reasoned out loud.

He felt better when he woke.

He had collapsed onto the couch and gotten several hours of needed rest.

Sara cursed when his car was at the lab early.

She stopped by his desk but his office was empty.

Grissom splashed the cool water over his face.

He leaned against the wall in the men's room, waiting for the dizziness to pass.

Judy rushed down the hall. "Has anyone seen Grissom?"

Sara groaned at the pink assignment slips in Judy's hands.

The crime location was different.

A van loaded with gambling tourists had crashed, leaving debris scattered over a mile radius.

Swing shift was called to assist.

It was a race against time as the skies threatened to drench the crime scene.

While ambulances raced to remove live bodies, they tagged the dead, preserving as much as they could.

Normally they would have waited until the scene was clear but the weather was not going to hold off.

For the next five hours they raced against the thunder clouds.

"Greg, get the techs to load the evidence bags," yelled Grissom.

The first rain drop made everyone quicken the pace.

Once the rain began, there was nothing that could be done.

What was collected would have to suffice, the rest being washed away.

He was drenched from the rain.

He had not bothered to put on his rain gear, already hot from the exertion from running around the crime scene.

He cursed when there was nothing more to be gained.

"You can't stop the rain," she called.

She was right but it was still frustrating.

It would take hours and hours of leg work to figure out what had caused the wreck.

Coffee was waiting on them when they returned.

Hodges and Wendy had confiscated the personal coffee makers in order to make several pots.

They were rewarded with several pats upon the team's arrival.

The hot shower felt good as he changed into dry clothes.

His cough was persistent as he struggled through the last bout.

"Better get that looked at," grumbled Brass.

"Tell me you don't have another assignment," he breathed.

Brass held them up.

Grissom groaned as he grabbed them.

A cup of coffee was thrust into his hand as he entered the break room.

He took it. "I come bearing gifts," he announced.

"You're kidding, right?" complained Nick.

He looked at the others.

They were tired.

"I have a burglary, two DBs and a…" He took a deep breath.

Eyes shot to him.

Warrick looked concerned. "I like rain. I can take a 419," he offered.

"Yeah…me too," offered Nick.

"I'm on the burglary," stated Greg.

"What's left?" asked Sara followed by Catherine.

"A break in," he got out between coughs.

"That's us," announced Catherine to Sara.

Catherine grabbed the assignment.

One remained in Grissom's hand.

"Wait…Grissom…you have another assignment," corrected Sara.

"I'm taking it," he said.

The room exploded with offers.

"You have your assignments," he stated.

"Griss, you're sick," yelled Catherine.

"Let's get moving," he ordered as he stepped out of the break room.

Sara looked at Catherine.

"You go with Grissom," ordered Catherine. "I can handle a break in."

Sara rushed after him.

"I'm coming with you," she declared as she opened the back of the Denali and dropped in her case.

He didn't argue.

There just wasn't any fight in him.

She fumed when they arrived, taking in the crime scene.

He had kept the worst for himself.

She was glad to see Brass on the scene.

"Is he still coughing on everyone?" he asked.

"Jim…we need to get him…to leave. I can cover this," pleaded Sara.

"I'll talk with him," he muttered.

His talk lasted for more than an hour as he pushed for Grissom to leave the scene.

"It's almost done," gasped Grissom.

"Look buddy, you're having trouble breathing…people die if they can't breathe," griped Brass.

"Jim…go away."

She knew it wasn't good news when Brass returned to her side. "He's not leaving until it's done. I'll call Ecklie. Get someone from swing to come…"

"He won't let them. He doesn't like swing…working one of our murder scenes."

"Then I'll send swing to…"

"Anybody need a hand?" asked Greg.

Sara grinned. "Greg, I could kiss you right now."

"Really? Why don't you?" he teased.

Brass looked toward the house. "I'll tell him. He'll…"

His eyes caught sight of Grissom as he stumbled out of the house.

He dropped to his knees onto the front porch.

"Oh Christ!" yelled Brass.

Sara felt her legs running as she forced herself not to panic.

Both reached him at the same time.

"Gil?" Sara pleaded.

"Can't catch my breath," he gasped.

"Get him to the Denali," she ordered. "I can get him to Desert Palm faster than an ambulance can get here."

"Sara…the crime…scene…we…"

"Shut up, Grissom. Greg is going to finish it. Brass can call for Catherine if he needs help," she pressed.

Once they were able to get him inside the vehicle, she shut the door and turned to Brass and Greg. "Greg…"

"Don't worry. I won't let him down," he promised.

She jumped behind the wheel and sped off.

She felt his hands fumbling with the seat belt.

"It's secure," she soothed.

"Don't drive…so fast," he coughed.

"Gil…please shut up," she stressed.

He smiled as he leaned his head back, closing his eyes.

"Don't close your eyes!" she yelled.

He opened them immediately.

"Look at me," she ordered. "I want you to look at me…so I know you're okay."

He nodded, reaching over to grasp her hand.

"That's it…I need to know you're okay…understand?"

She barked at the nurses in the emergency room, demanding an on-call doctor immediately.

He shook his head as she forced him into a wheelchair.

"Sara…it's…pneumonia," Grissom managed to get out.

"Are you a doctor?" she spat.

"The symptoms…pneumonia."

He was correct lessening her fear.

With gasping of breath, she thought he was suffering a heart attack.

He grumbled over the gown he was forced to wear.

He never liked the things.

She was furious with him and he knew it.

"I'm not staying," he announced.

"Yes…you are!"

"Pneumonia can be treated at home."

He threw back the covers but she blocked him from getting up.

"Sara, I need my clothes," he stated.

"The doctor is waiting on the x-rays. You're not going to leave until he…"

Dr Randal stepped into the triage room.

"Mr. Grissom, you've got pneumonia."

Grissom coughed. "If you'll write a prescription and get my clothes, I can leave."

"Not so fast. You've got a temperature of 101 degrees and some fluid in your lungs. Your blood pressure is up. I think it would be best if we admit you and.."

"Pneumonia is treatable without being admitted to…" he coughed uncontrollably.

"You've just gotten yourself admitted."

Grissom shook his head violently. "No," he gasped.

"Let me explain this to you and your wife. Your lungs are swimming in fluid. Feel the pressure in your chest? That's your heart telling you that unless you get medical treatment, your lungs will fill up the rest of the way and you'll drown in your own fluid…heart failure…dead…do you understand?"

Sara nodded while he continued to gasp for air.

"We're going to drain the fluid from your lungs. I suggest you get comfortable because you're going to be here for awhile."

"But…"

Dr. Randal looked at Sara. "Is he always this stubborn?"

"No…usually he's worse."

The doctor chuckled. "I've got lots of forms for you to complete."

A nurse appeared with a needle.

"Which one gets the shot and which one gets the paperwork?" the nurse teased.

"Paperwork," waved Grissom.

"Oh, no," smiled Sara. "You don't like paperwork. Make sure you jab him with the needle…oh and he likes his shots in the ass."

Grissom frowned.

Roll over," announced the nurse.

"She was…kidding. I don't…"

"Sorry…but it's in the hip…of course there's more cushion in the buttocks…your choice?"

He rolled over.

"Ouch!" he yelled.

Sara grinned as she began the paperwork.

With each gasp, she paused, slipping her hand into his.

The doctor returned. "I'm going to need him to lie very still. We're going to numb the area where I'm going to perform the thoracentesis."

"Your wife can stay but I have to warn you…"

"I'm not his wife," replied Sara softly, "But…I'd like to stay."

The doctor looked at Grissom.

He nodded his approval.

Her hand held his tight as the large needle was inserted into his chest.

She looked away, not wanting to see how much the procedure pained her.

She took a deep breath as if trying to breathe for both of them.

"Just a little bit more," cautioned Dr. Randal.

Sara was relieved when the procedure was over.

"We're going to watch him for a moment and then move him to a room."

Sara nodded.

"Sara…you don't have…to stay," he coughed.

"I'm here…I'm not leaving."

Note from author:

Well, I think this weekend's chapter will prove to be interesting....

Take care!


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine:**

**Protecting A Love One**

He felt the effects of the drugs as they moved him to a private room.

She placed another pillow behind his head.

"Thank…you," he murmured.

"Just sleep," she whispered.

There was a tap at the door.

Sara stepped out of the room

"We got your message. How is he?" asked Catherine.

"He's finally sleeping," sighed Sara.

"Well, when he gets better, I'm going to chew his ass," seethed Catherine.

"Cath…how did Greg…"

Catherine held up her hand to stop her. "He did great. The others wanted to come but we thought Grissom would not worry about the lab as much if only two of us came," stated Catherine as she glanced at Brass.

"What?" asked Brass.

"Did you know he was sick?" challenged Catherine.

"You think he confides in me?" asked Brass.

"He wouldn't admit…it to anyone," huffed Sara. "As stubborn as he is, he could have gone home, went to sleep and…" she breathed deeply.

"You had anything to eat?" asked Brass.

She waved off the thought.

She couldn't get the sight of the needle being inserted into his chest.

"I could stay for awhile if you want to leave," offered Catherine.

"Thanks…Lindsey probably needs you. I don't mind hanging around. I don't think he's going to wake up for awhile."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Someone needs to tell Ecklie. He's not going to work for awhile."

"Yeah, well, we better get ready to sit on him or lock him out of the lab," snorted Catherine.

"I'll talk with Ecklie," offered Brass.

Sara returned to her seat.

She checked the hallway to ensure the others had left before slipping her hand into his.

She leaned over the bed placing her arm over his chest as she cried.

"I've never been so scared, Grissom," she whispered. "I don't ever want to lose you."

She rested her head on the bed as she hummed softly.

Gently she stroked his cheek, marveling at the feel of his skin under her fingertips.

God how she loved this man!

_I'll sit on you if I have too…_

_If you won't take care of yourself then I will…_

_I can be just as stubborn…_

She griped when he insisted on being released the next morning.

"Griss, you can barely walk to the bathroom," she spat.

"I didn't say I was going… to work."

The door opened and Brass stepped in. "Good news. You have a week off courtesy of Conrad Ecklie and your physician."

Grissom frowned. "Who's going…to cover the cases?"

"Catherine has a plan," reported Brass. "She and Ecklie…"

Grissom grumbled under his breath.

He hobbled off to the bathroom with his clothes in tow.

Brass snickered. "Does he know he's showing his ass in more ways than one?"

Sara shook her head as she grinned but the grin faded. "Jim…he can't stay by himself."

"Oh…well, I guess I can stay a few nights…"

"No…I mean I was wondering…if there would be any…way I could…take a few days off and…"

"Sara, no one has said anything that you're here. They just expected one of us and since he fell out on your crime scene, you were the lucky person."

"I just didn't want…you know Ecklie and I don't…"

"I'll take care of it," he promised. "Has he agreed…to let someone stay with him?"

"I wasn't going to give him an option…just refuse to leave."

"Good plan. Hey, while you're there, let us know if his fridge has expired blood or raunchy experiments in it."

His stamina was almost depleted by the time they were finally able to leave the hospital.

He nervously sat in the vehicle, not sure how he could explain his need to stop by the Center.

"Sara, I…uhm need to…"

"I'll go by the Center first and then drive you home," she said softly.

He nodded, relief flooding his body.

He got out of the vehicle and made his way to the entrance but stopped abruptly when he felt her following.

"Sara…I have to do this."

"I know. I'll wait in the hall. Look, despite your macho act, you're about to fall on your face."

Grissom scanned the parking lot.

There was no sign of his in-laws.

He stepped into the entry way.

"Hi Dr. Grissom…pulled a double?" asked one of the nurses.

"It's been a long night," he admitted without actually lying to the young nurse.

He walked slowly down the hall, trying to hide his fatigue.

His breathing was labored by the time he made it to the room.

He opened the door and hesitated.

"Stay as long as you want," said Sara as she leaned against the wall.

He disappeared behind the door.

Grissom slipped into the chair, taking her hand.

"I didn't bring…the book," he said. "I've been sick…pneumonia. I…" he cursed inwardly as he went into a fit of coughing.

He released her hand, moving away from the bed.

He breathed in deeply, holding his chest.

The door opened.

"Griss?"

"I don't know…why I come…she doesn't know I'm here," he gasped.

"You come…out of the love you have for her," Sara whispered.

He continued to cough.

She slipped under his shoulder, leading him toward the door.

Mrs. Matthews stood in the doorway.

"I thought you weren't going to come," she stated.

He grimaced as he continued to cough.

Mrs. Matthews stepped aside intent to let them pass but her husband blocked the doorway.

"Who the hell are you?" asked John Matthews.

"I work with Grissom," explained Sara.

"Sure," he snarled eyeing his daughter's bed. "You have no business being here!"

"We were just leaving," said Grissom.

"You just got here," he griped. "Why did you even bother…bringing her here…with you?"

"John…" Grissom could not finish.

He sputtered, holding his chest.

"Move out of the way," warned Sara.

"What's the matter with him?" snarled Mr. Matthews.

"He was just released from the hospital…he has pneumonia."

John started to reply but his wife's hand took hold of his.

He stepped aside letting them pass.

He continued to cough as he got into the vehicle.

Sara grabbed a bottle of water from the back and handed it to him.

Her hand caressed his cheek. "Are you okay?"

"I'm ready… to go… home," he managed to get out.

She sighed in frustration.

He did not protest when she directed him to the bedroom.

He went without complaint.

He insisted on a shower.

She hovered near the door, not sure whether she should even be in the bedroom.

He smiled when he found his bed turned down.

His medicine and a glass of water lay on the side table.

He plopped down on the bed, taking the medicine and then eased into the bed.

It was still difficult to breathe.

He jumped when she appeared in the doorway.

"If you need anything, I'll be out here," she said.

"Sara…you need to leave."

She gulped. "I'm staying….at least for awhile," she declared.

He started to protest but she disappeared.

She waited until she thought he had drifted off to sleep, slipping back into the room, placing her hand on his forehead.

He still had a fever but was not as warm as he had been.

She straightened the covers before slipping from the room once more.

She stared at the fridge, not sure whether she should open it or not.

She grinned when she found a very clean fully stocked fridge.

She grabbed a glass of orange juice.

She bolted to the room, at the first sound of distress.

Grissom sat upright.

"Gil?"

His eyes were wide with horror as he tried to catch his breath.

He was mortified by the thought that he might have screamed.

It would not have been the first time he had been awakened by his own scream.

"Gil?" she asked again.

"Just…a…I'm fine," he stated.

He expected her to return to the living room but instead she crossed the room, placing her hand on his forehead.

Her skin felt good against his.

He gently swiped it away, but grabbed her hand, letting her know he was not angry.

"Do you need anything?" she asked.

He shook his head.

She wasn't sure what to do since he had not released her hand.

She stood there not wanting to be the one to let go.

Slowly, he pulled her hand to his lips. "Thank…you…for staying with me."

There was no chair in the room.

She felt uneasy leaving him alone.

His eyes were glassy and there was a hint of fear.

She sat down on the bed abruptly.

"Gil…does your chest hurt?"

He nodded.

She yanked back the bed covers. "We're going back to the hospital."

He pulled at her hand, forcing her to remain seated on the edge of the bed.

"No…hospital," he begged. "I just need to sit up…can breathe better."

She placed her head on his chest as she listened.

"No…fluid…not that kind of pressure," he advised.

She repositioned his pillows.

"I'll be right back," she soothed.

He moaned when he felt the cool washcloth across his face. "Thank…you."

Her hands were like magic easing the pain in his chest.

He closed his eyes and savored every touch.

His eyes shot open when her hands disappeared from his body.

Sara's fingertips gently touched his cheek in a loving caress.

"Just sleep…I'm here," she soothed.

His eyes closed, sleeping the best sleep he'd had in years.

He woke to the sound of voices in his living room.

The aroma of coffee wafted in the air.

He threw the covers to the side and attempted to stand but he was not prepared for the rush of dizziness.

He stumbled and reached for the wall.

There was the sound of hurried footsteps as Grissom waited for help.

Sara immediately slipped her arms around his waist. "Good morning…where do you think you were going?" she said huskily.

God, he loved her voice.

It always sent his nerves on edge, sending a chill down his spine.

He felt his senses on overdrive as she helped him to the bathroom.

"I just got up too quickly," he reasoned. "Coffee would be good."

Brass appeared in the doorway. "You look…like someone with pneumonia."

Grissom frowned.

Sara disappeared but returned with a glass of juice.

"Juice?"

"Take your medicine and then later you can have coffee…after you've eaten breakfast."

She was good for him.

She could not believe when he insisted on dressing in order to go to the Center.

He slipped on his shoes and without a word, intended to drive himself but she was already at the door with keys in hand.

"I'll drive," she stated.

"Sara...I need to go alone," he said.

"Grissom…when you can walk for more than ten feet without gasping for air then you can drive yourself…until then I'm coming along."

"Sara…"

She led him to the car.

He had no choice but to get in.

It wasn't like he could tackle her for the keys.

A light wind could blow him over.

Sara pulled up to the entrance.

"Sara…it's best that I go inside by myself," he stated as he opened his door.

She was already at the front door by the time he came around the vehicle.

"Look, I'm not going to leave you alone to deal with your in-laws."

"They're…just trying to protect…Lizzie."

_I need to protect you…_

_You're so vulnerable right now, Grissom…_

He slowly made his way down the hall.

He stopped once, alarming Sara but he continued.

Mrs. Matthews was inside the room.

He couldn't understand why she would be there.

He always came at this time.

_She's checking up on me…_

He stepped into the room, wiping his forehead.

"I didn't think you would come," she said.

"Is there…something wrong?"

"Did you hope there would be?" she asked.

"Emma…I can come back later," he said wearily.

"No…you came…you can sit with her," she said as she made her way to the door.

Mrs. Matthews eyed Sara as she stood outside the door.

"Have you known…Gil…for long?"

"Yes….about seven years."

Mrs. Matthews continued down the hall but stopped midway. "Is he…better?"

"Why don't you ask him? He's your son-in-law."

Sara gritted her teeth.

She could not imagine how hard it had been for Grissom to deal with his wife's condition as well as the animosity they felt toward him.

An hour passed.

Sara checked her watch.

She worried about him as she contemplated going inside to check on him.

The door finally opened and he stepped out.

His face was pale.

"Gil, you should be at home," she scolded softly.

"Emma didn't…she didn't bother you, did she?"

"No."

By the time they reached the front door, Sara's arms were wrapped around his waist, supporting his weight.

He collapsed into his bed, not bothering with changing his clothes, muttering he needed to rest for a moment.

He felt her slipping off his shoes and loosening the belt around his waist.

Hours later, he finally woke.

He turned and saw that she was sitting on the other side of the bed with a book in hand.

"How do you feel?" she asked.

"Better," he admitted.

Her hand reached over and felt his forehead.

She smiled. "No fever."

By the next day, he was up, feeling less tired and able to move about more.

She still insisted on taking him to the Center but this time sat in the vehicle.

She returned to work, stopping in to check on him.

He seemed much better, asking about the lab and frowning when Catherine had sent him some reports to do.

"You could send them back," she offered.

He took them, inviting her to stay for dinner which she had brought.

She had provided all of the meals since he had become ill.

He liked having her in his home, excited each time she arrived and saddened when she left.

He could not wait to return to the lab, needing to spend more time with her.

Note from author:

I am posting early since I will be extremely late getting back home this evening. Please be kind and leave a review for each chapter.

Thanks and take care!


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten:**

**A Life On Hold**

She was late arriving to work one evening.

He had just sat down to give out assignments when she rushed into the conference room.

He gave out the assignments, pairing himself with her.

He had been doing that a lot these days not even caring if anyone noticed.

She had not looked in his direction but plopped on her sunglasses, grabbing the description of the case.

"This is…quite a ways out into the desert," she commented.

"Good. It will give us time to talk," he said.

She seemed a little nervous.

"Is anything wrong?" he asked.

"No….yes."

"My friend Sally called. She's coming to Vegas tomorrow."

"And this is bad?"

"No…we've been friends for years."

"So why do you not want to see her?"

"She got married."

"Is this bad?"

"No…he's a nice guy. I knew him also. They are great together."

"I still don't understand why…"

"She's pregnant…new husband, new family…" her voice trailed off.

"She's still your friend."

"Yes…of course," she said changing the subject.

She requested the next night off and seemed distant when she returned the next night.

He was curious about the visit.

She seemed distracted during shift, choosing to keep to herself at the crime scene.

He couldn't fault her for wanting the same things her friend had accomplished.

He just didn't think he could bear to watch her move into a life that he wanted.

He wanted to marry her.

He wanted a child with her.

He couldn't expect her to put her life on hold, in hopes that one day there could be more than friendship.

She begged off dinner, citing she was tired.

By the third rejection, he was hurt.

She wasn't much better.

She needed to work out some things, not sure that seeing Grissom more than at the lab was good at the time.

His temper flared while giving out assignments.

"Sara, you have a 419," he threw in her direction.

Her head bobbed up out of her notepad.

She waited until he assigned her with someone but he continued.

"Uhm, Grissom…who is going with me?"

"You're solo," he stated, continuing with the assignments.

Catherine's eyes shot to Nick.

She grabbed her assignment but waited until the others filed out.

"Solo?" she questioned.

His eyes were cold. "Is there a problem?"

She returned the look. "No."

She was gone within seconds.

She worked through the shift, running with the leads, heading further and further into the case, not bothering to run anything by Grissom.

He stepped into the lab the next night and found her bent over the break room table, sound asleep with the beeper by her head.

He purposely called her beeper and she jumped.

She stretched her sore muscles.

"Forgot to go home?" he asked.

"I was waiting…on some lab results. Ballistics was going to call me. I put a rush on it."

Her beeper went off again.

She hurried out the door.

He did not see her until midway through the shift.

She placed the file on his desk.

"Nothing more that I can do," she said as she turned, intent to leave.

"Sara, go home. Get some sleep," he suggested.

She nodded.

"Sara?"

She turned and looked at him.

"I've missed…you. We haven't talked much."

"I know…it's me…I..." she seemed to struggle with an explanation and finally uttered, "night."

He raked his hands through his hair.

It just wasn't like her.

The tear stained cheeks took him by surprise when he stood there in front of her door an hour later.

He couldn't stay away any longer, worried about why she had been so distant.

"Can I come in?" he asked.

"I'm kind of tired. I was going to turn in," she said tightening the robe around her body.

"I'll only be a moment," he promised.

He stepped inside, noticing the Kleenex box along with a notebook lying on the couch.

He picked up the notebook turning wide eyed at the contents.

"Looking for another job?" he asked.

"No…I was just considering my options…I'm not looking to just…leave any time soon but…I'd like to know what's out there…just in case."

"Of course…you should have plenty of options," he gritted.

"Grissom…"

"Have I done something?" he asked.

"No!...Griss…I can't explain it…I just need to work through some things."

"Can I help?"

She shook her head.

"You never told me about your visit with your friend."

"It was fine."

He stepped closer.

Her eyes refused to look at him.

"Sara…I know what it feels like."

"I'm not sure I know what you're talking about."

"You feel like life is passing you by….you want what someone else has…you want those things you don't think you can have."

She gulped.

She started to shake her head but she didn't want to lie.

"You see your friend with her husband. She's happy, ecstatic about marriage life. She talks about motherhood and what it feels like. You imagine what it would be like to be her…to have all of those things."

She nodded.

He sighed.

"Sara…you can have those things."

She swiped at her cheeks, angry for the tears that would not stop.

"It was just a stupid dream. It will pass."

His hand reached out, caressing her tear stained cheek. "It's not a stupid dream. I have the same dream…I had that dream…I lived it and lost it. Sara, you need to…follow your dream."

She shook her head. "I can't."

"That dream…can be with someone else."

"I don't want it anymore!"

He smiled sadly. "You were never a good liar."

He only meant to hold her, needing to comfort her as he felt her melancholy.

His lips kissed her gently on the forehead.

Her sobs tore at him as she clung to him.

"Never wanted anyone but you…ever since I saw your lecture, heard your voice," she choked. "God, Gil, I love you so much."

She had never meant to tell him, keeping the words to her heart.

His own resolve broke.

His tears flowed with hers.

He kissed her desperately needing to feel connected to her if only through a kiss.

His lips dropped to her neck, breathing in her scent.

His hands could not seem to stop touching her, feverishly removing the robe, and dipping lower, taking in a breast.

She moaned and he was lost in the madness of the pent up need for her.

She whispered his name, urging him to stop but her words were lost in the need to have her.

His clothes were thrown along the way.

She hesitated at the doorway, telling herself, they could stop before going further but then he whispered her name, begged her to tell him once more how much she loved him.

She guided him, needing to feel him inside her.

He thrust and she was lost in the splendor of it.

They became one, their love rushing through their veins.

Glimpses of past moments together flashed before them, each leading them to this moment.

He gasped at the sheer pleasure of becoming part of her, of feeling her heart in sync with his and needing so very much to fill her completely.

She moved with him in perfect harmony, feeling the urgency to follow his lead.

She felt her pulse race as he shuddered taking her with him.

He collapsed into her arms.

She held him tight, reveling in the feel of his heart above hers.

She felt the first tear as it slipped onto her cheek.

She swiped it away but another fell.

She held him as he cried in her arms.

He had missed this.

He felt the love pour from her as she kissed him tenderly, caressing his back with her arms.

God, he loved her. He felt safe in her arms. He had not felt safe in years.

It took all of his strength to leave them as he dressed, leaving without a word.

She crumpled at the sight of his tear stained face as he stormed out of her bed and out of her apartment.

She tried to call him but his phone rolled over to voicemail.

He stumbled into the church, sitting down in the front row, needing to confess.

He had not confessed in over thirty years.

"Forgive me…Father, for I have…forgive me Lizzie," he cried. "I broke my vow."

His shoulders shook.

He was sorry that it happened because he knew it would hurt Sara.

It didn't hurt Lizzie and he wished that he were like Lizzie, unable to feel.

He could never let it happen again.

He would not force his purgatory life on Sara.

He would not have her waiting for the call that would set them free.

He left the church, making his way to her bedside, slipping into his chair as he took her hand.

He remembered the first night he spent with her, the machines blaring out alarms and wondering if the next alarm would signal her death.

He had been so fearful that it would happen, begging her to hang on long enough for their child to be born.

He had yearned to have someone soothe his fears.

He was very frightened those days when he feared he would spend the rest of his life without ever feeling loved again.

Sara had changed that.

He felt loved.

The few moments were enough to last him a life time.

It wasn't enough for Sara.

He had gotten a taste of love and although he wanted more, needed more, he knew he would never get it.

She could but it would mean, letting her go, starting again with someone else.

Surely, that would kill him and he would finally be free from this torment.

He scooted closer to her, laying his arm over her body as his head rested on her breast.

"Release me, Lizzie…please. Let go," he sobbed.

A petite figure stood in the shadows of the entry, listening to the quiet sobs of a tortured soul.

He tried to control his shaking hands when he found the envelope on his desk.

He opened it, swiping at his cheeks, knowing it was for the best.

He announced her resignation during assignments that evening.

There a hush in the room as he tried to speak without his voice faltering but he could not seem to hide anything anymore.

Catherine cleared the room, shutting the door and then sat beside him.

"I could talk with her," she offered.

He shook his weary face. "This is for the best."

"Gil…how can you say that? You're both…so in love with one another but…you won't let anything happen."

"Go to work, Catherine. We need to work."

Gilbert Grissom buried himself in his work once more.

He tried not to listen to the guys as they spoke of their contact with her.

He was almost tempted to go to her apartment when he learned that she was still in Vegas, making final plans on where she would relocate.

He thought he would say goodbye, wish her well but it would be too painful.

Already he felt the loss of her and he mourned.

Weeks passed.

One evening the guys brought news that she had left Vegas.

She was back in San Francisco, lecturing at a university.

It was just a temporary job, having filled in for an ailing professor but she was looking for more permanent work at the university.

They had offered him her number but he refused to take it, citing he was too busy but they could wish her well for him.

She listened to the guys offer his sentiment while she took a ragged breath.

It had been the hardest thing she had ever done but she had put Vegas behind her.

She would have been willing to wait for him but he made the choice to let her go.

While it hurt like hell, Sara Sidle was a survivor.

Her new life was beginning.

He caught news of her every now and then.

There was communication through emails along with an occasional phone call to the guys.

She was doing well, loved to teach and rarely missed the lab except for the team.

_I wonder if she misses me?_

He'd lost some weight, forgetting to eat while juggling the lab, the vacant position, the almost dead wife and the in-laws who were determined to send him to his grave before Lizzie.

Ecklie had been after him to fill the position but he made excuses.

He couldn't explain it.

He knew she was not coming back by what he heard from the guys.

Sara was happy again.

She deserved to be happy and happy endings were in short supply in Vegas.

He told himself that every day until the photos appeared.

Greg had found them, curious about the university and Sara's discussion about her new life.

She had attended a cocktail party at a professor's house.

He recognized the old man as Sara's old academic advisor.

Men flocked around her as if she were some trophy prize each were trying to obtain.

The photo had been snapped just as she wore her Sidle smile.

There were other photos of the event that were posted on Facebook.

Grissom sifted through them, catching sight of her in several.

There were other events.

Grissom remembered these kinds of dinner parties in which the faculty mingled with the students as well as the prominent figure heads in town.

Sara was becoming a social elite, caught at just about every function, appearing to be having the time of her life while Grissom struggled to survive his.

It was then his demeanor changed.

He withdrew further, no longer wanting to hear news of _his _Sara.

He did not blame her for getting a life.

He just wanted it with him.

As the shifts turned into doubles every other day he struggled with the decision to fill the position, cutting off the life support line between his self and Sara.

He felt it would be the death of him, he was sure of it.

The team had not complained about the long hours, although it was taking a toll on everyone.

They seemed to sense his vulnerability and rallied around their boss.

They were a loyal bunch and he so left the position unfilled.

Ecklie later shifted it to swing shift.

The decision, having not been made, was finally taken from him.

It was just as well since he could not bear the thought of training a replacement for Sara.

There could never be a replacement.

She ran through his veins.

With every part of Vegas, he saw her face, heard her voice and at times when he sat with his half dead wife, he cried for her.

Weeks drifted into months.

Months soon became a year as he coasted through life on autopilot, rarely feeling alive except when he touched someone who was dead.

His work seemed to sustain him for awhile but after months of dead bodies and ruined lives, they began to take a toll on him.

He struggled to focus on his job.

His weight was a great concern for everyone as it plummeted.

He rarely cooked, relying on a quick bite here and there but he was tired of eating alone.

The others offered and a few times he ventured to the diner but she haunted him there so he kept to the lab, refusing offers for meals.

Catherine began bringing meals in for the unit.

It seemed to help as he joined them once in awhile.

When he didn't, she packed him a bag sending it home at the end of shift.

This tactic seemed to work for awhile but then the weight began to drop again and Catherine realized he just wasn't eating.

The Matthews noticed the haggard look, the loss of weight as well as the way he wept more and more while visiting with Lizzie.

"John…he doesn't look well," whispered Emma.

"He's fine…he should mourn her."

"Would you mourn me? Would you even care?" she asked.

"Don't be ridiculous, Emma," he huffed. "You can be so dramatic at times."

"No, I guess you wouldn't," she said sadly. "He's mourned enough."

"He…"

"He doesn't deserve this," said Emma.

"It was his fault!"

"Emma was driving. Emma lost control of that damn sports car you got her."

"Because of him! If he hadn't gotten my Lizzie upset then none of this would have happened."

She knew it was pointless to argue.

Grissom sat down beside Lizzie and took a deep breath.

He didn't know why the tears began now each time he came.

It had been this way ever since Sara had left.

He felt the loss of her every moment of the day.

He swiped at his tears, giving in to the gulps of sobs that he could not control.

He jumped when a hand settled on his shoulder.

"Why do still cry?" asked Emma Matthews.

"I miss her," he choked.

"Lizzie or Sara?"

Note from author:

It's going to be another late night again so I am posting early. H ere is where I tell you to remember to read slowly and thoroughly…things will happen quickly…but don't just jump to too many conclusions…let t h e s t o r y play out.

Take care!


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven:**

**Guilt**

His eyes widened.

"I saw the way she…Sara looked at you. She's very much in love with you."

"Don't worry. I'm not going to….Sara left…moved away…years ago."

"Has it been that long already?" asked Emma. "I'm sorry. Time seems to stand still for us. Our lives have been on hold ever since Elizabeth…got here."

She eyed Grissom.

"Why did she move away?"

"Does it matter?" he cried. "I'm here! I am here just as I've been for the last ten years. God, help me but if I could trade places with her I would! This is not living…for either of us."

Emma walked over to the bed and pulled Lizzie's hair away from her face.

"She's always been a beautiful girl," she sniffled. "She is so much like her father."

Grissom looked at Lizzie.

She was very much like Emma.

"I never saw…any resemblance to her father," grumbled Grissom.

"No…you didn't. You didn't see the flaws…I did. She was her father's daughter."

His head hurt.

He had no idea where the conversation was going.

He didn't think he had it in him to fight with John and he was never far away.

"Why do…you do this?" she asked.

"Emma…"

"Why…why are you so faithful to her?"

_If she only knew…_

"Would you like for me to leave?" he asked. "I can leave you alone."

"Why do you come? John cannot do anything to you."

"I'm not afraid of John."

"Then…why? Do you love her that much?"

"She's my wife."

"But…you love someone else."

He tried not to react.

"I owe…her…to be here," he managed to get out.

"Why?"

He stood, taking his jacket.

"Why?" persisted Emma.

"Why…why this conversation…now? It's been ten years!" he spat.

Emma blocked him from leaving.

He sighed out loud in frustration.

"Tell me Gil. Why?"

"She called me that night. She wanted me to come home. I was going to assist with an autopsy. I could have excused myself….but we had…argued earlier about me working so much. I thought it was about that so I…refused….thinking we needed some time to let things calm down between us. We didn't need to argue when she was pregnant. She was rather upset and hung up. I later tried to call her back but by then…she had..."

"So…you come out of guilt."

"What do you want me to say Emma? Yes, I feel guilty! If I had agreed to come home then she wouldn't have gotten in that damn red mustang and driven so fast. Are you happy that I've finally said it? Does that make you feel better knowing that it is my fault that she is like this?"

His head was pounding.

He slipped back into the chair.

Emma stepped toward him as he continued to sob quietly.

"My husband told you he didn't want you to marry Elizabeth because of your age. The truth is that he was jealous that you were nabbing a young bride. He later regretted marrying someone his age…said I was too old…couldn't give him any more children after Elizabeth. I never wanted another child by him. I couldn't stomach not knowing how many women he slept with besides me."

Grissom looked shocked.

"Even though Lizzie was young, she was already quite experienced when you came along."

"I didn't care," he said. "It's not like I hadn't had my share…before Lizzie."

"Yes….but you were not her last."

His head shot up.

"Like I said before, Lizzie was very much like her father. She was still seeing other men until her wedding night."

"I don't believe you."

"No…you wouldn't. You believed every lie she ever told you. Despite the fact that I disapproved of her behavior she confided in me…in everything. I threatened her…before the wedding and she swore she would change…be a dutiful wife to you. For awhile she was…but then you began working longer hours and she began seeing other men….that's right…not "a man" but several."

Grissom shook his head as he stared at Lizzie.

"She said it wasn't her fault…it was yours. You promised her a family and couldn't get her pregnant so she decided to take matters into her own hands."

He jumped to his feet, leering over the bed as if he were waiting for the lifeless body to defend itself from the accusations.

"That's right…I don't think the child was yours….but in your line of work it wouldn't have been hard to determine such a thing. Lizzie knew that and I think it was part of her worries. Lizzie didn't count on her current lover to challenge the paternity. She got hush money from John…quite a large sum as I recall. I told her to come clean…to tell you but she feared you would leave her. That day I threatened to call you myself….so she tried to get to you before I did."

Grissom continued to shake his head.

"Why?" he pleaded.

"In her own way, she loved you…but she was never satisfied…always needed more. I blame myself. I don't think she ever really knew how to love or felt loved."

"Why are you telling me now?" he yelled.

"Even though I knew what she was, I still wanted to protect her. She was my daughter…my only child. I didn't want her name in the gossip columns. After a few years I felt guilty watching you…waste away like I did. Every year I prayed John would change his mind and let Lizzie pass away. He didn't…and every year I watched how you showed your love for my daughter…who didn't deserve it."

Emma took a deep breath. "Now you know who you mourn for."

Emma stepped out of the room, leaving him alone.

"Why Lizzie?" he cried. "Why did you do that?"

He raked his hand through his hair. "I gave up Sara…someone who really loved me…to find out you…never…I wished you had died years ago! I wish you would stop breathing! Just die Lizzie!"

His eyes roamed over every cord and every tube following it to the outlet.

One jerk would end the torment for both of them, he was sure of it.

"Release me from this hell," he breathed. "Or…I'll release myself."

The nurse was startled when Grissom ran out of his wife's room.

She called but he refused to look back, fleeing out the door before he could be stopped.

He stopped at the bar, sliding into the booth and ordered a drink.

"Here's to our marriage, Lizzie," he griped as he downed the beer.

Brass slid into the booth across from Grissom.

"Imagine my surprise when I saw your car parked outside."

Grissom continued to sip on the beer.

"It's not like you to have a drink right before shift."

Grissom said nothing but continued to finish off the beer.

"Want to tell me what's wrong?"

_Grissom is usually at the Center with his wife…_

"Did something happen to…Lizzie?" he asked.

Grissom laughed.

Brass leaned forward. "How many beers have you had?"

"Just two."

Grissom waved to the waitress.

"Another," he announced.

Brass shook his head at the waitress and she disappeared.

"Not going in tonight?" asked Brass.

"I've got nothing else…to do," he said. "Waitress…beer!"

"Gil, let me take you home. I'll call in for you."

The beer arrived and he drank half of it.

He glanced at his watch. "Time to be with the dead…oh wait, I was just doing that."

"You okay?" asked Brass.

"Just great."

Grissom's beeper went off but he ignored it, sipping on the beer.

"Aren't you going to check that?" asked Brass.

Grissom continued to drink his beer.

Brass grabbed it from his waist. "It's the Center."

Grissom took another sip of his beer.

"Aren't you going to go?" he asked.

"Why should I?" he asked. "She's…been dead for years."

"Gil…"

Brass growled when his phone went off.

"Brass," he grumbled.

He stared at Grissom. "We'll be right there."

Grissom's beer bottle came down with a thud.

"There's a 419…at the Center," reported Brass.

Grissom sat across from Brass as he drove.

"Did you see Lizzie this evening?" he asked.

"You know I always go there," Grissom muttered.

Grissom stepped into the building, not caring to look at the nurses who stood there in hushed tones.

An officer met them at the door.

Grissom followed the officer, a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

He almost gasped for air when the officer stopped in front of Lizzie's room.

Grissom hurried inside despite Brass's attempt to stop him.

The room was eerily quiet.

There was something different.

He'd made it half way to the chair when he realized the machines were turned off.

He could not seem to move.

Dr. Frazier stepped into the room.

"Mr. Grissom…I'm sorry. We don't know how it happened. Mary came into the room shortly after you left and found Elizabeth. Someone had turned off the machines. I called the Matthews as well as yourself before calling the police."

He turned not understanding.

Nothing made sense.

"She's gone?" he had to ask as if in shock.

"Yes…I'm sorry," stated the doctor as he left.

For years he had waited for this moment and now he wasn't sure how to react.

He was still reeling from his conversation with Emma.

Brass stepped closer to Grissom. "Gil…according to their records you were the last person in this room."

He looked to the bed and then at Brass.

"You think I did this?"

Grissom walked to the bed.

He started to touch her but Brass pulled him away.

Gil stood there in shock. "I didn't do this."

"I didn't think you did…let's go outside."

Grissom glanced back at his dead wife.

It was over.

He felt so tired.

He nodded, feeling Jim's hand on his arm.

He followed.

There was nowhere else to go.

He was stopped by Mary. "I'm so sorry for your loss," she cried.

He nodded once more.

There were more to follow by the other nurses and staff.

Even the officer assigned to the case, recognizing Grissom from other crime scenes, offered his condolence.

He was numb.

His eyes scanned the parking lot.

John Matthews had just arrived with Emma.

His eyes locked with John's.

It was over, finally over and yet he did not feel that it was.

He was placed in Jim's vehicle and then driven to the station, escorted to an interrogation room where he stared at the cup of coffee in front of him.

Catherine rushed to the interrogation room along with the others.

"We just heard. What the hell is going on?" she yelled.

"What the hell is this about him killing his wife?" asked Warrick.

"Grissom is not even married!" added Nick.

"Yes…he was," whispered Brass.

They were shocked into silence.

Brass spent the next thirty minutes with the team telling them what he knew about Elizabeth Grissom.

"He never said anything," whispered Catherine.

"Grissom was the last person…in the room," stated Brass.

"With what you've told us, Grissom would never have done such a thing!" seethed Catherine.

"You don't have to convince me. He can't afford to have the D.A. press charges."

Brass could not bring himself to tell the others that he had found Grissom in a bar shortly before the call was received.

The evidence was stacking against their friend.

"Can I see him?" asked Catherine.

"I've got to talk with him…prepare him…Ecklie is not going to let any of us on this case," said Brass.

"Can I sit in?" she asked.

Grissom twirled his coffee cup in his hand.

Catherine reached over and took his hand.

She kept silent and Grissom was thankful.

Her hand felt odd in his.

He never liked to hold anyone's hand, except Sara's.

"Gil, did you see anyone go in or near the room when you left?" asked Brass.

"No."

He glanced at the table and then the door.

"What is it?" asked Brass.

"Emma…she was there before…we talked."

"I didn't think you were on talking terms with the in-laws."

"It's only been recent that she's been…friendly."

"What did you discuss?" he asked.

Grissom's jaw twitched. "It doesn't matter."

"Gil…"

"Were my fingerprints found anywhere on the…." he stopped taking his head into his hands.

He was torn with needing to mourn and vent his rage over Lizzie's infidelity.

"Ecklie insisted that swing complete the investigation. We are hands off…on everything," stated Catherine as she caressed his shoulder.

"Do…the others know?" he asked.

"They don't believe you did it," whispered Catherine.

He closed his eyes, remembering what Emma had divulged.

_The baby might not have been mine…_

_She played me for a fool…_

He banged his hands down on the table startling Brass and Catherine.

"Charge me or let me go," he insisted.

His anger caught Brass off guard.

He feared the grief had finally pushed his friend to pull the plug on his friend, but then it was so out of character for Grissom.

Much of his behavior this evening had been out of character.

Still, Brass wasn't about to divulge any of this, feeling the need to protect his friend.

"You'll need to talk with detective Vartann. I've been pulled from the case as well," reported Brass.

"Jim…I need to leave," he seethed.

There was a commotion outside.

Grissom recognized John Matthews' voice.

He groaned.

"I have a right to see him!" yelled Matthews.

"Sir….if you'll come with me…" Matthews pushed the security guard to the side.

Brass opened the door.

Matthews pointed his finger at Grissom. "You killed her….you finally got the balls to finish the job. They don't know…but I know….it was your fault that she had the wreck!"

Grissom paled at the sight of his team standing nearby.

Warrick and Nick stepped in front of Matthews.

"Sir, unless you return to the lobby, we're going to have this officer arrest you," warned the security guard.

"He killed my daughter! He yanked the…."

"John, shut up," yelled Emma.

He whirled around in a threatening manner to his wife.

"He didn't do it…I did," she announced.

Note from author:

Glad she finally decided to protect Grissom. Now, things will move along…don't get lost and don't….jump to conclusions.

Take care.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve:**

**Played For A Fool**

Brass stepped forward. "Mrs. Matthews…could you repeat what you just said?"

"I turned off the machines. They were only keeping her heart going. Eliza…Lizzie died eight years ago."

"You don't know what you are saying," grumbled John Matthews.

"I talked with Gil…I told him the truth about Lizzie."

"Shut up," Matthews warned.

"I won't keep quiet any longer. He deserved to know the truth."

John Matthews slapped his wife hard across the face.

Grissom grabbed the old man and shoved him against the wall.

"Don't you ever touch her again!" Grissom threatened.

Warrick and Nick grabbed Grissom, gently pulling him back.

"Mrs. Matthews…are willing to write out a statement?" asked Brass.

"Yes."

John Matthews gawked at his wife. "Why? Why are you covering for him?"

"We should have turned off the machines years ago but instead you wanted to make Gil pay for her accident."

"Shut up!"

"John, you know…we should have turned off the machines…she was gone. There was nothing that was going to bring her back."

"I said shut up!"

"I waited until Gil left… then I returned to the room and turned off the machines. She's at peace now."

"Take Mrs. Matthews down the hall…call detective Vartann," instructed Brass to the officer.

John Matthews yelled at his wife. "I won't get you out of this! You can rot in prison," he yelled.

Grissom brushed off Catherine's attempts to hold him.

"Can I go now?" he asked angrily.

"Gil….I don't think it would be a good idea if you were alone right now," stated Brass.

"I…need to finally bury my wife. Emma will need an attorney. I'll see that she gets one," he replied.

"Can we do anything to help?" offered Catherine.

He shook his head, tuning out the condolences as he made his way out of the lab.

"You think we should call Sara?" asked Catherine.

"I've left messages," answered Brass.

He didn't expect them to come to the funeral but they came surrounding him as if to protect him from some unknown assailant.

Emma Matthews was permitted to attend the funeral.

She had been released on bail posted by Grissom.

John Matthews had later stepped up and provided an attorney.

He swiped at his eyes as he watched the casket lowered into the ground.

His eyes darted to the grave containing the baby he had buried years ago.

"Did you hear from Sara?" whispered Catherine.

"She just got the message last night," Brass said. "She can't come."

It was a lie.

She wouldn't come.

"_Hey, kiddo. I've been leaving messages."_

"_Really? I didn't get them. I'll talk with Vincent to see…"_

"_Who is Vincent?"_

"_It's a long story. Is everything okay?"_

"_It's Grissom."_

"_What happened? Is he alright?" she asked anxiously._

"_Emma Matthews was arrested for turning off the life support on Lizzie Grissom."_

"_Oh."_

"_Sara…I think he needs to see you."_

"_Jim, it's too soon. He needs to grieve…then…I'll schedule a visit."_

"_He's not been himself."_

"_He just lost his wife," reasoned Sara._

"_He needs you."_

"_He knows how to reach me. Nick has given him my number."_

"_Maybe you could call him."_

"_I'll call in a few days."_

_Hey, Sara? Who is this Vincent guy?"_

"_We live together."_

Brass had gotten another call and had to hang up.

He'd tried to reach her again but there was no answer and he didn't bother to leave a message this time.

There were several people at the funeral.

Grissom recognized a few who were friends of Lizzie's.

He paid close attention to a few of the men.

Some had been regulars in their home.

Lizzie was very popular with both sexes.

She dismissed all of them as friends from school.

One man in particular stared back.

Grissom made his way to the other side of the gravesite.

The man turned to leave but Grissom blocked him.

"You're…Jeff…right?" asked Grissom.

"Yes…I didn't think you remembered me," he said as he extended his hand and Grissom took it.

"I am sorry. Elizabeth was very special," he said as he started to leave.

"How long…were you sleeping with my wife?" Grissom asked boldly.

The man feigned shock but then relaxed. "I didn't think you knew."

"That my wife…slept around? Not until recent," admitted Grissom.

"Elizabeth and I…for about a year."

"Were you the one who received the hush money?"

The man chuckled. "Not me…try Jim Travers…but he's not here."

"You were fucking Lizzie while she was banging someone else?" asked Grissom.

"She was banging several others not just Travers. Travers was the only one stupid enough to threaten Elizabeth. Her old man took care of him. Look, it was just sex. When she got an itch she knew where to come…so did I."

"It didn't bother you that she was married?" Grissom seethed.

"It never bothered Elizabeth and by the way, she hated the nickname you gave her…Lizzie…said it sounded lowly."

Grissom shook his head as the man left.

His eyes locked with Emma Matthews who sat there in tears.

He wanted to believe she had lied about Lizzie.

It hurt to hear those damning words from someone else.

He cringed when he heard Catherine call his name.

"Gil, wait!"

She attempted to take him by the arm but he stepped back.

"We wanted to take you to dinner," she offered.

"Catherine…another time."

"Look, you shouldn't be alone."

"I'm not."

"So…you've got plans?"

He slipped on his sunglasses and headed toward his vehicle.

The others did the same.

He reached to turn the ignition but couldn't.

Jeff's words were damning.

The cars disappeared.

He had no idea why he was going back to the gravesite.

Perhaps, he needed to see the small gravestone next to Lizzie's.

He had not been back in a long time.

When the baby had died, he found himself returning every few days to tend to the live flowers or make sure the headstone had been properly placed.

He had chosen a beautiful headstone.

He also purchased a bench to sit across from the grave so he could visit.

He had intended to visit more often but then he couldn't bear the loss and hid from it.

There was a lone figure that remained at the gravesite.

It was Emma.

He started to turn back but she turned and recognized him.

"I thought I was the only one left," she said through tears.

"I came…I thought to visit…Emily's grave," he managed to get out.

"Gil…I never apologized for…not ending this until now," she wept.

He didn't hate the woman.

Over the last few months he had come to welcome the few words that came from the woman's mouth as they passed in the hall at the Center.

Emma Matthews was a kind woman who had been bitterly wronged by her husband, John.

They had much in common.

Lizzie and John had been faithless in their marriages while he and Emma hadn't.

At least he hadn't until he had made love to Sara.

It seemed like a lifetime ago as he stood there not sure whether he should stay or not.

"Emma…I don't…blame you. She was your daughter. You loved her….despite how she was."

"I feel like I failed her in so many ways. Perhaps if I had left John when she was a small child she would have been different…she would have understood…that…his actions were wrong. She saw too much…she figured out his infidelity but I never said anything. I put blinders on and never told her it was wrong…until she began the affairs while engaged to you."

She took a ragged breath. "What… do you plan to do now?"

He looked confused. "What do you mean?"

"You were….you're still in love with this woman named Sara. Do you plan…to go to her?"

He shook his head. "She's gone…she moved on."

"I find that hard to believe. I saw the way she looked at you…the way she worried when you were ill. It concerned me…but then I realized…you deserved to be happy….not tied to…Lizzie….like I am tied to John."

"You could have left him," he said without thinking.

She laughed pitifully. "Yes, I supposed I could have but the heart does such cruel things some times. I could never bring myself to leave him. I loved him…even though I was never enough….even though he did what he did. I could never give myself to anyone but him. It's sad…isn't it? You and I? No more," she breathed.

She turned to Grissom.

"Don't linger here," she said pointing to the graves. "You need to live. You need to find that family you deserve. It's not here, Gil. It never was. It's out there…you just have to go out and get it. Something good has to come of all of this."

He was shocked when she hugged him.

His arms embraced her, feeling a slight shudder from both of them as they stepped back.

She glanced one last time at the grave and then hurried away.

He did the same, hurrying to his car, driving rather fast out of the cemetery.

Brass scowled when he showed up for work that evening.

Little was said to him as he handed out assignments.

"Hey, Griss. We could handle things here if you want to go home," offered Nick.

"_When she got an itch she knew where to come…so did I."_

Grissom ignored the comment.

He chose a solo assignment for himself, grateful to be away from the team's watchful eyes.

They expected him to grieve.

He had no intentions of wasting another tear on Lizzie Grissom.

He cursed inwardly when he swiped his eyes for the third time.

He kicked his field kit, sending red creeper dust into the air.

_You bitch!_

_Every night I was busting my ass to pay the mortgage..._

_You were humping some other guy…_

_In our bed…_

_And then…slept with me…_

He was disgusted.

_Why didn't I see it?_

_The men…they were there…_

_I believed her lies!_

_I trusted her…_

_She told me they were friends and I accepted it…_

_How could I have been such a fool?_

The condolences continued.

Hodges was the worst, coming to him each time he was seen in the hall, asking how he was doing.

How was he supposed to feel?

He'd been in love with a whore for the past ten years, sitting by her side, keeping his distance from Sara.

_Sara…_

He cursed inwardly.

She had moved on, taken on a new career and never looked back.

She had not even bothered to call.

He was sure that she would have heard about Lizzie's death.

She left because of Lizzie.

Each time he trudged home, he expected a phone message but there was none.

_She's just like Lizzie…_

_I probably wasn't good enough for her either…_

_She looked quite happy in the photos…_

His odd behavior was a concern for Brass remembering all too well burying himself in a bottle after the death of his marriage.

While his wife was still very much alive, the divorce was like a death.

He mourned by drinking.

He had no intentions of standing by and letting his friend fall into the same trap.

He became suspicious when Grissom would leave the lab during a difficult case, disappearing for a few hours.

While his breath or manner never indicated he had been drinking it piqued Brass's curiosity.

He followed him one night, noticing him throwing a file on his desk.

It had been a difficult case in which the husband had killed his wife in a fit of rage after being caught with another man.

He kept a distance as he followed Grissom, not sure he should proceed when he turned into the cemetery.

Quietly he approached the familiar gravesite.

Grissom sat on the bench.

Brass stopped dead in his tracks at the sound of Grissom's voice.

"This man killed his wife, Lizzie because he caught her with another man. What do you think I would have done?" he spat. "You lying bitch!"

The sound of twigs snapping caused Grissom to jerk around.

"Sorry…didn't mean to interfere," he said.

"What the hell are you doing here?" yelled Grissom.

"Look I know you think we're sticking our noses in your private life…but I am. I know what it's like to lose….a family and then…"

"You got a divorce…your daughter is alive," muttered Grissom.

"It was still a death…of everything I ever wanted…gone."

"You have Ellie."

"I have someone who hates me….because I'm not her real father."

Grissom looked surprised.

"You're not the only one who had a wife that slept around. Neither of us knew whether I was the father of Ellie or not. I learned not to care. Ellie still needed a father and I needed something good to come out of the hell I was living in."

Grissom nodded, understanding.

Brass sat down beside him.

"Gil, if this is helping….then yell….just don't let it consume you."

Grissom gripped the bench seat. "Did you ever catch your wife…in the act?"

"Yes, I did. The problem is that he was a decent guy and I actually felt sorry for him. He had no idea what he was getting into…hell he didn't even know she was married."

"I try to imagine what I would have done…if I had," breathed Grissom.

"You would have forgiven her…the first time. You would have stayed married if she were pregnant. You would have ignored the second time for the sake of the child."

He headed back to his vehicle not liking Jim's admission.

He told himself he would not be that weak.

"Hey Gil?" Brass called.

He turned and looked at Brass. "What do you imagine yourself doing?"

"Forty years to life."

It shocked Brass but he knew it was the grief and pain that was talking.

"I came because…I thought you might do something stupid…like I did."

"What was that?" asked Grissom.

"I tried to hide in a bottle."

Brass let him go, not sure if he felt better about the circumstances.

Days passed and his disposition worsened.

Catherine insisted they speak with him away from the lab.

Grissom unscrewed the lid from a beer and drank it as he fumbled through the motions of getting something to eat.

There was a tap on his door but he tried to ignore it.

He knew it would probably be Catherine or Brass.

They would not leave him alone.

The tapping turned into banging.

He opened his door and sighed.

"Can we come in?" asked Catherine.

"I'd like to get some sleep."

"Since you have the beer in your hand, I'll take that as a yes," sneered Brass.

Catherine picked up a few things in the living room.

"Catherine, don't you have a house to clean somewhere else? I have a maid to do that," he griped.

"Conrad wanted us to talk with you," began Catherine.

"Could you talk quickly?" he asked as he returned to the kitchen, tossing the empty beer bottle into the trash.

"Okay. You've cut half the staff to shreds…you berate whomever gets in your way…for no reason mind you and you've not taken a single bereavement day which you're entitled to take," stated Brass.

"Over the past several months I've let things slide…I'm not anymore. I don't need time off."

"Gil, your wife…just died," soothed Catherine trying to touch his arm.

"Don't touch me! Why are always trying to touch me? I don't need your sympathy!"

Grissom emptied another beer bottle then shattered it against the kitchen wall.

He passed them on his way to the bedroom slamming the door behind him.

"Jim, any luck with getting in touch with Sara?" asked Catherine.

"She wanted him to grieve first."

"He's going to self-destruct before he grieves. Have you told her about him?"

"It's complicated," Brass breathed.

Note from author:

I know. You want to know more about Sara. It's coming.

Take care!


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen:**

**Repercussions**

He became a regular at the bar, needing a new habit before and after shift.

It helped him get through the shifts of dead bodies.

He hated the sight of a crime scene these days.

Finishing off the beer, he ordered another.

A hand touched his arm as a woman slid onto the stool beside him.

"I've seen you before…making it your home away from home?" she asked.

"The beer is cold…and there seems to be an endless supply," he replied.

Her leg rubbed against his thigh.

"Do you like being alone or want some company?" she purred.

"That depends," he said.

"No strings attached…just an hour or so to forget life," she offered.

He gulped down his beer.

"… _it was just sex. When she got an itch she knew where to come…"_

He felt the woman's hand on his thigh.

"Interested?"

He never cared for emotionless sex.

"_Sara…she's involved with someone."_

He started to accept but the indentation on her finger caused him to refuse.

"You're not wearing your wedding ring," he griped. "You probably put it in your purse. Don't forget to slip it back on when you slip back into your husband's bed."

"We have an open marriage," she explained.

"Obviously you open your legs too often for my taste…I'll pass."

It was insulting but memories of late night arrivals into his bed to find it empty sparked more evidence he had overlooked.

"_I stayed at Mom's. Dad is out of town on a business trip."_

"_You're not wearing your ring."_

"_I think my hands are already swelling from the pregnancy. I had to take it off."_

He cursed at his stupidity.

The woman disappeared.

He had another drink.

He turned to leave and ran into a young woman.

She wore a sweat shirt from the state university in San Francisco.

He could not help but stare at it.

"Been to the university?" she asked.

"Years ago," he mumbled.

"Fond memories?"

"Yes…if you will excuse me," he said as he headed out of the bar.

He gulped in air.

"Hey…you okay?" the young woman asked as she followed him outside.

"Yes."

"There's a coffee shop around the corner. Want to join me?" she asked.

He hesitated.

"I promise I won't assault you," she laughed.

He had no idea why he followed her but he halted at the entrance, glancing inside as if he recognized someone through the window.

With the dimly lit sidewalk, the woman's reflection in the coffee shop window resembled Sara.

He stepped forward as if he were going to touch the reflection but the woman stepped forward and the image was gone.

God, how he missed Sara!

His life was unraveling around him and for the life of him he did not care.

The woman looked in the coffee shop.

"Is this okay?" she asked.

He and Sara had frequented the shop quite a bit.

He'd forgotten until he stood there with the woman.

"No, this is fine," he whispered.

They sat there on their second cup.

He had said few words.

"Do you live around here?" she asked.

He shook his head not wanting to divulge any personal information.

"I came to Vegas to spend some time with my friends. I've got to get back tomorrow. Vegas is not what I envisioned."

"What did you envision?" he asked.

"You always hear about…things that people do in Vegas…but never tell when they go home. I guess I lead a boring life. I've done nothing that I can't go home and brag about…including losing money in the slot machines."

He grinned.

She licked her lips.

It was then he noticed she was wearing her hair in a ponytail.

She was probably Sara's age… and not a bad looking brunette.

"Since this is my last night. Do you want to…give me some memories I can take back? I mean come back to my hotel room for awhile?"

He hadn't been propositioned by a woman in years.

He had no idea what he was doing.

Twice he thought to turn and flee but he followed her step by step to her hotel door.

He told himself he wasn't going to go inside but he did.

He accepted the mixed drink she prepared from the small bar in the room.

By his second drink, she had already stripped from her clothes.

He removed his own, not sure if he could follow through.

Her hands stroked him, slipping on the condom.

He murmured his thanks not thinking there just might be repercussions for sleeping with someone he did not know.

It got easier as he closed his eyes and pretended she was someone else.

He focused on the task, ignoring the moans of pleasure coming from the body beneath him.

He opened his eyes just as he climaxed to see green eyes, not brown and it made him blue.

He quickly dressed, running out of the hotel, fearful he would get caught by someone.

He slowed as he stepped out into the crisp air.

There was no rush.

His wife was dead.

He was free to do or be with anyone he wanted.

He wanted Sara.

He wiped at his cheeks, cursing at his weakness for the only woman who had soothed his broken heart.

His mood grew darker the following week.

Catherine and Brass had stayed clear and he was glad for it.

Little did he know Brass had urged Warrick to stop in and see Sara while he was following up a lead on a case.

He griped when there was a knock on his door.

He was surprised to see Warrick.

"Can I come in?" asked Warrick.

Grissom opened the door.

"I don't know how to say this so I'm just going to show it to you," stated Warrick as he handed Grissom a folder.

"What is this?"

"I took a detour on the way home. I went to see Sara," he began.

Grissom bristled.

"It wasn't like Sara…to not come when…the team has always been there for one another. Even though she's gone…we still consider her part of the team."

Grissom opened the folder.

He sank down on the couch, staring at the enlarged photos.

"I didn't expect…to find this. I went there to talk with her…but decided…that maybe you should."

Grissom stared at the photo of Sara holding a young child.

They were in a park.

"I thought it was a friend's child…but then I overheard Sara. It's her child."

"Did you talk with her?" he asked.

He shook his head. "I didn't know what to say to her. She's never mentioned the child…to any of us."

"Maybe you were mistaken," he griped.

"Gil, look at the photos. Tell me you don't see the resemblance. I know the photo is a little grainy but it was taken on my phone. Even with the poor resolution you can see those eyes….those are your eyes."

Grissom stared at the curly top child with the bright blue eyes.

"Sara left…here over two years ago. She was pregnant when she left," Warrick said softly. "It didn't make sense to me why she would leave so suddenly…now it does."

Grissom stared at the photos for several minutes.

Warrick continued not sure if he was truly seeing what he had seen. "I don't know how she didn't see me but she seemed…upset…clung to the child."

It had been so long since he had seen her.

She had let her hair grow long.

Her arms were wrapped protectively around the young toddler.

He caught sight of the wedding band on her hand and threw the photos onto the coffee table.

"She…met someone there…got married…had the child," he reasoned.

"Griss…I never thought you would be the type to turn your back…on your own child," snapped Warrick.

"That's not my child," he said.

"Are you sure?" Warrick questioned.

"Yes."

He grabbed the photos once more after Warrick left.

The dates did not add up unless she had been pregnant when she left Vegas as Warrick had surmised.

It would have explained why she left so abruptly.

_But why?_

_Why wouldn't she tell me if she was pregnant with my child?_

He pulled out his laptop, retrieving the last known email address which Nick had given him.

He'd never corresponded with Sara, never knowing what to say.

Sara quietly stepped out of Caleb's room, leaving the door cracked.

She gathered the dirty clothes basket taking it to the washer as she began her nightly chores.

She still needed to go over her lecture notes, dreading the quiet time.

It was times like this that tempted her to call him.

She opened her laptop, checking email.

Greg usually sent her a note on Thursdays.

She was not prepared to see the email from Grissom.

She swallowed, excited that he had finally made contact with her but saddened that it had taken all these years.

She covered her mouth as she saw the photo of Caleb.

There was no message attached to the photo except a huge question mark.

She hit the reply button and responded.

"_His name is Caleb."_

She started to get up when she immediately got a response.

"_How old is Caleb?"_

She choked back a sob.

"_He's sixteen months old."_

She waited for another reply but when several minutes passed, she thought he was gone.

She grabbed a bottle of water and drank deeply, needing to stay calm.

A response popped up.

"_I want to meet my son."_

She slumped down into the chair.

She had waited so very long for this moment.

It had played out a thousand different ways in her head but not like this.

Her trembling hands typed a response.

"_When you're ready, I'll introduce you."_

She hit the send button.

Grissom's hands clutched the photo.

_He's mine…_

_How could she do this?_

There was no further correspondence until the next day.

She had difficulty concentrating on her lectures as she spoke with the students after class, answering their questions and then rushing back to check her email.

Finally, there was a response.

It was a brief message, indicating he would arrive the next day and wanted to schedule a time to meet with his child.

She sent him the address to a park where they could meet along with her cell number.

She could hardly contain the excitement and fear that bubbled up.

She prayed he would understand, but more importantly she prayed he would love Caleb.

He could not seem to get the image of Sara with the small child out of his head.

He retraced every action that occurred immediately after they had slept together.

She had called him but he couldn't talk, not knowing what to say or do.

He had been ashamed that he had violated his vows but then felt remorse for hurting Sara the way he did knowing that he would keep his distance from her, no longer trusting his actions.

His emotions were in turmoil now, knowing that he had fathered a child and she had kept it from him.

Now, he had a purpose, a reason to grab hold of his life and try to straighten things out.

The small curly headed boy with the bright blue eyes became his obsession.

The names of the victims were running together in his mind and details were blurred as he tried to makes sense of all of it.

If he were honest, he had been feeling this way since Lizzie's death and needed to get away.

He grabbed the contents from his in basket and went in search of Catherine.

"Oh, hey we were just thinking about going to Frank's for a bite to eat. Come and…"

He handed her the contents.

"Early birthday present," she teased.

"I'm….taking a leave…of absence."

She felt relief and worry at his announcement, not knowing what he planned to do with his time.

"We'll be here…when you get back," she said.

He nodded but then threw his arms around her for a brief moment before leaving her to swipe at her own tears.

"Griss is leaving?" whispered Greg.

"I knew…before he did," she sniffled.

He scribbled out his leave request stuffing it under Ecklie's door.

He walked out without another word.

"Where do you think he's going?" asked Hodges.

Catherine grinned. "To find what makes him happy."

Sara worried when she did not get a response but the next day he called her just as class let out.

"I'm here," he said.

His voice was without emotion.

It was difficult to read how he felt, making her nervous.

"I'll bring him to the park," she said.

Note from author:

Well, there was a lot in that chapter…leave a review.

Take care.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen:**

**Skittish Hearts**

He was already at the park when she arrived.

She had gotten a late start, changing Caleb's clothes several times.

It seemed odd to see Sara pushing a stroller.

He knew he looked older, felt older and for once in his life, wished the grey was not so noticeable in his hair.

Her hungry eyes took in the sight of him.

He was still as handsome as she remembered.

He still had his beard.

His pepper grey hair set off his bright blue eyes.

He'd lost considerable weight and she wondered if he had been ill.

She was self-conscious about her appearance, wishing she had taken the time to fix her makeup or at least brush her hair rather than throwing it into a pony tail like some juvenile would do.

She knew she looked older, felt older and wondered if he would spot the changes immediately but then he would have to care and she was certain he no longer cared for her.

The lack of communication even though she had given her phone number as well as email address to him through the guys, was evidence he had dismissed her from his life.

It was a penalty or punishment of sorts for sleeping with him.

Caleb had been worth the punishment.

She stopped at a table near several trees.

Caleb squealed when she extended her arms.

She kissed the small child, hugging him briefly.

She turned and came face to face with Grissom.

Both felt awkward.

"This is Caleb," she managed to say.

Grissom's hand took Caleb's.

The young child smiled.

Grissom gasped.

It was Sara's smile.

The child's bright blue eyes twinkled as he waved his hand at Grissom.

He reached for the child and was surprised when he left Sara without protest.

"He's very social…I think it's because he's used to being around so many of my students."

Grissom stepped away, not sure how he should react that he had a son.

Sara sat down at the table, trying to busy herself as Grissom walked with the child.

Caleb's hands grabbed at Grissom's face.

He was fascinated with the beard.

Grissom chuckled.

The blue eyed boy had already stolen his father's heart as he attempted to kiss Grissom.

Grissom hugged him tight to his body.

It was hard to fathom that he was holding a part of himself as well as Sara.

The child looked very much like Grissom except for that brilliant smile he gave causing Grissom's heart to groan.

He had missed that smile.

The young boy squirmed in his arms and he gently set him down.

He toddled over to Sara, delighting in the cookie she held out.

He plopped down on a blanket as he began to pull out the contents of the bag of toys.

Grissom knelt down, helping his child, chuckling as Caleb checked several times to ensure the bag was empty.

Both were silent as they marveled at the young child they had created.

He got up several times and toddled away but Grissom or Sara redirected him to his toys.

Grissom finally sat down on the blanket, offering different toys to the child, delighting in the squeals he made when he managed to stack them on top of each other.

Grissom could not help from grinning at Caleb.

After an hour, Sara glanced at her watch. "I've got to get back."

Grissom seemed hurt and annoyed that the visit was so short.

"I wish I could stay longer but…"

"We haven't had enough time! I want to see him again," he said harshly.

She tried not to react to his tone.

He was quite angry with her deception and it would take time for him to adjust to the revelation that he now had a child.

His eyes glared at her but then softened when he redirected his attention to the child that was using his leg as a means to pull himself up.

Once standing, he toddled toward the tree with Grissom on his heels.

He spied a bug and pointed at it.

"Bug," announced Grissom.

Caleb smiled. "Bug."

Grissom laughed. "Yes, bug."

His small finger reached out to touch the bug but withdrew, squealing over the incident.

"He's still…not sure about bugs or insects," explained Sara.

Grissom nodded.

"Tomorrow I have classes for three hours but then I can come," she offered.

He softened a little. "I'd like that."

She packed away the toys while Grissom held the small child.

"You can…spend as much time as you like…while you're here," she offered.

It was too much to hope for as Grissom felt joy for the first time in years.

His heart rang out while his brain cautioned him, told him that he had been fooled before.

"I'm not leaving…until I…until we've made some kind of arrangement."

"Arrangement?"

"Visitation…support."

"Gil, I didn't come here for you to take responsibility. I came here…because you needed to know your son just as he needs to know his father. I don't expect anything from you."

"Are you sure…could there be any…doubt…that he's mine?"

Her face paled.

She didn't expect this. "If you would like a paternity test…"

He raked his hand through his hair.

She started to get up but he blocked her.

"I…didn't mean…" He stopped himself.

He did mean it.

He could not bring himself to trust anyone, the pain of Lizzie's deception yet too fresh.

It was like an open festering wound that would not heal.

He quickly added. "It's a shock."

It was a shock that he would accuse her of jumping in bed with someone else.

"I expect to be a part of my child's life," he demanded.

"I would never keep him from you."

He glared at her.

She had done just that.

"How long will you be staying?" she asked.

"I took a leave of absence," he admitted.

"Oh."

"It's only for a few weeks so we can work something out," he added.

She nodded.

She took a deep breath. "I know this is a shock…to you but…"

"Being the father entitles me to…some say," he gritted.

"Believe it or not Grissom I was trying to protect you! I remembered how you acted when we…kissed. After we…I knew you were upset about it. The last thing you needed was to have an unplanned pregnancy added to it. I really intended to tell you…later."

"Really? When he started kindergarten? When he got his driver's license? Tell me Sara when were you going to tell me?"

"When it didn't hurt so much!" she yelled back. "Do you think this has been easy for me? I survived morning sickness…health checkups and his birth alone. I relocated, started a new job…alone. Forgive me if I didn't want to burden you with my problem."

His hand sprang forth intending to touch her but then he caught sight of the wedding ring and instead took the baby's hand.

He wanted to ask about the ring.

It gnawed at him but his pride kept him silent, only discussing Caleb.

"I'm not going to desert my child," he warned.

"I don't expect you to," she sighed. "I can bring him here every day… until he gets used to you and then you could keep him for longer periods of time…without me."

It seemed fair.

The next day she arrived and sat at the table while Grissom spent time with Caleb.

Her eyes watched as father and son played, smiling from time to time at the young toddler, encouraging him to play with Grissom.

On the third day, Caleb reached for Grissom, grabbing him by the beard and plastering him with a wet kiss.

Grissom's eyes misted. "He's a very sweet boy," he whispered.

"Yes, he is. He is very trusting," she choked.

"Is something wrong?" he asked.

"No…tomorrow we could try a few hours...without me."

He seemed surprised, ever suspicious of her generosity or her true intentions.

His heart told him it was safe with Sara but his brain warned that such notions of love were dangerous and should be avoided.

"I'll bring him here," she reminded.

They scheduled a time and then he watched as she disappeared.

It had been hard, watching him as he got acquainted with their child.

She knew he was angry.

She also knew it would be difficult to put aside those feelings when they tried to work out some kind of visitation arrangement.

The child was much too young to spend long periods of time away from her and quite frankly she would never allow it.

She and Caleb had been inseparable since his birth.

_I could go back to Vegas with Grissom…_

_Caleb and I could start over there…_

She felt hopeful for the first time in months.

She wasn't sure if Grissom would be willing to help her relocate.

There were times when his stare was so intense she had to look away.

She stepped into the house, putting away the stroller as she put Caleb down for a nap.

"Sara!"

She turned when she saw Vincent in the kitchen.

He had mysteriously showed up again after being gone for weeks.

She tried to hide her disgust.

"Where have you been?"

"I took Caleb to the park…not that it should matter to you," she retorted, sifting through the mail.

"Do you mind explaining this to me?" he asked as he tossed the pregnancy test across the counter.

She cursed inwardly.

She never wanted him to find out.

He grinned. "I'm thrilled!" he announced.

Sara tried to swallow the bile threatening to rise.

"How far along are you?" he asked.

He knew the answer and she wasn't about to reply.

She tried to pass but he cornered her, forcing her against the cabinet.

He wrapped his arms around her.

"Things are going to be different, Sara. I promise."

He grabbed the mail and took off to his study.

Sara grabbed the pregnancy test, throwing it into the trash and carried it out.

She slammed the lid on the metal trash can as she gulped back tears.

It gave her some comfort in knowing that Grissom was just a few blocks away although she wasn't sure how much help he would be if things turned ugly.

She knew she had to tell him about Vincent but at the moment she wanted to focus on getting him to know his son.

It thrilled her to see Grissom interact with Caleb.

He was gentle with the child, marveling at each thing Caleb did.

Their son was easily stealing his father's heart.

She wiped the tears away as she leaned against the house.

_I just need a little more time…_

_Grissom needs to get used to Caleb….and me…._

_I have to be sure he's processed the loss of Lizzie…_

_Don't fool yourself, Sara…_

_He'll never want you once he discovers you're pregnant…_

_He'll take Caleb away from you and you will finally be alone…_

Her hands flew to her midsection.

She swiped a tear away, taking huge gulps of air in an attempt to calm herself.

She could hear Vincent calling inside.

She hated him.

It would take everything Sara could muster to get through the next several weeks before she could make a break and leave San Francisco for good.

Note from author:

Yeah...angst just went up a few degrees. Hang in there...the story wil progress rather quickly...

Take care!


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen:**

**Wounded Hearts Reunite**

She was waiting just as she promised.

She handed him the written instructions.

"Two pages of instructions for three hours?" he questioned.

"If something comes up, you can call me although I can't answer my phone during class…unless it is a medical emergency," she added.

"I was going to play with him here for awhile and then take him back to the house," he explained.

"House?"

"I've leased a house until I have to go back," he explained.

"It might be best if I bring him there. The weather is getting cooler," she said.

It was hard to imagine that he had already been there a week.

She set the bag down and was gone quickly.

By the end of the week, they had slipped into a comfortable routine but few words had been spoken between them.

Neither knew how the other felt.

Their focus had been on Caleb and for that reason there had been a silent truce of sorts.

Sara picked up the bag and set it inside the stroller.

"Do you have a minute?" he asked one evening.

"Yes."

"I'd like to talk to you about Caleb," he said.

She held the toddler as he curled into her arms.

She threw a blanket over him as she sat down on the couch.

The little boy yawned and then closed his eyes.

"He didn't take a nap. We sort of got carried away…in play time," admitted Grissom.

"It's fine," she said. "I have several papers to review this evening."

He nodded.

"Sara…I have to go back in six weeks," he said.

She gulped.

She glanced at the sleeping child. "What do…you propose?"

He paced no longer feeling comfortable near her.

"I can't be a father to Caleb if we live in different states."

"I'm under contract," she explained.

"I'll have to go back…submit my resignation," he said.

She looked surprised. "You would leave the lab?"

"Do I have a choice?" he spat. "I'm not abandoning my son."

"I…have three months left…then I could bring him to Vegas," she offered.

"For how long?" he challenged.

"If I could get a job there…I would be willing to relocate," she said.

He seemed surprised, curious about the ring on her finger.

"Wouldn't you have to discuss this with your husband?" he asked.

It came out rather hateful.

She held up her hand displaying the wedding band.

"I wear it when I lecture. I had two strikes against me when I started the job…my youth and being a single unwed mother. The ring….is for show…I'm not married."

He felt his heart skip a beat but he was still wary.

"I could try to stay…longer than I had originally agreed…then we could leave together," he offered.

Excitement crept inside her but she tried to remain calm, unmoved by his offer.

"Then…I'll try to start wrapping up…things here," she said.

"Sara…I'm sorry this happened," he said.

"I don't…regret Caleb," she breathed. "He's an amazing child, Gil."

He swallowed.

He felt like he had already missed so much.

"I can check with personnel and see if there are any positions available."

"Thank you. I am sorry about Lizzie," she whispered.

"I'm not," he spat. "I'm glad she's dead."

She looked shocked.

This did not sound like the man who had sat holding his wife's hand every day.

"Jim…said…the guys have been worried about you. I know it must have been hard for you."

"Lizzie has been dead for years. It would help if people would stay out of my private life!"

"They're worried about you…so am I. The Grissom that I know isn't…so angry."

"The Grissom you knew didn't have an illegitimate child with his employee and a dead wife that everyone keeps reminding him about! So fucking forgive me if I'm a bit angry!"

She had never heard him talk this way.

Her arms wrapped protectively around Caleb.

He stepped toward her and she flinched.

Her actions caught him off guard.

He stepped back not sure if his actions had been a bit threatening but her reaction had clearly been out of fright.

"Sara…"

"I'll meet you here tomorrow…at 3:00," she said as she fled.

Few words were spoken to one another as the week passed.

She was late getting Caleb one evening.

She looked quite agitated.

She hugged Caleb to her as she put him in the stroller.

"Is there something wrong?" he asked.

"I'm sorry I'm late. I got caught up with some of my students," she lied.

She was late again the next day, rushing to get to class on time.

"Sara…I could drop him off at your house…if it would make things easier," he offered.

"No…this is fine."

She leaned down and kissed Caleb feeling a bit lightheaded as she hurried away.

Once the house was out of sight, she sat down, gulping in air trying to stave off the nausea.

The next day she seemed better.

She started to leave when his hand reached out and stopped her.

"Could you stay for coffee?" he asked.

"Got tea?"

She sat in the floor and played with Caleb while they waited for the kettle.

"How are your classes?" he asked.

"I really enjoy the students. I don't much care for the other professors," she stated.

"Neither did I," he admitted. "I haven't kept up with any of the faculty since I taught that seminar."

She took the cup of tea, thankful to have something to do with her hands.

Caleb lay down on the blanket with his stuffed animal.

Sara looked at Grissom.

"We didn't do well with his schedule again," he admitted.

She grinned. "It's fine."

He tried to keep his eyes off her but he couldn't resist.

She wore a cotton dress with a floral pattern.

In Vegas, it was rare for her to wear anything but jeans except when she went to court.

Her hair was pulled back with a hair clip, exposing her luscious neck.

She smiled at the sleeping child. "I love to watch him sleep. He…he looks so much like you."

Grissom came around to stand beside her. He grinned. "He does…doesn't he?"

"He's such a good baby," she whispered. "Every time I look into his deep blue eyes…I'm lost in love with him."

It was uncertain who made the first move.

Neither could pull away as they fumbled with clothing, stepping over toys, maneuvering to get to his bedroom.

"Griss…Caleb," she gasped.

"The door is open. We'll hear him," he said as he deepened his kiss and she was lost to his touch.

She cried out when he entered her.

It was the most blissful thing she had felt in years.

She clung to him, whispering how thankful she had been to have kept a part of him for herself and how Caleb had been the best thing she had ever done in her life.

In those blissful moments she didn't care for the repercussions of letting her voice say what her heart was singing.

A single tear slipped down as she remembered that evening so long ago when they had gotten carried away and had created Caleb.

His hands seemed to be everywhere as he ravaged her body.

He tried to slow down, fearful he was being too rough but the need was too great.

The moment he entered her, her warmth surrounded him, blanketed him and for once in a long time, he felt whole, at peace.

Her memories of Caleb's conception had kept her going, hoping that some day she would have another chance to be with Grissom.

He finally collapsed on top of her and she wrapped her arms tightly around him.

"I've missed you," he choked.

She closed her eyes, still feeling the shock of his lovemaking.

She kissed him once more before slipping from his arms at the first whimper from Caleb.

She dressed, grabbing the boy into her arms.

He snuggled up to Sara, yawning as his eyes fluttered shut again.

"I think I've spoiled him. I could never bear to hear him cry," she whispered.

He grinned. "I thank you…for spoiling my son."

He made more tea, offering her another cup.

"You must live on campus or near it," he said.

She took a deep breath. "I live on campus."

"That's usually reserved for…"

"I share a house with Vincent Andrews."

Grissom's cup stopped in mid-air.

"Andrews?"

"He's teaching forensics…this semester," she stated.

Grissom got deathly quiet.

He knew Andrews very well.

They had crossed paths a few times during their careers.

Vincent Andrews was too quick to jump to conclusions, often twisting the evidence to support his theories.

He had wanted to teach the seminar all those years ago but the dean had offered it to Grissom and he had accepted, hoping to better educate the upcoming students in forensic science.

It was then he had met Sara.

It had been one of the happiest times of his life.

Her voice brought him back to the present.

"Professor Abrams offered to share his residence with me. He was my academic advisor. He agreed to give me access to the upper level of his home. He said he never ventured up there so I thought it was a perfect arrangement…I would be right on campus and…Abrams wasn't judgmental about…the pregnancy."

"I remember him. He was a very nice man."

"Abrams became ill and they needed to hire someone to teach his other forensic classes so they hired Vincent Andrews. Abrams didn't know Andrews…neither did I. Abrams invited Vincent to stay in the extra down stairs bedroom while he looked for a place to live. Abrams died six months ago."

"I'm sorry," said Grissom.

"The dean gave Andrews permission to remain there. They intend to offer him a longer contract."

Sara set the cup down.

"We should go," she said.

"Could you stay for dinner?" asked Grissom.

"I can't. I have to get back…papers," she lied.

The rain had let up but he still offered to drive them.

"It's not far," she said as she started for the door.

Grissom grabbed her hand.

"Dinner tomorrow?" he asked.

"Tomorrow," she agreed.

The revelation of the living arrangements gnawed at him.

_She's not like Lizzie…_

_It's separate but in the same house…_

It still bothered him but he kept a tight rein on his emotions.

_She's not involved with anyone…_

_She's offered to come back to Vegas…_

He called a realtor in Vegas, knowing the townhouse would be too small for them.

She had agreed to return to Vegas but he wanted more than just that.

He wanted her to move in with him and share Caleb.

He wanted the family he had been cheated out of.

He set in motion getting a house for the family he planned to have when he returned.

He forgot about his insecurity as they shared dinner several times that week.

It was always there at his place but he figured it was easier than taking Caleb to a restaurant.

Grissom slowly talked about the team.

She did not ask any questions but listened as he admitted he had been hard on all of them.

"There's a position on swing," he finally brought up.

"I'll submit my application," she agreed.

He could not believe his luck.

After the hell he had endured these past two years, he was getting a second chance at life.

Already, he had a beautiful son and a woman he loved.

He just wasn't sure whether Sara still felt the same.

The other day had been spontaneous, almost desperate and he wasn't sure if she had wanted it as much as he did.

He could not help but stare as she gently stroked the young child's head.

She was almost relieved when Caleb fell asleep.

Grissom had not made a move since the other day and she wondered if perhaps he regretted what happened.

"I want this to work," she suddenly blurted.

"Work?"

"I want…I want a family for Caleb," she explained.

"I do too," he spoke up quickly.

She brushed past him as she began to set some of the dishes into the sink.

She turned and he was there behind her.

His lips descended on hers lightly as if questioning and she opened her lips allowing him access, pulling him close to her.

It was slower this time, less rushed but the urgent need was still there as they tugged at clothing, needing to feel flesh on flesh. Gently he coaxed her legs apart, slipping deep into her as she clung to him, riding out the sensations that were coming in waves.

Her body felt different more fuller as he noticed the slight added weight but she looked beautiful.

They came together, each gasping through the waves of emotions.

He rolled to the side but pulled her body close.

He had not felt this relaxed in years.

She rose, listening intently for the sound of their son.

He kissed her. "Sara, you can check on him."

She scrambled from the bed, grabbing his shirt for coverage as she padded into the living room.

Grissom lay there, watching as she stood there nude except for the shirt that hit just above her knees.

He was in awe of his new found family.

He got up, pulling on his clothes.

She left his side, dressing as well but then joined him to watch their son sleeping.

They spoke in hushed tones about the last two years, each withholding much but letting the other know that the separation had been difficult.

It was good to be with her once more, sharing about the lab and personal matters that he did not dare discuss with anyone else.

Her smile warmed him, filled him; almost consumed him when it flashed between himself and Caleb.

His heart was still skittish, not sure whether to accept what she was offering him or pull back and investigate the relationship.

He felt hopeful that they could build a life for Caleb.

His hand held hers briefly, pressing his lips to hers before releasing her as she left that evening.

Note from author:

Fluff...it gets in there sometimes....I'll try to be more careful next time. LOL Okay, so too many of you jumped to conclusions....no, she is not married as she just said but it doesn't make things any easier as you will find when we move along.

Take care!


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen:**

**A Risk of Hearts**

Quietly, she stepped into the house, carrying the sleeping child.

For the first time in over two years, she felt hopeful for their future together.

She still did not know how Grissom would take the news of her pregnancy but she prayed he would not find out until they were back in Vegas.

She knew it was deceptive but she wanted him the moment she set eyes on him again.

The lights were turned off except for a dim light coming from Vincent's study.

She had lied to Vincent, telling him she would be compiling some lecture notes at the library and would be late.

She started toward the kitchen when she heard a slight noise coming from the room.

Her hand hesitated a moment, knowing what she would find.

She almost stopped, not caring what she found but needing to prove to him that he had no power over her.

There were moans coming from inside the room as a voice urged Vincent to push harder.

She opened the door and found Vincent with one of her students.

The blond smiled at Sara as Vincent thrust once more, groaning as he climaxed.

"Oh, shit! Sara!"

He fumbled with his zipper as he hurried after Sara, yelling at the blond to get out.

"What about my grade?" she pouted.

"You have it," he called back.

Sara quickly made her way to the top of the stairs, intending to slam the bedroom door in his face.

He grabbed her by the arm.

"Let go," she warned.

"Just calm down," he yelled.

"I am calm."

He took a moment to catch his breath.

"She means nothing to me."

"Vincent, I don't care."

His grip on her arm tightened. "That's the problem with you. If you cared I wouldn't have to fuck half the campus."

"She wants you…not me," she said.

His slap stung as it made contact with her cheek.

She cringed when he reared back again but this time it rested on her cheek, caressing the reddened area.

"You're the only thing that matters…you're the only one carrying my child," he whispered.

"Not by choice," she gritted.

He released her arm and she stumbled back, clutching Caleb to her breast in a protective manner.

"I'm tired of your coldness, Sara. You have no love except for that bastard child of yours. Just remember what's growing inside you…mine!" he glared as he blocked her path.

"Move away, Vincent."

He twisted her arm and she cried out in pain.

Caleb woke, startled at the confrontation as he clung to his mother.

"Put him in his room," Vincent ordered.

He released her, giving Sara time to soothe Caleb and place him in his crib.

She gave him a few toys before stepping out of the room, not wanting her son to hear or see the confrontation.

"I'm tired….just let me go," she pleaded as she tried to go to the room next door but Vincent shoved her against the wall, knocking a framed picture to the floor.

The noise frightened Caleb and he cried out for her.

She attempted to reach for Caleb but Vincent shoved her once more, sending her hard against the nursery wall.

Her breath came in gasps as she tried to recover.

"You've done nothing but tease…taunt…while you show more affection to that sniveling child of yours. Why? His father didn't even want him! I've been here for you….and him. The least you could do is be appreciative of what I've done for you. If it weren't for me, the dean would have let you go when old man Abrams died. I saved your job…you and that bastard child of yours would have been out on the street. I've been patient, Sara. I've waited…giving you time to…love me. Me!"

His fist connected to the wall just mere inches from Sara's face.

"I have to jerk off or find some damn bimbo to fuck because you won't let me touch you! Are you even jealous, Sara?"

She could care less but his temper was already spiked and she could not afford a full blown fight, needing to protect the life inside her.

His hands attempted to slip under her blouse but she pushed him away.

She struggled to get away but he lunged forward knocking her to the floor.

She cried out in pain as her side hit the crib.

Caleb burst into wails.

She didn't move, fearful she had injured herself.

Her hands protectively covered her stomach, awaiting a possible kick.

"Vincent…you're…scaring Caleb."

Vincent grabbed her arm, dragging her out of the room.

"Let's move this next door then if you're so concerned about the precious bastard," he seethed.

He lifted her easily and shoved her onto the mattress in her room.

"Vincent," she gasped. "Please…stop. I…" she clutched at her abdomen.

He suddenly stilled, his anger stalled.

He looked shocked at his actions, fearful he had injured his unborn child.

"Oh Christ, Sara…the baby!"

She gasped through the pain in her side. "I don't want to…lose…our baby," she cried.

His hands were immediately on her, checking for injuries.

A dark bruise ran from her shoulder down her back.

There were also bruising on her wrists and chest where he had shoved her rather hard with his open hands.

The worse injury was her side when she had hit the crib.

It was quite painful.

"Is there any pain?" he asked worriedly.

"Some…just don't want to move," she gasped.

"Don't," he urged as he ran into the bathroom, retrieving a damp washcloth, gliding it over her forehead.

It actually felt good but she would not admit that to the man who had just beaten her.

Caleb cried.

Sara winced as she attempted to go to him but Vincent quickly shot out of the room and returned with the child, placing him beside Sara.

Despite his sudden violent nature, he had never harmed Caleb.

He sat on the edge of the bed as she curled her body around Caleb.

The baby laid back, content to be with his mother.

The pain eased.

She caressed her abdomen, thankful that there were no cramps.

"Is it better?" he asked.

She nodded. "I…should go…to the hospital…to make sure."

He knew there would be questions about the bruises.

"There's…no cramping?"

She shook her head.

"It would…upset…Caleb if we move him now…just rest…you'll feel better in the morning."

She cringed when he molded his body next to hers, placing his arm over them in a protective manner.

He kissed her softly on the temple.

"You need to be more careful…shouldn't let things get out of hand. You almost cost us the baby."

She gulped down tears as she closed her eyes, forcing her body to lie still beside the man she despised.

He stayed with them the entire night, often waking her when his hand fumbled through her clothing, seeking reassurance that the baby was fine.

She slept little, dozing off and on.

She felt his body leave the bed as he went downstairs that morning.

She lay there, holding her breath, praying he would keep to his schedule.

Her heart sank when she heard footsteps returning.

He opened the door and she rose, not wanting him to return to the bed.

"I canceled your classes today," he said. "You need to stay in bed. I'll take Caleb to the sitter and…"

She panicked, knowing he would discover that Caleb had not been going ever since Grissom arrived.

"No…please. I don't get to spend that much time with him. I can watch him."

"Sara…"

"Vincent…please," she begged.

He studied for a moment, eying the sleeping child. "I'll stay home and…"

"No! There's no need…we'll be fine."

His jaw twitched, an uneasiness crept over him.

"I'm not leaving you," he announced.

She let it drop, her brain already forming another plan of escape.

"I could use some breakfast," she said, smiling at him as she scooted back into the bed.

His hand stroked her long slender leg.

She cringed inwardly.

"I'll be back shortly," he said, leaning down to kiss her.

She tried not to pull away as he deepened the kiss, bile rising with each second.

As soon as she heard him downstairs, she grabbed her phone, dialing Grissom quickly.

"Sara? I was getting worried," he said.

"Something came up…we can't come today," she whispered.

He tensed. "Is something wrong?"

_Yes, so much is wrong…_

"We'll come tomorrow," she rushed saying, closing the phone before he could reply.

Grissom cursed.

The day seemed to drag by as she kept Caleb close to her.

Vincent was in and out of the room, watching her closely.

She ate the food he prepared, giving small talk, trying desperately to win his trust.

When night came, she purposely placed Caleb in her bed.

"Shouldn't he sleep in his crib? Sara, I can carry him for you. You shouldn't be lifting him after the fall."

She'd been careful all day, mindful of the aches in her body.

It wasn't the worse beating she'd had but she still worried that spotting would occur indicating a miscarriage.

There had already been one scare and she had been rushed to the hospital.

She knew it was the reason Vincent could not risk another emergency visit.

It would cause suspicion.

"He's already asleep…I'll sleep better anyway."

"Night," he said as he headed downstairs.

She was thankful there would be no repeat of the night before.

It was rare that he even ventured up there.

"Night," she replied, slipping down into the covers.

He closed the door but remained.

She waited for footsteps but there was none.

Minutes passed and then slowly, she could hear him making his way down the steps.

_You can't leave until morning…._

_You have to wait…_

_You have to stick to a routine…_

He brought breakfast on a tray.

She accepted it.

"You feel up to going to class today?" he asked.

"Yes…I am. Vincent, thank you."

The words sickened her but she needed him to trust her.

He smiled. "I'll be late…are you sure?"

"I'm sure. If I get tired, I'll come home and rest. I promise."

As soon as the front door closed, she sprang into action.

She filled two suitcases and crammed what she could into Caleb's diaper bag.

She spent an hour on the phone that morning, informing the dean she would not be able to finish the course but would provide her notes to her assistant so she could prepare the students for the final.

He was rather upset about her sudden departure but she cited a family crisis.

She then called Grissom.

"I've been trying to reach you but your phone has been turned off," he spat.

"Something has come up. Gil, I need your help," she choked.

His anger changed to concern.

"Sara, what's wrong?"

"If you're serious about us coming to Vegas with you then…we have to leave today."

"Today? Sara, you still have to finish the semester…"

"I wouldn't ask…Gil, please."

"I'll start packing," he said.

She arrived a few minutes later.

"Want to tell me what the hell is going on?"

"Vincent...Andrews…I can't stay under the same roof with him anymore."

"What happened?" he asked.

She refused to answer but turned and tried to reassure Caleb who began to cry softly.

Nothing was said further until they were able to get Caleb to take a nap.

"If we put him in the car, he'll sleep for several hours. We would be in Vegas by…"

"Why the rush?" he questioned.

"I need to leave this place…today," she urged.

Grissom eyed her closely. "Sara…why?"

The last thing she wanted to do was lie to him.

She felt as if she couldn't breathe under his scrutiny.

She knew he would not be so easy to fool.

She stepped out onto the back porch, needing a breath of fresh air.

He followed but glanced back to ensure Caleb remained asleep in the portable crib.

He felt a bit uneasy.

His jealousy went into high gear the moment she opened her mouth and quivered, "It's Vincent."

"You're involved with Vincent Andrews," he spat.

"You don't understand," she began as she reached out to touch his arm but he jerked away.

He shook his head as he cursed out loud, causing her to step back as if she feared he would strike her.

He grabbed her hand displaying the wedding ring.

"Is this real?" he yelled. "I won't be jerked around by you just because your Caleb's mother!"

"No!" she begged as she pulled it off her finger. "This belonged to my mother. They wouldn't let her keep it in prison so she sent it to me…I put it on when…Professor Abrams told me it would be better to not let anyone think that I wasn't married. It was better to appear to be separated or divorced than…"

She took a gulp of air.

"You led me to believe that…you've been fucking me while sleeping with Vincent Andrews," he seethed.

She shook her head violently as the tears streamed down her face.

"It isn't…like that," she urged.

"Really? Tell me Sara…how is it then?" he glared taking a step toward her.

Fury rose inside him at the thought that he had almost believed Sara was different from Lizzie.

She stepped back. "I'm not…" she gulped "fighting…with you."

She looked pale, almost sickly.

The dark circles, the red brimmed eyes, told him she had been upset for quite some time.

He forced himself to calm down knowing that she was truly frightened of him and despite his anger it bothered him.

"I don't want to fight either. I'm just trying to make sense of the sudden urgency to leave."

She shivered.

"Come back inside," he offered.

She refused to budge and it made him angry.

It wasn't like he would hurt her but her actions clearly indicated she was too frightened to go back into the house, choosing to remain in the open.

"I don't…like lies," he threatened.

He caught sight of the bruises on her arm as she pulled at the sleeves, burying her arms around herself.

She sat down on the step, refusing to enter the house, remembering what her mother had taught her about the need to flee rather than fight.

_Yeah mom…_

_If only you took your own advise that day…_

Her arms were folded around her midsection.

"I'm sorry…this…just seems…off," he tried to explain.

The last thing he wanted to do was to hurt her.

She was clearly frightened of something.

He'd never raised his voice to Lizzie.

He sat down beside her, easing his way closer to her until they were side by side.

"I'm sorry for yelling," he said gruffly.

She nodded.

She couldn't seem to stop.

Droplets spilled down her cheeks as she tried to swipe them away, furious that it continued until she was sobbing with her head buried in her knees.

There was no more talk as he held her, pulling her into his arms, letting her cry softly on his shoulder.

"I don't mean to…lash out at you," he grieved. "We'll work this out," he soothed.

He regretted his harshness.

Vincent Andrews had a reputation for flying off the handle and he wondered if this had been the only confrontation.

There was a knock on the door and Sara jumped.

They quickly hurried inside fearful the sound would wake Caleb.

Grissom opened the door.

A police officer stood at the door.

"The car parked out there…belongs to a Sara Sidle. Is she here?" asked the officer.

"Yes…she is," stated Grissom as he glanced over his shoulder to Sara.

"Ms. Sidle, you are hereby served," stated the officer as she took the petition.

Her trembling fingers opened the document, stepping away as Grissom closed the door.

"What is it?" asked Grissom.

"An emergency petition. I'm ordered to remain in the state of California until a hearing can be scheduled."

"What kind of hearing?" asked Grissom as he took the papers from her hand.

_Vincent Andrews vs. Sara Sidle._

"He's trying to block me from leaving with Caleb."

"Why would he…claim that Caleb is his son?" asked Grissom.

Grissom's eyes darted to the sleeping child and then back at Sara.

"He's yours," she protested against the silent accusation.

"Of…course, he is," he finally admitted.

"You're listed…on the birth certificate," she added.

"Do you have the birth certificate?" he asked.

"Yes, of course."

He said nothing further and she did not offer any further explanation, needing to formulate in her mind how she was going to tell him about the unborn child she carried.

Caleb woke and she held him.

Sara rocked the child back and forth, not wanting to answer any questions that she knew Grissom had.

Grissom took Caleb from her arms and placed him on a blanket on the floor, giving him access to the toy bag.

"Tell me what happened," stated Grissom.

She opened her mouth but then stopped when there was a knock on the door.

Grissom opened it.

"I should have known," cursed Vincent as he saw Sara standing nearby.

"Sara, I want to talk to you," called Vincent.

She visibly shook.

"Vincent, go home," she warned.

"Come back to the house so we can talk," he ordered.

"No."

"You can't keep my child from me!" he yelled.

Grissom blocked Vincent's view. "Caleb is my son."

"I don't give a damn about Caleb," muttered Vincent.

Grissom turned back to Sara.

She choked back a sob as she grabbed Caleb, stepping away from both of them.

"Sara is four months pregnant with my child," yelled Vincent. "She is not leaving the state with my child!"

Grissom jerked around to face Sara. "Is this true?"

"Yes," she whispered.

Shock followed by anger and hurt crossed Grissom's features.

Note from author:

What a place to end it…and the sad thing is that my computer got a virus and I've lost the rest of the story….it will be at least 3 or 4 months before I can rewrite it.

April Fools! I will most likely post another chapter this evening if the reviews get in quickly.

Also, Billy's new play, Endgame, begins tonight. I wish you the best Billy!

Take care!


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen:**

**Same Lies, Different Characters**

Grissom's hesitation as he held the door partially open made her panic.

"Please…Gil. I can't…go back…with him. I won't."

His eyes drew dark as he glared at her.

She shifted Caleb in her arms.

"She's not coming with you," stated Grissom. "I suggest you go home before I call the police."

"I swear Sara. I will not let you leave this state. Do you hear me? I'll make your life hell if you try. You're not going to take what is mine."

Grissom closed the door.

He stood by the window to ensure Vincent left before turning to Sara who had disappeared into the bedroom.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he seethed.

"I didn't know how to explain," she cried.

"How could you let me touch you…after you…" he wanted to yell at her but held back because of Caleb.

He walked over and took Caleb from her.

"Gil…give him back…please," she begged softly trying not to let the panic slip into her voice as Caleb glanced back at her.

She feigned a smile for the child.

Grissom walked out of the room with Caleb shutting the bedroom door so that she was no longer in view.

Sara slumped down on the bed as she tried to control the tears.

_I should have told him…_

_He's never going to trust me now…_

He sat down in a chair, rocking the small boy back and forth.

_She purposely hid the pregnancy from me…._

_She let me believe that there wasn't anyone else…_

Hours later he placed the sleeping child into the crib.

He thrust opened the bedroom door, startling her.

"You jump into bed with me…while you're pregnant with another man's child. What kind of woman are you?" he cursed. "What were you trying to pull? Did you think I would just accept the baby as mine?"

"I didn't mean for it to happen this way," she gulped.

"Just like you didn't mean for it to happen last time!" he yelled.

She reacted as if the words had physically hurt.

She scrambled out of the bedroom, finding the small house too confining.

She fled to the living room, needing to be near Caleb.

"Don't think…of leaving with Caleb," he warned.

She shook her head.

He left the door open so the crib was in view.

He slumped down on the bed, trying to calm down.

He wanted to throttle her.

_She's Caleb's mother…_

_You can't..._

_She's just like Lizzie…_

Sara covered the baby with a blanket as she sat down on the couch.

She could not stop from shaking as the tears slipped down.

Her stomach was in knots as she curled into a ball with her arms protectively around her abdomen.

_I'm so sorry…_

_This is not your fault…_

Despite her hatred for Vincent she could not feel any ill feelings toward the child she carried.

It was a victim as much as she had been.

She sprang from the couch with every noise outside, fearful Vincent would return and she would be forced to return with him.

Finally, she went to the kitchen and made tea, needing warmth.

He wanted more than anything to scream at her but knew they shouldn't raise their voices in front of Caleb.

He hated her for the deception.

She had led him to believe they had a future.

_She was just using me to get away from Vincent…_

_She gets herself in a mess and tries to get me in the middle of it…_

_Probably wanted to pass the baby off as mine…_

_Just like Lizzie…_

He leaned back into the bed, grabbing the other pillow as he stifled the few sobs that escaped.

He had loved Sara the moment he first saw her in the seminar.

Even though he knew he couldn't have her, it had been enough to be near her.

When they had gotten carried away he had truly felt a glimpse of heaven in her arms only to embrace hell once she left.

He loved Caleb more than anything and was not about to give him up.

He remembered her offer to relocate to Vegas.

_Is she trying to use Caleb as a pawn?_

_Does she think that will get whatever she wants?_

_It won't!_

He took a deep breath, stifling down another sob.

He couldn't afford to lose his son just as he'd found him.

He'd fallen in love with Caleb the moment he held him.

_I won't be separated from Caleb…_

_I'll do anything for my son…_

_And she probably knows that…_

_He's my flesh and blood…_

_And Sara is his mother…_

He couldn't deny his feelings for Sara but he stomped them down, not heeding what his heart yearned to do.

He also knew he would not allow the likes of Vincent Andrews to hurt her.

A few hours before daylight, he emerged from the bedroom.

She sat on the couch, holding one of Caleb's blankets.

He busied himself making coffee.

"You need to talk with an attorney," he said using a familiar tone.

It was a work tone; one without emotion.

She had never cared for the tone. "It's unlikely the judge can force you to remain here."

"He's never going to leave…us alone," she whispered.

Her eyes shot up when she heard the coffee pot hit the stove with a jar.

"There is no "us." I am doing this for my child…and as the mother of my child….but there is no "us.""

It was harsh and rather hateful.

Her eyes misted but then a look of defiance replaced the frightened look.

"There never was," she shot back. "I was referring to myself and my unborn child."

Grissom turned away. "I'm not leaving my son…in this mess."

She swallowed, not liking that she would need to ask for his help. "I need a place to stay. You said you had this leased for another month or so?"

"Yes but…"

"You…can take Caleb…back to Vegas...with you."

He was surprised by the offer.

"You would just let him go…just like that?" he asked.

Sara looked at her sleeping child. "He'll be safe…with you."

"What do you plan to do?"

"I'll stay here…talk with the dean…try to finish out the semester…I'll figure out something."

She could not seem to stop the tears at the thought of being separated from her son.

He sat down in the chair across from her.

"You can come back to Vegas."

"He's not going to let me leave the state!"

"Sara, he can't stop you," griped Grissom.

"You…you don't know Vincent. Take Caleb and leave….please."

The defiant look was once again replaced with fear and he wondered what Vincent had done to strike such fear in her.

Her eyes pleaded with him to accept what she was offering.

It made him rethink his feelings toward the situation.

She clearly was not trying to use Caleb as a pawn.

She feared for his safety and was willing to let Grissom take him.

He could not get the bruises out of his mind or the fear in her eyes.

He'd never seen Sara frightened of anything and she was clearly frightened of Vincent.

"We'll talk with an attorney this morning," he finally said.

He took the suitcases and placed them on the bed.

"Get dressed," he urged as he stepped out.

He had already showered and dressed hours ago, not able to sleep.

She stepped into the bathroom, showering quickly.

The warm water felt good and she wanted to linger there but she knew Caleb would be up soon.

Grissom cursed when he realized he had left his phone on the dresser.

He stepped into the bedroom, reaching for it when he noticed the bathroom door open.

She stood there still damp from the shower.

She gasped through a sob as she tried to compose herself.

His eyes narrowed at the sight of the bruises on her body.

She grabbed a towel as soon as she heard footsteps but it could not conceal what she was trying to hide.

"Did he do this?" he yelled.

Her body was riddled with bruises.

"Stop yelling," she cried as she grabbed a robe and attempted to cover herself, wincing from the pain.

He took a deep breath, forcing himself to calm down.

He could not bear the thought of the pain she endured at the hands of Vincent Andrews.

"Did he beat you?" he asked softly.

She nodded, feeling ashamed for having to admit it.

"Did you…report this?" he asked.

She shook her head.

"Why? Why would you let him treat you like this?" he cursed.

"Sometimes it is better to flee than it is to fight…I had Caleb and…the baby to consider…one mistake…and…" she didn't finish.

"Sara…"

"He has friends here in the police department…I don't. As soon as I could get out of the house without him following, I came here. I was just trying…to go home…to Vegas," she choked.

She sat down on the edge of the tub.

He warred with his emotions as he stood there trying not to react to the tears.

It was difficult as she pulled the robe tight about her body.

"We'll get an attorney. We'll get the petition dropped," he urged.

She nodded but her expression told him she did not believe it.

He reached out to help her up but she recoiled.

He stepped back, letting her pass.

She sat there holding Caleb as he played in the attorney's office.

"Ms. Sidle?" called the receptionist. "Mr. Cramer will see you now."

They sat down side by side. Caleb reached for Grissom and he took him.

The chairs were much too close and Sara eased away from Grissom's trying to give them space.

"I was able to get a copy of the order from the court," he stated as he glanced at her and then the order.

"Ms. Sidle…have you ever drank excessively?" he asked.

"I'm pregnant. I don't drink."

"According to Mr. Andrews, you've been drinking excessively since you got pregnant even though he has insisted that you stop."

"That's not true."

"Have you…threatened to take your life…as well as your son's?" he asked.

"No!"

"Mr. Cramer, Mr. Andrews is trying to hold Ms. Sidle here against her will. She wants to return to Vegas where she has full time employment with the Las Vegas Crime Lab."

"You are?"

"I'm Gil Grissom…I'm Caleb's father."

"You used to work…for Mr. Grissom…is that right?"

Sara gripped the chair. "None of this has anything to do with the allegations made by Vincent. He wants to keep me here in this state…where I do not wish to remain."

"Ms. Sidle…I'm just asking questions that his attorney is going to ask."

Grissom bristled. "Can the judge force Sara to remain here until the child is born?"

"It's possible…then custody of the minor child could be settled…"

"He's not getting this child," she warned. "I won't let him."

Grissom's hand rested on hers, trying to calm her.

"Vincent Andrews is a violent man. He's left physical bruising on Sara," stated Grissom.

"Did you file a report?" he asked.

"I wanted to leave town," she began. "I didn't report it."

"Ms. Sidle…as the father of your unborn child, he has the right…"

"He's not the father of Sara's unborn…I am," said Grissom.

Sara froze.

"Do you have any proof?" asked the attorney.

"Does he have any proof?" retorted Grissom.

"The court hearing has been scheduled for tomorrow morning," he said. "You'll need to pay the retainer fee as you leave."

She reached for her purse but Grissom paid for it, shifting Caleb in his arms.

They picked up some groceries to last a few days, returning to the house.

Grissom played with Caleb for a few hours and then placed him for a nap.

He tried to be quiet as he made his way into the kitchen but she rose from the couch.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you," he said. "You could…sleep in the bed. I'll take the couch."

She shook her head as she sat up.

"Sara tomorrow is going to be a long day. I suggest you try to get as much sleep as you can."

Caleb stirred and she picked him up.

He cuddled into her shoulder, taking her hair into his hands

She sat down on the couch, holding him.

"I can take him," he offered.

"I just want to hold him…for awhile," she said.

Grissom glanced at the clock.

It would be morning soon and neither had slept.

She had been particularly quiet and he wondered if she were in pain.

The bruises were indicative of a violent confrontation.

"Take the bed…lie down… with Caleb," he urged taking her by the arm and pulling her off the couch.

He tried to ignore the fact that she flinched when his hand gently touched her arm.

She took the baby and stretched out.

He lingered in the doorway, watching how gentle she was with Caleb.

He tried to scoot off the bed but Grissom blocked him by lying on the other side.

Sara's hand patted the baby's back as Caleb slowly returned to sleep.

Her eyes closed, not wanting to give Grissom an opportunity to ask more questions.

He had been very supportive but she knew he was only doing it because of Caleb.

He had made that perfectly clear.

He also wanted nothing to do with her or the baby.

His spiteful words still rattled in her brain.

"_Did you think I would just accept the baby as mine?"_

As much as she loved Grissom, she would not allow any man to reject one of her children.

Her feelings for this unborn were as strong as her feelings for Caleb.

Her other hand shot to her abdomen, as if to reassure the life inside her that it was wanted.

Note from author:

Yikes, that chapter didn't end much better either. Oh well, leave a review so we can move on. Sorry for the late review but I just got home from ball practice. The April Fool's joke backfired. MY computer actually did freeze up and I couldn't get access earlier in the day....needless to say I have made a back up of the story just in case. LOL

Take care!


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen:**

**Tough Choices to Make**

They sat in court.

Grissom held Caleb as Sara sat beside the attorney.

Sara gripped her seat as the opposing attorney painted a rather bleak picture of her.

Her attorney presented their side however the judge did not look pleased.

"Your honor, Vincent Andrews is not the father of Ms. Sidle's unborn child. Mr. Grissom states he is the father of both children," informed her attorney.

Vincent cursed and whispered to his attorney.

"Your honor, Mr. Andrews has been living with Ms. Sidle for over a year. He has been the primary male figure in Caleb's life. Until a few months ago, Dr. Grissom was married...and by the age of the child, Caleb, it's obvious he had an affair with Ms. Sidle, his own employee, not bothering to care about his invalid wife. Their problems did not begin until a few months ago when Mr. Grissom reappeared after a two year absence from Ms. Sidle's life as well his son's life. It's not fair to expect my client to not only give up Caleb but his own unborn child for Ms. Sidle to return to...that kind of life...Vegas. There is no way Mr. Grissom fathered this unborn child. A simple amniocentesis will be able to settle the dispute."

"Amnio?" whispered Sara nervously.

"Your honor, my client does not wish to put her unborn at risk…"

"Oh come on," griped the opposing attorney. "The risks are minimal. He has a right to protect his child and it would not be in the child's best interest if she were permitted to leave the state."

The judge eyed Sara.

"Ms. Sidle you have two choices. You can submit to the medical procedure or you can remain in the state of California until the birth of the child. At that point Mr. Andrews can submit to a paternity test."

Grissom leaned forward. "Who completes the test?"

"The court has an agreement with the lab in Reno to process the D.N.A. results."

"Ms. Sidle what do you want to do?" asked Mr. Cramer.

Grissom's hand rested on Sara's shoulder.

She turned with unshed tears.

"Take the amnio," he said.

"But…"

"Take the amnio," urged Grissom.

She slowly nodded to the attorney.

"Your honor, my client will submit to the test but we request a rush on the results so my client isn't further burdened by remaining here in this state."

"I'll make my decision as soon as I can review the results," ordered the judge.

Her legs felt like jelly as she followed Grissom to the car.

"Grissom…"

"Not now," he gritted as he drove them home.

She took the small child and set him down with some toys.

She turned needing to talk with him.

Accepting to take the amnio was only avoiding the inevitable.

"Grissom…"

"I need some air," he said as he left the house.

He pulled out his phone and dialed.

"Vanessa Rivers," he requested.

A familiar voice came on the line.

"Vanessa…Gil Grissom."

"It's been too long Gil. I didn't think you remembered that I hung up my field kit for something less…stressful. How are things?"

"I need to cash in a favor…a big one," he began.

"I never knew you to want favors returned."

"I've never been desperate…Vanessa, I'm going to ask a lot of you…but I have my reasons."

"I've always trusted you."

"You might not when you hear what I am about to ask you to do."

He walked back inside, in a foul mood, and she kept to herself.

She submitted to the procedure the following day, leaving Grissom to care for Caleb while they sat in the waiting area.

He was familiar with the procedure, but he still listened as the nurse ran through the risks and complications.

She followed the nurse back, glancing back toward Caleb before disappearing.

He had no idea why he felt the need to be there with her but he knew someone needed to remain with Caleb.

She stepped out later, almost rushing to leave the facility.

"The results….they'll send them to Mr. Cramer…I don't want to stay…for them," she pressed.

They were back at the house within an hour as if nothing had taken place.

She sat in the floor with Caleb as he played with his blocks.

The small child crawled into her lap and sat.

She read to him as Grissom sat nearby watching the interaction.

Slowly, she got up, leaving the baby to return playing with the blocks.

He was relieved when she finally went to the bedroom, knowing she needed to rest following the procedure but Caleb had been a little fussy, unsure in the change in his schedule.

She soothed him, whispering softly to him, reciting favorite books.

Once Caleb fell asleep, Grissom stepped into the room.

"Mr. Cramer should be calling soon," stated Grissom.

She nodded. "Gil…this is just prolonging the inevitable."

"I know…someone in the Reno lab…a close friend…that I can trust."

Her air came in ragged breaths. "What…are you saying?"

"I called in a favor," he said.

"No! Grissom…no…you can't…I won't let you compromise everything you've worked for…call them!"

"It's too late," he gritted.

She wanted to leave but not at the risk of Grissom's reputation.

If word got out, he would never be permitted to work in a lab again.

"Do you…know…what it is?" he asked. "A boy or a girl?"

"A girl," she breathed.

He opened his mouth and then shut it.

_I had a daughter, a beautiful baby girl…_

_But then it could have been anyone's…_

His stare was intense as if he was questioning how she could allow this to happen.

"This child…is mine. I…want it…just as much as I wanted Caleb. I won't put the sins of…" she choked. "It's innocent. It doesn't deserve to be hated or treated differently. I won't allow that."

Her choice of words was strange and he wanted to ask further but his cell rang and he stepped out of the room.

"Grissom."

"I sent the results," Vanessa stated.

Grissom was silent.

"I didn't take you up on the favor."

Grissom's pulse leaped into triple digits. "Vanessa, I really needed that favor."

"Vincent Andrews is not the father," whispered Vanessa. "There was no need to…do anything. Gil?"

"Are you sure? It was negative?" He asked as he glanced back into the room.

"Yes. There should be no reason for her to be detained…she can leave."

He clicked off the phone.

_How many men has she been with?_

_Vincent was played a fool…_

_I'm being played a fool…_

He stepped back into the room.

"The lab sent the results. The attorney will be calling," he said.

She nodded feeling guilty for what he had done for her.

"Don't worry…there was no need for me to claim…_your _child," his words dripped with venom.

She looked confused.

"Vincent Andrews is not the father," he snapped.

Sara's eyes widened.

"How many men have you slept with Sara?" he yelled.

She shook her head in denial.

Her phone rang.

"Pick it up," he ordered.

"Sidle," she whispered.

"Ms. Sidle, I spoke with the judge…he dismissed the petition. You're free to leave California," he said.

"What?"

"The test proved Vincent Andrews is not the father of your unborn. Ms. Sidle?"

"Yes?"

"You can leave."

She closed the phone.

Her eyes drifted to his.

"He said…we can leave. The tests…"

She gasped in pain. "Oh God," she choked.

"What's the matter Sara? Did you finally figure out who fathered **your** child?"

She shook her head over and over.

She wilted before his eyes in agony.

He looked away no longer caring to see her in pain.

"We can leave…in the morning," he breathed.

She scrambled off the bed, grabbing the few things that had been unpacked.

"We can leave…now," she cried, trying to repack the suitcases.

"It can wait…we can wait until morning," he said, not liking the way she looked.

"No! We have to go…I don't want to be here anymore," she begged.

He stepped toward her. "Afraid someone else is going to step forward and…"

He caught her as she collapsed into hysteria.

"It's never going to end," she sobbed.

He cradled her in his arms as they lay there in the floor.

Her sobs tore at his heart.

"What happened, Sara?"

"_Vincent, I don't even like them," spat Sara. "I have to prepare for the mid- term exams."_

"_Don't be such a prude, Sara. Bill and Dian will be here at seven. Leave Caleb with Susan for the night."_

"_No."_

_Vincent grabbed her arm. "I've never asked you for anything. Can't you at least be nice for a few hours?"_

"_Look, this is not working out. I think it would be best if I moved out. I'll find…"_

"_Because of dinner guest?" he griped._

"_No because of this…you're angry…most of the time…I think it would be best if…I move out…"_

_The door bell rang._

"_It's them…Sara, have one drink and then you can get to your damn paperwork," he urged as he opened the door._

_Sara looked away as Bill's eyes practically unclothed her._

_She felt disgust, stepping into the kitchen._

_Vincent had already purchased a vegetable and fruit plate which was on the counter._

_She opened the lids, bringing them to the coffee table in the living room._

"_The bar is open," announced Vincent as he began taking drink orders._

"_Sara?"_

"_Just orange juice," she called out._

_He handed her the drink._

"_I've got movies," smiled Bill. _

_He slipped in the disc._

_Sara gulped at her drink, choking on the alcohol._

_She glared at Vincent._

"_Porn," she questioned._

_She glanced at the video and noticed that it was a home movie of Bill and Dian._

"_Isn't she hot?" Bill asked, grinning as he groped at his wife while she laughed at his lewd gesture._

"_If you will excuse me," said Sara as she finished the drink, handing it to Vincent and ascended the stairs._

_Bill grinned at Vincent._

_She threw her briefcase onto the desk in disgust, glancing at her watch._

_She had no intention of leaving Caleb overnight with Susan._

_There was a tap at her door and she fumed._

"_Vincent…I'm not coming back down," she said._

"_I don't expect you to," he said through the door. "I fixed you a plate."_

_She opened the door, taking the plate._

"_Sorry…I forgot you're not into that," he said._

_She staggered a bit._

"_Are you okay?" he asked, grabbing her by the arms._

"_Something…not right," she slurred._

_He kissed her._

"_Just relax, Sara. You're going to enjoy this…I promise."_

_She felt herself being lifted and then darkness._

_She woke tied to the bed._

"_Vincent?"_

_His hand stroked her hair, letting it glide down her nude body._

"_You're so beautiful, Sara."_

_She could not see him as she lay on her stomach. _

_She twisted her hands but could not get the restraints loose._

_She cursed when she felt him enter him._

_She struggled but then the drug took hold and she lay there unable to resist._

_She could feel what he was doing to her but she was powerless to object._

_She lost consciousness, grateful for the means of escape._

_He finished, letting his body lay on hers, as he tried to catch his breath._

_He rolled off._

"_Sara?"_

_She could not respond._

_Bill stepped into the doorway._

"_Did it work?" he chuckled._

"_Yes…she didn't put up a fight. She's very high spirited. It was best fuck I've ever had."_

"_No, the best fuck is waiting for you in your room. Go try her out."_

_Vincent looked confused._

"_Dian and I are swingers…we don't mind. Go and take a sample."_

"_Sara and I…we don't…do that."_

"_No problem. I'll just go downstairs and finish watching the tape…Dian will be disappointed if she doesn't get to be with you. She's been attracted to you for weeks."_

_Vincent wavered._

"_Go. She'll sleep for hours."_

_Vincent ran down the steps._

_Bill leaned over, chuckling when he heard Dian's screams._

_He unzipped his pants and pulled Sara onto her knees._

_Later when he finished, he whispered into Sara's ear "Not bad…Sara Jane…not bad."_

"I remembered fragments…it took me weeks to figure out what Vincent did…I didn't know…about…Bill until…now," she cried.

He held her tight against him as she sobbed.

There was no reason for her to lie about such a horrendous event.

He had never seen her so vulnerable.

He was still angry but it cooled realizing it had not been her fault.

He could not fathom the pain she had endured over the past few months at the hands of Vincent while she struggled to come to terms with the pregnancy.

Most women would have aborted the fetus, not wishing to be reminded of the violent act.

Sara was fiercely protective of Caleb as well as her unborn.

He wanted to kill Vincent as well as this Bill Thornton.

They had gotten away with rape.

It angered him that she had not reported it but then it would have been her word against theirs.

His hand stroked her hair, gently rocking her back and forth as if he were comforting Caleb.

"I want to go…home…please," she begged.

"Sara…the amnio…sleep a few hours," he urged.

"I'll sleep in the car," she said, struggling to get to her feet.

They were on the road within an hour.

Sara slept through most of the drive, shifting from time to time in the seat but she seemed more at ease the further they drove.

The drive took longer because of the stops but he stopped regularly, worried for her health.

He had no idea what lay in store for them.

He was returning with a new son, a woman who ran through his veins and an unborn child he prayed no one would claim.

Note from author:

Well, they are headed back to Vegas. I am not sure if I will be able to post tonight. I will do my best....ball practice again. Of course I hurt myself climbing out on the roof to put screens on the windows....ugh!

Take care!


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen:**

**A Partnership Established**

He unlocked the townhouse, letting them step in as he collected the suitcases.

The first hour was figuring out sleeping arrangements.

Sara insisted on sleeping on the couch with Caleb's crib nearby but Grissom objected, placing the crib into the master bedroom.

"I don't mind the couch," he protested.

She objected profusely but he refused to budge.

"I know this can only be temporary," he said as he looked around.

"I'll need some time but in a month I can…look for an apartment."

"Sara…we need to talk…about…living arrangements."

"Living arrangements?"

"I want Caleb to live with me."

Her brown eyes were like saucers at the implications as she fumbled through bags absent mindedly.

Her heart beat out of sync and she braced herself.

"I've already missed….so much. I want to be with him every day," he added.

_So do I…_

She nodded in understanding but it still hurt, knowing that they each wanted to live with Caleb.

It was just too much too soon.

She was still trying to come to terms with the baby's paternity, fearful of whether Bill would find out, staking a claim to her daughter and now she was about to lose Caleb.

He finally blurted. "I want us to live as a family."

"Caleb…is my family too! I never knew what it felt like to have a family until…him," she choked.

He realized she had misunderstood remembering when he had adamantly told her there would be no "us."

"I meant…you and I…could live together," he managed to get out, not wanting it to sound so desperate but he was.

He didn't want to spend another day away from his son.

"Us?"

"If we live together then it will be easier for Caleb."

_He's willing to let me stay too…_

She nodded quickly fearful he would change his mind.

"So…you agree?"

"Yes."

Somehow she felt there was a 'but" in his tone.

"We'll have separate rooms…separate…lives but…we'll share in the decision making when it comes to….our son."

She was still on her own but at least she and the baby would have a roof over their head and she would be with Caleb.

It was more than enough.

There was no more fear of looking over her shoulder or arguments or fights.

Vincent Andrews was out of her life.

"I've checked with a realtor. He's looking for a house with at least three bedrooms…hopefully four."

"Four?"

"They could share a room for awhile but…eventually they would need a room of their own."

She swallowed, nodding, unable to speak.

He was considering the welfare of her child and she was thankful.

It also indicated he was thinking in terms of long term rather than short term.

He went into work mode, calling his realtor, looking at houses while Sara tried to convince herself that this was really happening.

They were building a life for her children.

She had savings left.

While she would be without a source of income for awhile, it was enough to cover her meager expenses.

Her medical insurance was paid up through the end of the pregnancy so there was no fear of having to ask Grissom for anything.

There was still the car payment and insurance.

She would not be able to contribute much but she was determined to pay something on the down payment of the house.

She knew she would suffer a huge penalty but she could cash in what little bit of stocks she had remaining to come up with some additional cash.

She desperately needed a job and was willing to do anything.

He did not mention returning to the lab and she wondered when that would happen.

She slumped down on the stool at the counter.

Grissom turned as he placed a cup of tea in front of her.

"He's asleep?"

"Yes…he's excited…about the butterfly display."

Grissom grinned. "He's going to be an entomologist."

"He'd liked to pluck their wings off but he can't seem to figure out how to get into the case."

Grissom chuckled.

"When…were you…planning to return to the lab?" she asked.

"I wanted to get us settled into the house," he replied.

Each time he said "us" it sounded promising but then the look in his eyes told her it was business.

"I didn't know if I should call the lab or…I don't think anyone knows we're…here," she said.

"Brass knows. I called him the other night."

"You did?"

"Just checking on some things," he admitted. "Sara…there are no positions open at this time."

"Oh," she said, sounding disappointed. "I'll start looking and…"

"You think you should? Caleb is…We need to consider…his care."

He was also concerned about Sara's ability to work during the pregnancy.

There were risks of contamination at every crime scene.

"I'm not sure…they would hire you…because of the pregnancy."

"I worked the entire time I was pregnant with Caleb. I went into labor during finals. I graded papers while I was in the hospital."

"There's…a difference in working at the lab and…teaching."

She didn't think they would pass over a seasoned worker due to a pregnancy.

She refused to let him know that she was worried about finances.

"I'll look at the want ads…maybe there is something I can find…even if it is part time until…after the baby is born."

"You could consider…working at UNLV."

"The semester has already started and I doubt…I'll check into it," she agreed.

"I'd like for us to come to an agreement," he said.

"Agreement?"

"Sara…my private life…is…"

"You don't….want…anyone to know about Caleb?"

"No! Caleb is my son…I'm not ashamed of him…but people will ask questions."

"It is none of their business. Besides, questions do not have to be answered."

"Our…discussions…remain private between us."

"Grissom, I've never discussed…anything with the others…no one knew about Lizzie…or Caleb. I never said…anything."

He knew she was telling the truth.

The team was blindsided when Lizzie died.

Catherine appeared to be the most affected by the secrecy.

"I won't…discuss…what happened in San Francisco with anyone," he offered.

She nodded feeling her cheeks turn a crimson red.

She turned to retreat to another part of the house but he blocked her path.

"I only…ask for…trust. I hate lies. I won't….tolerate…Caleb being exposed to…other…"

"Men?" she finished.

His eyes turned dark. "This is going to require a lot of trust on both of our parts. It's a partnership."

"I…don't like lies either…or false accusations. Caleb was never exposed to…I never knew what kind of people Bill and Dian were or I never would have agreed to be around them that night…and Caleb wasn't there! I didn't even like Vincent but I had to wait until the contract ended. I just couldn't move out…not on my meager salary as an assistant professor. Vincent…he…was just pushy to have a relationship…nothing more…I never thought…he gave me reason to think that he would…"

She stopped taking a deep breath. "I never thought he would do such a thing. By then…Lizzie had died and I was trying frantically to come up with a way to introduce you to your son…without being pushy myself…letting you grieve while dealing with the pregnancy!"

She gulped, stepping away from him.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't implying…this is new to me, Sara. I've never lived with someone…shared a house…shared a child. Being married was…different."

"I wouldn't know!" she spat. "This isn't…despite what you think, I never planned on being a single parent….but now maybe you know why I wore a fake ring," she seethed as she grabbed Caleb's bag and retreated to the bedroom.

He wanted to kick himself.

He never intended to make her angry.

He tried to imagine what was going through her mind when she discovered she was pregnant by a married man.

She could have come to him and he would have acknowledged the child but then their relationship would have been exposed and she or both of them would have lost their jobs.

She did what she thought was best by relocating to another state, taking with her any evidence of his infidelity.

He had not admitted it but he did fear they would reject Sara's application because of their past indiscretion.

Since she had left the lab after it had happened, there was very little they could do to him but frankly he didn't care.

He was proud of his son and he would not have anyone label him as a "love" or "bastard" child.

This brought about another dilemma for him as well as Sara.

He needed to ensure Caleb's birth certificate was legal.

Most states allowed a single mother to list the father of the child but without his signature, it was not really binding.

He intended to correct that immediately.

Then, there was the matter of Sara's unborn child.

There would be questions and he did not know what she wanted to tell the others.

They would need to be on a united front about the matter.

This meant he would have to bring up the baby and he wasn't sure whether Sara was prepared to talk about it.

She had been destroyed by the amnio results, unable to move for over an hour, but lay in the floor with his urgency to tell him the truth and she had.

She could have kept it from him but she divulged the hideous actions by Vincent and what he had allowed to happen to Sara.

He felt somewhat responsible, knowing she had left Vegas in order to protect him.

The least he could do is protect her from the ugly truth of the baby's parentage.

He tapped on the bedroom door.

"I'm sorry…for the way that came out," he began.

"You won't have to worry…about other men," she gritted.

He deserved the jab and he let it go.

"Sara…I'm trying to protect our privacy…as well Caleb."

"I appreciate that."

"People are going to ask questions…pry into our personal lives…I just wanted us on the same page."

She exhaled loudly. "I've never told…anyone…anything. I don't plan to talk about us or Caleb."

"Have you thought about…what you're going to say when they asked you about…the baby?"

Her eyes lit up but then dulled.

He missed the sparkle that used to be in her eyes.

"She's mine…that's all I am going to say…about her."

He nodded still not knowing how he would react when asked about Sara's pregnancy.

He knew they would most likely assume that he was the father and well, he wasn't sure how he or even Sara would react to that.

"Grissom?"

He turned.

"Thank you for letting me stay here with Caleb. I've never been away from him. I'll do whatever you ask."

She was sincere and it made him feel like a heel.

She didn't have to stay.

She could have taken Caleb and moved into an apartment.

She had more rights over Caleb than he did and yet she did not act that way, considering him as an equal.

Perhaps it was the circumstances of the custody dispute with Vincent that made her wary of attempting to take Caleb.

At the moment he was just thankful she wasn't pushing to move out.

She seemed too fragile these days and he really didn't want to fight over something they both cherished.

"I know…there'll be questions about Caleb…as well as the baby," he cautioned.

Her hands wrapped protectively around her midsection as her eyes shot to Caleb asleep in the crib.

She wasn't sure if she was ready for the questions.

"I'm very proud of Caleb," he urged.

She turned her back, pretending to be sifting through her things.

He stepped forward. "Sara…I know this isn't going to be easy."

"It never has been," she whispered, keeping her back to him as she tried to tap down the anxiety she felt.

"What do you plan to say…about her?"

"That…is my problem," she spat not sure why she was suddenly so angry.

He bristled from the tone. "I was only trying to help."

She sighed…sounding tired. "I'm sorry. It's just…I'll do whatever it takes to protect her…from…the truth."

He knew she would.

She wasn't going to answer a single question posed about the baby.

The realtor located a house and they took a walk through to see if it met their needs.

It was in a nice neighborhood and was close to UNLV.

Caleb dragged his stuffed toy as he toddled through the downstairs.

Sara ventured upstairs, where three of the four bedrooms were.

The master bedroom was on the main floor next to the study.

She slowly walked through each bedroom, noting things that would need to be changed.

The bedrooms needed a fresh coat of paint but overall it was a nice house with plenty of space for a child or two to run and play outside.

She caressed her abdomen, feeling more protective of the baby whose existence was sure to bring her past under fire.

She loved this baby and refused to give in to the pain of her conception.

She felt a kindred spirit with her daughter.

Her father had been volatile and yet Sara was nothing like her father.

She resembled her mother but her Sidle smile came from her father as well as the tall lanky body.

She wondered if her daughter would look like her or…

She didn't care.

She would protect her daughter from the horrors, praying she could provide a better family life than her mother had provided for her.

At least Grissom was a good father to Caleb.

She took solace that she would not have to worry about her son.

She had enough worries with herself and her unborn.

He halted at the top of the stairs, leaving the realtor to watch Caleb in the back yard.

He watched as she caressed her abdomen, as if trying to soothe the fears written on her face.

She turned and his presence startled her.

"What do you think?" he asked.

"It's nice," she admitted, feeling a bit nauseous.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yes…where is Caleb?" she asked quickly.

"He's fine. He's in the back yard…the realtor wanted us to talk it over…she's watching him."

"How much?" she asked.

"Three hundred and twenty thousand," he said.

She would never have considered a house in this price range.

It was a very nice house but she worried about the cost as well as providing her share.

_Equal partners…._

_I can't afford a house like this…_

"We could keep looking. I'm sure there are cheaper houses, perhaps a fixer upper wouldn't be a bad idea," she offered. "I can paint and…"

"I can afford this….it'll be tight for awhile until the townhouse sells but…"

"Maybe we should wait…until the townhouse does sell and…"

"It would be better for Caleb…if we got settled immediately."

He also knew he didn't want to move right after the baby was born, not sure how they would fit in the townhouse anyway.

"I uhm…I was thinking of something a little cheaper. I couldn't match…I can't afford this right now."

"I don't expect you too!" he said quickly, embarrassed that he had not made himself clear about the purchase of the house. "Sara, I'm buying the house…for us."

She turned away, not sure whether she liked the arrangement but it was a nice house.

"Are you sure?" she finally asked trying to squash down her pride.

She'd been on her own at a very tender age.

She'd gotten jobs to pay for what her scholarships did not cover and had done quite well.

Of course, it was just herself and she wasn't picky about the small apartment or used furniture much less the used clothing she bought for herself.

"Yes."

His reply made her snap back, turning to face him.

"Have you talked with the realtor about a down payment?"

"I was going to offer twenty thousand," he said.

"Offer them thirty...I have ten thousand."

"You don't have to do that…keep your savings."

"We're supposed to be partners…while I can't match…twenty I can come up with ten thousand."

He didn't think she would go through with purchasing the house unless he allowed her to help.

It felt odd.

He had never discussed finances with Lizzie, knowing she had no concept about managing money.

He appreciated Sara's offer to step down to a lower priced house but he had saved some money over the years, despite the enormous medical expenses he had endured because of Lizzie.

He had not expected Sara to pay anything toward the house, having covered Caleb's expenses for the past two years.

It only seemed fair that he would come up with the down payment and now provide for his child.

He also knew Sara's pride.

She had been on her own since she was sixteen, having been released from foster care in order to attend college at an early age.

She was a survivor and he hoped her survival instincts were strong enough to overcome the deep scars of the rape and abuse by Vincent.

It bothered him that she did not seem happy when he told the realtor they would take the house.

He looked around once more, not sure whether this was the right house or not.

He thought she liked it but then Lizzie had never been satisfied with their home.

He was in a foul mood the remainder of the day as he called banks, making the loan arrangements.

Sara set about notifying a bank to cash in the stocks, ignoring the lecture on penalties.

She was determined to have the ten thousand ready when they purchased the house.

Within weeks, they were moving into their new home.

Sara chose the room at the top of the stairs, choosing the next room for Caleb and then the room across from him for the baby.

Grissom took the master bedroom by default but they reasoned it was for the best since he would be coming in at odd hours and the children would not wake him while he slept during the day.

There was painting to do as well as the purchasing of furniture.

They were trying to be mindful of money and so kept the spending to a minimum.

She refused any input when it came to purchasing anything new, wanting to look at used furniture stores for what they needed.

He refused, purchasing new furniture for Caleb's room.

There was the matter of moving Grissom's furniture to the new house.

They arranged to get a moving van in a few days but needed to paint and clean before the move could happen.

There was also the matter of the few possessions she owned that were in a storage building.

The pieces of furniture would have to be blended together.

Both were not sure how it would work….the furniture as well as this new partnership.

Note from author:

Only post for the day folks. I have a child sick and will be gone part of the day.

Take care!


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter Twenty:**

**Putting the Pieces Together**

"Grissom is back?" asked Nick.

Brass picked up his coffee cup.

He had called them to Frank's.

"Yes…he and…Sara."

"Sara is back?" smiled Greg.

"Yes…Grissom brought Sara….and Caleb….back…to live with him."

"Caleb? Who is Caleb?" asked Catherine.

"Grissom's son," announced Warrick.

They gawked.

"You knew?" asked Catherine to Warrick.

"I stopped off to see Sara after following up on a lead on my case…and I saw him."

"You said you didn't see Sara," griped Nick.

"I didn't. I saw Caleb…with Sara," explained Warrick. "I thought Grissom should know."

"Wait…he didn't know he had a son? How old is Caleb?" asked Catherine.

"Seventeen or eighteen months old," provided Brass.

There was a silence as calculations flew through their brains.

"Look, I'm telling you because Grissom was upset when we kept…he didn't like the condolences…us getting into his personal life," sighed Brass.

"So…we don't congratulate him on his son? We just pretend we don't notice the big pink elephant in the room?" griped Catherine.

"This isn't going to be easy for them…they just bought a house and…"

"So they're living together?" asked Greg.

"Yes."

Silence ensued.

"They bought a house…near Doc…a nice subdivision near UNLV," stated Brass.

"He is coming back…right?" questioned Catherine.

"Yes….Sara isn't."

Greg seemed disappointed.

"They felt it was best…due to the pregnancy if…"

"Sara is pregnant again?" they chimed in.

"Over four months…I didn't want to ask too many questions."

Catherine eyed Brass.

He refused to make eye contact as he continued to sip on his coffee.

"Gil was a workaholic…until he took that leave," threw out Catherine.

"You're meddling with something that is none of our business," spat Nick.

Catherine glared at him. "Grissom…was teetering on a nervous breakdown. I want to know who is pulling his strings this time…he is not going to be walked on like some…"

"We're talking about Sara here!" yelled Warrick. "She has never done anything…"

They hushed as the other patrons began to stare.

Catherine whispered. "She had no business…not telling Grissom about…what's his name…Caleb….especially since she knew about Lizzie and their baby…long before we did."

"See why I'm telling you now?" asked Brass. "Get it out of your system before we go over to their house."

"Did they invite us over?" asked Catherine.

"No…but they need help. They need to clean the new house and do some painting…then move Grissom's things over."

"I can help," offered Warrick.

"Count me in," chimed in Nick and Greg.

Catherine sulked for a moment. "Does he look like Grissom?"

"Miniature Grissom," smiled Warrick.

Catherine glared at Brass.

"I've only communicated by phone," he shot at Catherine.

This seemed to appease her.

The door bell rang that morning, startling them since they had just walked into the house, having gotten a late start from the townhouse.

Grissom was shocked to find the team.

"We just got off shift…no dead bodies are unaccounted for," announced Catherine.

"Oh…okay," replied Grissom.

"Can we come in?" she asked.

Grissom opened the door wide.

There were hellos and hugs.

Caleb was passed around several times, finally ending in Grissom's arms.

Sara felt naked standing there with nothing to hide her abdomen.

"So…can you show me the house?" asked Catherine.

"Uh sure," said Sara.

The women disappeared as the team huddled around Grissom.

"Okay boss. How can we help?" Warrick.

"It was nice of you to come…but you need to go home and sleep before shift," he instructed.

Caleb blew a spit bubble and then giggled as he attempted to give Grissom a wet kiss.

"Nothing like baby drool," chuckled Greg.

"Did I ever tell you that before I got a job with the lab I used to work for a construction company?" asked Nick. "I was their best painter."

There was a pause as the guys waited for Grissom to reply.

"The upstairs bedrooms need painting," announced Grissom.

"Great! I'll get started," stated Nick as he took off.

"I'm with him," said Greg.

Warrick reached over and patted the baby.

"Rick…thank you," whispered Grissom.

"I'm just glad to see Sara home…where she belongs," he said with a smile.

"Do you have any idea how to put a crib together?" asked Grissom.

Warrick chuckled. "You read out the directions and I'll fumble my way through it."

Catherine listened as Sara pointed out the designated rooms upstairs.

They let Nick and Greg pass as they grabbed the paint.

Sara stepped into one of the room's. "This paint goes in here."

"Caleb's room," announced Greg.

"Yes," smiled Sara.

Nick picked up a can of paint. "Sunshine yellow?"

"Next room," instructed Sara. "The baby's…room."

"Boy?" asked Catherine.

"Girl," announced Sara, now realizing they knew she was pregnant.

"I like yellow," stated Nick.

"So…what color are you going to paint this room?" asked Catherine.

"I just wanted to make sure these rooms were done…mine can wait," she added.

No one reacted.

Catherine followed her down the stairs.

Catherine's eyes glanced back at the guys.

"Did she say her room?" whispered Greg.

"Maybe she just wants to be near the children…Grissom's working graveyard…it makes sense to have another bedroom where he can sleep," defended Nick.

"Kids or no kids…I'd sleep with my wife," whispered Greg.

'They're not married," reminded Nick.

"Yeah…why is that? Sara deserves to have a ring on her finger…just as much as that woman he was married to," huffed Greg.

"They'll get there…it just takes time," replied Nick.

Sara knew Catherine wanted to ask about the separate living arrangements.

She hadn't meant to let it slip but then she figured they would notice when the possessions were placed in the rooms.

"Grissom's room…is going to be down here…more quiet…less likely…"

Catherine tried to put her at ease. "Lindsey could wake the neighbors when she wailed. There is no safe haven from a baby's wrath."

"Caleb…Caleb was a quiet baby….maybe…this one…will be…also."

"No name picked out yet?" asked Catherine.

"No…I haven't."

"Catherine is a good name," she announced.

Sara went silent then they both smiled.

"So…what can I do?" asked Catherine.

She didn't expect Catherine to clean.

She certainly wasn't going to ask her.

Catherine picked up a rag. "What needs cleaning?"

"That's not necessary. I can do this," balked Sara.

"I'd refuse if this were a crime scene…give me something to do."

"You can take the kitchen. I'll get the bath rooms."

"That's fair….wait, you better let me. There should be a law against pregnant women bending over toilets to clean them."

"Especially after…morning sickness," groaned Sara.

"We have to compare horror stories," stated Catherine as she took the cleaning supplies from Sara's hands and headed to the master bathroom.

They ordered pizza to feed them, sending them off within a few hours.

Catherine was reluctant to leave, having spent an hour playing with Caleb.

"Lindsey and I can babysit…remember that," she offered.

"Thanks," stated Sara.

Two days later the guys assisted Grissom with the furniture while Sara directed them.

By that evening they were completely exhausted.

Grissom had fallen asleep on the couch while Warrick hooked up the television.

"Thanks…Rick for everything," Sara whispered.

"When he wakes, tell him channel 49 is the baseball channel," grinned Warrick.

She put Caleb to bed, smiling over the crib that was finally together.

She put the portable in the garage.

She stepped into the baby's room and saw that a large rocking chair had been placed in the room.

Except for the chair, the room was bare.

The sunshine yellow felt warm.

She recognized the rocker as the one that used to sit near the fire place in the townhouse.

"I had the guys to bring it up here…we had enough furniture downstairs," he explained.

She was surprised he had managed to walk up the stairs without being heard.

She stepped out of the room, intending to go downstairs.

"Have you…seen your room?" he asked.

She opened the door and noticed that it had been freshly painted.

"Nick thought it would look nice," he said.

"I'll have to thank Nicky."

When she left for San Francisco, she had put her furniture in storage since Professor Abram's house was fully furnished except for the baby furniture.

When she left San Francisco, she had left everything behind, taking only their clothing.

Her old bedroom furniture now sat in the room.

He gazed into the room.

He still remembered seeing it for the first time when he had made love to her and they had created Caleb.

They walked through the house, making mental notes of things left undone.

They sat down at the table.

It had been the one new piece of furniture besides the furnishings in Caleb's room.

"The gang…has been great," said Sara.

"Sara…I didn't tell them…anything."

"I think Jim prepared them for us…they didn't seemed too shocked."

"Catherine hasn't asked too many questions," sighed Grissom.

"No… she hasn't," admitted Sara.

"Are you going to name…the baby after her?" he asked.

Sara smiled. "I felt stupid…I had picked out Caleb's name…within a week or so."

"Where did you get the name?"

She smiled. "I was waiting to be interviewed by Professor Abrams and there was this book lying on the bench…I think it was entitled "Angel of Darkness"….anyway the author's name was…"

"Caleb Carr," finished Grissom.

"You know the author?" she asked.

"I've heard…about him."

"I didn't much care for the book but the name stuck."

He grinned. "I like the name. It's much better than…Gilbert."

She nodded.

"I've always been…partial to the name…Mikayla," he said.

"Mikayla?"

"There was this girl in my 5th grade class named Mikayla. When I talked to her, I got tongue tied so every night I would say her name over and over."

"Did it work?" she asked.

"No…she fell in love with the boy sitting beside her…she never looked at the boy behind her…me."

"Her loss," she said.

He grinned.

The next day he ventured into the lab.

He was still on leave but he wanted to get back into the swing of a routine, dreading when he would be sleeping during the day.

They acted as if he had never been gone and he wondered if Brass or Catherine had anything to do with it.

It helped, avoiding the awkward moments when he felt like he was being pumped for information.

The gossip mongers were still in business, being seen at every corner, waiting for a tidbit of information.

He kept tight lipped giving them little but speculations as to what was going on.

Most knew that Sara was now living with Grissom.

Most even knew about their son, Caleb.

There were even a few that knew Sara was pregnant.

The gossipers were eager to find out how long Sara and Grissom had been in a relationship.

Many thought that they had been involved in an ongoing relationship ever since Sara came to Vegas and that she had been forced to return to San Francisco by Grissom to hide the pregnancy.

This was the juiciest of gossip that floated among them.

Now, they wanted to know when Grissom was going to make Sara an honest woman since his wife was now dead.

Some said that he never wanted to marry her but was now confined to the relationship because of the child and Sara had only gotten pregnant once more to ensure he would not run from his responsibilities.

Some gossiped that Sara had been involved with a slew of men until Grissom had forced her to return to Vegas or lose their son in a custody battle.

Of course the pregnancy added another mystery as to who was really the father.

The gossip did not cease despite the threats made by Catherine or Brass.

Still, Grissom felt better as he walked through the lab.

Some things just didn't change.

Hodges was still Hodges.

He griped about the condition of things while Grissom had been away.

Grissom tuned him out while he scanned his surroundings.

Everything looked the same but it was different.

The heaviness he had felt all those years while he cared for Lizzie and loved Sara was gone.

Lizzie was finally a part of his past while Sara had returned.

He marveled at how easy Sara was in her role as a mother.

Caleb was a bright, happy little toddler.

She had done a wonderful job at caring for their son.

He sighed.

He dreamed of more than a partnership with Sara but he wasn't sure whether either of them was ready.

His heart longed to hold her while his brain warned him that she had withheld things in the past and was not to be trusted.

One thing was certain.

He didn't know how long he would be able to resist her.

He could no more deny himself her than he could deny himself air.

Sara Sidle ran through his veins.

There was no hope of changing that.

Note from author:

Thanks for the well wishes. My son is still sick....Have a wonderful Easter!

Take care!


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter Twenty One:**

**A Plan in Motion**

She was eager to talk with him when he returned home.

"I met a woman…two doors down," she began. "She used to babysit the child that lived here."

"You mean the child that put crayons in the vents?" he questioned.

She frowned. "Anyway…she offered to keep Caleb…when I start my job next week."

"Job?" he asked.

"I got a phone call from a Professor Williams. He's looking for someone to cover his classes for three weeks…maybe four."

He opened the peanut butter jar and started to stick his finger into it but she pulled the jar away, handing him a spoon.

He took it.

He licked the peanut butter off the spoon and attempted to dip it back into the jar but she quickly took it from his hand.

He frowned but she handed him a clean one.

"Germs," she announced.

He grinned.

This was the Sara Sidle he'd known all these years.

"I know what you're thinking…just a few weeks but…it could lead to other offers…and it's in forensics."

He was glad she was excited.

She had not seemed very excited about the new house and wondered if she worried about their finances.

Lizzie never worried about such details leaving it to him while she overspent, making his budgeting hell.

He'd seen the way she scanned the want ads.

He meant to talk with her about the budget but didn't think she was bothered.

Now, he wasn't so sure.

There was excitement along with desperation in her voice.

He knew she wanted his approval.

It wasn't like he could force her not to take the job.

In fact, he liked that she was discussing it with him.

"This woman," he began.

"Brass did a back ground check…clean," she added. "I checked with three other references including some of the neighbors."

He grinned. "You've been busy."

"So you think…I should take the job?" she asked.

"I think you'll do great," he reassured her, glad that she seemed relieved.

"You could…return to the lab…we're settled," she added.

They were settled.

There was no reason to remain at home except he liked spending time with them.

He surprised everyone when he walked into the lab the next night, picking up assignments.

"Are you back?" asked Ecklie.

"Yes, I am."

"How is…Sara? We heard…she's living with you."

Grissom knew he was fishing for information.

"She's well. Has Catherine completed the reports already?" he asked.

"Yes," he answered. "Congratulations…on your son."

"His name is Caleb. Sara and I are very proud of him."

"And I hear you're expecting another child?" he asked.

"Sara is pregnant."

He was glad when Catherine called for him.

He hurried down the hall.

"You looked like you needed rescuing," she whispered.

"Thanks," he murmured.

"So….you're back," she chirped.

"Yes…I heard you finished the reports for this month and thought it was a good time to return."

She hit him and he chuckled.

He couldn't wait to get home the next morning, slipping into Caleb's room to watch him sleep.

Sara caught sight of him standing in the doorway.

"How was shift?" she whispered.

"Not bad," he smiled. "He…looks so angelic…sleeping."

"He asked for you last night," she said. "He kept asking for dada."

Grissom smiled.

Caleb woke. "Dada!"

Grissom chuckled.

"See…he missed you."

She left the men alone as she went downstairs to prepare breakfast.

She was nervous on the first day of lecture.

She had changed clothes several times, attempting to find something that did not appear too tight.

Already her abdomen was getting larger and she worried it would hinder her ability to be a convincing professor.

She was running late as she hurried to the podium.

"I'm sorry but I'm learning I like to sleep late…perhaps it's from listening to Professor William's lecture tapes."

There were a few chuckles.

She opened her notes and began.

She did not notice the door open and Grissom stepped into the lecture hall, taking a seat at the top.

Just as she finished she caught sight of him.

He waited while students filed by her, making a comment here and there.

She picked up her things, throwing them into her briefcase.

He took the briefcase from her hand. "May I?"

He followed her as she stepped out of the lecture hall.

"You…came."

"I never got to hear your lecture in San Francisco."

A look of grief crossed her features briefly. "I had a great class."

"How is this one?" he asked.

"Too soon to see…but then I'm only going to be covering for three weeks…maybe four."

He was impressed with her lecture, watching as she drew the students into discussions.

He didn't like the way some of the males scurried around her, attempting to get her attention.

Some were not that much younger than Sara.

In fact, Sara was closer to their age than his.

He'd never been jealous in his life but he found himself, angry over the spectacle.

He had no claim over her.

They were merely sharing a house and raising their son.

There had been no declaration of love from him.

Still, he glared at the others, boldly standing by her side and escorting her to lunch.

He clearly staked his claim, letting the other men know Sara Sidle was very much taken.

As soon as they sat down in the small booth at the campus coffee shop, his eyes caught sight of the wedding ring.

"You're wearing it again," he murmured.

"Less questions," she breathed.

_Good…_

_They'll see it and stop falling at her feet…_

_It didn't stop Lizzie…_

He scowled when some of her students entered the café.

A young man waved and she smiled in his direction.

She glanced at his uneaten sandwich.

"Not hungry?" she asked.

"I lost my appetite," he grumbled.

He could not seem to help but notice the way the young men looked at her.

She talked about Dr. Williams as well as the other faculty staff, trying to draw him into the conversation but he seemed distant.

That evening, he went into the study, shutting the door.

She cooked dinner and then brought Caleb home.

He seemed happy to see Caleb, taking him into his arms.

She brushed it off, telling herself she needed to stop being paranoid.

They were getting along and his outbursts had been at a minimum.

She had thought to bring up counseling but she wasn't sure whether Grissom would be responsive to it.

She certainly wasn't but it had helped make her face some things she had long dismissed.

He insisted giving Caleb his bath and put the child to bed.

She kept to herself, trying to give him space.

She slipped downstairs to take a long bath.

While there was a full bath tub and shower upstairs, the downstairs was much bigger.

Normally she took a bath after he left for work but his behavior was puzzling and a good soak always seemed to help her think.

She grabbed her robe, stepping out of the bathroom and was startled when she found him sitting on his bed.

"I'm sorry. I thought you were still with Caleb," she said softly.

"He's already asleep," he said.

She passed him and the scent of Japanese cherry blossoms floated in the air.

His hand instinctively reached for hers, slipping into it so easily.

She stopped, not sure why he had done such a thing.

They rarely touched these days.

He pulled her to him.

Her pulse quickened as he slowly pulled her into his arms.

She stood still, not wanting to break the contact.

It had been the first contact he had initiated since they had arrived in Vegas.

His hands fumbled with the robe, loosening the ties, causing it to fall open.

She trembled, feeling rather unattractive because of the protruding abdomen.

She wasn't very large but her nakedness revealed what her clothes could easily hide.

Her hand stroked his head gently as if she were soothing him.

He loved the warmth of her hands as she continued.

His lips kissed her breasts, gently, softly but then he pulled her down on the bed, his lips urgently seeking hers.

She was lost in the feel of his hands as they glided up and down her body, caressing, feeling, investigating while his lips sought to drown her.

She gasped from the sweet pain it was causing.

Every inch of her wanted him.

Her hands tried to unbutton his shirt but he stopped them, pulling them above her head.

She panicked, scooting away but his hands caught hers, kissing the palms.

She calmed, letting him ease over her body in one swift move.

He unzipped his pants, slipping into her with ease.

She wanted to feel his skin against hers.

Her hands reached for the shirt but he plunged deeper and she was lost in the feel of him inside her.

By the position, he was able to push deeper without putting his weight on her and she wondered if he was consciously doing this because of the pregnancy.

It felt absolutely wonderful as he plunged deeper and deeper, carrying both of them over the edge.

Her muscles tightened around his shaft and he filled her.

She had barely come down when she opened her eyes to find that he was already zipping his pants and then he was gone.

She stood on wobbly legs, not sure what had just happened.

She was no declaration of love like he had done before.

He had not even bothered to undress.

She wrapped the robe tightly around her as she tried to catch her breath.

The orgasm had felt earth shattering.

She had wanted this ever since they had arrived in Vegas but now she wasn't sure whether it was a good idea.

_He left just as quickly as he did that night we made Caleb…_

_Did he regret it?_

_He doesn't want to admit it but he's still in love with Lizzie…_

_He wants me to be her and I can't…_

_I'm just a substitute…_

It made sense to her especially since he wanted to have sex but avoided the intimate part of it.

_He won't mourn her death…_

_She'll always been between us…_

He cursed at himself as he stood outside on the front steps of the house.

He had not meant for that to happen but he could not stop himself.

He had been crazy with need for her all day.

He couldn't stand the way the young men had gawked at her.

_She could have any man she wanted…._

_She's so beautiful…_

_This is going to hurt far worse than Lizzie's deception…_

_I didn't really love Lizzie…._

_Not the way I love Sara…_

He thought to go back inside but he had no idea what he would say to her.

He was so confused over his feelings for her and his fear that she would hurt him.

Clearly this partnership was much more complicated than he wanted to admit.

Note from author:

Thanks to everyone who has been reviewing regularly as well as the well wishes. My son is finally better. We made it through a night without vomit!! Yeah~

Now, I just wonder which one of us caught it from him???

Take care!


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter Twenty Two:**

**Hurtful Feelings Spill Over**

It felt strangely soothing to fold his clothes while she did the laundry.

Sara took extra care to ensure his shirts were neatly pressed and hung in his closet.

She stripped his bed and replaced the sheets, smoothing out the covers and then tucking them in tight just the way he liked it.

She spent additional time cleaning his private bathroom, shining the mirror and making sure he had plenty of toiletries.

She even placed a notepad and pen beside the bed in case the lab called.

She swept the hardwood floor and then dusted, glancing back to look at her handy work.

She stood there for several minutes, staring at the bed.

She remembered when she had sat with him during the pneumonia.

It was a rather large comfortable bed, much too big for one person and she wondered what possessed him to buy such a bed.

She wondered if it had been the bed that he and Lizzie had slept in.

She immediately shut the door, no longer wanting such thoughts to tease her sanity.

Things were quite strained between them and for the life of her she had no idea what she was doing wrong.

There were moments when his blue eyes turned rather dark.

They were unreadable and she steered clear not sure what to expect.

There were times when he snapped at her when she had caught him wiping at his eyes.

She knew he did not like to show any emotions but emotions were good for the heart and soul.

She tried to comfort him as best as she could without facing his wrath when she had gotten too close, too personal.

She learned to stay clear of those times, slipping out into the back yard while he got comfort from Caleb.

Caleb seemed to brighten his dark thoughts while there were times when she felt she was walking on egg shells.

She had no idea what brought about the volatile moments.

It was frustrating to see how he struggled inwardly and yet she could do nothing to ease his pain.

He had dreams that harbored on nightmares, often tossing and turning.

She would linger by his door, desperate to help him but not sure where the boundaries lay for such a thing.

Once or twice she had risked his wrath to venture into the room, sitting by his side while she soothed him with a soft whisper or caressed his cheek, easing his pain.

She retreated at the first indication that he was waking, fearful he would be angry for the intrusion.

She kept the house spotless, trying to feel worthy of the living arrangement.

She did as many of the little tasks as she could, being frugal with money, knowing that she desperately did not want to ask him for money.

She quickly caught on to his likes and dislikes, eager to please and yearned for a tidbit of warmth from him.

She hid the morning sickness and refused to bother him with the pregnancy, hoping that he would learn to accept her as well as her child but his previous harsh words and actions were proof that she would most likely need to settle for a partnership.

When she folded his clothes, she liked to pretend that it was more but then his disposition would darken and she was bitterly reminded that there was nothing more.

Still, she continued with the small gestures needing to please him even if he did not notice.

What Sara did not realize is that he had noticed.

It was these extra tasks that reminded him of his life with Lizzie.

Lizzie had always been attentive to his needs, making their home feel like a home.

He remembered the special dinners, the extra care taken with his clothing, the way the bed smelled of fresh linen and a hint of perfume.

He remembered the packaged meals Lizzie prepared him in case he was going to miss dinner as well as the special love notes she placed inside the packages.

He had felt privileged to have such a loving and devoted wife.

He had also felt guilty for not feeling as engrossed in their newlywed life as she had been.

His attention was on his job and the long hours he worked to cover their living expenses.

He noticed the little things that Sara did and it made him angry.

He didn't want to be reminded of his life with Lizzie.

It had been lies.

She had strung him along, needing the façade of the family life in order to hide her whore hopping ways.

She had played Gilbert Grissom for a fool and he had blindly let her, telling himself she loved him.

He picked at the special meals Sara prepared even though they were quite delicious.

He threw his things around, not appreciating the effort taken to keep the house orderly.

When she offered him the packed meals, he intentionally left them citing he had dinner plans out leaving her to fret if he was eating with someone else.

He certainly wasn't spending much time with the guys.

She couldn't help but worry if perhaps Grissom had realized their relationship was a mistake but was tied to her because of Caleb.

Her mind had too much time to ponder these thoughts so she tried to keep busy, focusing on Caleb and the house.

She continued to spend extra care with his portion of the house, straightening the books and magazines strewn across his room.

She polished his shoes, ironed his shirts and took special care with the meals even if he didn't seem to like them.

The house was immaculate.

His son was thriving, happy and eager to see him each day.

It seemed perfect and it bothered him because despite the outward appearance, they were not a family and it was just too bitterly close to the past.

By outward appearance he and Lizzie had the perfect life.

Now, he knew different and he had no intention of living another lie.

They were sharing a house they were presenting to the outside world as a home.

He wanted more but wasn't sure how to proceed.

His words and actions had been harsh and he knew it.

He had struck at her without provocation, making her leery of him.

He had made love to her but it was void of intimacy and he knew it had bothered her.

He frowned when he saw his basket already full of paperwork that night.

He gathered it together, intending to sift through it.

Brass knocked lightly.

"Hey, how is the family life?" asked Brass.

"This is Sara's first week of lectures," he explained.

He shut the door behind him.

"Listen you said you wanted me to keep tabs on some people in San Francisco for you."

Grissom leaned forward as Brass handed him a file.

He opened it, staring at the contents.

"Bill and Dian Thornton were found murdered in their home last week. The neighbors reported that couples were in and out often. They had a reputation for being swingers."

Grissom did not react.

"Any suspects?" he asked.

"Not yet. It looked like a professional hit…place was wiped clean," answered Brass.

He eyed Grissom.

"I checked on Vincent Andrews. He left the university shortly after Sara did….not sure where he went."

Grissom stared at the body of Bill Thornton.

His stomach revolted at the sight.

The murder had been brutal but inwardly he was glad the bastard was dead.

He knew that Vincent did it.

He didn't need forensic evidence to prove it.

Thornton's genitals had been cut off and shoved in his mouth.

There was a typed note lying on the bodies.

_You should have listened. _

_I didn't share her with anyone… _

_She was mine…._

Grissom glanced at Brass.

He wasn't sure whether he should share this information with Sara or not.

Brass picked up the file. "Were these people friends of Sara's?"

"No."

"Mind if I ask her if she remembers anything about them?"

"Yes, I do. Jim, I don't want her to know about this."

"Then I won't mention it. If I hear anything more about Vincent Andrews I'll let you know."

"Thanks."

Later he sat in the locker room, fresh from a shower.

It had helped ease the pain from the throbbing in his head.

He knew he should have tuned them out but it was difficult when they were on the other side of the wall.

"Judy does nothing but gossip," griped Greg.

"Grissom doesn't listen to it," stated Warrick.

"Yeah…well I for one am sick of it," snipped Nick. "It's none of their business if Grissom had been going back and forth to see Sara in San Francisco. His wife was legally dead. I'm not sure I could have gone as long as he did."

"Hodges asked me if…Grissom needed a good attorney," whispered Greg.

"What for?" cursed Nick.

"In case he needed to get custody of Caleb…he said he heard about Sara's…problems."

"What problems?" asked Nick.

"Sara got involved with some man…a real loser. Grissom forced her to come back here or he threatened to take her to court and get custody of Caleb."

"That's bull and you know it. Sara rarely dated when she was here in Vegas," said Warrick.

"Sara did mention some guy named Vincent," admitted Nick. "Every time I tried to get her to come back she refused. She finally told me she had started a new life… had someone."

_Maybe she was involved with Vincent…_

_Sara wouldn't lie about the rape…_

_Maybe she did have feelings for him…_

He seemed quiet the next morning as he spent time with Caleb.

Any conversation she attempted was strained so she backed away, fearful of an explosive reaction if she pushed too much.

She took the silence to mean that he was ashamed of what happened between them.

She had no intentions of playing these painful mind games.

She'd had her stomach full with Vincent.

There were days when Vincent wouldn't stop talking with her and then others when he sulked in silence, glaring at her for some unknown reason.

She left him alone, not liking to be around him anyway.

Grissom was a different matter.

She longed to be near him which made his disposition than much more difficult.

It was like needing air but knowing it contained a little poison.

She wasn't sure how much longer her system could take the poison without long term effects.

The first week flew by as she struggled with managing her lecture notes, caring for Caleb and handling the house chores.

He had sat in on her lecture the first day and another time during that week but then stopped.

She was disappointed, wanting his approval over the text material, relying heavily on what he had taught her.

She desperately wanted to please him but his compliments were like rare gems.

She still had no idea why he seemed distant.

She wondered if perhaps he was worried about finances and wanted more than anything to do more.

She tried to purchase as many of the groceries as she could, foregoing anything that seemed frivolous.

She cut out coupons, shopped for the best prices and bought only what was necessary.

He frowned when a name brand item wasn't on the shelf or in the fridge and replaced the items with more expensive brands.

She left the name brands untouched and finished the generic. He continued doing this until she finally gave up and purchased the item he preferred.

It bothered him when she began to avoid him, slipping out of the room as soon as Caleb went to sleep.

They hardly talked but then it wasn't that she hadn't tried.

He knew it was his fault.

His actions were inexcusable.

He felt bad about their last sexual encounter and he was sure she would never allow that to happen again.

He stood by Caleb's crib for awhile but then stepped back, slipping into the rocker by the window.

From the window, there was a view of the back yard.

He knew she liked to grow things and yet she had not mentioned a flower garden.

She never asked him for anything.

He used to make a grocery list, displaying it on the fridge but then she would go out and purchase the items herself so he refrained from making a list, choosing to purchase the bigger items if needed.

Sara Sidle was not Lizzie Grissom.

There was never a mention of need.

She certainly did not buy frivolously and never asked him for money which sort of dented his ego.

He wanted her to depend on him, need him and yet she didn't.

She strolled into the room in a gown as she adjusted the blankets, leaning over to kiss Caleb once more.

She stood there for a moment humming softly to the child, as she stroked his hair.

"Night my sweet boy," she whispered and then went to her room.

She had been so enthralled with her care of Caleb that she never noticed Grissom there in the room.

His heart burst at the seams for the need of her.

He yearned to have her soothe him the way she had done Caleb.

He had no idea what he was doing as he stepped into her room.

She was startled by his presence, gasping in fear but then her gasps turned to moans as he ravaged her lips with his.

He pulled back long enough to shift her toward the bed, not breaking contact.

The moment he pulled back she started to object but then she was blinded by the intensity of the throbbing between her legs when his mouth captured one of her breast.

He knew he shouldn't have started something he did not have time to finish.

Surely he would be late by his standards but he wanted her more than anything.

His hand fumbled with her panties, slipping them off as his fingers toyed with her, causing her to buck in defiance of the teasing sensations.

"Gil…"

She had wanted to tell him to stop but he was already inside her, not bothering to remove her gown or his clothing.

She stiffened for a moment and he stopped, not sure if the position hurt.

His hand caressed her cheek then slid down to caress the folds between her legs.

"Does it hurt?" he whispered.

"No," she managed to get out.

He slipped back inside her, slowly, cautiously until she picked up the pace and then he dove into her, matching her thrusts.

She climaxed over and over, while he tried to hang on intent to ring out one more orgasm from her body but the soft moan from her lips was his undoing.

This time, he lay there beside her as each tried to slow their breathing.

She rolled intent to cuddle but he quickly rose, adjusting his clothing.

She scooted away from him, needing space, not sure how to react.

He dragged his hand through his hair as he opened his mouth intent to say something but then shut it, choosing to leave for work and not be late, fearful of what he might say and not be able to finish.

He berated himself over and over for his callous behavior but he truly did not know how to approach her with his conflicting emotions.

How could he tell her he loved her and yet admit that he did not trust her?

He was late getting home that morning, stepping into the house to find it deathly quiet.

He had no idea why he ran to the top of the stairs, checking her room to ensure her personal belongings still remained.

He sat down on the bed, remembering the feel of her body.

_What am I doing?_

_I'm confusing her as well as myself…_

He stretched out on the bed, taking in the scent of her letting it lull him to sleep.

He jerked awake, gasping through the nightmare as he quickly sat upright.

It had been an eerie dream in which he and Caleb had attended a funeral.

He had searched the pews of the church hoping to catch sight of Sara but she was nowhere to be seen.

Finally he had ventured to the front of the church, hoping to identify the body inside the casket but it was closed quickly, blocking his view while he called out for Sara.

He wiped the sweat from his forehead as he tried to tap down the fear.

He dressed quickly, already late getting to the lecture hall but at least they could have lunch together.

It would give him a chance to apologize and try to explain his behavior.

He stood outside not wishing to interrupt the class with his late arrival.

He stepped back into the shadows when she walked out.

Sara squealed when she saw a man approaching.

Grissom swallowed.

He'd never seen the man before.

The young man swooped Sara into his arms, twirling her around and around.

His features were of particular interest to Grissom.

His hair was curly blonde with a slight hint of grey with sparkling blue eyes.

"I've missed you, Sara!" he chuckled as he hugged her.

"I've missed you too," smiled Sara as she kissed him.

"Tell me about Caleb," he exclaimed. "Do you have photos?"

"You won't believe how much he's grown. He still drags that ugly stuffed toy around."

"Is he talking yet?" he asked.

"Some."

"That's my boy!"

The man's arm never left Sara's waist as they headed toward a bench.

She looked stunning in the black dress that showed off her shapely legs.

It hid the pregnancy well.

His jaw twitched as he watched them sit down on a bench.

Both were deep in conversation.

The man's arm wrapped about Sara and she smiled.

It had been a long time since he had seen a full blown smile out of Sara but she was giving it to this stranger.

He cursed under his breath as he stalked off.

Note from author:

Ouch….I think Grissom is really jealous…

Take care!


	23. Chapter 23

**Note from author:**

**I am giving you an extra chapter for the night so please be nice and leave a review for both chapters....**

**Chapter Twenty Three:**

**Hurtful Things Said**

He quickly drove home, trying to put some distance between him and the spectacle.

He felt betrayed by her actions and yet on the surface it had been innocent.

He would have seen that if he had not spent ten years living a lie that had tortured his very being.

Grissom gulped down a beer as he glanced around the kitchen.

It was neat and tidy with a menu on the fridge for the dinner she planned to prepare.

She'd gotten the recipe from his mother's old cookbook.

It was one of his favorites and he wondered how she had managed to pick it.

He ripped it off, crumbling it into a wad.

_I guess she's got other dinner plans…_

He marched into his bathroom, taking a cold shower, hoping it would cool his temper but it did nothing for his disposition.

She was late even by her standards.

Now, the wait would truly begin.

Most days she was already home, doing chores around the house, preparing dinner and then getting Caleb just before he was scheduled to wake.

Sometimes, he purposely woke early so he could watch her from a distance, taking note of the things she did around the house.

Initially she would strike up a conversation but his recent actions had deterred that, having no one to blame but himself.

Every once in awhile he caught a slight hum coming from her lips and he wondered if she was doing that out of habit or if she was happy with the home he had provided.

He wanted her to be happy but there were times when she seemed quite blue, almost tearful, shying away from him, scurrying to find solitude in another part of the house.

He did not pursue her, letting her go off but wishing that he could reach out to her through his pain to help her through her own pain.

They were quite a sad pair.

He thought that with time, his suspicion would ease, and his pain would diminish letting him begin a new relationship with her.

Days were slipping by too quickly.

It would not be long before Sara would give birth to her daughter and that would truly surface the wound of losing Emily.

_I hate you Lizzie…_

_For everything you've done to me…_

His mood grew dark as the hours passed.

He paced the house like a caged animal intent to attack at the first chance.

With each pace he checked his watch, muttering under his breath as his mind conjured up ugly visions of Sara in the arms of the stranger.

He felt the man was clearly a threat.

Sara had reacted instantly, running eagerly to the man.

Grissom could still see how she embraced the stranger, pressing her body against his without regard to how it looked.

It looked very damning to an old man whose heart just couldn't take another deception.

It was obvious she had feelings for the man or she would never have given him her Sidle smile.

She had sat there sharing news about Caleb….their Caleb!

He sneered.

_Curly hair…._

_Blue eyes…_

The thought that Caleb just might not be his, made his gut twist.

He couldn't go through that again.

He couldn't bear the thought.

"_When she got an itch, she knew where to go."_

_Damn you Lizzie…._

_Damn you Sara if you're the same…_

_Damn you to hell…_

His hands visibly shook from the anger.

He was not about to be played a fool once again.

He would get to the bottom of this before the night was over.

_I could lose everything!_

_She could come home and tell me that she's leaving with Caleb…_

_She could take Caleb and I would lose my sweet boy!_

_What if…_

_What if she tells me he is not mine?_

_How do I give him up?_

_I love him…_

_I love her…_

He swiped at his eyes, no longer able to hold in the fear.

He'd been fearful for weeks that she would grow tired of his behavior and leave.

He would come home one morning and their things would be gone.

The house would be empty and he would be left with nothing.

He was angrier at himself for losing his temper these days than with any action by Sara that might have prompted the outburst.

By the time his anger cooled she'd slipped away, leaving him with more guilt that his shoulders could handle at the moment.

He didn't want to be like this but every day he was reminded at just how easily he had been fooled.

Gil Grissom had been too trusting.

_Well, not anymore._

He continued to pace, trying to blow off some of the steam but he was too worked up.

He tried to rationalize her tardiness but it was difficult when he feared she was lying somewhere in bed with this man he loathed and didn't even know.

He'd already checked for accidents thinking something might have happened to her.

She wasn't overly late but his mind was working in overdrive fearing she was sleeping with someone behind his back.

Lizzie's infidelity was too raw for him to endure another betrayal.

_Please Sara…_

_Don't treat me so callous…_

_Don't break my heart…_

_I don't think I could manage a pain like that from you…._

_You who I've loved for so long and so deeply…_

_You who runs through my veins…_

The sound of a car door shutting brought him out of his mourning.

He practically jumped her as soon as she came through the door.

"Where have you been?" he snapped.

She threw her briefcase into the chair as she headed to the kitchen for a drink.

"I've been at the university," she said, not understanding what she had done wrong.

"You should have called if you were going to change your plans," he fumed.

"Plans?"

"Classes were over hours ago."

"Sandra doesn't mind…I checked with her in case I had to do some research at the library or stay with a student."

"Is that what you did?" he asked.

"No."

"So…where were you?"

She didn't like his tone.

She took a deep breath. "I didn't think it would be a problem since you're usually sleeping and Caleb…"

"You may have been used to leaving Caleb with a sitter and then going out for all hours but…"

"Wait…I never left Caleb for more than a few hours with a sitter!"

"Good! Then we agree on that at least!"

"Agree on what? What do you think I've been doing?"

She glared at him and he backed off but she didn't let up. "What?" she yelled.

"Being the **father** of Caleb entitles me to…some say in your plans," he gritted.

It had been a good day for her.

She had met a dear friend and was eager to share the news with Grissom.

She had not been prepared to be faced with his wrath.

She had done nothing wrong.

If he would calm down, she could easily explain her actions but then it wasn't fair of him to make such a demand when he disappeared some times without a word, his whereabouts unknown.

Well, she wasn't going to let him get away with this attitude.

"What plans? I dropped off Caleb and then I went to class. I…" she stopped, realizing he had come to the university and must have seen her with Benjamin.

She hadn't meant to be late, wanting to prepare a special dinner for him, one that she had found marked in one of his recipe books.

They had got to talking and before she realized it, they had moved the conversation to the small café on campus, sitting in seclusion, whispering in hushed tones.

She had told Ben about the pregnancy withholding the conception, letting him wonder about who the father was.

He had told her about their new baby and spent the next several minutes looking at baby photos that displayed a happy family.

It made Sara envious.

Ben was a loving and doting husband.

He was in awe of Carol.

He had sensed her melancholy and spent the next hour drilling her on life again in Vegas.

"_So…you're glad to be back?" he asked._

"_Yes. Grissom and I…"_

"_You're with Caleb's father?" he asked._

"_Yes….his wife died. I'm sorry I haven't kept in touch but things sort of happened so quickly and…"_

_Ben took her hands. "We're glad that you're together! Sara, you've loved him for such a long time."_

"_Yes…I have," she admitted._

"_So now you're going to have a girl! I know he'll spoil her…I do mine. I look at her and I see Carol," he beamed._

_Sara swallowed not sure if she could keep up the façade much longer._

_She and her daughter were on their own._

"_I'll come and visit when I can. I promise," she lied._

_Carol could read her a lot better than Ben and she had no intentions of seeing Carol until things were better with Grissom._

"_You know I always thought that the only reason you liked Grissom was because he reminded you of me," teased Ben._

"_Actually, the only reason I liked you was because you reminded me of Grissom…which was good for you or I never would have introduced you to Carol."_

"_Are you finally happy Sara?" he asked seriously._

_She nodded, not sure if he believed her but it was the closest she had ever come to being happy._

_She was living with Grissom and they had a beautiful son and soon she would be the mother of a daughter she prayed she could protect from a despicable man._

Sara took a deep breath trying to calm the situation.

"A friend of mine, Benjamin Turner, showed up and wanted to invite me to his place for dinner."

"Just what kind of friend is he?" he glared.

She was not prepared for this emotion.

It was obvious he was jealous.

"He's married."

"So was…I."

Her eyes widened in shock.

She was speechless at the accusation.

It had cut like a knife.

Never in her life had she ever thought that she would become romantically involved with a married man.

While she wasn't a religious person, she believed in the sanctity of marriage.

She'd been present at friends' weddings and had listened to the vows being spoken.

She wanted to speak those words to someone one day and wanted someone to honor them as she certainly would.

His words were hurtful and mean.

_You belonged to Lizzie…_

_Not me…_

_You're never going to belong to me…just me…_

_Cause I'm not good enough…_

She turned her back, needing a moment to recover from the harsh words but he didn't let up.

He pressed further. "I couldn't help but notice…the blue eyes and…"

She swallowed. "What are you saying?"

"Ben Turner…he looks like me…he looks like Caleb."

She gasped as if in pain but recovered quickly, not wanting him to see how much his accusations hurt.

She would not give him the satisfaction of seeing how it hit just the right wounds, causing them to bleed once more.

He had questioned her before but quickly withdrew the accusation but this time was different.

The accusation floated in the air.

He really questioned Caleb's paternity.

_You must think that I'm a whore…_

_Sleeping with anyone…_

_Trying to trap him by using another man's child…_

_How stupid does he think I am?_

_He could easily prove or disprove Caleb paternity…_

_He's still hurting from Lizzie's lies…_

_But he's punishing me for her mistakes…_

"Ben and his wife, Carol, have been friends of mine for years!" she seethed. "Carol was my friend in college. I introduced her to Ben."

"They visited you in San Francisco?" he questioned.

"They came when I went into labor…in case something happened," she spat.

He felt a bit foolish but he would rather feel foolish than be foolish.

"I won't put up with your bullying," she threatened.

"You put up with Vincent."

Note from author:

Okay….the angst meter is going to be quite high for a chapter or two….but did you expect anything less after Grissom's reactions? Of course whenever Grissom screws up royally, he always comes through…in a huge way…

By the way, these next few chapters are my favorite…you'll see why soon.

Take care!


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter Twenty Four:**

**Too Much Said in Anger**

It was a cheap shot and he knew it but she didn't flinch.

"I had no choice…Professor Abrams was ailing and he had no one to care for him. I was too damn tired after school, avoiding Vincent and caring for Caleb that I just didn't have time to find another place to live! It wasn't easy raising **your** son on my own."

She gulped in air not meaning to unload on him but he had pushed the wrong button.

Suspicion was written all over his face.

"Why don't you just ask," she yelled. "I haven't slept with anyone else."

"You slept with Vincent."

It stung.

Walls went up that she wasn't sure would ever be torn down.

"It's hard not to when you're drugged and tied to a bed, Grissom. If you want to call that consensual then…do it!" she cried.

She grabbed her purse and flew toward the door but he caught her hand.

She yanked it away, backing away in a defensive stance.

He had walked into this fight, with false accusations that scraped old wounds.

"I didn't…like what I saw," he bit out.

"What? That I have friends? I had good friends Grissom before I left! I had a life here. I gave up everything when I left."

He felt guilty for the accusation about Vincent, knowing that he could not make the same declaration to her, remembering the brief encounter with the woman in the bar.

She started for the door but he spoke up quickly. "Where are you going?"

"To get our son!"

"Sara…I shouldn't have…I'm sorry," he begged.

"Tell me, Grissom, did you sleep with anyone else while we were apart for two years or does this only apply to me?"

He stepped toward her. "I'm sorry."

She didn't know why she needed him to tell her that he had not been with anyone.

She couldn't imagine him doing such a thing but she wanted him to know that if he expected celibacy from her then it would apply to him as well.

She still waited but he said nothing further and she knew by the look in his eye that he had.

She choked down a sob.

It shouldn't matter.

They weren't together.

They weren't even together when they had slept together.

He had been married and she had slept with a married man willingly.

It never should have happened between them but it did and now they had a beautiful boy.

It just hurt to know that he had either committed adultery again or he had jumped into bed with someone as soon as Lizzie died, not bothering to even contact her, to consider a life with her.

She felt sick to her stomach, wondering who had caught his attention so quickly.

"Sara…let's talk."

"I can't…talk with you…right now."

"You're not going to even let me explain?" he yelled.

Her face felt flushed as she struggled to breathe.

"I need some air," she begged.

Her arms were folded around her midsection.

The last thing he wanted to do was to hurt her or the baby.

He'd never raised his voice to Lizzie and it seemed he did nothing else when he tried to talk with Sara.

"I don't mean to…lash out at you," he grieved. "I don't know…where the anger is coming from. You didn't deserve it."

"No, I didn't! I've kept my end of the agreement. I've kept quiet. I keep my distance…from everyone…to limit the questions…to protect our privacy like you asked! I've kept up this house, cared for Caleb and tried to contribute as much as I can but it's not good enough!" she cried.

"I'm sorry…you're right. I haven't been…I haven't been myself for a very long time," he grieved.

He stepped toward her, hoping to comfort her but she took a step back.

"I need to get Caleb," she said swiping her arms across her face, trying to stop the flood of tears but it was futile as they fell swiftly down her cheeks.

"We'll talk later," he urged.

She closed the door but slumped down on the front step, needing to compose herself, not wanting Caleb to see her upset.

He looked out the window, feeling remorse for his accusations.

Her shoulders shook while she tried to compose herself.

He knew his presence would only make matters worse so he remained inside.

After dinner, she turned in early.

He didn't push, seeing firsthand that she was worn out.

He put Caleb to bed and then lingered for a moment to ensure he was asleep.

He didn't want to leave without seeing that she was alright.

Quietly, he opened the door but her eyes shot open, trying to adjust to the light.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you," he said softly. "I was worried…about you."

She pulled herself up, swinging her legs over the side of the bed and stood gingerly.

"Where is Caleb?" she asked.

"He's asleep."

"Sara, I need to apologize…for overreacting…"

"Overreacting?" She cried. "You accuse me of seeing other people behind your back. I don't have the time or the energy. Look at me Grissom. I'm almost five months pregnant…Who would find me desirable? Despite what you think of me I am not a whore. I have never done anything intentionally to hurt you."

It was obvious she had been not sleeping, her cheeks wet from fresh tears.

She gulped. "The five years I was in Vegas I never slept with anyone…except you. Tell me, how long do you intend to punish me for loving you…not fucking you Grissom while you were married?"

The tears fell down rapidly as she swiped them away.

He had no idea why he was suddenly angry. "This is not about…that! I'm not punishing you because…"

"Yes, you are! I can't change what happened two years ago… or five months ago. I can't change…that I'm pregnant by someone else. If you don't want me here then…"

"I never said that!"

"I'm not…her…I can't be her…and it makes you mad that I'm not Lizzie!"

She was sobbing now, uncontrollably.

"No! Sara…"

He grabbed her by the arms. "My marriage with Lizzie was nothing but lies. I won't go through another relationship based on deceit."

Both were shaking from the outburst.

She slumped onto the bed, too shaken to stand any longer.

Her hands were wrapped protectively around the baby.

He knew it was not good to fight like this in her condition.

"Sara, I never want you to be like Lizzie. I'm sorry I've lashed out at you. I'd never loved anyone…until Lizzie. I looked over our age, our differences because I wanted a family. I put blinders on and I trusted her with my heart. The night…she had the accident we had been fighting. She was angry about my overtime but I needed it. I had bitten off way more than I should have when we purchased our home and with Lizzie's lifestyle, it was tough financially but it meant…working long hours. She didn't understand the sacrifice was done out of love not…avoidance."

Grissom sighed. "She called in tears, demanding I come home. I refused. I knew when she flew into hysterics it was best to let her calm down for awhile so I refused. An hour later I got the call. She had been on her way to the morgue. I've lived with the guilt."

He took a deep breath. "Lizzie had been seeing other men behind my back even before we were married. Her mother, Emma, knew and threatened to tell me if Lizzie didn't change. That night…when she wrecked, she and Lizzie had gotten into an argument. She told Lizzie she was going to call me…tell me about her infidelity. Lizzie was trying to get to me before Emma did…I always wondered why she was so upset. I never knew until Emma told me."

His words did little to comfort her.

"I didn't mean to upset you," he grieved.

"You had…no right," she cried. "To doubt Caleb!"

"I buried a child…with my name and I don't even know if it really was mine!"

He stood, pacing, trying to walk off the anger but more importantly to defend his behavior.

"How the hell do you think it made me feel to know my wife was sleeping with dozens of men under my nose and I had no idea? To sit there for ten fucking years holding her hand while she…"

He stopped. "We had tried for over a year to get pregnant. I'll be honest with you Sara. I doubted Caleb was mine…because of what she did. Warrick saw immediately what I couldn't. I was afraid to hope…that he could be mine. I trusted Lizzie! I trusted her more than anyone in my whole life!"

His words were meant to help her to understand but they came out harsh and painful and accusing.

She couldn't hide her fear or the tears that flowed.

"I didn't want to believe Emma…Lizzie's own mother but I ran into one of her old lovers at her funeral. Can you believe it? Her admirers came after eight years to pay their respects. I hate her Sara! I never want you to be anything like her!"

"I swore at her gravesite that I'll never be that gullible again! I won't let you hurt me like that! I won't...love like…that again!" he sobbed. "I won't!"

She flinched at the last outburst.

He stepped back, not knowing why he had admitted something so private.

It had been the pain talking and nothing more but she looked completely crushed.

A sob escaped his own lips seeing what how his words had hurt her.

Sara was the last person he wanted to hurt.

"I'd like to sleep now," she said in an odd voice.

She didn't even bother waiting for him to leave but pulled back the covers and buried herself in them.

He wanted very much to hold her but she visibly shook when he stepped toward the bed.

He closed the door, gasping at his own tears that fell with the first sounds of sobs that came from her room.

_Oh God, I never meant to hurt her…_

He heard footsteps coming toward the door and he stepped back anticipating her opening the door but she locked it instead, locking him out of her room.

He had no idea whether to go to work or stay behind.

The sobs lessened and there was silence.

He sat down at the top of stairs, not sure what to do.

There had been too much said at one time with little time to let the hurt and pain dissipate.

He couldn't deny his love for her.

His heart had been Sara's ever since that day in the lecture hall all those years ago.

It didn't matter that they had not been together for two years.

He belonged to Sara.

He had no idea why he thought he could force himself to love her any less than he did Lizzie.

It was impossible.

She ran through his veins.

He could no more deny her love than deny air to breathe and yet he had lashed out at her…his Sara who had never done anything but try to protect him.

He kicked himself mentally for not making sure Sara had indeed moved on.

He had been too wounded by Emma's words.

He had given Lizzie everything and yet it had not been good enough.

**He **had not been enough.

He could not bear the thought that she too would lose interest and seek the arms of someone else.

Oh, he told himself Sara would never do such a thing but the pain and insecurity was there like a blanket wrapped around him, smothering him.

The door opened suddenly and she halted, finding him on the steps.

"I um…"

"You didn't go to work," she whispered.

"I couldn't…leave you."

He extended his hand but she refused to take it.

Instead, she sat down on the steps, leaning against the other banister as they faced off.

_Just tell her and be done with it…_

"Did you ever do something that you later regretted?"

She tensed.

"Yes." Her voice was small.

"I did some things…after you left…that I'm not proud of."

"Greg and Nick…they told me…the team understood…why you snapped at them."

_I understand…._

_You snap at me now…_

"I'm not talking…about the lab."

"Oh."

"I didn't know where to go…after work. I used to go to the Center without thought but then Lizzie died and I didn't know what to do with myself…so I started going to a bar. I'd have a few drinks…then go home."

"It doesn't help…does it…just numbs the pain," she commented.

"No, it doesn't but at the time I didn't care."

"Jim…mentioned he found you at a bar…on the day…Lizzie died."

"It was the day Emma told me about Lizzie's past. Sara…"

"Grissom…you were grieving…what you did…doesn't matter."

"I slept with someone," he blurted.

He knew the words hurt but he so much wanted to explain why he had done such a thing.

"I met her at the bar, went to…"

"I don't want to know."

"Sara, I saw the photos…heard Nick. He said you were seeing someone…moved on"

_How could I?_

_I've loved you since that day in the lecture hall across campus…_

_I couldn't just have you and then…move on._

"Nick wanted me to return to Vegas. I couldn't. I would have to explain Caleb. I knew when they called the house, Vincent had answered a few times….so I told Nick I was involved with a man….I was. I was too involved with Caleb to think of having a relationship with anyone."

He shook his head in despair.

Neither spoke for several minutes.

"I'd felt alone….ever since you left. Everyone expected me to mourn for Lizzie…I didn't want to. I'd been mourning for ten years. I wanted to…hurt her…for hurting me but she was gone…and I will never know…why I wasn't good enough."

_I understand…_

_I'm not good enough for you…_

He took a deep breath.

"There was a woman, brunette…she wore her hair in a pony tail…she followed me out of the bar…offered coffee at the nearby coffee shop…the one we used to frequent. I slept with her because she reminded me of you. I've never seen her again. I didn't want to because all I could think of was you, Sara and how much I wanted you."

She wanted to lash out but she didn't.

She just couldn't hurt anymore.

It was safer to close her heart off, keep him at a distance than risk being completely destroyed by him.

Her heart was already too battered to risk letting him kick it around.

His anger was his grief.

She knew that.

She couldn't deal with it right now.

Now, she had her unborn child to consider.

She was in protection mode and she was not about to jeopardize that.

"Now…you know…what I regret."

"It doesn't matter," she stated.

There was no emotion in her voice.

It was hollow like her eyes as she got up, checked on Caleb and then returned to her room, locking the door behind her.

He felt as if something horrible had happened, a death of some sort.

He would mourn if he knew what it was but he didn't.

He thought that his words would explain his actions but they only seemed to hurt more than to soothe.

He wanted to soothe her.

He wanted the pain to go away for both of them.

Here, he had a new home, a beautiful son and…the love of his life who probably hated him….no, there was no hate in her eyes. Her eyes were blank from emotion.

_She just doesn't care anymore…_

_Even from the grave Lizzie…_

_You're controlling me…_

_Consuming me until there is nothing left…_

Note from author:

I know…hard chapter. I do feel for Grissom…he's so screwed up right now but it will get better.

Take care!


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter Twenty Five:**

**An Innocent Forgotten**

He went to the lab to lick his wounds, not sure what they would think of him coming in late after he had called in sick but he didn't care.

Catherine hovered until she was given a case and had to go out into the field.

He stepped into the room, intending to help Nick.

Nick eyed him. "We heard you were sick."

"How can I help?" he asked.

"I haven't checked for prints on that side of the vehicle," stated Nick.

Grissom slipped on his gloves.

"How's Sara? We heard she's filling in for a professor at UNLV," he said.

"She's been busy."

"She better get ready because her life is about to get really busy with a toddler and a newborn. How did the furniture look with the sunshine yellow paint?" he asked.

"Furniture?"

"The baby's room. I figured you guys had ordered something…since the room was empty," explained Nick. "Sara did a great job decorating Caleb's room. You know I never saw her as a mother…but she's great, a natural."

"Yes, she is," he admitted.

Nick leaned over the top of the hood. "Listen, you shouldn't let the rumblings here in the lab bother you. None of us on the team…think any less of you…or Sara. You make sure she understands that."

Nick's head was back under the hood before Grissom could respond.

He had caught a few words here and there over Sara and Caleb's arrival into Vegas.

The receptionists as well as some of the technicians whispered their gossip.

He'd been able to read a few lips.

He was glad Sara was not here to endure it.

He worried about Sara.

He knew the constant bickering was not good for her or the unborn child.

He had not meant to strike out the way he did.

He had already condemned Sara without giving her a chance to explain.

_I never questioned Lizzie…_

_I never yelled or frightened her…_

_I never…treated Lizzie the way I treat Sara…_

Nick looked concerned when Grissom left as quickly as he had appeared.

His hands shook as he dialed the number from his rolodex.

The others watched as he fled from the lab, not sure where he was going.

He was nervous as he waited to be seen.

It was rare for a counselor to get a call at this hour and she rushed into her office, stopping midway when she saw him sitting in the chair.

"Gil Grissom?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Come in…we'll get started," she said. "You understand anything you say is confidential…just between us."

He nodded. "You were Sara…Sidle's counselor?"

"Yes, I was. Is that a problem?" she asked.

"No…it might help," he admitted.

"Ms. Sidle is no longer in counseling…but you know that. I sent the reports to you. I understand she is no longer with the department," stated Melissa Evans.

"She's not."

"Mr. Grissom, I was under the impression we were here for you…I can't divulge…."

"We are…here for me. It's just that Sara and I…live together. We have a son."

The counselor opened the door, stepping into the office.

Grissom took a seat across the desk.

He felt nervous and very much agitated at the process of talking with a stranger about his private life.

_Was this how Sara felt?_

"I have to say I was surprised when I read the papers…of your wife's death," she said.

He cursed inwardly.

"I didn't know you were married," she began.

"Few knew," he said.

"Let's talk about her….what was her name?"

"Elizabeth," he gritted.

He was late getting home, scowling when they had already left for the day.

He walked the halls, drifting from room to room.

He had talked for over three hours, not letting up as he unloaded on the counselor.

It had been a simple question.

"_What did you think of your wife, Lizzie?"_

His language was vulgar as he expressed his emotions.

It had gotten him another counseling session before shift and one every night that week.

He wanted to talk about Sara but the counselor returned to his feelings toward his dead wife.

"_I need to talk about Sara," he cried._

"_Why?"_

"_Because…I think I hurt her," he sniffled. "I know I hurt her…and she didn't deserve it."_

"_Did you physically hurt her?" inquired the counselor as she leaned forward._

"_It would have been better than….what I did," he grieved. "Scars…of the heart…never go away."_

Hesitantly, he ventured into the room that would belong to the baby.

The rocker from the townhouse sat in the room.

There was no other furniture.

In three months there would be a baby girl occupying this room.

He opened the closet and found it empty.

She had not prepared anything.

He stepped into Caleb's room and saw colorful butterflies and bugs displayed across the freshly painted walls.

There was a new crib along with matching book case and stuffed animals of all shapes and sizes.

He had picked these out, shopping one day before they moved into the new house.

_Why didn't I think to purchase anything for the baby…for her?_

He opened the closet and it was filled with new clothes.

He stepped back into the baby's room, slumping down into the old rocker that belonged to his mother.

His head hurt as he made his way to his room, crashing onto the bed.

He rolled over and found a stuffed bear.

_Caleb…_

As soon as Lizzie had told him about the pregnancy, he had gone out and purchased a teddy bear for their unborn child.

He had placed the bear inside the casket along with a blanket with a note he'd written to her.

He wiped his eyes.

He had wanted that baby so much.

He had prayed feverishly for her safe birth but she was taken from him.

Even now, knowing that the odds were highly unlikely that he fathered the child, he still loved her.

By heart standards, she was his child.

He clutched the bear tightly, no longer holding back the tears.

That evening she picked up Caleb before coming into the house.

She was late, looking rather wiped out.

Her eyes refused to look in his direction, hurrying about in the kitchen.

She placed Caleb in his high chair giving him some Cheerios as she rushed around trying to cook dinner.

"I got held up at the University…some students needed help….then Dr. Williams wanted….it wasn't on purpose," she got out.

"Sara…"

His phone rang and he cursed.

He turned his back for a second and she fled the room leaving him with Caleb.

Before the conversation was over, she had returned, looking rather pale.

He tried to motion for her to stop with dinner but she took out pots and pans.

Dinner was cooking within minutes.

"I could help," he offered.

She declined, politely.

He tried to make small talk but it was obvious she was struggling to just be in the same room with him.

Dinner was served as they focused on Caleb, not wanting him to pick up on the tension between them.

He insisted on helping with the dishes.

While they always had a kind of work chemistry between them, their actions in the kitchen were awkward and unsettling.

They got into each other's way.

He tried to let her take the lead but she insisted on doing all of it by herself and so he finally stepped aside, playing with Caleb while she finished.

His eyes darted in her direction every now and then.

She looked ill and it made him worry that his explosive behavior was finally taking a toll on her health.

She took Caleb, intending to give him a bath but he stopped her.

"I can do that," he urged.

She didn't protest, dragging herself up the stairs to put away a load of clothes.

She set out Caleb's pajamas and brought them to the bathroom.

Grissom sat on the edge of the tub, splashing water at Caleb which made him squeal with delight.

She swallowed at the sight.

Normally, she liked to see them in play but his hurtful words had scarred her heart and she wondered how long it would be before his accusations would start up again.

_Why doesn't he just do the test himself?_

_Maybe he doesn't want to know the truth…_

_Maybe he feels…trapped by the situation…_

_No, Sara. He loves Caleb…._

_He's just wounded….like me…._

He glanced at her as she stood in the doorway.

"I can put him to bed," he offered. "Get some rest."

She lingered, not sure whether to take him up on his offer.

Finally exhaustion won out.

She leaned down and kissed Caleb good night.

She struggled to get back on her feet.

His hand went out to steady her but he was fearful to touch her, knowing she cringed from his touch previously.

After bath time, he read Caleb a story.

He lingered by the child's bed, ensuring he was asleep.

He turned on the baby monitor but still left the door cracked.

He ventured back into the empty bedroom.

Nick's words were reminders to him of his disregard for the baby.

He wondered how Sara felt about it but then of course he had often referred to the baby as "hers" implying there would be no sharing in responsibility.

Sara had shared very little.

She kept the pain of the abuse at the hands of Vincent as well as the excruciating rape to herself.

He felt awful for the way he had acted.

He had hoped they would have been able to talk after Caleb went to sleep but he couldn't push her, seeing firsthand she needed rest.

He'd not seen her so washed out.

There was little or no color in her complexion.

He wanted to push for her to see a doctor, worrying about her as well as the baby.

He knew Sara loved the baby as much as she loved Caleb and it would hurt her deeply if anything happened.

In truth, he cared for the unborn as much as Sara and it would be a further blow to his heart if anything happened.

It certainly would be his fault, he reasoned.

A slight noise was heard in one of the rooms and he quickly got up to investigate.

Her door was cracked so that she could listen for Caleb.

He cautiously made his way into the room.

She had fallen asleep with her laptop on the bed.

Her protruding stomach was pressing against the external mouse, making a soft beeping noise.

She stirred and he gently retrieved the mouse, setting it on the dresser.

Her laptop lay open on the bed with her email displayed.

He started to close it but her diary popped up, still open.

_Don't look…_

He started to return it to its place but his eyes were already scanning the recent entry.

He had no idea what possessed him to read the journal, perhaps he needed to know her true feelings as he pulled up the entries beginning with those last few months in Vegas.

Note from author:

I bet you're like Grissom. You're curious about what Sara has thought of all of this. Let's find out in the next chapter.

Take care!


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter Twenty Six:**

**Words from the Heart**

_March:_

_He's so wounded by his marriage. He must have loved her with all of his heart because I fear there is no room for me in it. I called, gulping through tears, hoping that if he answers I won't break down because I know what I will hear in his voice…shame. He ran from my bed, away from me… hasn't returned my call. I won't call again. I won't put him through that._

_April:_

_I checked four times and the lines on the stick refuse to change no matter what time of day I use it. I've stepped up my plans to leave but go where? This is the only home I've ever known…with Grissom and the team. Nick says he's different…hurting, for reasons they don't know but I do. I hurt him in the worse way. I never should have let it happen but now I can't help but be selfish about this life that's growing inside me because even if I can't have Grissom, I will at least have a part of him that no one can take away. I feel like I've been alone my entire life…now I'm not alone anymore. _

_May:_

_I'm settled. Professor Abrams was kind enough to share his house with me so I can be on campus. I had to tell him about the pregnancy so he would know what he was getting himself in to but he didn't seem to mind except that I needed to wear a fake ring….to avoid a scandal he says. He's old fashioned. He reminds me of Grissom in some ways. I'm embarrassed and ashamed at what Professor Abrams would think of me if he knew I had slept with a married man. I feel Grissom's pain. I found my mother's old ring. I thought I would never wear it since it represented a loveless marriage that was destroyed by their hands…I hope that I am not following in their footsteps by wearing it. _

_I hate professors with cigars and dinner parties and shoes that hurt my feet. I love the emails from Nick and Greg. Warrick is a lifesaver with encouraging words. He seems to understand the pain of a loveless childhood and the need to feel loved….by someone…anyone. I miss him so. I did another pregnancy test to reassure myself that I'm not alone…_

_June:_

_Lysol has become a regular in my purse along with wipes. The janitors miss so much but then I doubt they're on their knees vomiting their meals or they would see the disgusting things around the rim. There is this man….Vincent Andrews who has sitting in my classes and coming to Professor Abrams house on a regular basis. He asks too many questions….he's worked in a lab before. _

_Vincent knows the wedding ring is fake, but it stops the students from asking so many questions…well sort of. They want to know where my husband is. I told them I lost him…of course I never had him to begin with…I think I'm going to be sick again._

_July:_

_I started a study session for some of my students. It helps not to think so much. It's good to stay busy. I don't miss him as much… until I feel the butterflies. I can't stop crying when I feel our baby inside me._

_August:_

_Dresses are great. My waist won't stop expanding. None of my pants fit. My first ultrasound was amazing. I saw him…him…it's a him. I don't have anyone to tell except my students. I can't even tell the guys. I miss the guys. I miss Grissom. I love him with every breath even though we're apart. It's like he's a part of me. In a way he is now. His life is growing inside me, filling me. He's like a drug running through my veins…I can't get enough._

_October:_

_I'm so tired these days. I can't seem to get much done. Professor Abrams is kind. He tries to help but he's not feeling well himself. Ben and Carol promise to come when the baby is here. I've written out instructions in case something happens. It's morbid but I feel scared knowing that if anything happens to me, Grissom may never know about his son and his son will have no one. Maybe keeping it hidden from everyone was not a good idea but I can't risk Grissom getting hurt more than he already has…_

_December:_

_I've talked with Caleb and I hope he understands he needs to wait until after finals to make an appearance….wait…why is the bed wet?_

_He came in the middle of finals- I graded papers during contractions and I am convinced I was lenient until a contraction hit. He's so beautiful he takes my breath away. Ben and Carol are here. Carol is now pushing for another baby and Ben with his devilish grin reminds me of Greg. I wish I could call Greg._

_March:_

_I'm not sure I'm doing this right…I second guess everything I do. He doesn't cry. I worry why he doesn't cry but then I worry when he does. I stand by his crib and I'm amazed at what Grissom and I have created. He is beautiful. He has Gil's eyes. I hope he's like his father and not like me. I don't feel worthy to have something so perfect._

_May:_

_I can't keep up with the changes…he is so much like Grissom. I can stare into his eyes forever. He's a good baby. I just wish I was a good mother._

_September:_

_I don't like Vincent Andrews but Professor Abrams has invited him to stay here for awhile. It was bad enough that he lurks around my classes and shows up at the house at all hours…now he will be living under the same roof. His theories are just that with little facts to back them up. He is nothing like Grissom…no one is like Grissom. Vincent keeps prying into my private life. I don't like it. _

_December:_

_My Caleb is a year old and I still don't have a clue about being a mother but he shows me everyday what love is. Vincent has been nice to Caleb. I still don't trust him but I don't mind the attention he gives Caleb. I'm worried about Professor Abrams. He is not getting better._

_January:_

_I never attended a funeral before except my father's and I've decided I'll never attend another. It was too painful…brought too many old memories. I clung to Caleb and pretended he was Grissom. Professor Abrams was a very kind old gentleman. I never realized he didn't have any family until today. There were only faculty and students that came to pay their respects. Vincent has taken over the bottom part of the house. I don't like it but I'm stuck until the summer._

_February:_

_Vincent is being too nice. He buys things for Caleb, plays with him. The other day he insisted on going with us to the park. I've told him that I'm not looking for a relationship but he doesn't seem to listen. It worries me that Caleb is getting attached to him and I think he knows this. I could never let another person touch me…not after Grissom. Caleb needs a father…I don't want it to be anyone but Grissom. I don't like how Vincent's hand rest on my shoulder every time someone looks in our direction. It's possessive…it's getting to be a problem._

_March:_

_Lizzie died. I want to go to Grissom to comfort him but I don't want him to think that I am happy that she is gone. He loved her so much. He needs to grieve first. I need to tell him about his son. I'm excited and scared to tell him. I'm excited that he might want a child but I'm scared…I'm not her. Vincent keeps asking me why I've changed. I think he suspects that I am hopeful to reunite with Caleb's father. He says he doesn't know Grissom but I think it's a lie._

_I never mention Grissom and I lock my computer, keeping him away from my personal emails. Already he questions anyone who calls. I need to move out but I can't make such a move when I'm trying to prepare our son…to meet his father. I show him Grissom's picture every day. I want him to know Grissom. He is a good man and Caleb should be proud of his father. God, I love him so much but I'm afraid that he will be angry of what I've done. It was my fault that we slept together….my fault that he broke his vows…my fault that our child was born under such circumstances…my fault that during his grief he has to come to terms with what our actions did…we created Caleb. I just want him to love Caleb…and me, just a little._

_I stare at the blank screen because I can't put into words what Vincent did to me. It took over a week for me to understand that something did happen that night but the evidence was washed away and I am left feeling very much used and scared and I don't have a clue how to get out of this mess. I almost called Grissom but then how do I tell him? I should have moved out. I should have seen the warning signs…but I was too caught up with classes, trying to find a way to introduce Caleb to his father….the fear of seeing Grissom again. I don't want him to see me as a victim._

_April:_

_Jim called. I almost told him…everything. I need to talk to someone but I feel like if I do I will be lost in the pain and not able to climb out. I need to move out but it's not easy with Caleb's sitters, the class schedules and the fact that I have just exhausted my last cash flow until the end of the month. If it was just me, I would gladly live in my car or some dump but I have to consider Caleb. Housing is expensive here as I noticed. I check the ads often. I've considered cashing in my stocks but it would mean heavy penalties and I'm going to need that money when I finally move out at the end of May. I could afford a small apartment…Caleb needs a house but I'm not sure I can swing it on my meager salary and it doesn't help that my job is still in the air. I considered working at the lab here but then I found out Vincent still frequents it often…has friends…the hours would be a problem…for a single mom with a toddler and no support system. At least Vincent is gone now…where I don't know. I don't care. It helps that I don't have to focus on that._

_Brass doesn't say much except Grissom is not Grissom. He is mourning…he needs to mourn. I am. I feel I have lost my direction. I am trying to figure out a way to accept that I'm pregnant…not through love but because of a rape. I suspected it last month but I couldn't bring myself to take the test. Things are out my hands, out of control and I'm struggling to survive._

_May:_

_Jim wanted me to come to Vegas but I can't. I thought it was too soon but Jim was worried and that made me worried so now I can't sleep again. I dismissed the pregnancy for as long as I can. Already the morning sickness has come. I hide it…not wanting anyone to know. I'm so ashamed. I cling to Caleb…my only solace. I don't know what I would do without him. I picked up the phone the other day to call Grissom but I was afraid he wouldn't answer…wouldn't want to talk with me…wouldn't want to be reminded of what I did…we did. It's been two years and not once has he contacted me even though I ask about him every time I talk with the guys. He has my phone number and email address but there is no contact. The silence speaks volumes._

_Vincent suddenly returned. I came downstairs and he was there at the table. I almost vomited in the kitchen floor. He knows I don't remember everything…still claims that the drink was not intended for me and he wouldn't have done what he did if I had objected. He said he offered me the drink and I took it willingly. Like I knew what was in it or that I could have said no after being drugged and tied to the bed! The bastard…he acts remorseful and it sickens me._

_I gasp as Caleb extends his arms to Vincent and he holds him, smiling at me that he's won over my son and I want to vomit. I can't stay here anymore. I have to get out for my own sanity…I just haven't figured out a way. I thought I saw Warrick today…but then again I see their faces everywhere I look. I miss them. I miss home. I miss Grissom._

_June:_

_Maybe I did see Warrick because Grissom sent me a photo of Caleb. I was happy and scared and…couldn't stop crying. Why couldn't this have happened before Vincent raped me? I want Grissom to love his son. I don't know how he is going to react but I pray he'll accept him and…me. I have put off moving out…I have to focus on Grissom and Caleb. I need to make sure they bond…they need each other. I'll stomach Vincent for as long as I can. _

_I felt Grissom's anger before he exploded. He wants to be a part of Caleb's life…that includes me by default. I couldn't believe he came here…took a leave of absence. I feel awkward and insecure. Lizzie was beautiful…I'm plain and getting large. I won't be able to hide the pregnancy much longer._

_Vincent tossed the pregnancy test onto the counter…I threw it away a long time ago but this just shows me that it has gone to a new level. He knows I'm pregnant. He's known for a long time but has been waiting to show his hand. He gloated over it. It made me sick._

_July:_

_I want to tell Grissom but I'm a coward. Vincent is getting aggressive again insisting the pregnancy is a sign that we are together, must be together and I swear if he touches me…. He suspects I'm involved with someone so he's being possessive again. We were never together until that night and yet he acts as though we are. I need to leave but I need to give Grissom and Caleb time together…I don't know how much more of this I can take. Every day fragments come back of that night and I want to run to Grissom but I can't involve him. He's given me no indication that he even cares about me._

_The baby made me sick during lecture today. I'm not sure if it's the morning sickness or my nerves or both. Vincent and I fought. He handed me a drink and I…lost it, remembering bit and pieces of what happened that night. I couldn't stop vomiting. He carried us to the hospital, fearing I would lose the baby. I wanted to…but then I saw the ultrasound and was told it was a girl. I wept. I felt guilty for thinking that I didn't want her. I do…just not how it came about. It's not her fault. I have no idea what came over me but I will not abandon this baby…she is mine and mine alone. I wonder if she can feel my emotions…if she can, I have to stop crying myself to sleep. _

_He swears we won't fight anymore but I know we will. God, I am so tired of this. We are teetering on the edge and I'm afraid I may become my mother if he threatens my children. I would leave now but Grissom and Caleb need more time. I just don't know how much more I can stand before…._

_Making love to Grissom was worth the pain I've endured. I didn't think he would ever want me again and even now I'm hesitant to think that it is more than just his desire to be with his son…I'm with him because he wants to provide a family for his son. I was scared he would notice the changes in my body but it was quick as if he too needed it as much as I did but I feel guilty for the deception. _

_I'm so close to escaping from this nightmare but at what cost? I don't know if Grissom will accept me once he knows I'm pregnant. I have to tell him. _

_I almost told him when we made love again. It was slow and sweet and for once in a long time I felt safe, wanted and not teetering on the edge. I came home that evening feeling more secure about my future. Grissom and I have made plans to return to Vegas together. Together…I almost refused to let myself believe that I could go home. Home isn't really Vegas. It's always been Grissom. _

_The beating scared me. I was afraid I might lose the baby but he stopped when the pain was excruciating and he too feared the same thing. Vincent wouldn't let me go to the hospital even though I begged…I know he couldn't explain the bruises. I have to stay calm, wait for an opportunity when he leaves so I can escape with Caleb._

_I was so scared he was going to catch me calling Grissom but I needed to ease his worries. I knew he had no idea why I did not bring Caleb. His voice sounded hurt and angry but I couldn't explain further, needing to hurry…_

_So close but I can't leave this place…Vincent probably watched me leave the house. There is no telling when he contacted an attorney to block me from leaving…he probably did it the moment he discovered the pregnancy test…but waited to see if I would try to run. I did. I ran to the only place I've ever felt safe…Grissom._

_I can't get the image of Grissom's face from my mind when he discovered I was pregnant by Vincent. He hates me. His eyes are cold and I've gone inside myself, to hide from the emotional pain. The physical pain from the beating reminds me I'm still breathing after hurting Grissom. I never wanted to hurt him. I have and I can't take it back._

_I guess I'm truly my mother's daughter. I don't think anyone can run from violence. I haven't been able to…it still found me after all these years._

_He says there will be no "us" but he's willing to help me because I'm Caleb's mother. If I didn't have to consider the baby I would have left to fight my own battles but I can't fight Vincent and risk losing the baby. I'll do anything to protect her. Even though it would break my heart I know Caleb will be safe with Grissom. I can hardly breathe knowing that I may have to let Grissom take Caleb back to Vegas without me but I won't put Caleb in harm's way. _

_I never wanted him to risk his job for me…and he did that. He offered to claim her so that we can leave. I just want Vincent out of my life. I don't want him near me or my daughter. I've made such a mess of my life. _

_Caleb deserves a better life than this. I am ashamed of my actions. I never should have stayed with Vincent. I can only blame myself. Grissom deserves Caleb more than I do…I don't trust myself to make the right decisions anymore. _

_I went to a very dark place when Grissom confronted me about the amnio results. He didn't know what happened but then I wasn't sure whether he believed me or not when I told him. Still, he held me while I fell apart and for that I am sure is what kept me grounded. Since the amnio, fragments of that night come rushing back in the oddest moments and I have to gasp for air, struggling to deal with the pain. I have to deal with it alone._

_August:_

_We are in Vegas. Why do I still not feel safe? I wake up in a sweat reliving the same nightmare…it's always the same. I'm alone. _

_The house is nice…very nice. I'm worried about the cost. Grissom is having to pay for it and I feel bad because I'm just living under his roof, not contributing the way I want. I cashed in the stocks to put some money toward the house. It was only half of what he put down but I couldn't match it. I tried, going through my budget over and over but it just wasn't there. I was embarrassed to only be able to offer what I could._

_He's providing for Caleb, me and a child that is not his. I know it is not fair. I feel guilty. I feel trapped by my own mistakes. _

_He's not happy that I'm here but at the moment there is no place to go and I can't bear the thought of living without Caleb. We do nothing but fight. I'm worried about its effect on the pregnancy. I thought it would get better but it's not. _

_The only relief is when I teach. I can't stay there all day. I try to help the students as much as possible. I'm trying my best to make a good impression for Dr. Williams so I can continue to have a job but for how long?_

_I'm torn with leaving and staying…and I thought it would be better once I came back to Vegas. There is no peace…God, I just want…peace. I don't think Caleb notices the arguments but if he does, I need to find another place for myself and the baby. I can't take Caleb from Grissom. Grissom has lost enough…I won't do that to him. _

_I don't know what to think of what happened…I'm not sure if it was love or…sex. He flew out of the house just like he did that night we made Caleb. Do I remind him of her or does he remember her and I'm a poor substitute? Does he settle for me because we have Caleb? I want to believe that he has feelings for me but his actions tell me, he doesn't…I'm just so confused._

_It was just sex. It had to be sex because he didn't want to even talk with me the next day. I tried to pull him into a conversation but it is too forced so I'm retreating, staying away because I don't want us to end up fighting like Vincent and I did. I never knew what would set him off. It hurts to think that it was just sex…what did I expect?_

_He came to my room tonight. I thought he had left for work already but he just appeared and…I couldn't stop him, didn't want him to stop but it pains me to think that while I'm making love to him he's having sex with me. I hurt…my heart hurts but I can't deny him. I want him so much it's painful without him. I pray that just maybe he'll want me someday…really want me…like he wants Caleb…or wanted Lizzie._

_Just once before I die I want to be loved like that. I want to feel cherished. He cherished her…the way he held her hand and read to her. I want him to mourn for me when I die. It's morbid to be jealous of a dead woman but I am. She has his heart…I just want a small piece of it. Is that too much to ask?_

_He jumped me as soon as I came home accusing me of….I've never been so hurt or angry. He had no right to say any of that stuff. He doesn't trust me…I don't think Grissom will ever trust me. He still thinks that there was something between Vincent and me…that was the lowest of the blows and the most painful. I hated Vincent and what he did to me. _

_He's too broken and I'm too battered to fight these battles. He told me he'll never love me like he did her…it doesn't matter. I never thought he loved me anyway._

_Broken people cannot fix broken hearted people. He slept with a stranger. So did I- I slept with Grissom. I don't know him. Can broken people still break? I crumpled…not because of his confession but because I can't get him out of my heart…even if he shattered it. _

_With each fight, I feel as though he's slicing through my veins and I'm bleeding on the inside…no one sees the life draining out of me but I can feel it. I don't know how to fix this. He's still in pain but I can't help him…I'm hardly dealing with my own pain. I have to focus on Mikayla….he chose the name. It was the least I could do…let him name her. I wish she was his…but she's not. My poor baby has no one but me. I'm scared for her…for me._

There were no further entries.

He stepped back, fearful she would wake.

He placed the laptop and the mouse onto the bed and slipped out.

He sank onto his bed, hoping his pillow could stifle his sobs.

He had not even realized he had not called into the office until Catherine called him.

"Gil, are you alright?" she asked.

"I shouldn't have come in last night…still not feeling well."

"Stay home…do you need anything? How are Sara and Caleb?"

"They're sleeping."

Catherine frowned. "You sound awful. I could come by after shift?"

"No…Sara will be up then."

"Do you need someone now?" she asked not liking the fact that he sounded retched while Sara slept.

"No, night Catherine."

Note from author:

Okay, enough with the begging. I am releasing this tonight but please don't shortchange me with the reviews. Oh, you'll like the next chapter....or two or three...and no, I don't know how long this is because I haven't broken up the last part into chapters....

Take care!


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter Twenty Seven:**

**Harsh Reality**

He brought breakfast to her room, offered conversation but she declined both.

She looked as bad as he did and he wondered how much sleep she had actually gotten.

She lingered in the bathroom, throwing off her schedule.

He attempted to help by changing Caleb and then dressing him for the day but the small child had wanted Sara and so she held the child while attempting to finish getting dressed.

She felt awkward with him in her room as she stood there in a robe.

He extended his arms and Caleb finally went to him.

"I'll get him breakfast," he offered as he glanced at the uneaten breakfast on the tray.

Her stomach was still queasy and the sight of the food made things worse.

She was gone within an hour as he stood there in the middle of the room, not sure why he felt the need to do something…anything to ease her pain.

Counseling was hard that evening as he spent hours discussing his relationship with Sara, speaking in hushed tones, trying to explain how he felt when he had made love to Sara but then ran, leaving her with the mess of the infidelity, and the eventual pregnancy.

"I never knew she wanted children until that evening," he sighed. "She was so like me…wanting a life just out of reach. It pained me to see her hurting….and then she had told me how much she loved me," he choked. "How much she wanted me….I never told her…I was a coward…taking what I wanted and then leaving…letting her feel guilty for what I started…I crossed the line. She didn't."

"Have you told her…now?"

He gulped. "She wouldn't believe me."

"Why?"

He admitted his hurtful accusations.

"Now…you believe Caleb is yours?"

"Yes…of course I do."

"Do you trust her?"

"Yes….more than anything."

"What's changed? Just the other day you were…"

"I read her journal," he admitted.

Ms. Evans frowned. "Did Sara give you permission to read her personal journal?"

He hung his head.

He explained how he managed to read it.

"I know I shouldn't have read it but it helped me to see how Lizzie's adultery has warped my reasoning. Before…I found out about Lizzie, I never would have even thought Sara was capable of any of the things I accused her of doing. My failure to see Lizzie's infidelity made me question everything."

"You lost your ability to trust."

He nodded. "Reading Sara's thoughts made me realize how much she loved me…protected me."

"You're using past tense."

"I…am…aren't I," he said sadly.

"Gil, what scares you the most?"

"That…I'm not worthy of her love...not good enough. I wasn't good enough for Lizzie."

Pure anguish crossed his face. "I don't deserve Sara. I know that...now...but I hope that she'll give me another chance. I need another chance...but first I need...to change."

He fidgeted in his seat.

He spoke about the contents of Sara's journal, wiping his eyes as he spoke about the sacrifices she had made.

"I should have gone to San Francisco as soon as...if I had gone then..."

He hung his head, remorse written on his face.

"So…now you understand why I want to change…why I want so much to be the kind of person Sara deserves?"

"I have an assignment for you," she replied. "I think it's time you did a journal of your own."

He frowned.

Shift ran into a double and he had no choice but to keep working.

By the time it was over, he was back with the counselor.

"I don't want to be here," he spat.

"Then why are you here?" she asked.

He looked down at the floor. "Because…I don't like what I've become. I want to let go of the anger….so I don't yell at…Sara."

"Then you have to forgive Lizzie…as well as yourself."

"I forgive her!" he yelled. "I just want her to let me go…let me live again."

"Gil, Lizzie is dead. The only thing that's stopping you is yourself…and your guilt."

"This isn't working!" he griped. "This is just…I've wasted ten years of my life on Lizzie. I don't want to give her another second of my time."

"Then don't. Mr. Grissom guilt can…."

"I don't feel sorry for hating her!"

"You feel sorry for breaking your vows…for thinking that you caused the accident which put her in a vegetative state."

Pain flashed in his eyes.

"Emma said…she said Lizzie was angry over her threat…not that I wouldn't…" he stopped taking a gulp of air.

"What do you regret?"

"I regret…that I didn't just go to her…listen to her…then maybe I would have found out why she betrayed me…cheated on me…and maybe…the baby…would be alive today."

"Baby?"

He hung his head.

He wasn't sure whether he could talk about Emily.

He'd only spoken a little about her to Sara.

"I think we have something to discuss at our next meeting," Ms. Evans stated.

He stopped by the cemetery on the way home.

He sat quietly on the bench he'd purchased years ago, staring at the cold slab of marble.

He tried to not to look at Lizzie's side.

"I'm not here…for you. I'm here for Emily," he announced.

He glanced around as if he didn't mean to speak aloud.

He took the bouquet of flowers and placed them by the headstone.

"I'm sorry I haven't visited in awhile," he whispered. "I meant to…really. It's just that…I miss you Emily…and I'm sorry…so sorry if I was the reason…that you're not here today."

He wiped his eyes with his sleeve as he stood. "I'll come back again…I promise. She won't keep me away anymore."

He glared at the other grave. "I won't let what you did to me… destroy me Lizzie."

He was glad to be home even though they were not there.

His head hurt from the lack of sleep.

Her sweater lay over the couch and he grabbed it, inhaling the scent of her.

It had felt good to visit Emily's grave but devastating on his heart.

He stretched out on the couch, not wanting to lie in bed.

He wanted more than anything to talk with her and feared she would not wake him in order to avoid a confrontation.

_I promise Sara…_

_I won't hurt you anymore…_

_Just give me a chance…_

He breathed in deeply, his heart eased by the scent on the sweater.

He passed out on the couch with her sweater wrapped over his arms.

She stepped into the house and halted when she caught sight of him.

There was a note on the fridge, urging her to wake him.

She sighed.

She had slept fitfully and had hoped to catch a nap before getting Caleb.

She sat across from him, not wanting to wake him but there wasn't much time left.

She watched him as he slept.

He looked very much like Caleb.

She longed to reach out, letting her fingers glide through his hair but this was not the Grissom she had fallen in love with.

This Grissom was hurtful.

Although his actions had been better recently, his track record told her to be cautious.

She was still weak from the vomiting, not sure if the morning sickness had somehow returned or if it were a case of the nerves.

She'd been able to keep down very little in the past few days, hiding the illness, not wishing to bring attention to herself.

Her mother had taught her the importance of being a ghost within your own home especially when you lived with a volatile person who could go off without provocation.

She swore she would never live like that and yet here she was.

_Maybe it's just me…._

_Maybe there's something in me…_

_Like in my Mom that makes men angry…._

She knew it was a stupid theory but she bet Vincent Andrews would agree.

He'd gone into bits of yelling before, swearing she had bewitched him.

He'd claimed over and over that he'd never been so possessive until he met her.

She had captivated him, causing him to act the way he did.

She swallowed.

Even now, it was still difficult to think about that had happened and she wondered how things would be between she and Grissom if she were not pregnant by another man.

Still, she caressed the small mound.

She couldn't fault the small life growing inside her.

It happened and there was no sense in looking back.

Gently she nudged him.

"It's an hour before dinner. I need to get Caleb soon," she said.

He scrambled to an upright position, trying to wake himself fully.

He looked at her fully.

Her color was still pale but her voice was stronger.

He vowed not to upset her, choosing his words carefully.

"I wanted to talk with you," he began.

He knew she didn't want to talk, remembering the note about their fights.

Already she was scooting back as if to remove herself from striking range.

It bothered him but he focused on what needed to be said and done.

He spoke cautiously not wanting to tip his hand that he had read the journal.

"I know I've said some hurtful things to you…things I had no right to say."

When she said nothing, he continued. "I had no right to doubt that Caleb is mine. I also had no right to make you feel responsible for what happened between us…or in San Francisco."

She swallowed.

It had been the worst pain, hearing his hurtful words.

She had cried herself to sleep the last few nights even though she tried to harden her heart against him.

His apology seemed a little too late, and she could not help but wonder if he would only rescind his acknowledgement of Caleb.

He'd done it before and this last time his allegation had been cruel.

She listened, not that she believed him, but mostly out of fear of the repercussions of getting him angry again.

She wasn't up to another round of verbal assaults.

This evening she would leave if he raised his voice.

She had no idea where she would go but she felt the need for peace.

"I'm glad you agreed to live here with me. It means a lot to me."

She shifted in the seat.

She had not expected so many apologies.

For days the tension had been excruciating while she contemplated what she would do if he told her to move out.

She knew she could call Brass or one of the guys but she did not want to get them involved.

She also could not bear the thought of living without Caleb but she would not uproot him from Grissom.

She had fretted not wanting to come home and now her worst fears were behind her.

"I'd like for us to talk…every day…before we get Caleb…if that's alright with you."

"Talk?"

It was the first time she had opened her mouth and it came out sounding hesitant and fearful.

Talk was the last thing she wanted to do.

Talk often led to harsh words that led to yelling and accusations that made her bleed inwardly.

Vincent had insisted they talk each evening, trying to pry into her private life, being kind to Caleb, hoping it would win her over.

His true feelings for Caleb emerged when he discovered she was pregnant, not caring how he treated the young boy who had actually become quite attached to the man.

She shivered at the memory.

"I…want to know how your day was…how you're feeling…how the baby is…you don't talk much about the baby."

There was a reason she didn't mention the baby.

He'd not given any indication that he wanted to be a part of her daughter's life even though in just a few months they would be living under the same roof.

Confusion and skepticism crossed her face.

_Grissom isn't like Vincent…_

_Maybe he's afraid I might try to take Caleb and is only pretending to care for me…or this baby.._

He pressed further, taking advantage of the silence once again.

"Sara…I need to apologize…for so many things…but I think I need to apologize to…Mikayla."

"Mikayla?"

"When we were getting the house ready to move in…we…I never considered…her needs. I furnished Caleb's room but…her room is still vacant."

She stood, needing to move away from him.

She flew to the kitchen for a drink of water, anything to keep her distance from him.

He followed, not sure if he had stepped over some invisible boundary.

"Why haven't you done anything to her room?" he asked and then berated himself inwardly at how it had come out in an accusatory way.

"I was waiting," she said going on the defensive.

She was so tired of this bickering.

She rubbed her temple, feeling a headache coming on.

"Mikayla is going to be here in three months. Shouldn't you…shouldn't **we** prepare her room? She deserves…"

"Don't!" she yelled.

He looked hurt.

He didn't understand.

"Don't pretend….Vincent did that. He bought things for Caleb. He played with him…he did all of that…and never cared. Don't!"

"Honey, I'm not Vincent…and you're not Lizzie."

Note from author:

That a boy Grissom! Thanks for the kind words on the reviews. Today is going to be crazy....yes, crazy indeed. Be nice and leave a review and if I get to slip into a closet and post again, I will but I make no promises...

Take care!


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter Twenty Eight:**

**Trying To Make Amends**

There was a slight glitter of hope that flashed in her eyes but it faded immediately.

She was proud of herself for not breaking down.

He couldn't blame her.

She didn't trust him.

"I'm not going to allow one child to be treated any differently than…the other. Mikayla is part of you…she deserves just as much as Caleb…perhaps more."

"I love them the same…I don't play favorites," she scoffed not liking the insinuation.

"I will. I'll look at Mikayla and I will see you."

"She might not look like me at all. She might look like…" She gulped not wanting to say his name.

"Mikayla will be beautiful…just like you."

He stepped around the counter, forcing her to back against the fridge to keep some distance between them.

"The moment I lay eyes on her, she will steal my heart…just like you did."

She brushed off his words, grabbing the kettle to make tea.

His words would have melted her heart, her soul a few days ago but now they were empty.

"The room…" She interrupted him.

"I'm going to buy the things….later. I was going to wait…"

"When you get paid? Sara, I have money. We can go and…"

She shook her head. "I can take care of her…I don't need…I can do this on my own."

"Would you let me? I thought we could go tomorrow and…"

"There's no need. I'll take care of it."

He reached out intending to caress her cheek but she jerked away as if avoiding a slap.

It was an instinctive reaction to a person who had lived in an abusive situation and his heart hurt for her.

He had let his grief and anger over Lizzie over shadow the pain Sara had endured.

"You've done a wonderful job with Caleb. He's a very lucky boy to have you as a mother. Sara, you are so good with him…I want to be a good father. I want to provide for both of them…not just one. That is not fair."

"She's not yours," she choked. "I never intended for you to think that she was…I'm not that kind of person….despite what you think of me!"

Her words were harsh but he refused to let it goad him into an argument.

She had a right to be upset.

"I know, sweetheart," he soothed. "I'm sorry…that I made you feel that way."

She wavered but tried to step away once more but he pressed.

"I want to be…a father to Mikayla."

"But you're not. She's a product of…my mistake."

"Not yours! Sara, Mikayla doesn't have to know…the only thing she needs to know is that her mother loved her unconditionally. I will too. She'll never know the truth. No one has to know."

"I know. I don't like lies. They come back to haunt you."

"No one will know…just us."

She shook her head.

It was just too much too soon.

"I need to get Caleb," she said as she stepped to the side.

"I know I frighten you," he admitted when he blocked her path.

"I won't…let myself be hurt again," she threatened.

"I won't hurt you," he urged.

"I don't like lies either," she warned. "Don't say things you don't mean."

"I hope you'll let me be a father to her…I…."

"Look, if you're afraid I'm going to take Caleb….I'm not. You don't have to pretend…"

"I'm not!"

He stepped toward her but she backed away unconsciously.

Gently his hand reached out and caressed her cheek.

She tried not to flinch from the touch.

"I know you would never do anything to hurt me," he whispered. "I promise Sara. I won't hurt you… again…if you give me a chance."

She closed her eyes not sure whether she could allow herself to risk being hurt again.

It was too much, almost too unbelievable.

The words from their fight still rattled around in her head.

_Why the sudden change?_

_He didn't even trust you and now he's offering…_

She trembled, holding back unshed tears.

He wanted so much to tell her that he loved her but he wasn't sure she would believe him.

His lips softly kissed hers as his hands cupped her face gently, his fingers caressing her skin.

Quickly he released her, not sure if she would be angry for his advances.

Her eyes fluttered open and he was gone.

He headed to the shower, not looking back, hoping that she would think about what he said.

He felt better, knowing he had done the right thing and hoped she would not be so upset when the furniture arrived that he planned to order as soon as he got into the office.

She wasn't sure what to make of his change.

She couldn't imagine Grissom resorting to the same tactics that Vincent had used and yet his behavior was just as troubling.

She was too tired to think about it as she hurried to get their son.

Dinner was served and eaten while Grissom talked with Caleb trying to draw her into the conversation but she was leery, a slight sense of déjà vu crept over her remembering such moments with Vincent.

It ruined her appetite.

She collected the dishes and put them in the dishwasher.

Vincent had returned after one of his absences, being nice…too nice and it only resulted in another battle.

She wasn't up for a battle or the mind games anymore.

"_Honey, I'm not Vincent…and you're not Lizzie."_

He tried conversation again, hoping that she would give him a chance at redemption.

The conversation was strained but they were talking or rather he was talking to her while she went through the motions.

She was relieved when it was time for him to leave for work as he hovered near her door after putting Caleb to bed.

She tried to ignore him but he acted as if he wanted to do something but his phone rang and he disappeared.

By the sound of the conversation, it was the lab.

As soon as the downstairs door shut, she padded off to stand in the baby's room.

She was never a pink and lace sort of girl but she wanted the room to look nice.

Nick had done a good job with painting the walls.

She had some money put aside but it was her emergency fund.

She had already been paid for part of the lectures but was saving the money until she would receive the final payment.

There would then be enough to buy a nice furniture set.

While it probably would not be new, she could probably afford a nice used set.

She had saved little of Caleb's clothing, not thinking she would ever be pregnant again.

The baby would need sleepers at least along with another diaper bag.

Formula was not going to be a problem since she breastfed Caleb until he was one.

"It will be finished," she whispered as she caressed her abdomen.

There was no way she was going to let Grissom help.

He was already providing a roof over their head and paid the utilities as well as most of the groceries.

The loss of the income in San Francisco had thrown her budget into a tailspin.

She needed a full time job that provided benefits, knowing the medical insurance would be a problem after the baby's birth since she would not be able to afford the payments unless she was employed full time.

If she got a full time lecture job, she could afford to cover some of the household expenses.

Right now, she felt as if she was taking advantage of Grissom and it did not set well with her conscious.

Her fingers touched her lips.

His kiss had been warm, soft, soothing and tempting.

She had wanted to return the kiss but she forced herself not to react.

_What if he really means what he says?_

She cursed at her heart, knowing she was going to give him another chance.

She was still trying to recover from the wounds he had inflicted on her heart several nights ago.

The heart was a funny thing.

It didn't know when to stop taking a beating.

"I just wished he loved me…as much as he loved her," she wept.

She was startled when she heard the downstairs door reopen and then shut.

Footsteps were heard coming up the stairs.

They halted at the top of the stairs briefly and then he appeared in the doorway of the baby's room.

He seemed out of breath, taking the steps two at a time.

"Is something wrong?" she asked.

"Yes," he said taking a deep breath. "I'm…I hope you will give me a chance…even if I don't deserve it. I promise…I'll change, Sara. I know you don't believe me but…I'm ashamed of how I've treated you. I won't…you don't have to be afraid of me. I'm dealing with the anger issues…through counseling."

She was surprised at the revelation.

He hesitantly stepped into the room. "I wanted to…say this earlier but the lab called and I needed to go but…I couldn't leave until I said this. You're more important to me than the lab."

He stood there, waiting for a reply but there was none.

He didn't really expect one.

He turned to leave once more but halted and turned, making his way to her side in three strides.

He leaned over and kissed her, a slight catch in his breath at the sight of fresh tear marks on her cheeks.

He gently wiped them away, placing one last kiss on her forehead.

"Are you alright? I can stay if…"

"I'm fine. You need to go," she whispered.

"But…"

"I don't…need you."

He swallowed, not sure how to take the statement.

Her heart shuddered at the tear that slipped down his cheek.

"You can call me…if you…"

He practically ran down the steps as his phone went off again.

"Grissom," he managed to get out. "No I'm on my way…tell Conrad to keep his shirt on. He can handle the media by himself if he can't wait."

The door shut once again.

_Maybe he was serious…_

Catherine griped as she glanced over the magazine and found him staring at her.

The interview with the media on the latest case had not gone well and Grissom had taken the brunt of the accusations and grumblings from the family and media while Ecklie stepped to the side, almost standing behind Grissom, letting him take the full assault.

Grissom had glared at Ecklie.

It was Ecklie's job to handle the media which he usually did until things turned nasty and then he looked for a scapegoat.

"I'm on a break," she sniped.

"I know…it's just I need… your help with something," he whispered looking around.

She leaned forward, putting the magazine down.

"Is it work-related because I'm all tapped out with favors," she huffed.

"It's personal," he admitted.

She hopped around the table, intending to take him by the arm but remembered the last time she did that and instead leaned in.

"What can I do for you?" she asked.

"I need…your opinion on…some clothing. I'm not sure if lace would be good or…"

Catherine grinned. "Trying to spice up the love life?"

He gawked and then muttered "never mind" as he fled to his office.

She followed, not sure just what he needed help with but it was the first time in ages Gil Grissom had asked for help in any personal matter.

"I'm sorry. Tell me what you're looking for," she said.

"Could you close the door?" he asked.

She closed the door quickly.

_Maybe he is looking to buy something for Sara…_

"I don't know if…Mikayla would like this…or if it's better…"

"Mikayla? Who is Mikayla?"

He caught himself, almost saying "Sara's baby" but coughed instead.

"We decided…Sara decided to name her Mikayla."

"Oh…the baby."

She smiled when she saw the outfit on the screen.

"Babies like things that are comfortable…soft…Mommies like the lacy things…of course I don't think Sara is the type that likes lace."

"Oh."

"Trying to buy her an outfit as a surprise to Sara?"

"We've been so busy…we just hadn't…I want her to have nice clothes and a nice bed with matching furniture…there's nothing in the room except an old rocker."

Catherine smiled. "I'm sure Sara would help you pick out the furniture."

"She wants to wait…until later."

"Money issues?" she asked.

"No…we're fine. It's just we spent a lot to get into the house and Sara's income hasn't started to come in yet."

"Been there. Of course Eddie's rarely came in."

"I like this," he pointed out.

"That's nice."

"You think so? The room is yellow and I just thought that it would look nice for…a girl…but since I've never done this before I wasn't sure whether…do you think Sara would like it?"

"Yes, Gil. I think Sara would love it…and Mikayla too."

He smiled slightly.

"Listen there's this shop down on Fifth that has gorgeous girl's clothes that are very affordable…they have to be for me to buy them on my salary. Anyway, I'll write down the name and you can go there…but remember, soft and comfortable for newborns…no lace except for one or two for special photos."

"Thanks, Catherine."

She sensed his sadness as he placed the order.

He looked concerned, not sure about his choices.

"Gil, she's going to love it…are you alright?"

"I just…I just want to please her," he admitted.

"If Eddie had ever done anything like this…hell, there's no way Eddie would have bothered himself with this. It's very thoughtful."

_I should have done this when I bought the things for Caleb…_

"Where did you come up with the name of Mikayla?"

"From a wanna be girlfriend."

She gawked. "You could have used my name."

"You're not a wanna be girlfriend," he teased.

She patted him on the back and he didn't object, smiling at the gesture.

Catherine swallowed the lump in her throat.

_Maybe this baby is just what he needs…_

Note from author:

Sorry folks....didn't get time to proofread this last night....major headache that is still with me this morning....UGH

Take care!


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter Twenty Nine:**

**Major Boo Boo Minor Boo Boo**

Sara cringed when she looked at her calendar, forgetting that she had scheduled the appointment but knowing that she couldn't very well cancel it.

It was too important and besides, she didn't feel her best.

She knew the stress from the confrontations with Grissom did not help.

She was sleeping little these days despite turning in early.

She worried about the impression she was making with Professor Williams, needing a more permanent position within a few months.

Grissom's words had been part of the reason she couldn't drift off to sleep.

He had felt crushed when she had told him she didn't need him.

She had not chosen her words carefully, too tired to think.

She was sure he took it the wrong way but a small part of her had wanted him to taste a small fraction of the heartache she had felt.

As soon as the tear slipped down his cheek, she wanted to take it back but he quickly retreated, hurrying off to work.

The sight of the tear unnerved her, her heart scolding her for the cruelty towards the only man she had ever loved.

She had thought to call him but she was clueless as to what she would say.

She finally closed her eyes knowing that within a few hours she would have to wake.

The house was quiet when he got home.

He took the steps two at a time, not sure why he needed to rush but he slowed once he got to the top of the stairs, peering in to see that Caleb was still fast asleep.

He glanced at his watch, not sure what to make of it.

Her door was open slightly and he was able to peek in.

She lay sleeping, her body curled into a ball.

Caleb stirred and he stepped into his son's room, patting him on the back.

"Dada," he announced.

"Good morning Caleb," he smiled.

He lifted the small child getting a sweet slobbering kiss for his efforts.

He chuckled, hugging the baby tight to his chest.

Quietly, he took the baby downstairs, making a mess as Grissom attempted breakfast with small hands that insisted on helping.

He bathed the child, putting on clean clothes and returned upstairs.

She still slept, not moving from the last time he checked.

He knew she would have to rise soon in order to get to class on time.

Finally, he gently nudged her, causing a flurry of covers to fly into the air as she struggled to get out of bed.

"What time is it?" she yawned, trying to sift through her closet, knowing that she should have been up hours ago.

"You have an hour before class," he said.

"I'm going to be late," she said as she rushed around, grabbing clothing and dashing into the bathroom.

She reappeared a few minutes later, freshly showered, her hair still damp.

She took Caleb, kissing him over and over as she started to pack his bag.

"Sara…I did that," he said.

"Oh…his breakfast," she urged as she headed downstairs but he caught her hand.

"He's eaten."

She took a deep breath. "I didn't set the alarm. It won't happen again."

"It's fine," he urged.

She was out the door within thirty minutes, not giving them any time to talk.

He could not sleep, remembering the words that passed between them and wishing he had withheld the hurtful ones when he had accused her of so many false and hateful things.

He was concerned about her, knowing she would have preferred to sleep longer, the exhaustion evident in her demeanor.

_She's doing too much…_

_She needs to rest more…_

He did a load of laundry, taking extra care with her things.

He picked up around the house, putting away toys and books he'd left lying about.

He emptied the dishwasher and took out the trash.

When there was nothing left to do, he stood there unsure of himself.

_Will she be mad that I helped?_

_will she think I only did it because she said she didn't need me?_

His shoulders slumped.

Sara was a survivor.

She didn't need the likes of him.

He dressed, deciding to go to the university to have lunch with her.

He was not prepared to find a guest speaker in her place.

He inquired about her but was told she had left immediately following the introductions.

He drove home expecting to find her there but when she did not return for several hours, he grew concerned.

Her phone rolled over to voicemail.

Since their fight, he had worried she would pack her things one day and move out, doubtful his words of apology had meant anything to her.

He would have been really worried if Caleb was not with the sitter down the street.

He made up an excuse to drop in to see Caleb, citing his work schedule had prevented him from spending much time with the child.

He hurried back home to sit and wait.

Finally a few hours before shift, she stepped into the house.

"I came by the university…you had left," the worry in his voice. "I tried to reach you by phone but you didn't answer."

She held up the phone. "I forgot to charge it."

She handed it to him as if he needed physical proof.

"I…had an appointment," she explained. "They were running behind."

"Appointment?"

"Six month check- up," she clarified. "It took longer…since I'm a new patient."

She glanced around. "Did you get Caleb?'

"No…I didn't. I was hoping we could talk first," he almost begged.

"I don't…want to talk," she breathed.

"It's just talk…I just wanted…I'd hoped…" he stopped, knowing that he had no right to expect anything from her.

It was obvious she didn't want to talk with him much less be near him.

He'd wanted to be near her all day.

He intentionally slammed the front door as he walked down the street to get Caleb.

She had no idea why she burst into tears.

He cursed at himself for his behavior.

He knew he had upset her but his mind had conjured up horror after horror with each hour that passed and there was no word from her.

He'd tried her cell over and over but it continued to roll over to voicemail.

Vincent Andrews was still a viable threat.

He couldn't help but also think that just maybe she didn't want a relationship with him, staying away for as long as she could.

She wiped her eyes not wanting Caleb to see her upset.

He was trying very hard not to lose his temper, the worry etched on his face.

She was not up to a talk.

It had hurt him but at the moment she had to concentrate on her needs and the needs of her unborn.

She felt as though her emotions were too thin, still not fully recovered from the recent events.

Today would not have bothered her before but everything seemed to bother her.

The doctor visit had not been pleasant.

They had run behind, leaving her to sit in a lobby with couples who waited for their appointment.

She had been through this before but it felt especially hard this time, knowing she would have to endure the same looks when she discussed her pregnancy.

"_Are you married?"_

"_No."_

"_Will the father be present for the delivery?"_

She had thought about Grissom but his behavior had been too erratic for her to be sure that he was sincere.

She had shaken her head.

She listed Ben and Carol but then wasn't sure they would be able to make it with the new baby.

This time, she would be completely on her own and it had rattled her.

She couldn't ask one of the team although she could see having Nick as a coach in the delivery room.

She always saw him as the fatherly type but rumors would fly if she asked Nick when she was living with Grissom.

She was alone in this.

Grissom returned within a few minutes.

Caleb was rather upset.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"He's used to you picking him up at a certain time. He's been upset for the past hour."

"Need Momma," he wailed.

"Sorry Caleb. Mommy had a doctor appointment….it ran over."

"Momma boo boo?" he asked.

"Yes…Momma boo boo," she breathed.

She comforted the small child, kissing away his tears while speaking softly to him.

The tears disappeared and he returned the kiss.

Sara ignored the wet slobber still on her cheek as she took the child to his room.

They played for an hour and then she put the baby gate in place, stepping into her room to rest.

She was surprised to find her bed neatly made.

There was a stack of clothing, folded on her bed.

She didn't know what to think.

He tapped on the door. "I'm sorry…I got concerned when I couldn't reach you."

"What did you think? I was with someone?" she spat.

It was obvious she thought his behavior had stemmed from his distrust of her.

"I trust you, Sara," he said sadly. "It's just that…Vincent Andrews…left the university. No one knows where he went. After I tried again and again I got worried…for you and Mikayla."

She tensed immediately, understanding his concern.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know. They were running behind…and by the time I thought to call home the phone went dead."

"When is your next appointment?" he asked.

"In three weeks."

He nodded. "Boo boo?" he questioned.

She displayed the multiple band-aids.

"He saw the band-aids…blood work."

"Is this…routine?"

"Yes."

"No complications?"

It felt strange talking with him about the pregnancy.

"There…might be," she breathed.

He stepped closer. "There's a problem…with the baby?"

"Mikayla…is fine."

"But…there's a problem?"

"My feet…I'm not used to standing so much. The lobby was full so I waited in the hallway. My ankles are swollen."

There were a few seats but after awhile she couldn't stand to sit near the other couples, choosing to stand rather than be reminded of her single mother status.

He looked at her feet then grabbed a pillow propping them up.

His hands massaged her ankles.

It was meant to soothe but it only aroused her.

"I am sorry…I'm not used to checking in with someone."

"You don't have…to check in…I was just concerned…worried," he corrected.

"Did you sleep?"

"Yes," he lied. "I have an hour before I have to go…I'll watch him."

She nodded as she scooted down into the bed.

"Wake me in an hour," she yawned.

He stood outside her doorway.

He tried to calm down, reminding himself that she was now home and was safe but once the fear had inched its way into his brain it was difficult to get rid of.

He peeked inside a few times, surprised she had drifted off to sleep so quickly.

He would have liked to have gone with her for the check-up but he wasn't sure just how far she would allow him into her life.

He nudged her, not liking that he had to wake her but if he didn't leave soon he would be late for the counseling appointment.

She yawned.

"Caleb and I have already eaten. There's a plate in the oven," he murmured.

"Where's Caleb?" she asked.

"He's playing in his room. Sara, I could check with Sandra and…"

"It's fine," she said.

He could not seem to take his eyes from her abdomen.

He marveled at the way her abdomen moved from side to side.

"What…what's wrong?" she asked.

"I see her moving," he grinned.

"She's been active," she yawned.

"May I?" he asked.

She started to shake her head but it was too late.

He placed his hand on the round mound and grinned, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"Is she always this active?" he asked.

"Yes," she whispered, not sure how to react to the intimacy.

She'd never let anyone touch her while she was pregnant with Caleb.

His other hand felt the baby.

"She kicked my hand!" he exclaimed.

He sat there absolutely enthralled with Sara's abdomen.

"Sara, this is amazing!" he said.

"Yes, it is," she agreed.

He saw an ultrasound photo sticking out of a baby book.

He reached for it but she took it not ready to share her with him.

It bothered him but he didn't push.

"So…everything is okay?" he asked again.

"Yes."

He glanced once more at the baby book.

Reluctantly, she slipped the ultrasound photo out and handed it to him.

He smiled as he looked at the photo.

He had placed Emily's ultrasound photo in his Bible.

He had seen the baby's movements inside Lizzie but his in-laws were too protective during that time for him to get close.

He was permitted to hold Lizzie's hand and nothing more.

He wished he had been able to feel Emily but those moments were stolen from him as well, his guilt over the accident too strong to make any demands.

His hand tried to follow Mikayla's movements but she would turn swirling in another direction.

He recognized the outline of a foot.

"Does that hurt?" he asked.

"Only if she kicks me in the ribs or does a tap dance on my bladder," she breathed.

He couldn't seem to stop touching her as he chuckled at the new life growing inside her.

"Gil…you're going to be late," she cautioned.

He glanced at his watch. "Only by my standards," he quipped.

His face lost all expression as both hands suddenly covered the small mound.

"She has hiccups," explained Sara.

"It feels like she's in distress," he worried. "Are you sure?"

A small smile crept from her lips, at his genuine concern.

"The first time Caleb got them…I was in the middle of lecture. I thought something was terribly wrong….but then it stopped and…I was so nervous during my pregnancy with Caleb."

"Did you have any complications?"

She shook her head. "It was new…everything was new and I didn't want to do anything to lose him…I can't imagine…losing either of them."

He swallowed, nodding in understanding.

There was a deep sadness that engulfed him and she realized he did know what it felt like to lose a child.

He brought her palm to his lips, kissing it.

She was such an amazing woman.

He loved her more at that moment if it were possible.

He didn't hesitate but leaned forward and kissed her softly on the lips.

"Sleep well," he whispered.

He caressed the small mound once more and then dipped, placing a light kiss there as well and then he was gone.

She melted into a pool of tears but for once in a long time she wasn't sad.

He became fascinated with Mikayla.

He could not seem to keep his hands to himself, asking often to touch her.

She obliged, not sure what to make of it but it felt good to feel his hands on her body again, even if it were not in a sexual manner.

The counseling continued.

The topic of San Francisco took several sessions as he talked about meeting Caleb, becoming intimate with Sara once more and then the discovery of the pregnancy.

"How did you feel about Sara being pregnant by someone else?"

"Hurt…angry…frightened."

"Why?"

"I was hurt when I thought she had found someone else…then angry because she didn't tell me about the pregnancy."

"Why were you afraid?"

"Afraid I had lost her…because of my own stupid insecurities."

"It sounds like she's given you another chance. How does that make you feel?"

"I'm still afraid."

"Why?"

"I don't think she's dealt with the rape…or…how I treated her."

"Do you think she is still afraid of you?"

"Yes. I would never strike her but there are times when she jerks away as if she's fearful that I will. It hurts to see her like that…to know that someone in her past mistreated her. God, I've done just as much damage. I've frightened her quite a bit when I lost my temper….that's not like me. "

"Gil, you seem depressed."

He spoke lovingly of his interaction with Mikayla, the counselor noticing the catch in his voice each time he mentioned Emily.

There had been many attempts to get him to talk about Emily but he skirted around the topic, avoiding it as long as possible.

"Did you do this with Emily?" she asked.

He shook his head.

"It must be painful at times…remembering the baby you lost."

He refused to look in her direction.

"Have you talked with Sara…about these feelings?"

He shook his head.

"Why not?

"I don't…deserve…" he stopped. "Could we…stop for today?"

There was a delay with the furniture order but he was bursting at the seams when it arrived.

His face fell when he realized the crib came unassembled.

He read the instructions and then pulled out the pieces but within an hour he was cursing.

He needed help but it had to be competent help.

Warrick had been able to help him with Caleb's but Warrick had worked a double.

She answered on the first ring.

"I'm not on rotation," she muttered.

"The crib came," he announced.

"I'm happy for you…Gil, you could have told me this in the lab…on our break time," she teased.

"I can't figure out how to put it together," he blurted.

Catherine chuckled.

"Catherine…have you ever put one of these things together?" he asked. "I would call Warrick but…"

"I'll be right over but you owe me dinner," she said.

"Thanks, Cat."

Catherine sifted through the closet of baby clothes and smiled.

"You've got good taste," she purred.

"You think Sara will like them?" he asked.

"Trying really hard to impress her?"

"I just want it to be easier for her…this time."

"How are things going?" she asked.

"Fine," he said stepping back as if he did not wish to talk about his personal life.

"I'm not trying to meddle…we've seen a change in you…a good change…and we just want to make sure it stays."

He smiled.

"Sara probably could have put it together blindfolded but I wanted it to be a surprise," he explained.

"It looks beautiful," she said. "Does she have a baby book?"

"It may be in her room," he said.

He walked into the bedroom and returned with it.

Catherine took the baby book. "I had one just like this for Lindsey. I forgot half the time to write in it."

She started to open it but he stopped her.

"Sara puts personal things in there…so I don't look at it," he said.

He got a call and stepped out of the room.

Catherine opened the book and sifted through it.

_Her due date is 12/06…._

Catherine returned the book to the rocker.

He returned, taking one last look at the room.

"She's going to love this," she said with a smile.

He closed the door, giddy with excitement.

He picked up around the house, making sure the chores were completed so there would be very little for her to do.

He tried to take a nap but couldn't, opting to pick up Caleb himself.

He slept little these days, not sure whether he was earning her trust, second guessing every word or action when he was near her.

They went for a walk in the neighborhood, waving at Sara when she drove up.

She sat down in the floor with Caleb, letting him filter through her purse.

"I thought we could just order something from the restaurant near the university," he offered.

"I can cook," she replied.

"I know but I thought we could…you spend more time with Caleb if we ordered…besides I've already placed the order."

"Oh…thanks," she murmured as she returned her attention to Caleb.

Dinner passed and he followed her up the stairs to prepare Caleb for bed.

She noticed the bedroom door shut but did not think anything of it as she prepared the small child's bath and then spent an hour, letting him splash in the water.

He was falling asleep by the time Grissom placed him in his crib.

They both stood there watching as the boy finally closed his eyes and slept.

She glanced at the closed door once more but passed by, going to her room.

He seemed disappointed but stuck to his original plan that she should discover it on her own.

She brought papers to grade and so without invitation, he sat on her bed, sifting through her notes.

He knew he had no right but he feared she would prefer to be alone and he just couldn't bear to waste a moment from her.

"This is very good," he said aloud, smiling as he read.

His opinion meant a lot to her but she tried not to react.

He didn't want to bother her but he had wanted to touch her every since she came home.

"Could I…see Mikayla?" he asked.

"Grissom, you can't see…"

He was already caressing her abdomen.

His hands felt good against her skin.

"Is she awake?" he asked.

"I think she is sleeping. I've not felt her in…awhile."

"Do you think there's anything wrong? Shouldn't you feel her from time to time? I mean I toss when I sleep…doesn't she turn?"

She could not keep from smiling.

She moved his hand, placing it directly over the baby.

"This is her heartbeat…she's fine."

He grinned but then sighed.

He had to leave for work or he really would be late.

"Night," he whispered as he tried to lean in to kiss her but his phone went off and the moment was lost.

She coughed trying to ease the awkwardness.

She waved as he headed to work.

He made it to the bottom of the stairs and turned back.

She glanced up when he ran back, still in conversation with someone.

"Hold on a minute, Jim."

He quickly kissed her and then kissed her abdomen.

He caressed the mound slightly before planting one more kiss, grinning when Mikayla kicked back.

"Yeah, I'm here. I just needed…to…say good night to my girls," he announced in a proud manner.

She swallowed at the gesture.

note from author:

Headache still here but at least I've posted again....sinus/allergies. UGH!

Take care!


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter Thirty:**

**Acts of Love**

She finished the papers, checking on Caleb before heading downstairs.

It was still quite early and she felt rather bored.

She opened the drawer to take out Mikayla's baby book but it was missing.

_Did I leave it in the baby's room?_

She opened the door, turning on the light but stopped dead in her tracks at the transformation.

She slowly walked around, admiring the crib as well as the bookshelf and changing table.

There were colorful butterflies and flowers that were distributed throughout the walls.

She opened the closet, finding it full of new clothes of different sizes.

There was a pretty pink baby blanket with the baby's name embroidered on it lying over a newly stocked diaper bag.

She took the blanket and sat down in the rocker.

There was a note attached to a pretty ragdoll.

She opened it and read:

_All my love to Mikayla,_

_From Dada_

She swiped at the tears that fell.

She had no idea when he had managed to do this.

Her hands traced the delicate embroidery on the bed linens.

It was better than she had imagined it would look once she had been able to purchase the needed items.

He had been more than thorough.

There were outfits ranging from newborn to one year.

She wondered if he had picked out the clothing or had gotten some help from Catherine.

It didn't matter.

She was overwhelmed by his kindness.

She flew down the stairs, grabbing the phone.

She practically sped out of the drive way as soon as Sandra arrived.

She had not been to the lab since she resigned and she wasn't sure if she would be able to just walk in without an escort but when she arrived Judy waved her through and so she went looking for him.

There were stares and whispers but she didn't care at the moment as she went in search for him.

There were a few hellos and some people she avoided.

Hodges stepped out, taking note of her appearance.

"Pregnancy becomes you," he announced.

It sounded sincere but she brushed it off as she continued on her mission.

She knew there were footsteps behind her but she refused to look back.

One of the other receptionists sped up so that she was by Sara's side.

"Congratulations on the baby…Grissom hasn't said much about…this one," she purred.

Sara knew she was only trying to pry out information.

"Gil and I don't like for people to meddle into our private lives," she retorted.

Sara grinned when the person fell back and she was able to continue alone.

Things had changed very little.

She waved at a few of the techs as they hollered their hellos.

She knew she couldn't stay long even though Sandra had insisted she take as much time as she needed after she explained the discovery of the baby's room.

"It's beautiful, Sara. You should go and thank him….he's such a thoughtful husband."

She never thought to explain her relationship with Grissom and she was sure Sandra was only going by the ring on her finger.

There was no time to correct her as she had left to catch Grissom before he went out into the field.

He was in a layout room examining a bloody shirt when Sara appeared.

"Is Caleb okay?" he asked quickly.

Sara glanced at Catherine who stepped away giving them some privacy.

"I saw Mikayla's room," she said.

"Do you like it?" he asked nervously.

It was difficult to read her emotions these days and he wasn't sure whether she would approve of what he did.

She nodded but then she was hugging him and his face lit up, causing Catherine to smile.

She had not seen him this happy in years.

"Yes," she whispered in his ear. "Thank you."

He sighed in relief.

He had wanted so much to please her.

She had come willingly into his arms and it felt so good to hold her.

He didn't want to release her but Catherine was nearby and the others were slowly filtering in since word had gotten around that Sara was in the building.

He didn't expect the embrace, fearful she would never want to initiate any physical contact.

She had permitted him to touch her but she never reciprocated.

"Don't mind us," chirped Greg.

Sara stepped away but Grissom pulled her to his side, not caring what the others thought.

It meant a lot to her as his arm wrapped possessively around her waist.

She liked the feeling of belonging to him.

The others noticed the stance and the guys grinned.

Even Catherine smiled.

"I'll let you get back to work…I just wanted to come by and tell you," Sara said.

"Catherine helped…gave me some pointers…as well as put the crib together," he admitted.

"So…the crib is safe because I was going to go home and inspect it," she teased.

This gave the guys an opportunity to harass Grissom.

"Seriously, I need to go. Sandra is watching Caleb," she explained as she headed to the door.

There was more she wanted to say to him but it could wait.

She had taken up enough of his time and she knew he needed to get back to work.

She passed Grissom but leaned in and kissed him.

It was intended to be a soft peck but his arms snaked out pulling her to him, returning the kiss.

It surprised her that he deepened the kiss, making her go weak in the knees.

It was a powerful seductive kiss.

It was as if Grissom was oblivious to the others who stood there blushing at the sight while he boldly held her tight against him.

His lips reluctantly released hers when she stepped back.

Her eyes were wide at his boldness.

His eyes twinkled and her heart fluttered.

The others turned away but there were grins.

"Call me…so I know you made it home okay," he urged.

She nodded unable to find her voice.

He leaned in once more placing a soft kiss on her forehead.

It made her yearn for another kiss but then she had already made a spectacle of herself, barely able to think of a coherent sentence.

Finally she whispered, "Be safe."

His blue eyes sparkled and for a second there was a slight light in her eyes that he had not seen in years.

He took her hand, his fingertips caressing the palm of her hand.

"Call me," he repeated.

She nodded and then slowly she stepped away from him.

He let his fingers slowly slip from hers.

He had wanted to walk her out but Greg had already insisted on it.

He glanced at Greg, a scowl on his face.

"Make sure you check her seatbelt," he ordered.

Greg frowned at the odd demand. "I could drive her home…sleep over…keep your side of the bed warm," he teased.

Sara blushed at Greg's remarks.

"Just get back here in five minutes…but be sure to check…drive safe," he said gruffly.

Grissom stood there and watched until she was out of sight.

"The man has it bad," announced Warrick.

"I wished we had it bad," whined Nick.

"Love life sucks, huh?" teased Catherine.

"I don't see you as happy as Grissom over there," chuckled Nick.

"So boss man…when is the baby due? We need to know these things for planning purposes," stated Warrick.

Grissom turned his back to the others, "January 6th."

Catherine frowned but said nothing.

The next week was a blur.

He grumbled through doubles, accepting help from the others so he could focus on his family.

_My family…_

_I have a family…_

He knew his apologies were just words if his actions did not show her that he had changed.

He tried to help as much as possible, ignoring sleep until the threat of a migraine caused him to slow down and rest.

He didn't want to waste a single moment, needing to make up for so much hurt but not thinking it would ever be possible.

His heart still ached for the wrong he'd done.

Ms. Evans noticed the fatigue, voicing her concern.

They fell into a routine finally of setting time aside to talk and spend time with Caleb while also spending time together.

It was their alone time that Grissom cherished the most.

The first time they sat on the couch, their bodies were on separate ends of the couch.

Gradually he inched his way closer, asking if she felt comfortable with his actions, needing approval while the fear of rejection was written on his face.

Her heart responded to his, sitting closer to him each day until they were finally side by side.

Gradually his arm draped around her shoulder while they held hands.

He spoke about the counseling wanting her to understand the depths he would go to be a better man for her.

It was difficult at first, Sara keeping silent while he fumbled with words, trying to express his feelings.

Slowly she began to respond, adding a comment here and there which eased his fears a little.

The progress was slow but there was indeed progress.

His lips often found hers as he whispered his regrets.

There were many.

He never asked for forgiveness, not thinking he deserved any.

He asked about her day, her feelings, her health and Mikayla.

He talked about the lab and the guys letting her know how much she was missed.

The first time he told her he loved her, she had vacated the couch, taking off to the kitchen but he followed, pulling her into his arms and holding her tight while he said it again.

It made her cry.

She did not profess her love for him but he didn't mind.

There was no need since it had been there in her journal.

He didn't need to hear the words because her actions had spoken volumes and he prayed his would do the same.

He had so much to make up for.

He made a point to display his affection often, whispering how much she meant to him.

It gnawed at his conscious that he saw nothing but doubt in the depths of her soulful eyes.

He didn't press the intimacy, wanting her to learn to trust him again.

Grissom slept less, focusing on repairing the damage he'd caused to their relationship.

She began to notice the fatigue too, withdrawing from their talks, hoping he would rest.

He took her withdrawal as a setback.

The first time she refused to talk, he looked wounded, as if he had done something wrong.

She attempted to do house chores but he had already done them while she was at the University.

She frowned, knowing he was not getting enough sleep.

"Grissom, you should sleep," she stated sounding f rustrated.

"I can help," he insisted , glancing about trying to find something he'd not done earlier but the house was spotless.

She grabbed a book, going off to her room.

The house became quiet and she thought he had finally gone to sleep.

She ventured out of her room and found him sitting at the top of the stairs.

"I thought you…were sleeping."

"I…can't," he admitted.

"Is something wrong?" she asked.

He shook his head but then finally whispered. "Have I done something wrong?"

"No…no! Grissom, you just seem tired and…"

"I'm…not tired. I…just like…talking…if you don't want to talk then we don't have to…we could just…sit together."

She swallowed.

He seemed so very tired and yet he just wanted to sit with her.

She extended her hand and he took it.

"I was just going to finish this book but if you want to sit…with me and read something…then that's okay."

She stretched out on her bed, opening the book.

He sat down on the bed, grabbing a Forensic magazine.

She smiled slightly, knowing he had already read the magazine several times.

His hand timidly sought Mikayla, his eyes looking at her for permission.

She smiled, leading his hand to her abdomen.

He chuckled when she kicked.

"She's feisty…like you," he yawned.

"She's settling down. I think she needs a nap," whispered Sara.

"Oh," said Grissom, withdrawing his hand.

She missed the physical contact as soon as his hand left her abdomen but she hoped he would lie quietly for a few minutes, sure he would fall to sleep.

She smiled when he did just that.

She retrieved the extra blanket and placed it over him.

Gently she removed his glasses, setting them on the side table.

It was nice having him in her bed.

She woke him a few hours later.

"Hey," she whispered.

"I'm sorry," he said, getting up quickly.

"This was nice," she said. "Maybe we could…change our schedule so we could do this each day."

He nodded, smiling as he got up.

"You can get Caleb while I cook," she announced.

"Yes, dear," he replied.

She could not stop smiling as he headed down the stairs.

Just as he reached the front door, she called him.

He turned, gulping as she gave him her Sidle smile just before she stepped into his arms and kissed him.

It was a lingering kiss, the kind that made a heart swoon.

He was breathless and speechless by the time she stepped back.

"I'll uhm be in the kitchen," she said, her hips swaying as she walked away.

He swallowed.

"Gil?"

"Hmmm?"

"Our son," she instructed.

"Oh….yes."

She finished the class, giving the students the final exam.

They celebrated by Grissom treating her to lunch after class.

"Professor Williams is going to give me a good recommendation which may lead to a job later," she said as she finished her meal.

"Good…let's hope it comes after…Mikayla."

She nodded.

"We have a couple of prospects for the townhouse," he said.

"Gil, I know I'm not able to help much but…"

"We're going to be fine," he assured her.

"Still, maybe I could…"

"No."

He squeezed her hand as he winked at her.

His hand caressed her palm. "I've been doing some thinking," he said.

"Thinking is good…sometimes," she teased.

"I thought…we could go to counseling…together," he offered.

She looked shocked.

"There's no reason," she said slipping her hand from his grasp.

"I thought we could discuss…us."

"Is there a problem?" she asked suddenly.

"No…yes. I don't think we've worked through…what happened…to me and you."

She blinked.

"I'm sorry…for sleeping with…"

She was up and out of the restaurant before he had time to toss some bills onto the table.

He waited until she was seated inside the vehicle before he began again.

"I know it hurt you…I'm sorry."

"You've said that."

"I don't know how to fix it."

"You can't. Let's just move on."

"Can you?"

"Yes…I have."

He started the car, not sure whether to believe her or not.

"I thought…you could talk with someone about…the rape."

"I told you….that's enough."

"Sara…maybe it would be better if you talked with a counselor…she could help you sort out your feelings."

"My feelings? There's nothing to sort. I was raped…there's no evidence except my word against them….I'm not discussing this."

"Does it bother you that charges were not pressed against them?"

"No…but it bothers you."

It did. He couldn't deny it.

"Why doesn't….it bother you?"

"If I tried to press charges…Mikayla's parentage would come up…I won't do that to her. I won't risk that bastard getting any rights to see my baby!"

"He can't," he said keeping his eyes on the road as he drove, his hands gripping the steering wheel.

"You can't guarantee that," she choked.

"Yes…I can. Bill Thornton is dead."


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter Thirty One:**

**Memories That Resurface**

Her face lost all expression. "How?"

"He and his wife were…found murdered."

"How did you find out?"

"Jim…I've had Jim monitoring them as well as Andrews."

She swallowed. "You had no right…to tell Jim."

"I didn't! He has no idea why I asked him…I think Vincent Andrews killed them."

Her eyes widened.

"Now…you know why I've been…so concerned about your whereabouts."

"Did they find any evidence against him?"

"The place was wiped clean but my gut tells me…he did it."

He knew it frightened her.

"Look, I may be wrong. The Thorntons were involved with…many couples."

She turned green before his eyes.

"Sara?"

"Pull over," she breathed.

She shot out of the vehicle as soon as it stopped, gasping for air.

He ran to her side, not sure how to help her.

She gulped in fresh air, letting her stomach settle.

"Better?" he asked as he rubbed her back.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked shoving his hand away.

"Because of this! I wanted to protect you…you've had enough on your mind."

"I could have handled it," she cursed.

She took a gulp of air.

"Are you? Sara, everyone has a breaking point. There's no shame in asking for help. Honey, please, you need to talk with Ms. Evans. Come with me…"

"I've done my stint with counselors….no thank you."

"So you think it's just a waste of time. I guess I never should have bothered with…"

"That's…not what I meant. Look they threw me in counseling when I was in foster care…watching for signs that I'd been…damaged by…" she stopped, taking another gulp of air. "Then as soon as you found out, you sent me…"

Her words trailed off.

"I sent you because it was affecting your work. If you were working now, I would have already demanded…"

Her head tilted up in defiance. "You don't have the control anymore….I do."

His eyes darkened. "It was never about control, Sara! I worried every time I had to send you out on a domestic violence case and it sickened me to sit and watch you struggle through it, knowing that I had to keep my distance, knowing that you needed me, knowing that…I'm not going to sit idly by and…"

He quickly reigned in his anger. "I can't bear to see you hurting," he whispered.

She smiled slightly, her hand slipping into his, easing the tension between them.

"Sara…no one knows…what happened in San Francisco," he pressed.

"It's enough…that you know," she whispered.

"I'm…glad you told me…I'm glad…I was there. I'm so sorry…for the times I wasn't."

She fell into his arms burying her head in his shoulder.

"At least…at least he can't…I've been so worried that Vincent would tell Bill…about the pregnancy and he…he would figure it out…show up some day just when…"

She stopped not wishing to voice her old fears out loud.

"Just when…what?" asked Grissom softly.

"Just when…we had…become a family. I was afraid he would destroy everything…by claiming Mikayla."

"He can't…he couldn't even if he had tried. Sara, we're a family. You and I…and our kids….**ours**," he emphasized.

His hand stroked her hair as he held her.

She slowly released him, slipping back into the vehicle.

She was quiet for the remainder of the evening.

He kept her close to him, not sure how to interpret the silence.

She had planned to cook a dish his mother used to make, finding the recipe one day while going through the cookbooks he had.

"Let's just…snack," he offered.

"No, I've been planning this," she said. "I want to…really."

He kept out of the kitchen, only stopping at the entry way from time to time to chat with her.

He breathed in and smiled. "It smells wonderful."

"You…haven't eaten it yet," she warned as she left the contents to simmer.

She was anxious for his opinion as he took the first bite.

He grinned. "This is good…very good. Just like Mom's."

"Really?"

"Yes."

They finished the dinner and Sara began the task of clearing away the dirty dishes.

Grissom wiped off Caleb and set him down.

He offered to help but she refused.

Sara was efficient in the kitchen, cleaning dirty dishes as she went.

There was very little to clean.

"Not bad Sara Jane…not bad," he announced.

The dishes slipped from her hands as she backed away.

Stark terror was etched across her face.

"Sara?"

She swallowed the bile rising as she knelt down to pick up the broken dishes.

"I'm sorry…they slipped," she lied, trying to hide the truth.

"_Not bad Sara Jane not bad," laughed Bill as he rose from the bed._

_Sara moaned._

"_Did you like it? We could go again," he chuckled as he forced himself inside her once more._

"_So tight…it's a shame you won't remember any of this."_

Grissom's hands caught hers.

"Sara…what's wrong?"

"I'm…not feeling well. Do you mind…I just need to lie down for awhile," she cried as she struggled to get up.

He pulled her up, trying to hold her but she bolted, not wishing to be touched.

He cleaned up the mess, and then took Caleb to his room, setting the baby gate in place.

Quickly, he stepped into her room.

He knew she had been crying despite her best efforts to hide it.

He gathered her into his arms as he held her.

His hand stroked her hair as he softly quoted Shakespeare to her, feeling the tension ease from her body.

Gently he kissed her on the forehead. "I'll call in sick tonight," he offered.

"No…that's not necessary," she sniffled.

"Want to tell me what happened?" he asked.

She shook her head vehemently but then could not hold back a sob.

"Sara…please, honey," Grissom whispered. "You've got to talk with someone…it's…about him isn't it?"

She nodded.

Grissom cautiously questioned her, not wanting to let it slip that he'd read her journal about sporadic memories of the night she was raped. "Did he call you… Sara Jane? Is that what triggered the memory?"

She was surprised he could read her so well.

"He…said that….he…after he had…he said those words," she choked. "I can hear his voice inside my head and now…I can almost feel what he did to me."

She gulped through tears as he soothed her, wrapping his arms tight around her while he kissed away the tears.

"I'm sorry, honey. I didn't…know," he said.

"Not your fault…I didn't remember…until now," she breathed.

"He can't hurt you anymore," he stressed. "Understand? I won't let anyone ever hurt you again."

Her sobs tore at his heart as he rocked her back and forth as if comforting Caleb. "You're safe, Sara. I promise. I love you so much," he begged. "You're the most important thing in my life…nothing else…just you."

She drifted to sleep but he continued to hold her needing to ensure that no dreams would hinder her sleep.

Quietly he slipped from the bed and checked on Caleb, taking the young boy into his arms.

"Momma?"

"Momma is sleeping," he whispered.

"Love Momma," Caleb announced.

"Me too, Caleb….me too."

He was glad he stayed home that night, sitting by her side while he watched over her.

He was there to comfort her when the nightmares came, slowly waking her from the pain.

"Grissom?" she questioned through her dream state.

"Go back to sleep. I'm here…honey. I couldn't leave you alone…not tonight," he urged.

"I love you…so much," she whispered as she cuddled into his shoulder, returning to sleep.

It had been the first time since she had voiced those words in such a long time.

He swallowed, kissing her gently on the lips. "I love you more," he whispered. "I love you, Sara…don't ever doubt that."

She looked rested when she woke the next morning, going down to fix breakfast.

He stood there with a cup of coffee in his hand.

She smiled at him and he gulped.

It was her Sidle smile.

It was brief but it had been more than he expected after what had happened.

"Sara…I made an appointment for both of us…to talk with a counselor."

She backed away. "No!"

He pulled her into his arms and held her. "I don't mean to push…I just want to know that you're okay."

She kissed him letting her lips linger slightly and then deepened the kiss.

He was so hungry for her affection, clinging to her until she had to push away.

"I'm sorry. Mikayla seems to get in the way," she whispered.

"I never notice…except for the slight kick here and there," he teased.

She remembered the last time they had been intimate.

She stepped away, needing some space.

"I think we…should go slow," she cautioned, not convinced he was ready for a relationship.

She wasn't sure herself, still wary of his true feelings for her.

He stepped forward letting his hand slide down her arm sending chills throughout her body.

"I….can't do this," she breathed.

He understood.

He had sent mixed signals that last time he had made love to her.

"I love you…we don't have to do anything…when you're ready…this time…on your terms," he emphasized. "I'm sorry that I tried to keep you at a distance…I know that hurt you. I wanted you….but didn't want to…"

"Be intimate with me?" she challenged.

"Yes," he admitted.

"Why?"

"Because…no matter what you do…to me, I'll never get you out of my system. You're a part of me…you're in my veins. That scares me. I'm not sure I'm healed…from what Lizzie did…but I'm getting there."

"I would never hurt you," she stressed.

"I know…that now. The counseling has helped…Ms. Evans…"

"You're seeing my counselor?"

"Yes."

She was quiet for a moment.

"Does that make a difference? Would you reconsider…coming with me?"

She shook her head.

He let it go.

He stepped forward kissing her on the forehead as he released her hand.

"Thank you for staying with me last night…staying in my bed. We…could try sleeping together," she threw out as she went after Caleb as he ran down the hall headed for Grissom's room.

"We could?" he asked quickly, hopeful for the invite.

"Gil…did you shut the bathroom door?" she asked.

He followed, not sure what kind of mess Caleb was about to get into.

The door shut.

Sara attempted to open it but it was locked.

"He locked the door," she yelled.

"He'll open it," laughed Grissom.

The sound of running water frightened her.

"Gil….get the tool box!"

Within minutes the door was taken off its hinges.

She quickly turned off the water.

She frowned when she saw Grissom's tooth brush in the toilet along with an entire roll of toilet paper.

All of the contents underneath the bathroom sink were now floating in the bath tub. Caleb sat there in the water fully dressed.

He laughed as he splashed the water.

"Do you want the bath tub or the toilet?" she asked.

"Both…you take him upstairs and I'll clean up this mess," grinned Grissom.

His grin faded when he found his razor in the toilet as well.

She changed the small child, rocking him for a few minutes and then put him to bed for the night.

She stretched out on the bed, rubbing her abdomen as she filtered through her notes.

She grinned when he carried extra pillows to her room, propping up her feet.

"Better?" he asked.

"Much."

He plopped down on the bed and gathered up some of her lecture notes.

"Are you preparing a syllabus?" he asked.

"I wanted to be ready in case they offer me a couple of classes. I could present them with a completed syllabus with lecture notes."

"I'm impressed."

"Don't be. I just started," she said leaning back with her eyes closed.

"Sara…I needed to tell you something that I did," he said.

She tensed immediately.

"I told…Catherine that your due date is January 6th."

"It's December 6th."

"I changed it."

"You can't change a due date…the baby is going to be here on that date."

"Due dates are just estimates."

"This isn't. I know the exact date…" she rose not wishing to talk to him about it.

"You got pregnant…the month Lizzie died. They would know if I came to…"

"Her due date is December 6th."

"Babies are born early…no one will think anything about it."

"Then why lie about it?"

"Because! I'll do anything to protect you and Mikayla."

He reached over and caressed her cheek.

"Besides, Catherine won't think twice about it."

Note from author:

Yeah, right. Today is another crazy day. Thanks for the wonderful reviews. I continue to have late nights but I read each review and am thankful to have loyal readers!

Take care!


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter Thirty Two:**

**Embracing the Pain**

His behavior was odd as he stepped into the lab, avoiding the looks of the team as he went straight to his office.

He knew it was a mistake to come straight from the counseling session but he didn't want to be late, wanting to save as much of his time as he could, intending to take time off when Mikayla was born.

He wiped his eyes, angry at his inability to control his emotions.

He had wanted to go to Sara but he didn't want her to think of him as weak.

He also didn't think he deserved to be consoled, remembering how much he'd hurt her in the past.

She had endured counseling before.

It was like peeling the bandage off a festering wound.

He had no idea his pain ran so deep.

He had managed to put off talking about Emily long enough.

The counselor had cornered him and so he thought he could get through it but then as he talked about waiting anxiously for news of the baby, all of the pain returned.

_Grissom paced the waiting area._

_He'd been at the desk every few minutes asking for some kind of word._

_He had wanted to be in the delivery room but there had just not been enough time._

_John Matthews glared at him as he sat beside his wife, Emma._

_She wiped at her eyes, knowing that a child born this early would no doubt struggle to survive._

"_My Elizabeth is strong…so will this child be," he grunted, trying to tap down his own fears._

_The doctor emerged._

_His face was solemn._

_Grissom rushed to him._

"_The baby?" he asked eagerly._

"_I'm sorry. She lived briefly but her heart just gave out. We did everything we could to revive her but…I'm sorry for your loss."_

_He nodded as the tears slipped down his cheeks._

_He was angry over the unanswered prayers._

"_What about my daughter?" asked John._

"_She's doing…amazingly well. She's expected to recover…from the delivery."_

_Grissom slumped into the chair._

_His baby's heart had stopped while his dead wife's continued._

_It wasn't fair._

_He would gladly trade places._

_He was so tired of death._

_The old man shuffled off down the hall while Emma lingered briefly._

_She soon followed her husband._

_He wasn't sure how long he sat there but eventually Brass appeared._

"_She died," he cried._

_Brass patted him on the back._

"_Did you see her?" he asked._

_Grissom's head shot up._

"_See her?"_

"_Gil, you need to see your daughter…say goodbye."_

_He nodded in agony._

"_I'll ask one of the nurses…see when you can see her."_

_He was taken to a vacant room near the nursery._

_He wondered if Lizzie was nearby._

_A nurse walked in with a small bundle in her arms._

_Brass stood off to the side, not wanting to interfere but hung around for moral support._

_He had no idea the hell Grissom had been enduring all of these months._

_Grissom took the small bundle into his arms._

_It felt strange holding the lifeless child, knowing that his blood had run through her veins._

_He kissed her softly on the head._

"_My wife…Lizzie…Elizabeth Grissom," he managed to get out._

"_She's down the hall," reported the nurse._

"_Could I…could I take the baby…into her room…and sit for awhile?" he asked._

"_Take as much time as you need," she said._

_Grissom looked back at Brass._

"_Jim, thank you," he offered._

"_I'll be waiting," he said._

"_There's no need. I plan to stay awhile…for as long as they'll let me…before they take her away," he cried._

_He nodded in understanding._

_Grissom slumped down in the chair beside Lizzie's bed._

"_I think she looks like you. I don't know what the color of her eyes would have been. She's beautiful," he gulped. "Our daughter is beautiful. I wish you could see her. I wish you could hold her…God Lizzie…why did I have to lose both of you," he cried._

_He held the baby tight as his shoulders shook._

_His family was gone._

_He was alone now, truly alone._

_Emily had been his last hope._

_For hours he sat there in the room with the lifeless bodies._

_Finally, a nurse appeared._

"_Mr. Grissom, I need to take her," she stated._

_He glanced once more at his daughter, kissing her softly on the forehead._

"_I'll be making arrangements," he said._

_She took the small bundle._

_He glanced back at his wife._

_He kissed her on the forehead as he tried to hold her through the machines._

_He needed to feel her, her body at least still warm even though the life within was gone._

"_I'm sorry, Lizzie," he whispered. "This is my fault. I should have come home."_

Nick stepped in Grissom's office, unaware.

"Griss, I'm not sure about whether these tests are going to help or break our case."

Nick looked at his boss and stepped back, embarrassed for catching him at a bad time.

Grissom wiped at his eyes but it was futile to hide the obvious.

He could not seem to stop the tears that had erupted over an hour ago.

He thought the moment he stepped into the lab they would stop, his mind now focused on his work but it did little to deter the tears that continued to spring forth.

"You okay?" he whispered.

"Nicky, could you close my door?"

Nick stepped out, closing the door.

He had no idea what to do.

He waved at Catherine who happened down the hall.

"Cath…he…I'm worried. You think we should call Sara?"

"I'll talk with him," she said as she stepped into the office.

He quickly tried to turn away.

He wiped his sleeve over his eyes.

"You okay?" she asked.

"I'm fine," he managed to get out.

"Gil, we've been friends for too long for you to lie to my face."

"I'm okay," he corrected.

"You're not okay. We could talk. I…"

"I don't want to talk about it!" he snapped. "I'm fine."

"Glad to hear it," she said as she started to leave.

He felt remorse for his actions.

"Cath…it's counseling. I just wasn't…it's still painful to talk about the baby."

He had avoided the subject, putting it off each time the counselor brought it up but he was cornered today and had no choice but to talk about Emily.

"You had already lost Lizzie…you wanted the baby," she reasoned.

"I remember…trying to figure out how I was going to care for a newborn on my own, while juggling work and…then the decision was taken out of my hands…when she died."

"You really wanted a girl," she said.

"I just wanted something…positive out of what had happened."

"Gil…"

"I don't know if she was mine. Lizzie cheated me out of that memory," he choked. "I'll never know."

"You could…have the body…"

"No," he said sternly. "I won't desecrate that baby just to prove what kind of woman Lizzie really was."

"Then you don't think it was."

"I have Caleb…and Mikayla," he said wiping his eyes. "It just hurts…All those years I mourned for her…and then I find out…It still hurts."

_What if Sara is lying to him now?_

He wiped his eyes, gulping in air as he tried to get his emotions under control.

"I'll…tell Nick I'll be out soon," he said.

"Take whatever time you need," Catherine offered. "I can help."

"Thanks, Catherine."

Sara didn't know how to react when he came home early.

She rose from the bed the moment she heard footsteps coming up the stairs.

He walked into Caleb's room but was there only briefly.

He kicked off his shoes, shrugging off his clothes little by little.

"Are you okay?" she whispered.

"I'm sorry I woke you," he said softly.

"Gil?"

He molded his body to hers, caressing her abdomen.

"Everything is fine," he whispered.

She turned over so that she could face him.

"It's not okay. I feel…your sadness," she mourned.

"It was slow and I just thought I would take off," he lied, not liking how his voice quivered a bit.

"Gil, you don't have to hide your problems from me…you can share them. Isn't that what couples do?" she asked.

"You need your sleep," he whispered.

She stared into his face.

She was shocked to see that he'd been crying.

He felt embarrassed, trying to pull her back into his arms so that she couldn't see his pain.

He'd hid it well these past few weeks.

Her hands caressed his cheeks. "You never talk about what's bothering you. You don't bring up the lab's problems or the horrific cases that I know you see. Why?"

"Sara…I didn't mean to wake you. You need your sleep," he urged, feeling regret for coming home.

He gently kissed her on the lips. "I'll go downstairs and…"

"We agreed to sleep together," she pressed.

"Will you sleep?" he asked.

"How do you expect me to sleep when I know you're upset? Gil, this cannot be a one sided relationship. You can't expect me to open up if you're holding things back from me."

"I'm not. I don't mean to," he said softly.

"Honey, talk to me….really talk to me," she pleaded.

"I uhm talked about the baby…Lizzie's baby." The words fumbled from his mouth and he wanted to take them back immediately.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "You can talk with me about Emily. Gil, when you hurt, I hurt."

He gasped, pulling her to him as his shoulders shook.

"I keep thinking if I had gone to her that night…if I had talked with her…really talked with her then Lizzie wouldn't have had the accident and the baby might have lived."

"If…you had talked with her and she told you the truth…would you have forgiven her?"

"Yes…but I don't think I could have ever trusted her again. I would have stayed…married…because of the child."

Sara nodded.

He cursed as he stifled a sob.

"Gil?"

"It's my fault…that she cheated. I wanted a family. I'd been so damn busy planning my future I had forgotten about getting a family so I did. I met Lizzie and we married but…I didn't really love her the way I should have. I didn't…worship her….needed her like…I do you."

Sara swallowed.

"I think she sensed that…resented it and…I knew it after the first year but I didn't want to admit it had been a mistake. I didn't want to hurt her…she was happy being Mrs. Grissom so I wasn't going to…I didn't believe in divorce. Besides, Lizzie got pregnant and all I could think about was…maybe the baby would be the difference."

He tried to pull away but she held him in place.

"Gil, Lizzie made the choice to cheat. She could have confronted you. She could have told you how she felt. It was mean and cruel what she did. You didn't deserve that. You may have been distant but I know you wouldn't have hurt her intentionally. The accident was just that….an accident. It is not your fault."

"I hurt you," he cried. "I hurt you by my actions…not coming to you as soon as Lizzie died. I was so scared that you had moved on that I just couldn't face you…or your new life. I had nothing. I was barely breathing…trying to work through the anger at what she had done. Then Warrick brought that photo of you and Caleb. I almost felt hopeful but I didn't know how to deal with the anger. I took that anger out on you. I yelled, I accused, I threatened…God, Sara. I alienated you when you needed me the most!"

Her hands caressed his cheeks. "You were still hurting…mourning. I understand now."

"Do you?"

"Yes," she said kissing him lightly on the lips.

"I'm sorry for ever hurting you. I don't know what I would do if I ever lost you or the kids."

"You won't," she urged.

He nodded as his shoulders shook.

She held him, comforting as if he were Caleb, whispering softly to him as she stroked his head.

He had needed this for so long.

He held her tight against his body.

She didn't object when his kisses turned more seductive.

She let him make love to her.

It was slow and gentle and nurturing as their bodies intertwined.

All doubts and pain seemed to disappear as they lay there in the afterglow.

For now, they were healing together.

It wasn't like Catherine to insist he meet her at the back of the bar.

Brass grumbled when he finally located her, accepting the beer she had already ordered for him.

"Want to tell me why we're here in a bar on our night off?" grumbled Brass.

"You should be flattered to be with a beautiful woman in a bar," she grinned.

Brass rolled his eyes. "I would be if I didn't know that she could kick my ass if I tried to grope her."

Catherine laughed. "I need to talk with you about Grissom."

"Grissom? He was happily on cloud nine when I saw him the other night."

"That's the point…I don't want to see him come down. I'm afraid he may be headed for a crash."

"Why? What's wrong?"

"He told us the other night that Sara's due date is January 6th. I saw Sara's baby book…it has December 6th."

"So."

"You know…you men can be so thick skulled. There is no way Grissom fathered that baby."

"You don't know that."

"Sara would have gotten pregnant in March…we both know Grissom was a basket case…lived at the lab…never took a day off…therefore never went to San Francisco."

"So…she came to Vegas."

His eyes shot to his beer.

"What do you know?" she asked.

"Nothing."

"Look, I like Sara but we both know Grissom is still fragile and I don't want to see him hit rock bottom again."

"I called and told Sara…about Lizzie…she didn't know."

"So she wouldn't have come to Vegas in March."

"Maybe she did. Hell, as crazy as he was acting he might have flown there and flown back in one day."

"Then how come Grissom didn't know about Caleb?" she challenged.

Brass shrugged his shoulders as he sipped on his beer.

He didn't like meddling into their private lives although he had a few questions of his own about some persons he had been asked to track.

_How do they fit into all of this?_

"It still would not have explained why Sara didn't already know about Lizzie…Grissom would have told her."

"Let's leave this alone. They are happy…they don't need us snooping around…"

"Grissom was devastated when he found out Lizzie cheated on him. I think what hurts the most is that he doesn't know whether the baby he buried was his. I saw how he stared at the grave marking. He came from counseling last night…in tears. It scared the hell out of Nick. I talked with him. He said they had been talking about the baby…how he doesn't know…will never know whether or not it's his. How is he going to feel if this baby is not his and he was tricked into thinking it was? She's better off to tell him the truth now than to let him find out later."

"I'm not getting into this…neither should you," he said finishing his beer and then ordering another.

"Jim, it took ten years for Lizzie's lies to come forth…don't we owe it to Grissom as his closest friends to protect him from that kind of hurt again?"

"Sara is a close friend also. She's been through just as much," he muttered.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

_There's more to this than what Grissom is telling…_

_I can't question Sara…_

_Especially if my suspicions are correct…_

"Do you think it was easy for her to just leave her job here in Vegas and move back to San Francisco, get a measly teaching position and have Caleb on her own?"

Catherine sipped on her beer.

"I think it's just a misunderstanding…Grissom probably just got the date mixed up…you know we men can do that," he huffed.

"Not Grissom."

Note from author:

Yep, Catherine isn't going to leave this alone....thanks so much for the reviews. They mean alot. I am off to a meeting.

Take care!


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter Thirty Three:**

**Good Intentions Gone Bad**

Heads turned when he walked down the hall whistling a tune the next night.

Hodges stepped out into the hall attempting to name the melody.

"You need to turn down the brightness from your smile it can be hazardous," griped Brass.

Grissom chuckled as he held up assignments.

"Who wants to go out and play?" he announced.

Catherine tossed him a flier.

"What's this?" he asked.

"We thought it would be nice if we gave Sara a baby shower," said Catherine.

"That's very thoughtful," he said. "No pacifiers because we're not going to use them."

"You mind if we use your house?" she asked.

"My house?"

"We thought it would be easier…some of us could take turns watching Caleb and since it is a big house…."

"You're going to help clean up?" he asked.

"Of course," she said.

He grinned. "This is just what she needs."

He had wanted the team around Sara.

She had purposely kept a distance because she didn't want them to pry into their personal life.

It had not only been the team but her other friends as well.

She had alienated everyone by keeping to herself, not inviting anyone over to their house.

When questioned she had made excuses, saying it was easier this way rather than fielding too many questions.

She was still not comfortable with letting everyone think Grissom had fathered Mikayla despite his desire to claim the child.

She still fretted over the situation even though he longed to soothe her fears.

She was letting him fully into her life and he wanted more than anything for her smile to return on a regular basis.

There were still times when she seemed to drift into the past, reliving a painful moment and he was at a loss at how to help her.

He'd talked with the counselor about the rape and hoped his actions were helping her deal with the pain and not bury it deeper.

He'd mentioned counseling again but she refused insisting that she had put it behind her.

He was giddy about the baby shower.

They were prepared for Mikayla but it would give Sara the opportunity to spend time with the team and to celebrate her upcoming birth.

She was stunned when she opened the door and found the unit on her doorstep.

They filed in along with several others from the lab.

While she worked with some of them, she did not consider them friends, often avoiding them since they were prone to gossiping.

They acted as though they were inspecting their home, wanting a tour.

Sara felt uncomfortable, knowing there would be stares and whispers about the separate bedrooms.

Her eyes met his in a desperate way.

While he slept with her from time to time, they had not bothered to move their things into one room.

She wasn't sure why she hadn't already done this.

Perhaps there was still a small part of her that was leery of the happy ending bit.

She felt nervous as the gossip mongers flooded into their home.

Grissom intervened, guiding everyone into the living room as he pulled Catherine into the kitchen.

"Why…are all of these people here?" he questioned.

Catherine set the fruit trays on the counter, motioning for Mandy to set the others down as well.

"I had no idea they were coming. They just pulled in when we did," she whispered.

Sara was glad Grissom's bedroom door was shut and so far, none of them had been bold enough to go in there.

It annoyed Grissom that these so called friends were sifting through everything as if their home was a crime scene.

He wanted to throw them out but Sara had insisted to let them remain, not giving them any ammunition to use later.

Sara's laughter redirected Grissom's attention.

She laughed at Greg wearing a huge baby bonnet on his head.

"Nice Greg," she smiled.

She was overwhelmed with the gifts, not expecting such a turnout of people.

She laughed over and over at the guys' antics, ignoring the others who gawked at the surroundings, filtered throughout the bottom half of the house, looking for something to gossip about.

Grissom sat nearby soaking in her laughter.

"This has been great," she finally said, thanking everyone for coming.

The cake was cut and lines began toward the kitchen as the food was served.

Sara started to pick up some of the gifts, stacking them into neat piles.

She knew if she tried to go upstairs the others would follow, so she chose to keep the gifts downstairs.

"I can help," offered Catherine.

"I think I'll put them in Gil's office in order to make out the thank you notes…I put the cards in with the gifts," Sara explained.

Catherine gathered a hand full and followed Sara to the office.

"Gil was beside himself, not knowing how to put the crib together," stated Catherine.

"Thanks for helping him," she said with a grin as she opened the closet and began putting the gifts away.

"He states the baby's due date is January 6th."

Sara's hands trembled as she took the gifts from Catherine.

"He did?" she asked.

"Yes…but I remember seeing December 6th in the baby book."

Sara was surprised something so private had made it into Catherine's hands.

The baby book was different than Caleb's.

Sara had not hesitated filling in information about Grissom but as for Mikayla's book, several things remained purposely blank.

She wondered how much Catherine had noticed.

"It is…he just got mixed up. I'll point that out to him," she said with arms folded.

Catherine stepped closer. "He's so happy now. I haven't seen him this happy in years."

Sara let her defenses down, picking up another stack of gifts and placing them in the closet.

"I'm glad…he's happy," she whispered, glad that it was not just her imagination that Grissom was truly happy with the home they had made together.

"Lizzie's lies almost destroyed him. He was devastated…not knowing if the baby was his or not. I don't think he'll ever get over that. That sort of lie…can't be hidden."

"No it can't," Sara said softly.

"Sara…Grissom never left the state of Nevada in March…I know."

"What are you saying Catherine?"

"I'm saying…if you came to Vegas and got pregnant then…that's great but…. If you have anything…to tell him…you need to tell him now…don't let him find out later."

"Grissom and I have no secrets," she said.

"Due dates…can't be forged," pressed Catherine.

It was that snooty work tone that she used when she felt she had a suspect cornered.

Sara quickly went on the defensive.

"Catherine…this is none of your business," she warned as she tried to leave the office but Catherine blocked her.

"I don't want to see him hurt…it's your business who you screwed in San Francisco but don't try to pin this child on a good man. Caleb was one thing but…"

"What about Caleb?" Sara spat.

"Look, you may have had your reasons for leaving Vegas but…to not tell Grissom for over two years that he had a son and now you're telling him that this child is his…when we both know that it isn't."

"You're angry because….I slept with a married man. It wasn't like…what Eddie did, Catherine. We never meant for it to happen. Grissom had always been faithful to his wife," Sara seethed.

"Except once…why was that Sara? He's faithful all of these years and then…it happens," Catherine threw out. "How long did you think he could go….with you always pushing him?"

"I didn't know about Lizzie until…" Sara took a gulp of air, trying to tap down her emotions. "Think whatever you want! I don't care what you think of me. If you want to consider me a whore for sleeping with a married man then fine…call me that….but don't assume you know about this baby! This baby is mine!"

The loud voices carried down the hall as heads lifted.

Warrick and Nick looked startled as well as the few others that remained.

Sara thrust opened the door and came face to face with the gossip mongers.

Their smirks and know it all smugness infuriated Sara.

She flew past them, hurrying up the stairs to her room, slamming the door behind her.

Catherine stepped out, ashamed of her actions.

Grissom handed Caleb to Brass as he hurried after Sara.

He tapped on the door but she refused to answer.

He opened the door and stepped inside.

She cried as she lay on the bed.

He molded his body to hers as he held her. "I'm sorry, Sara. This is my fault."

"No, it's not…it's mine…all of it. I should have stayed away after I found out about Lizzie…but I didn't…couldn't. Our son is considered a bastard…because of me."

"Sara, what happened between us…was not your fault. I came to you! Besides, I don't give a damn. We have Caleb…a precious little boy."

She sobbed harder.

"I shouldn't have…let it happen. You were faithful…you never even wanted me…" doubt and suspicion crossed her eyes.

"Sara, don't! Don't think for a minute that I never wanted you. I did! It was my fault that I crossed the line but I'm so very glad I did, honey. We have a beautiful son because of that love…it was love Sara…not sex. I've loved you ever since I saw you in the lecture hall."

She refused to look at him or acknowledge that she believed his words.

She worried about Mikayla and how the gossip of her birth would be the entertainment in the lab.

"Damn Catherine for bringing up the due date!"

"Everyone…knows now. I won't be able to protect Mikayla. I just wanted something better for her….better than…my childhood. She deserves…a father like you…not him! If only I had taken Caleb…went to a hotel…then she could have been yours…really yours. She's going to be punished for my sins….mine!"

Racking sobs coursed through her body as he tried to console her.

"She had no business getting into our private life," he cursed.

"She was only thinking of you…trying to protect you…from me."

"You've done nothing but protect me from the beginning!"

His arms held her, his own tears falling for the guilt she felt for something that was not her fault.

"Caleb…you should check on Caleb," she whispered.

"I don't want to leave you," he mourned.

"Please…go," she begged.

He kissed her, slowly pulling himself away but lingered a moment as his hand stroked her hair.

He came down stairs and glared at the others.

"What? Were you hoping to catch another tidbit to gossip about? Do you enjoy spending countless hours making up or spreading vicious rumors that only hurt innocent people? Get the hell out of our house!"

There was a flurry of feet heading to the door as the team remained behind.

Caleb toddled to him, dragging a toy that Greg had brought.

Grissom held Caleb in a protective stance.

The guys whispered among them, sending glares in Catherine's direction.

Brass motioned the guys toward the entry way.

They stepped outside, ensuring the others had left.

As soon as they were alone, Catherine stepped forward quickly. "Gil….I'm so sorry…I didn't mean for it to get out of hand. I…"

Grissom's hand went up silencing Catherine.

"You should have come to me…not her! You had no business accusing her like that. She's been under enough stress than for someone to meddle in our private life where it doesn't belong."

"Look, I know she's angry with me but…"

"No, Catherine she's not! She knows you were just trying to protect me. Sara never blames anyone…except herself. She never did anything wrong! I crossed the line. I wanted her…I broke my vows…and I let her take the blame…she moved away, she had the baby on her own. If I had stepped up, taken responsibility for what happened, she wouldn't have left. She would have been here in Vegas with me and she never would have been…Mikayla is my child. Mine. Mine and Sara's."

He lifted Caleb and flew back up the stairs.

Brass walked over to Catherine intent to throttle her with his own words but by her appearance she truly had not intended for it to get out of hand.

"What do you think he meant…she never would have been…" Catherine looked at Brass.

"Something bad happened in San Francisco…Grissom won't discuss it but…" Brass stopped.

Her eyes widened. "I had no idea…I never would have."

"I told you to stay out of this. You should have gone to Gil…not Sara. He could have confronted Sara…in private."

"Jim, I had no idea those others were coming."

"Yes, but now you've given them plenty to talk about at the expense of Sara."

Caleb whimpered as soon as he heard Sara.

She tried to stop, angry that it was upsetting Caleb.

"Momma sad," the small boy cried.

"I'm not," she lied as she tried to stop.

Small hands wiped at her cheeks then placed wet kisses on them.

She hugged Caleb to her, breaking down once more.

Caleb began to cry.

"Gil…please," she begged. "I don't want him to see me like this."

"Caleb, let's go to your room," urged Grissom.

He gripped Sara's neck, refusing to leave.

"Momma hurt," he wailed.

She patted his back, soothing him with her soft voice.

He quieted.

Softly she told him a story about a caterpillar that turned into a beautiful butterfly.

The small child yawned, closing his eyes, still clutching her blouse as he slept.

"You want me to take him to his room?" he whispered.

She shook her head.

"Sara…"

"Could you hold me?" she cried.

He molded his body to hers, wrapping his arms around his family.

He kissed her lightly on the temple.

The guys avoided conversation as they sat in the break room.

Catherine stepped in, knowing they were angry with her.

"Has anyone seen Grissom?" she asked.

"He's in a meeting with Ecklie," answered Warrick.

"Did he…say how Sara was?" she asked.

"Do you even care?" snapped Nick. "That was low Catherine. You had no right to attack her in her own home like that."

"I didn't mean…it got out of hand," she admitted.

"You never should have brought it up," griped Nick. "You knew how the others were. They were crawling all over the place looking for something to gossip about and you gave it to them!"

"You're right, Nick," stated Catherine. "I never should have done that to Sara."

"Well, you did," snapped Greg.

"Look guys…" she stopped when Brass stepped into the room.

"Where's Grissom?" asked Brass.

"Meeting," replied Warrick. "I'm covering assignments."

Catherine's eyes widened but then said nothing, accepting Warrick in charge.

Grissom handed Ecklie the reports for the month.

He glanced at them and then set them aside.

"You're not going to look at them?" asked Grissom.

"Gil, I didn't bring you in here to talk about reports," he said. "I'm concerned about…your personal life."

Grissom bristled.

"My personal life is private."

"How is counseling?"

He stood, heading to the door.

"Gil, I'm concerned. Sometimes men are attracted to women of questionable reputations. It's a flaw but as long as it doesn't interfere with your job then…"

"You and I are not having this conversation."

"I warned you Sara was a loose cannon…I should have warned you that she was also loose…in the sheets."

He hit him without thinking.

His hand stung but he liked the way Ecklie's nose exploded sending blood splatter all over the monthly reports.

Grissom pulled out a handkerchief and handed it to Ecklie.

He grabbed it holding it to his nose as he cursed, threatening suspension as well as termination.

Grissom stepped toward him and he backed away.

"The only reason that this is your lab is because I don't kiss ass. That might change if you ever say another word about Sara. I'll have your job and I won't hesitate kicking your ass to the curb. This lab's reputation rests on your shoulders…not mine. I will not have you threatening me or my family. Sara is my family. Do you understand?" he glared.

He nodded, still grumbling over the nose.

"You might want Doc to look at your nose. I think I broke it….or at least I hope I did."

He left the door open, walking past the receptionist who flew to Ecklie's assistance.

His hand was stinging but he felt a sense of relief.

Greg flew to his side.

"Judy just said you punched Ecklie."

"You shouldn't believe everything you hear," said Grissom.

"I'll get an ice pack for your hand," replied Greg as he grinned.

He held his hand under the water in the break room, wincing at the cut on his knuckle.

Greg raced in with an ice pack, handing it to Grissom.

Warrick and Nick stood nearby, both quiet but concerned.

Catherine rushed in, trying to take a look at Grissom's hand but he pulled away.

"What happened?" she asked.

Brass stepped into the break room. "I just passed Doc in the hall. Ecklie was on his way to the hospital. He said he slipped in his office and hit the filing cabinet. He may have broken his nose."

Brass looked at Grissom's hand. "What happened to your hand?"

"We both slipped," he replied.

He took the assignment slips from Jim.

"It's amazing how you both slipped at the same time," grinned Brass.

He handed out the assignments, not bothering to give himself an assignment.

"Going to have that hand checked out?" asked Brass.

"No…I'm going to check on my family," he said as he started to leave.

Catherine ran after him.

"Gil…Gil, wait," she begged following him to his car.

"I never meant to hurt Sara…I was just trying to…make sure no one screwed you over again. Believe it or not, I know how that feels. You know Eddie cheated. The difference between Lizzie and Eddie was that she was discreet…Eddie just flaunted it."

"I would have preferred to be hurt…than to see Sara hurt."

"Wow, you love her that much," she sighed.

"Do you have any idea how hard it was for her to walk away from this place…she considered all of you…including **you **Catherine as family but she did it to protect me."

"I'm sorry…I know it doesn't help but I'm truly sorry."

"You owe her the apology not me," he spat.

Note from author:

Things are still crazy around here including my laptop which did not want to turn on this morning???? I am going to back up the story elsewhere just in case but if I miss a posting I will make it up.

Take care!


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter Thirty Four:**

**Regrets and Apologies**

He tried to be quiet as he stepped into the house.

It had been a long day for them.

She refused to let him go to her check up, causing an outburst between the two.

It had been the first in weeks.

He felt hurt and rejected, not understanding that she needed to feel in control, not some beaten down shell of a person.

He climbed the stairs, popping his head in to check on Caleb and then went to her room but it was empty.

The bed appeared to have been slept in.

He checked the bathroom and then the baby's room, finding her in there from time to time, sitting in the rocker.

He flew down the steps checking the kitchen then den.

There was a slight noise coming from his room.

The bedside light was on.

He stepped into the room and found her sitting on the bed.

"Grissom?"

His features looked tired, worried.

"I…" she interrupted him.

"I'm sorry….about the fight," she said.

"I'm sorry too. It's after 2:00 a.m. you should be in bed," he scolded gently.

"I couldn't sleep," she admitted. "I just wanted to be…near you."

She rose suddenly, taking his hand into hers. "What happened?"

"It's nothing."

"It's swollen," she gasped. "Did you have it checked? It could be broken."

"It's going to be fine, Sara."

"Are you home…or just checking on us?" she asked.

He smiled sadly. "I just wanted to see you…know that you were okay."

"I'm…we're going to be okay."

His hand caressed her abdomen.

"I should have let you come. I just…I feel like I've complicated your life enough."

"God I hope so. My life has been so boring until now," he quipped.

She smiled, kissing him.

He waited until she was back in bed, leaning down to kiss her until they both had to pull away.

"Keep the bed warm," he whispered.

"Be safe," she yawned.

He grinned.

There were mixed rumors as to Ecklie's bandaged nose.

He didn't care.

It felt good hitting Ecklie.

Catherine waited a week, trying to learn from Grissom how Sara was feeling before purposely showing up one evening an hour before work.

She had wanted to apologize to both of them together but Grissom's car was already gone.

While she had already said her apologies several times to Grissom, she felt it would go easier if he were present to see Sara's reaction, not sure if she would only make matters worse.

Greg was the only person who had returned on a regular basis since the incident.

The first time he had come without notice, and had challenged Grissom when he wasn't going to let him see Sara but his presence seemed to soothe her so he had been permitted access.

Catherine wasn't sure if Grissom would allow her to see Sara and in a way she almost wished he was there to refuse her entry so she could at least tell her conscious she had tried to do the right thing.

The truth is that she felt guilty as hell for what had transpired not aware that their voices had been overheard by the others.

Greg had given a few details to the guys, murmuring Sara seemed quite depressed these days, refusing to offer any information about herself or their private life but he knew that the incident still bothered her.

Sara swung open the door and was surprised to come face to face with Catherine.

"Can I come in?" she asked.

Sara opened the door wide, not sure what to make of the visit.

"Sara…I know this is long overdue but I wanted to come by and apologize…for what happened," she said.

There was a slight crash outside in the back yard and Sara rushed out with Catherine on her heals.

Caleb laughed at the mess on the deck.

Sara frowned.

"Hi Momma," smiled the bright blue eyed little boy.

"Caleb…you were not supposed to bring out the toy bag," sighed Sara.

Catherine chuckled. "He looks like Grissom so much….looks like he has his curiosity as well."

Sara sat down and attempted to pick up some of the mess.

"Here…I can help," offered Catherine.

They soon had the toys back into the bag while Caleb took off across the lawn.

"Sara…I hope you understand…why I…was so concerned about…"

"Lizzie lied to Gil…you didn't want him to be hurt again."

"When he found out about Lizzie it almost destroyed him. He's been so happy and I just wanted to protect him."

"I understand…I do," she said as she called after Caleb.

"You didn't deserve…to be treated like that," she said.

"Why not? You've never trusted me. You…never thought…you never seemed like you wanted Gil and I to…have a relationship."

"No! It wasn't like that. I just didn't understand why he pushed you away but you wouldn't give up so I…I thought he just gave in…he is a man after all. Sara, I didn't think he wanted you in his life and I just felt you should have honored his wishes…not pushed so hard."

It came out all wrong, making even Catherine cringe.

Sara's eyes shot to the floor, her own insecurity apparent.

_He's with me because of Caleb…_

_Even one of his oldest friends noticed it…_

Catherine licked her lips.

She didn't like where this was going.

"I had no idea he couldn't…because of Lizzie. It made sense then…the pushing away. He wanted…you but not…then…Sara, am I making a mess of this apology?"

Sara did not respond, calling after Caleb as he attempted to climb onto the picnic table.

"My feelings were hurt by you and…Brass. I was mad when I found out that you and Brass had known about Lizze…but I didn't."

"Why?"

"Because Gil was good to me…when I was pregnant with Lindsey…the whole marriage and divorce mess…he supported me. I wanted to do the same thing for him," she explained.

"He values your friendship a lot," said Sara.

"He is so…in love with his family," said Catherine.

"He loves Caleb very much," admitted Sara.

"He loves…you," emphasized Catherine.

Her eyes shifted from Catherine to Caleb, trying not to give away too much but there was still doubt.

Catherine's beeper went off and she cursed.

She didn't feel like she had made Sara feel any better.

"Sara, listen…"

"You should get going," said Sara as she took off after Caleb.

Catherine sighed as she took off toward the door, already calling the lab.

Catherine tapped on Grissom's door later that night.

"Can I talk with you?" she asked.

"Are the results in on…"

"Can't we talk anymore?" she pleaded.

"About what?" he asked.

"I went by your house…to apologize to Sara."

He gulped, not liking the idea that Catherine had just showed up.

Sara seemed quiet these days.

"Gil…I think I made things worse," she admitted.

He scowled. "What did you do?"

She told him about their conversation.

"Maybe it's just me but I think Sara…feels insecure. She thinks you're only with her because of Caleb…not because you love her."

"I do! It's just that I can't seem to…make the doubt go away," admitted Grissom.

"I know…Sara has always been private but even before…all of this happened, she talked with the guys….she doesn't even do that much anymore. I think it would be good for her if she had the guys again."

He felt the same way but he had not been able to convince Sara.

"I've told her…she's too protective of Caleb…and me," he mourned.

"I've always thought that we were a family. It made me angry when Sara didn't come after Lizzie's death. I thought…that she had moved on and just gave up on you. I guess I let that doubt sort of mar my judgment. I was trying to protect you…from the one person who would never hurt you…Sara. I'm truly sorry. I'll talk with the guys…get them to go and see Sara. If anyone can get through to her, Greg can," she offered.

Nick and Warrick paid a few visits while Greg became a regular at the house, making up excuses to visit Sara.

He brought toys for Caleb and movies to watch with Sara.

He didn't ask questions but kidded with her, calming her.

"How is the lab?" she asked one day.

"It's not been the same with you gone," he admitted.

"So…you miss me?" she asked.

"Yeah," he declared.

She smiled.

"Sara…I never thought you…would be the type to run from…rumors."

"Rumors?"

"You should come back. You could work swing…swing shift works with us most weeks."

"Greg…I can't come back. I have Caleb… and Mikayla to consider."

"Is that the only thing you're considering?"

"What do you mean?"

"He's a big boy…he can take care of himself," huffed Greg.

She looked confused.

"Grissom may be…a little uncomfortable with you working again but…you shouldn't stay away because of that."

"Why would he be uncomfortable?"

"The gossip mongers…they say Grissom decided you couldn't work in the lab. It was not your decision. He doesn't want to be reminded of…his mistake."

Sara bristled. "That's not true. There wasn't a position available."

"He's interviewing for your old position."

She swallowed. "I thought the position was…abolished."

"He put in a request to have it reinstated."

She tried not to react.

"Are you going to come back?" asked Greg.

"I'm pregnant, Greg."

"There's nothing that says a pregnant woman cannot work in a crime lab."

"They won't let me work…with him…as my supervisor," she said.

"Your position was given to swing. If he had left it with swing then you could have returned. Instead, he had the position returned to graveyard…blocking you from returning to work."

She felt betrayed by Grissom but she tried to conceal it from Greg.

"I wasn't supposed to tell you anything…but I thought you should know. Ever since we found out about his wife…we've supported him…protected him. I just want to protect you…even if it's from Grissom. You should make your own decisions."

She hugged Greg, holding onto him for several moments before letting go.

"He should marry you…not live with you," he added.

"I never took you for old fashioned," she whispered.

"I'm not…you are. You've wanted to marry him ever since you came to Vegas."

It was true but she wondered how Greg knew it.

"You pretend that you're not into the marrying thing but I know better. You've never felt like you belonged anywhere or to anyone."

It wasn't like they discussed such things.

She sent Caleb to Sandra's before he came home calling his cell to make sure he was on his way home.

He stepped into the house, smiling when he saw her in the kitchen.

She had prepared a nice breakfast.

The table was set for two.

He grinned as he took his seat.

"Where is Caleb?"

"He's with Sandra," she said.

He sat down and ate, making small talk about the night.

"Have there been any changes…in vacancies?" she asked.

He hesitated for a moment but then replied, "No."

"What about my old position?" she asked.

His fork halted in mid-air.

"Greg told you," he sighed.

"You could have told me…we could have discussed this."

"I didn't think it mattered. Soon you're going to busy with a newborn as well as Caleb."

"Is that the only reason why you didn't want me back in the lab?"

"Yes!"

He knew she didn't believe him.

"I was only trying to make things easier for you. If there was a viable position then I knew you would apply for it…Sara, you can't manage a toddler, a newborn and this house as well as a full time job at the lab…the hours alone would…"

"I would have liked to have some say."

"Sara…"

She got up, avoiding his hand that was outstretched, attempting to catch her before she fled the room.

"Sara, wait!"

"You didn't tell me about the position, the gossip…what else have you not told me?"

"I broke Ecklie's nose."

Her eyes widened as she stepped back into the kitchen. "You hit…Ecklie?"

"Yes and no."

"You hit him that night…your hand was swollen."

"I hit him but he states he slipped in his office and hit the filing cabinet….I slipped also…and injured my hand."

"Why…did you hit him?"

"I've wanted to hit him for years."

"Look…if you don't want me to work at the lab, you could have just told me."

"I want…you to do what makes you happy."

"It would be easier…if I found full time employment with benefits."

"Sara…we don't need the money. We can get by."

"My medical insurance is going to expire in January."

"I'll switch from single to family coverage," he said. "I thought you wanted to teach?"

"I'll take whatever I can get," she admitted. "Besides, you can't add…us."

"I could…if we…got married."

It wasn't even a proposal but more of a declaration and it hurt to the core of her heart.

She would have liked a proposal.

He had given one to Lizzie.

She felt like the jealous "other woman" comparing herself to Lizzie.

At the moment the only reason she felt they were together was that she had managed to give Grissom a child.

"_I thought a child would make the difference."_

"I could go back to work at the lab and get coverage…myself."

"Sara…"

"Do you have any objections to me submitting my resume?"

He did.

He wanted to protect her and he had no idea how she would manage to work while pregnant much less after Mikayla was born.

He didn't know why he had not broached the subject of marriage before this.

Now, it sounded like they had to get married rather than he wanted to marry her.

He felt frustrated at the timing.

She caught the uneasiness.

"I don't want to get married," she announced, letting him off the hook.

"_I won't let you hurt me like that! I won't...love like…that again!" _

"Sara, if we get married the insurance problem is solved."

_How romantic Grissom…_

He scowled at his explanation.

There should have been a declaration of love and it was clear that she was bristling at everything he said.

"I could get a full time job…too," she huffed. "Then the problem would be solved…wouldn't it?"

He dropped the subject, knowing they were not getting anywhere.

The meal was ruined.

He offered to clean up but then she only bristled more, telling him she was quite capable of doing house chores at least.

He wanted to throttle Greg but in a way he was glad that his loyalties remained with Sara.

He knew it had been difficult for her to return, wanting to be with the others but kept her distance, always protective of him.

He was not prepared to be cornered by Greg that evening.

It was rare that the young man ever came in early but he tapped on the door, entered without permission and then did something that even alarmed Grissom.

He shut the door, lowering the shades.

"Is there a problem, Greg?"

"I told Sara about the position," he said.

"I know. Sara and I talked about it."

"Is she coming back?" he asked.

"That's up to Sara…but Greg, I don't think it's a good idea when…"

"So you're just going to let the gossip mongers chase her away," griped Greg.

"Excuse me?"

"Frankly it's no one's business how you treated your…wife but it is my business how you treat Sara!"

His tone bordered on insubordination but he had nothing but admiration for the young man.

Greg Sanders was definitely loyal to a certain brunette.

"I appreciate your concern for Sara's welfare but…"

"Sara deserves a ring on her finger. She doesn't deserve to be the grapevine's juiciest morsel of the night. Look, I can overlook…Caleb…you didn't know….but now you do! She deserves your last name just as much as your son…and your dead wife."

The last few words dripped with contempt.

Greg took a deep breath. "Sara never says…when she's hurting. She never complains because she doesn't think she deserves more than what she's getting. She deserves a hell of a lot more than what she is getting from you. She's covered your ass from the beginning…she never would have left us…me…unless she needed to protect you and she did that Grissom. None of us knew what was going on. If we did, I would have talked her out of leaving. I never would have let her go to San Francisco…something that you should have done yourself!"

He waited a second before hurdling into another lecture.

"I don't give a damn what you do to me but I will not let you hurt her. I will not let you hide her away as if you're ashamed of her. She deserves a ring and your last name. She deserves to be loved just as much as your wife did."

Grissom glared at Greg. "I love Sara…more than I have ever loved anyone else!....and I'm not hiding her."

"Really? Then why haven't you proposed? Sara would have accepted…it's what she has always wanted so I know you haven't asked."

"I offered marriage," he muttered.

"Offered or asked? There is a difference!"

The young man opened the door and started to leave but Grissom called him back.

"Greg…I do appreciate your friendship with Sara. It means a lot to her…and me. I also appreciate your loyalty to her. She does deserve my love which she has always had…as far as my name…I'm working on that."

"You could work a little harder…Mikayla will be here soon," he muttered.

Days passed but he still tossed the thought of marriage around in his brain.

She seemed quiet these days, as if she had been saddened by something.

She would slip out of the house taking walks through the neighborhood or sit on the back porch, staring out into space.

It was one of those nights that he asked to sit with her.

"Caleb…"

"Caleb is sleeping," he reasoned. "We have the monitor," he announced, holding it up in his hand.

It felt strange sharing the porch with him.

The backyard had become a sanctuary of sorts.

His presence wreaked havoc on her emotions and she shot off the porch, choosing to walk around.

She hoped he would remain behind but he followed, trying to get up enough nerve to take her hand.

He knew she was still angry with his deception.

They stopped near the trees.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I like to look at the stars," she whispered.

"Me too. They're comforting."

It was exactly the way she felt.

"After my father died, I had trouble sleeping so I would put a pallet on the floor and look out my window. I'd count the stars every night. It helped soothe my mind," he shared.

"Did you ever make a wish?" she asked.

"Yes."

His hand gently slipped into hers thankful she was letting him touch her. "Did you?"

"Yes…but then I would cry," she admitted.

"Why?"

"Because the star had fallen from heaven…I was afraid the rest would fall. They were the only comfort I had sometimes."

His other hand caressed her cheek.

They stood there hand in hand, under the blanket of stars.

Slowly, cautiously, he pulled her into his arms.

"I love you, Sara," he whispered.

The moment was broken as she pulled away, breaking free of his hand as she retreated to her room.

He ached for her.

As he started inside, a shooting star dashed across the sky.

"I wish Sara believed I loved her."

note from author:

Thanks for the reviews. The old computer is still running- for now. Have a wonderful weekend and yes, I will be posting regularly with perhaps an added chapter. I can't help but chuckle at the comments regarding Vincent....so you think he's lurking around the corner???? LOL

Take care!


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter Thirty Five:**

**A Proposal**

The next evening he sat in the chair in her room, reading a book while she worked on her notes.

He could not help but stare at her.

There were a thousand things running through his mind but he did not know how to approach her about marriage.

His palms were sweaty as he tried to get up the nerve to ask.

It wasn't that he didn't want to marry her.

He was afraid she didn't want to marry him.

She tugged at the ring on her finger, slipping it off.

"Ring getting tight?" he asked.

"Just itches."

"Do you want some ointment?"

"No, thanks. I'm going to stop wearing it. Everyone knows…here…that it's fake."

_Perfect opportunity there Grissom…_

He leaned forward in his chair.

"Sara…would you…consider marriage?"

She almost got whiplash from the question.

"Marriage?"

"Yes. I know we agreed to live together in order to share Caleb…and Mikayla but…we could get married."

"I don't…think so."

Her finger twirled the wedding band.

It wasn't that she had anything against marriage.

She wanted to belong to someone.

She and Grissom were going to be connected for the rest of their lives through Caleb.

They did have a lot in common.

She did love him and he did care for her as much as he was capable of so that should count for something.

_Should I marry him because of Caleb…and Mikayla?_

_Look Sara, if he's willing to settle for you, why not?_

_You love him…isn't that enough?_

_Just once before I die, I want to be loved like that…._

_Get a grip Sara…_

_No one will love you like that…_

_Damaged goods…second hand…second choice…or maybe third…_

_He did sleep with that woman but he said he did it because she reminded him of me…._

_Right…_

Her head hurt.

Her brain told her that Gil Grissom had used logic and reason to come to his conclusion of marriage and she should do the same but her heart would have preferred more.

Her heart told her to be wary, not expect an ever after with someone who withheld things, things that had clearly bothered her.

_He didn't tell me about Bill Thornton until later…much later…_

_He had no intention of telling me about the position until Greg did…_

"Sara…we've not discussed this but I'm worried about Caleb's legitimacy. I know you put my name on his birth certificate but I wasn't there to sign it. I'd like to correct that…but more importantly I don't want anyone to question who Mikayla's father is…it's me."

Sara licked her lips.

She glanced briefly in Grissom's direction.

"I can have my attorney file the necessary papers to have Caleb's birth certificate corrected."

"Corrected?" she asked worriedly.

"Yes…like I said, I didn't sign it. I'll call him tomorrow and…"

"There's no…need," she said quietly.

"Yes, there is! If I had known, I would have signed it but Sara, I understand…really. You were trying to protect me and…"

"Your signature is on the birth certificate," she blurted.

"How is that possible?"

"When you left…that night you left your lab I.D. badge. It had fallen…underneath the bed. I meant to return it but then…I don't know why I kept it. I just did. I uhm would show it to Caleb often…so he would know his father."

She gulped. "When he was born the nurses came with the paperwork…explained you would need to sign the birth certificate. I had Ben flash your I.D. and pretend to be you."

Grissom's jaw dropped.

"You saw the resemblance yourself. The I.D. badge was made years ago…the nurse glanced at it briefly and then let Ben sign the birth certificate."

The room was silent for several minutes but then Grissom cleared his throat.

"I need to thank your friend Ben for doing what I should have done."

"You're…not mad?" she asked quickly.

"Why? You risked falsifying a document for me…as well as Caleb. Sara, your actions…even withholding this information until now was not done maliciously…it was an act of love. How can I be angry at you for that?"

She swallowed.

_Maybe he withheld those things…out of love also?_

"Thank you. I meant to tell you but then…"

He held up his hand. "I understand."

Still, she wasn't sure about his seriousness of the marriage question.

Her eyes darted in his direction a time or two.

"Do you think…we should…get married?" she finally asked.

It made him hopeful.

"Yes, I do."

"Oh."

Her head went back to her papers and nothing was said further.

He was confused, not knowing if she wanted to get married or not.

By 9:00 p.m. she was yawning, putting away her things for bed.

He sat there like he always did, letting her go to the bathroom and dress for bed.

Once in bed, he would kiss her goodnight and get ready for work.

Tonight, she sat on her bed as if in thought.

"We could…get married," she whispered.

He felt as if he had just won the lottery.

He wiped his forehead, clearly relieved that she was accepting his proposal.

_My proposal…_

He hit his knees, jarring the floor.

"Will you marry me, Sara?"

Her heart fluttered.

He was actually asking her!

She nodded but then answered "yes."

The twinkle in his eye faded immediately.

He had forgotten about rings.

Before he had proposed to Lizzie, he had spent a month searching for the right ring, gambling for weeks to come up with enough money to purchase it.

He glanced at Sara's finger, still wearing the hand me down wedding band given to her by her mother.

"Maybe…maybe we shouldn't jump into this," she said suddenly, feeling very awkward and embarrassed because she had never done this before.

But, he had.

There had been a big wedding by the looks of the wedding photos she had seen in Lizzie's room.

Curiosity had gotten the better of her one night and she had searched for it in the archive along with details about the wreck.

She knew it was morbid but she wanted…no she needed to know what kind of woman captivated Grissom's heart.

She pulled away, giving him an out.

She had seen that look in his eye.

He was probably remembering when he had asked Lizzie.

"Night," she whispered as she pulled back the covers, rolling toward the wall.

"Night," he managed to get out.

He closed the door but then cracked it.

He had been doing that ever since she seemed to have forgiven him.

He left his cracked as well, not liking the closed doors between them.

It angered him that she had changed her mind.

_Maybe it's for the best…_

_Maybe she doesn't want to be tied to me…_

_We'll just be partners raising two children…_

He cursed out loud as he marched back into her room.

He sat down rather hard on the bed, startling her.

"Why won't you marry me?" he asked.

"I didn't think…you were serious," she said.

"I proposed! I got down on my knees," he lamented.

"I know you've…done this before but I haven't."

"Does this mean you're not going to marry me because I've been married before?"

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"Sara, I asked," he said sounding frustrated.

"I know but…you didn't seem happy…about it."

"Oh…oh! I am happy…unless you've really changed your mind but…I am happy. Does that make sense?"

_Why am I over talking?_

_She does that…_

_I've never been so nervous in my life…_

She shook her head and he quickly explained his actions.

"I was happy that you answered yes but I forgot I didn't have a ring. I should have gotten a ring…and then proposed."

"Oh."

"Does this mean you'll marry me?"

She shook her head.

"Why did you turn me down this time?" he asked in frustration.

"You still don't have a ring."

His eyes twinkled. "I'll get a ring…tomorrow."

"Night."

He leaned down, "Night Mrs. Grissom."

There was a twinge of pain in her eyes but she gave him a smile that seemed forced.

He let it go, taking off to work before she could change her mind again.

"Ready?" he asked that morning.

"Ready?"

"Come with me to pick our wedding bands," he explained.

"Okay."

She chose plain gold bands.

He tried to get her to give him some input on the engagement ring but she withdrew, citing she was tired.

He was nervous picking it out.

Lizzie had balked at every ring he showed her, finally pointing to a few that he had not considered because they were not in his price range but in the end he had scrimped together enough money to purchase one of them.

Sara had not seemed interested in any of the rings.

He didn't know what to think of it.

By the time he had dropped her off at the house, he was frustrated.

He returned to the jewelry store trying to decide on just the right ring that would show her how much she meant to him.

None of the rings stood out.

He did spy a beautiful locket and purchased it.

"You didn't find the right ring?" asked the clerk.

"No," he admitted.

"It's a difficult choice. My husband and I…we never had that problem."

Grissom glanced at the woman's hand.

She displayed her hand.

"It's lovely," he said.

"Three generations have worn this ring," she announced. "It's not a big diamond…but the history and the love behind this ring…is worth more than any of these behind the display case."

Grissom smiled. "I imagine it is."

His face lit up as he grabbed the package. "Thank you!" he called out as he hurried home.

He was giddy with anticipation, waiting for the right moment.

He sat on pins and needles waiting for her to get ready for bed.

She began her routine, stepping back into the room, to curl into bed.

"Wait! I wanted to do something before bed."

"I'm kind of tired," she admitted.

"This won't take but a minute," he grinned as he knelt in front of her. "Will you marry me, Sara?"

She grinned. "Yes."

He pulled out a black box, opening it to display an engagement ring.

"If you don't like it…then we can keep looking," he asked cautiously.

"No! It's beautiful," she said.

"It belonged to my mother," he explained. "It's been passed down a few times…I'm not sure how many….but…"

He knew what she was thinking as she looked at the ring. "Lizzie refused when my mother offered it. She insisted on picking out a ring. She wanted something new….she never had anything borrowed in her life."

"Oh."

"When I told my mother that I was getting married she offered her rings…said they had been passed down…for many generations. I politely made excuses for Lizzie. I think I hurt my mother but she never said anything. When she died she left them to me…along with some other family heirlooms. I put them away in the safe and didn't think about them until now."

She looked shocked.

The ring was exquisite.

"If you don't want it…"

She kissed him feverishly. "It's perfect….really it is."

"Are you sure? I wanted it to be perfect. I wanted…only the best for you," he worried.

"It is perfect…thank you for entrusting me with it," she said.

"It was meant to be on your finger…we were meant to be together," he whispered. "I love you, Sara."

She swiped away a tear as he placed it on her finger.

He kissed the palm of her hand, leaning in to touch her lips.

"Night, Sara."

He felt giddy, too eager to sleep.

"You're not staying…here with me?" she asked.

"You need to sleep and I…I wouldn't let you sleep," he grinned as he leaned down and kissed her.

He went to his room, having the night off.

He folded his hands behind his head as he lay there, content that she had liked the ring.

His euphoria was dampened when she padded into his room, plopping down on the bed.

"Griss?"

"Yes?"

"Are you sure?"

He sighed. "I wouldn't have proposed if I wasn't sure."

"Yes…but…most people wait awhile before…"

"Sara we've known each for almost nine years."

"You…thought…you knew Lizzie but…"

Fear filled him instantly.

He had been so sure, so secure in their relationship and had never suspected she was having an affair.

"We don't communicate…very well," she added.

He gulped.

He kept things bottled inside.

She did too.

He remembered Lizzie's voice that night on the phone

"_We don't talk anymore"…_

"_You're never home"…_

He sat up in bed.

His panic eased when his hand caressed her abdomen.

"Sara…did it bother you when I called you Mrs. Grissom?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I'm…not her."

He grabbed her forcibly by the arms. "No, you're not! I never want you to be like her!" he yelled.

She edged away.

He quickly grabbed her hand. "I'm sorry."

He took a deep breath. "My anger is at her…not you. Understand? Don't ever…be afraid of me, Sara."

"I am," she admitted.

He swallowed not liking the sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach.

She sensed how much her admission pained him.

She quickly caressed his cheek.

"I promise I'll never hurt you," he urged.

"I promise I'll never hurt you," she replied.

He smiled as he leaned forward and kissed her.

She started to return to her room but he held firmly to her hand.

"Sara…I know you probably feel stuck with me but…"

"Stuck?"

"If I had never…lost control and came to you that evening…you wouldn't have gotten pregnant with Caleb," he explained. "Now…you're stuck with….me. I know you could have had your choice of men…younger men…without so much baggage but I'm so happy that you're willing to marry me."

She looked utterly speechless.

"I'm not stuck," she finally whispered.

"I feel like you are," he admitted. "I don't think you would have put up with me if we didn't have Caleb. I just want you to know that…no one will ever love you as much as I do."

She hadn't moved an inch and he wasn't sure whether she believed him or not.

He took a deep breath. "I've never loved anyone the way I love you and it scares me. Sometimes, I don't think I'm good enough. I may not be…but I'm so very grateful that you're stuck with me."

She still sat there unmoved.

Slowly he released her hand.

"Night," he whispered.

She finally moved, rising to her feet but then she flung herself into his arms.

"You could…have said all of that…before you proposed," she cried.

"I love you, Sara."

"I know."

Note from author:

Yeah...fluff...I'm choking on it and the pollen in the air. LOL

Take care!


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter Thirty Six:**

**Coming to Grips**

She knew he was working a double when she rolled over and he was missing from her bed.

She glanced at the clock, frowning that she had slept so late.

Quietly she slipped into Caleb's room.

His head bobbed up.

"Momma," he smiled.

"Good morning, Caleb," she said as she leaned over and kissed him.

"Dada?"

"Dada is working," she explained.

He frowned, looking very much Grissomish and she could not help but grin at his expression.

"You look so much like your Dada," she whispered.

"Miss Dada," he pouted.

"Momma can play," she offered.

"Dada…bugs," he grinned.

Sara frowned. "We'll play another game."

She hummed softly as Caleb finished breakfast while she put away the dishes.

The radio was set to their favorite oldies station in Vegas.

She half heard the announcement of a gas explosion, wondering if there were casualties, causing Grissom to be further delayed.

"Would you like to go to the park?" she asked.

"Swing," he laughed.

Her phone rang and she grinned, knowing that it would be Grissom.

She was not prepared to hear Jim's voice.

"Hey kiddo."

"Hey, Jim. Grissom isn't here. He must be tied up on a case."

"I know," he hesitated. "Listen, don't panic…there was a gas explosion downtown…Gil and Nick were working a case and…"

"Are they alright?" she asked anxiously.

"Just a few minor cuts…nothing serious but…the crime scene is a mess. He wanted me to call you just in case you heard it on the news."

"Why didn't he call?" she asked suspiciously.

"He will…when he can," stuttered Brass.

"Jim…should I be concerned?" she asked.

"Sara, he's fine…really."

_Right…_

She was on her way to the lab within minutes, leaving Caleb with Sandra.

She told herself not to panic but she needed to see him, to soothe the knots in her stomach.

She got to the front desk, waving at Judy, intent to walk to his office.

"Sara…wait!" called Judy.

Sara tried to hide the anger from being detained but she knew it was lab policy that non personnel had to be escorted throughout the building.

She had hoped she would be able to rush past Judy once more and find out for herself that Grissom was fine.

She needed for him to be fine, not liking how her hands shook or the way Mikayla swirled from side to side as if she too were in a panic.

She caressed her abdomen, trying to calm her worries.

"Judy, I need to see Grissom," she finally got out.

"So would I," said Conrad Ecklie from behind.

Sara turned, coming face to face with Ecklie.

"Jim called me…told me there was an explosion," she explained.

"Grissom is not here…yet. I have a few questions about what happened," he grumbled.

He eyed Sara up and down.

She felt self conscious standing there under his scrutiny.

"You can…wait in his office. I'll escort you…I need to find some reports that are due," he huffed.

She appreciated the gesture but didn't think she could stomach waiting with Ecklie until Grissom returned.

She stepped into Grissom's office and took a seat on the couch, still feeling a bit shaky.

Ecklie glanced in her direction as he rifled through the papers on Grissom's desk.

"Does he have a system to this madness?" griped Ecklie.

Sara said nothing.

Ecklie finally located the reports.

"Jim is supposed to be heading back. He's got some explaining to do," said Ecklie.

"Explaining?" she questioned.

"No one ran anything through me about a couple of murders that happened in San Francisco," he said sifting through the reports. "I don't like getting put on the spot…not knowing what's going on…in my own lab."

She felt uneasy, wondering if Grissom had been utilizing the lab's resources in order to track Vincent Andrews.

_This lab is yours only in title…_

_Nothing more…_

Sara bit her lower lip to keep from responding.

She sat back as if to make herself disappear, not wanting to encourage the man to keep talking with her.

The door opened and Brass rushed in.

"Conrad….when did this Vincent fellow contact you?" asked Brass, oblivious to Sara.

"Andrews stated he was with the crime lab in San Francisco….look I don't see why this is so damn important!" griped Ecklie.

"Could you tell me…what he said…word for word?" urged Brass.

"He wanted to speak with Grissom. He said he wanted to discuss a case…" Ecklie glanced at Sara, noticing the way she suddenly came to her feet.

Brass cursed under his breath, now realizing Sara had overheard the conversation.

"Vincent Andrews…is trying to contact…Grissom?" she asked.

"Sara….yes," admitted Brass.

"Look, I didn't know he wasn't with the San Francisco crime lab anymore. Besides, I didn't give out any information that…"

"Of course," interrupted Brass, wanting Ecklie to stop talking.

Sara eyes bore a hole through Brass, making his sweat.

"Look, I'm the director. If Grissom is working on a case that involved a double homicide in San Francisco then I want a report on my desk by this evening," Ecklie barked.

"Double homicide?" asked Sara.

Brass felt trapped between the two.

"Thornton case?" asked Sara.

"Yes. How do you know?" asked Ecklie.

"Bill…Thornton?" she clarified.

Ecklie handed her the file before Brass could intercept it.

Her eyes took in the viciousness of the murders.

Her mind read the note over and over.

_Vincent did this…_

"Do know anything about this?" asked Ecklie.

She nodded.

Brass groaned.

She visibly shook, nodding as her eyes continued to look at the blood soaked bodies.

It was Ecklie who caught her when her legs threatened to give way.

"Christ!" he muttered as he gently held her.

Sara held on tight to his arm, gripping it as if she feared she would faint.

"Sara…let's sit back down," Ecklie said softly.

Ecklie glanced at Brass as if to silently plead for him to get Grissom.

"Doc is with Grissom," whispered Brass.

"Doc? Was he hurt?" she asked quickly.

"Sara, he's fine. He and Nick went to the hospital…just procedure," Brass emphasized.

"But you know Doc; he wanted to see for himself."

"Right," she muttered, knowing there was more than Brass was telling her.

He looked downright guilty.

Sara glanced at Ecklie. "Is Grissom alright?"

He looked a bit unsettled. "He and Nick have a few cuts and abrasions….he needed a few stitches."

Sara glared at Brass.

"Sara…what do you know about…those murders as well as Vincent Andrews?" asked Ecklie.

"Look, I think she's been through enough…the photos…the knowledge that Grissom was hurt…not to mention she almost fainted…"

"I did not," she huffed.

Ecklie actually turned his head and grinned. "No, you didn't. You just like…falling into my arms."

The comment made Brass smirk, knowing how much Sara detested Ecklie.

Sara looked completely embarrassed.

"Jim, go find Grissom while Sara and I talk."

"But…"

"She's fine with me," ordered Ecklie.

He waited until the door shut before sitting down across from Sara.

He picked up the folder that had fallen to the floor, the pictures sprawled out.

She couldn't keep her eyes from them.

"Sara?"

Her voice was soft, almost too soft as she began to explain the past two years.

Ecklie listened intently.

She forced herself into work mode, divulging everything, withholding nothing.

Ecklie quickly shut the folder, concealing the photos.

By the time they heard footsteps outside the door, she had finished.

Her eyes locked with Ecklie.

"I think I owe you an apology," he said.

"Apology?" she asked.

Their conversation was interrupted as Grissom burst through the door.

She was relieved to see him but rose quickly when she saw his bloodied shirt.

His eyes followed hers. "It looks worse than it really is," he began.

Sara quickly vacated the couch only to be dragged back down by Grissom.

Doc hurried inside, concerned for Sara as Brass had relayed her reaction to seeing the photos.

Grissom ignored the others as he quickly grabbed her hand. "Are you okay?" he asked quickly.

She nodded but then added, "But…you're not."

He recognized the tone.

"Sara…"

She slapped his hand away, not caring that the others saw the interaction.

"Don't send Jim to cover your ass."

Grissom opened his mouth but then shut it.

"Are you supposed to be …in the hospital?"

He fidgeted.

She glanced at Doc. "Jim is already on my shit list…do you want to be added to it?"

"He refused to stay at the hospital," announced Doc.

Grissom glared at Doc.

She examined the stitches on his forehead, counting ten.

There was a deep gash on his arm and she was tempted to pull up his shirt to inspect every inch of him but thought better of it as Brass coughed nervously.

"He's probably got a whopper of a headache so…be nice to him, Sara," instructed Doc.

"Is it okay…that he go home or should I drive him back to the hospital?" she asked, still glaring at Grissom as if to warn him to keep quiet.

"Yes," replied Doc.

"Are we finished?" asked Sara to Ecklie.

"Yes and so is he," ordered Ecklie.

She started to rise but Grissom hand snaked out to steady her.

"I'm fine….but you're not," she spat once more.

Brass mouthed "Dog house" to Grissom as soon as Sara turned her back.

Once they were out of sight, Ecklie shut the office door.

"Keep me in the loop on this Vincent Andrews fellow. I expect you to keep him under your radar," stated Ecklie as he gathered the reports.

"Uh…yes, I will."

"You might want to have an unmarked patrol car frequent Grissom's neighborhood for awhile," he added as Ecklie opened the office door.

Brass looked surprised.

"This is just between us, right?" questioned Ecklie.

"Of course," replied Brass.

"Good."

Brass stared at the empty office.

"What the hell happened while I was gone?" he muttered.

Not a word was spoken on the way home.

Once they were inside, Grissom went straight to the master bedroom, needing a hot shower to remove the grime and the stench of blood.

He showered then eased himself onto the bed.

"How's…your head?" she whispered.

"Hurts," he mumbled.

She handed him some pills and he took them, grateful for any relief.

Her hands sifted through his hair.

"Sara…"

"I told Ecklie…everything," she whispered.

"I'm sorry. I had wanted to…protect you from…"

"Vincent…called him…wanted to speak with you."

"He didn't want to talk with me. He's just wanted me to know that he's not given up...on you," replied Grissom.

She shivered, not liking that she felt so weak.

Grissom grabbed her hand. "Are you alright?"

She nodded, letting her eyes drift up to meet his.

"I saw the photos," she breathed.

"I didn't want you to see them," he grieved.

"Why not? He got what he deserved…he was a despicable man…"

"You've seen enough violence," he sighed.

His hand reached out to touch her abdomen.

She tried to move away but his movement caused him to wince from the pain so she remained still, letting his hand caress her abdomen.

"Are you sure…you're alright?" he whispered. "Sara…you're trembling."

"Vincent…killed them. I'm sure of it. Now, he's...he may come after you," she whispered.

"Vincent didn't have anything to do with the explosion. It was just a coincidence," he assured her.

"He….was so violent…toward…the Thorntons."

"He was vindicating you…in his own sick way," breathed Grissom.

"Gil…he will come after you. We're living together and…"

He caressed her arm. "I'm taking precautions…like tonight, Nick came with me."

"So…you think he is going to try to…"

"No, I don't but we just need to be safe…just as you do."

She nodded.

"Sara…what is it?"

She shook her head, not wanting to talk.

"Honey, what's wrong?"

"God, Grissom, how will Mikayla react when she finds out about her real father?"

"She won't!"

"You don't know that!"

He let her calm down.

"No, I guess I don't. I do know that if she ever finds out…then she will remember how much we love her….and it won't matter, Sara. She will know…that I'm her father…not him."

He pulled her fully into the bed until she was lying beside him.

"Mikayla…will be a bright young lady…smart and beautiful and gentle…like you," he whispered.

He returned to work a few days later.

The crime scene had been released, nothing indicating the explosion was anything but an accident.

There certainly was nothing to indicate Vincent had anything to do with it but Brass still checked and rechecked, not finding Vincent anywhere in the area.

They surmised it been a coincidence that Vincent had called on the same day of the explosion.

Grissom seemed a bit unsettled, checking the alarm system, alerting Sandra to keep an eye out for strangers…just in case.

Even Sara seemed to sense the importance of safety, not venturing out at dusk.

Days passed without incident but this would soon change.

Note from author:

Yeah….that last line. I'm tired. Too much work over the weekend. I am ready for the week…but then there is only more work. Yuck!

Take care!


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter Thirty Seven:**

**Losing a Life**

She took Caleb for a walk in the stroller that evening.

It was a nice day.

She left the front open in order to return the stroller to the garage.

She gasped when she found Vincent holding Caleb.

"He still remembers me," he said as he patted the child's back.

"We just went for a walk," she said trying to remain calm. "He's probably tired. Give him to me and I'll put him down for a nap."

He handed the child to Sara and she was relieved to get him.

"Vincent, I think you should leave."

"I want to talk with you."

"There's nothing to say…please…leave."

"I was angry when I heard about the amnio results…I was so sure…the baby was mine."

"I don't want to discuss this."

She attempted to step back to the door but he blocked her.

"You see I thought you might have been screwing around…but then I remembered Bill….what he did to you."

"You knew?"

"Not at first…but then recently Dian paid me a visit. She wanted another dinner date at the house….said Bill enjoyed himself with you."

She stepped back when he took a step toward her.

"Why did you let that bastard touch you?"

"It wasn't my fault! You drugged me! You left me tied to the bed…I couldn't get away. I couldn't even remember what happened until weeks later and then….it was too late. I was already pregnant."

"I made the bastard pay. You'll never have to worry about him hurting you again."

Sara clutched Caleb close to her.

"Sara, come back to me," he begged. "It will be different. I promise."

She shook her head.

"Look, I know I lost my temper a few times but it won't happen again. I'm not angry anymore. I know I should have given you more time. I just wanted you…so bad and you wouldn't…"

He clenched and unclenched his fists, "I know it wasn't your fault but it wasn't mine either. I told Bill we weren't into that kinky shit but he…touched you anyway….and he thought his whore wife was an equal swap for you."

Vincent gritted his teeth. "I crammed his dick… I'm sorry did I say something to upset you? Sara, you look a bit pale…green actually."

"Vincent, leave."

His eyes turned dark.

Sara swallowed.

His anger had never left and it was about to erupt.

She tried to run to the door, opening it but he grabbed her, pushing her hard against the wall.

Caleb shrieked.

"Don't…scare him, Vincent. Please!"

He stepped back as if he were going to sit down on the couch and she attempted once more to run, hurrying to the kitchen with Caleb in her arms.

He caught her arm, sending all three to the floor.

Caleb screamed.

Sara gasped as she tried to catch her breath.

"I should have let you miscarry that night…then we would have been rid of it. Now we've got two bastards to deal with."

Vincent lunged toward Caleb but she grabbed his leg, causing him to fall once more.

Caleb ran down the hall to Grissom's room as Vincent yelled at him.

"Vincent!" pleaded Sara.

He whirled around and struck her forcibly on the cheek.

He got to his feet as he yanked Sara up with little effort.

She shoved him hard, sending him over the chair.

She ran to the kitchen, scrambling for the knives but he followed, blocking her from escaping to any part of the house.

"This is how you repay me for everything that I've done for you!"

Sara reached behind her back and grabbed a knife.

"Vincent…please…stop. Don't make me…" she doubled over from the pain in her abdomen.

He lunged at her.

The knife cut through her hand as he twisted it from her grasp.

She grabbed for another one, stabbing him in the leg and he screamed.

He glared at her.

Caleb appeared in the entry way.

"Come here Caleb," Vincent said calmly.

Sara panicked as she looked around for a means to protect the small boy.

The front door was cracked open. "Caleb! Find Sandra! Go find Sandra…run!"

The small child wavered but then took a step toward them.

"That's it Caleb. Good boy. Come to me," urged Vincent.

"Caleb, no! Bad boy! Go to Sandra now!" she yelled.

The boy burst into tears as he ran.

Sara sobbed as another cramp doubled her over.

Vincent plunged the knife into Sara's chest.

She gasped when he pulled it out, watching her blood drip onto the floor.

Caleb returned to the entry way. "Momma?"

She felt her body falling to the floor, her eyes pleading with the small child to stay away.

"Caleb come here. Momma has a boo boo," called Vincent as he bent over Sara's body.

Sara stabbed the knife at Vincent, slashing his neck.

Blood spurted across the cabinets as he tried to cover the wound with his hand.

He stabbed at Sara once more, sinking the blade into her chest.

He staggered, attempting to grab a towel that sat on the counter but he slipped on the pooling blood and collapsed onto the floor.

His body lay inches from Sara's as soft footsteps could be heard.

Darkness began to engulf her as she lay there looking up into bright blue eyes.

"Momma?"

"Momma loves you, Caleb."

He knew something was wrong when Brass drove up to the crime scene.

"Gil!"

He felt himself running to the vehicle.

"You need to get in. There's been…it's Sara."

He dove into the vehicle, leaving Greg with the scene.

"What happened?" he asked.

"I just got the call. The police should be on the scene by now. Neighbors said they heard screams…Caleb was seen outside the house."

Grissom gripped the seat as he forced himself to remain calm.

_Maybe Sara went into labor…._

_Is she…Mikayla…_

_Caleb…_

As soon as they arrived, he ran toward the house ignoring the crowd or the flashing lights of the cruisers that blocked the street.

The paramedics were already inside and an officer stood at the door.

Small bloodied footprints were found on the front porch area.

A familiar cry pierced the air but he was drawn inside the house.

As he stepped into the entry way he halted, his breath came in ragged breaths.

There were small bloody footprints throughout the house.

He saw the medics in the kitchen and he rushed inside, halting when he caught sight of the blood.

A man lay face down with a sheet over his head. The sheet was already crimson red.

Sara lay beside it.

"Oh God," he gasped.

"Victim is a 35 year old female with multiple stab wounds to her chest. She is unresponsive. Woman is six to seven months pregnant…not sure if there is a fetal heartbeat."

Brass pulled Grissom away.

"Gil, let them work," he advised.

"Caleb…where is Caleb?" he asked.

"A neighbor has him outside."

Grissom rushed outside, finding the child in Sandra's arms.

He grabbed the shrieking child, trying to comfort him.

"Dada!"

"Dada is here," he soothed.

"Momma boo boo," he wailed.

He hugged the child tight.

He was wrapped in a blanket.

"I didn't know what to do…he had blood all over him," Sandra cried. "I saw the bodies…I called the police. I didn't think Sara was still alive."

She offered to take Caleb but Grissom refused to release the child.

Caleb clung to Grissom's neck.

"Jim…he's going to need…clothes. I can't…go back…in there."

Brass hurried inside and grabbed the child's bag that sat near the door.

The medics rushed out with Sara's body as Grissom tried to follow but he was not permitted to get inside the ambulance.

"Come…I'll take you to the hospital," said Brass.

Grissom sat in the back seat of the car.

They did not bother with the car seat.

It was doubtful he could have gotten Caleb to release his neck in order for him to be strapped into it.

He opened the blanket, trying to see if the child had been injured.

"No…wounds…just…" he couldn't finish.

The child must have tried to wake Sara, getting the blood on his clothes and body.

By the time they arrived, Sara had already been whisked into surgery.

There was nothing to do but wait.

He sat with the child as one of the on-call doctors examined the child, finding no injuries.

Caleb screamed when one of the nurses attempted to take him from Grissom in order to remove the stained clothes and wash the blood from the child's body.

"I'll do it," whispered Grissom.

He talked softly to Caleb, reassuring him he was safe.

Gently he removed the clothes, disposing of them into evidence bags.

Once cleaned, he put on clean clothes.

"We can give you another blanket," offered the nurse.

Grissom placed the blanket inside another evidence bag as he juggled with Caleb in his arms.

Grissom wrapped the blanket snug around Caleb's body.

The boy snuggled into his chest, still hiccupping from the latest episode of tears.

"Dada is here," he soothed. "I love you Caleb."

"Momma, Dada. Want Momma Dada," he sniffled.

He kissed the boy on the cheek as the small child's eyes fluttered shut.

There was nothing more to do except sit in the waiting room.

Brass was still there and Catherine had arrived.

She extended her arms, intending to take Caleb but the child whimpered turning his body inward as he clutched at Grissom's shirt.

Caleb's eyes pleaded with Grissom.

He clutched his son close to his body. "It's okay, Caleb. Dada won't let anyone….hurt you."

"Momma….Momma…Momma," he cried.

He kissed his son's cheeks. "I know Caleb. The bad man is gone. He can't hurt Momma or…you."

"Vin…Vin bad," he cried.

It startled Grissom that he was able to partially say Vincent's name.

They chose a corner of the room and sat down.

Catherine rubbed the small boy's back. "Baby must have seen it."

"Who's working the…scene?" Grissom asked.

"Nick and Warrick are there. Greg should be there soon. Ecklie told them to pass all other cases to the other shifts. He said you would want our team to handle this."

The small child whimpered in his sleep.

Grissom kissed him, pulling him closer.

"God, Catherine. Caleb's footprints are…throughout the downstairs….as if he were hunting…for me. He finally went outside…to Sandra's house. He was covered in blood."

"He must have tried to wake Sara…when she didn't respond, he…tried to find someone…good thing he knew the neighbor's house. It probably saved Sara's life."

"I don't know how he got the door open…unless it was left open…when Vincent…" he took a deep breath.

"You knew…the man?" she asked.

Grissom nodded.

Hours passed as they waited.

With each whimper, Grissom talked softly to Caleb, holding him taunt against his body.

The surgeon stepped into the waiting room.

"The family of Sidle?" he asked.

Grissom stood immediately.

"Are you Sara Sidle's family?"

"Yes...Gil Grissom….we…she's my fiancé. I have power of attorney for medical purposes."

"Mr. Grissom. I'm sorry to…inform you…we couldn't save the baby. Sara is still in critical condition. I'm not sure how she survived with the amount of blood loss."

Grissom nodded numbly.

"Sara had already gone into preterm labor due to her injuries. There wasn't much we could do. By the time she arrived there was no fetal heartbeat."

He waited a moment, letting the news sink in before proceeding.

"We have a priest…who can…if you would like."

Grissom nodded.

"We'll also need to know if Ms. Sidle had named the baby…for the death certificate."

"Mikayla…Mikayla Grissom."

"I'll notify a nurse. She can take you to see the baby."

He nodded slipping back into his seat, not caring for the tears that fell.

Catherine stood next to him.

He quickly grabbed her hand pulling her down beside him.

Caleb clung to Grissom fearful Catherine was going to take him.

She patted his back while speaking softly to him.

He listened but kept his hands firmly entangled with Grissom.

His small hand touched Grissom's face as if to wipe away a tear.

Grissom kissed his palm. "It's okay, Caleb," he managed to get out.

"Momma?" he asked.

He wanted to tell him that soon he would see his mother but he had no idea.

He could not bear the thought of losing Sara.

He waited until Caleb slept, passing him gently to Catherine.

"I need to see Mikayla," he choked.

Catherine nodded in understanding.

When he walked into the room there was a small bundle inside a clear bassinet.

His trembling hands held the baby, trying to memorize her tiny face.

His lips kissed her forehead as the priest prayed softly.

"I love you Mikayla…daddy loves you," he cried.

He slumped down in a chair, holding the baby.

It felt too familiar and fear swept over him as he prayed silently that he would not lose Sara as well.

_Oh God, how is she going to deal with the loss of Mikayla?_

He held the tiny hand, marveling at the tiny fingers.

Gently he placed a kiss in the tiny palm.

"We wanted you so much," he choked. "I don't know how we're going to let you go."

He cried softly as the priest spoke softly to him, offering encouragement.

The words did little to comfort him.

Twice, he had lost a daughter.

The pain was excruciating as he rocked back and forth, humming the same tune he'd heard Sara sing to Caleb.

"You would have loved your brother. We've been telling him about you. He's been waiting…like us. You were loved Mikayla…so very loved."

An hour passed and then a nurse appeared.

He was irritated that they would return so soon.

He wasn't ready to give her up.

Grissom was reluctant to return her to the bassinet but a nurse finally came to his side reaching for the baby.

"Sir, your son needs you," she said softly. "I promise I'll take good care of her."

He kissed her once more, handing her over as he made his way back to the waiting area.

Note from author:

What a way to start a week….

Take care!


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter Thirty Eight:**

**Getting Through the Pain**

He could already hear the small child's wails.

"Caleb," he called.

The toddler turned extending his hands to Grissom, gripping his neck once he was in his father's arms again as he cried.

"It's okay Caleb," he soothed.

"Momma hurt…momma hurt," he cried. "Momma…Momma…Momma…Momma."

Catherine grabbed the blanket that had fallen to the floor.

Grissom wrapped the small child into the blanket, whispering softly to him.

"Dada is here," he soothed.

A doctor appeared. "Mr. Grissom, I think it would be best if we gave Caleb something."

"No."

"He's obviously traumatized."

"Yes, he is. He saw his mother brutally attacked. He's scared…just like me. He just needs to see his mother…I do too."

"She's in recovery."

"Could I just let him see her?" asked Grissom.

"Not until she's placed in a room," stated the doctor as he walked away.

A nurse hurried to Grissom, whispering in his ear. "If you follow me, I'll let you see her for a minute."

He whispered softly to Caleb. "Mommy is sleeping. We have to be quiet."

He wasn't prepared to see the ventilator.

The hideous noise made his stomach churn and he thought he would vomit as he held fast to the child.

"She's doing very well," assured the nurse. "This is just a precaution…because of the stab wounds in her lungs."

He nodded, not sure if he could talk.

He brought Caleb to the side of the bed.

Caleb leaned over extending his hands.

"She can't hold you Caleb."

"Kiss Mommy?" he asked.

The small child kissed Sara, his small hands patting her head.

Grissom leaned over kissing her on the forehead. "I love you, Sara," he whispered.

They returned to the lobby, sitting down in one of the chairs.

"Gil, we brought something from the cafeteria," whispered Catherine.

Greg coaxed the little boy to sit in his lap, in order to watch the portable DVD player he brought.

Greg slipped in the DVD.

It was a video recording of the baby shower.

Caleb smiled, kissing the screen.

"Momma," he said.

"Yes, Momma," answered Greg.

The child began to eat as he watched the screen.

"Thank you, Greg," whispered Grissom.

"It's over an hour of footage," he offered.

Grissom stood, not wishing to see the video.

_We've lost our little girl…_

_Mikayla is gone…_

He needed to get away but knew he could not go far for fear Caleb would fly into hysterics.

The small child's eyes glanced between the video screen and Grissom.

He smiled sadly at his son as he went to the window, wishing he could find a place to fall apart.

He had not been prepared for the ventilator.

Caleb did not even notice it but sought his mother's face.

_Get a grip, Grissom…_

_Sara is there in that bed…_

_She can sense your presence…_

_She's not gone…_

_She can't be really gone…_

Catherine could sense Grissom's turmoil.

Silently she stood beside him.

"Gil…we heard about the ventilator," she whispered. "The nurses say it's just for precautions."

He nodded but then covered his mouth with his hand to stifle the sob that threatened to escape.

"Caleb doesn't understand how close we came to losing her," he finally got out.

Catherine's hand rested on his shoulder.

"Every update has been positive," she urged.

"I walked in there and saw…the ventilator and…all I could think was…" he didn't finish turning away to hide his grief.

Catherine glanced toward Brass.

Minutes later Brass appeared by their side with coffee.

Grissom's trembling hands took the cup as he shuffled away from them, wanting to be alone.

"How is he doing?" whispered Brass.

"He's scared of losing Sara. He scared for Caleb and Caleb is scared…Jim, has there been another update?" she sighed.

He shook his head.

Hours passed.

Caleb lay sleeping on the small couch, covered with a blanket.

"Gil, you should try to sleep," whispered Catherine.

"I can't. Why won't they let me see her?" he griped. "I need to be with her when she wakes. I need to be the one to tell her about Mikayla…not some stranger."

"Gil… she **is** going to wake up," she said pressing her hand on his arm.

He grabbed her pulling her tight against him.

"She's a fighter…she's going to be alright," soothed Catherine.

"I don't want to lose her, Catherine," he sobbed.

"You won't," she urged.

"I don't know what to do about Caleb…he needs her. I'm so afraid I may never see her again."

"You're going to see her soon. Caleb just needs to feel safe…to know you're not going anywhere."

"Do you think…I did the right thing by not letting the doctor give him something?"

"It would have only made him sleep. He's sleeping. He's surrounded by people who love him. Don't second guess yourself. I never told you this but you're a wonderful father."

He sprang to his feet when the nurse appeared.

"You can sit with her," offered the nurse.

Grissom glanced at the sleeping child.

"Go," urged Catherine. "If he starts to wake, we'll come and get you."

He slipped into the chair, taking her hand as he took in the sight of her battered body.

He asked the nurse over and over when she would wake.

He needed her to wake.

He pleaded for her to wake while he cried for their baby girl that was now gone.

Hours drifted by and soon the ventilator was gone.

He slipped in and out of the chair between the waiting area and her room comforting Caleb as best as he could.

The nurses let him slip Caleb in a few times which seemed to ease the young child.

She finally woke the next day, her hands instinctively going to her abdomen.

It felt strange.

Her eyes opened and looked into very tired red rimmed blue eyes.

"Caleb?"

"He's fine. He's sleeping in the waiting room," he whispered, thankful she was finally awake.

Her hands felt her abdomen once more.

"Mikayla…where is Mikayla?" she choked.

He couldn't say the words he had been rehearsing.

He opened his mouth but then shut it as he gathered her into his arms and they wept together.

She was silent, much too silent the first several hours as if in shock.

"Sara, we need you," he urged. "Caleb and I need you…so much, honey."

Grissom brought Caleb into the room.

Grissom placed the child in the bed beside Sara.

Her arms enveloped him.

"Missed Momma," Caleb cried.

"I'm here, Caleb," she whispered.

She grabbed Grissom's hand as if she needed to feel him as well.

He caressed her palm.

"I'm here, Sara," he soothed.

Her hand rarely left Grissom's.

Both needed the physical contact as they struggled to get through the loss.

He rarely left her side while she slowly recovered.

She leaned on him as they listened to the solemn words of the minister.

Caleb was oblivious to what was going on as he sat in Sara's lap.

While others offered to take the child, she kept him close, fearful of letting him go far from her sight.

He clung to her, needing reassurance that she was not going to leave him.

Grissom rubbed the child's back as his other arm wrapped around Sara.

She had barely said five words and he worried about her.

She had cried until there were no more tears, almost welcoming the numbness.

Grissom wiped at his eyes as he pulled her closer, shivering from the cold.

A warm blanket was tossed around them as they sat at the gravesite.

It was cold and yet Sara did not feel the cold, her eyes on the tiny casket.

The wind was blowing the flowers in different directions.

The minister's voice stopped and she felt a nudge as Grissom forced her to stand.

She stepped to the casket, placing her hand on the cold metal top.

"Sleep my sweet," she whispered. "Mommy loves you."

Her knees would have buckled if he had not been by her side.

She was so very tired as Grissom handed Caleb to Greg.

He whined slightly but then Greg whispered softly easing the child's fear.

Grissom's arms supported Sara as she was led back to the vehicle.

Within an hour, she was home again as if nothing had happened except she had buried a part of herself.

She would cry if she could but instead gave her attention to Caleb.

The others came to the house.

They whispered softly, not sure how to comfort the family.

Grissom set the small child down.

He immediately went to his play bag.

Grissom's hand squeezed hers as she looked around the room.

"Can I get you anything?" he asked.

She shook her head.

Caleb dragged the teddy bear by his side as he walked about.

"Can we do anything?" asked Catherine.

Again, she shook her head.

There were several things that needed to be done.

The dishes were left in the sink.

Clothes were piling up and nothing had been cooked since Sara came home from the hospital.

They had remained hidden away upstairs, all but abandoning the downstairs area.

It had been thoroughly cleaned and there was no trace that anything horrific had happened there but they knew.

Since her release from the hospital, Grissom had not left her side.

She knew he needed to return to the lab just as she knew these things needed to be done but there was a slight problem.

She could not bring herself to walk through the kitchen to the laundry room and therefore the clothes remained dirty along with the dishes from the quick meals Grissom had prepared for them.

It angered her that she was not stronger than this, not wanting to let Vincent hurt her any more than he had already done.

Caleb still hovered near the entrance, refusing to go inside the kitchen.

The first time Grissom brought him into the kitchen he had screamed as if in pain, kicking and screaming until Grissom had released him, letting him run to the master bedroom, crying for Sara.

Sara was not much better.

She felt as if she couldn't breathe in the room, scurrying away, not wanting to remember what had been lost there on the floor.

Sara could still see Caleb's frightened face as he looked down at her body on the floor.

She had wanted to comfort him but had lost consciousness leaving the child to run for help.

Even Grissom had a difficult time, still remembering the sight of the bloodied footprints Caleb had made throughout the house.

If he closed his eyes he could still see Sara lying on the floor fighting for her life.

Grissom wrapped his arms tight around Sara.

"The last thing I remember…is Caleb's eyes…looking down at me," she whispered.

They could hear Caleb playing with Greg.

"Sara…it's going to take time," he whispered.

She nodded.

She had remained in her room the first day she had returned home, unable to bear the emptiness within her.

She didn't know what to do with her hands as they roamed to her midsection, finding it flat.

It was those times when she burst into tears unable to put into words the lost within her.

He knew she was thinking of Mikayla.

It was all he thought about these days.

The others had kept their distance, letting them mourn in private.

Caleb's eyes shot over to Sara who forced a smile.

He returned the smile as he continued to play.

"Come…and lie down," he whispered.

She let him guide her to the master bedroom, knowing Caleb would feel better if she remained close.

He pulled back the covers, removing her shoes as she slipped under the covers.

"Do you need anything?" he asked.

"You should…be with them," she said.

"They're here for us…they understand," he replied.

His hand stroked her hair as she closed her eyes.

"How…long do you think…he was alone?" she asked for the hundredth time.

"A few minutes," he answered.

"He's so…scared, Gil," she choked.

"It will fade. He'll see that you're safe and home and…" he stopped, trying to hold back a sob.

"I don't want him to be like me. I still remember my father's death as if it were yesterday…the cast off blood drops, the officer puking, my mother in hysterics….and the feel of the woman's hand when she led me away. I don't want him to remember any of this."

"He won't," Grissom urged, praying he was right.

She stifled a sob, covering her mouth as he choked down his own.

"I…miss her too," he managed to get out.

"I don't know…how to get past this…this feeling of…I buried a part of myself. She's now in the cold ground and I'll never get to hold her," she cried.

He pulled her into his arms.

His lips descended on hers. "Just rest," he urged as his fingers fumbled with her top, needing to reassure himself that the wounds were still healing.

His fingers traced the reddened area.

Each cut was small but they had almost cost Sara her life.

He had been by her side or with Caleb through the past few weeks.

It had been the most grueling weeks of his life as he juggled with the care of their son and Sara, focusing on her release from the hospital.

They had been grateful that the morgue held Mikayla's small body until Sara was able to attend the funeral.

He had refused to give in to the pain of the loss knowing that Sara needed him more than ever now and he would not fail her.

She calmed, letting his warm hands soothe her.

His lips dipped down and kissed her.

He stepped away from the bed but his hand still held hers. "I'll just check on Caleb," he whispered not sure if he should leave her alone.

Her fingers slipped from his, giving him permission to check on their son.

He glanced nervously toward the other room.

"He needs to see one of us," she pressed.

He smiled sadly as he headed toward the living room.

"Don't close the door," she urged. "I need to hear him."

Grissom stepped into the living room.

He sat down on the couch letting Caleb crawl into his lap.

The others took matters into their own hands.

Warrick removed the trash from the kitchen while Nick and Greg washed up the few dishes and then turned their attention on the small child who currently sat with Brass while he read a book to him.

Catherine carried a basket of clothes from the laundry room and placed them in the living room.

Grissom smiled at Caleb, reassuring him he was safe while he interacted with the others.

With each interaction Caleb glanced to Grissom and then at the master bedroom for approval, needing to know that she was nearby.

An hour passed.

She struggled to get up, wincing from the pain as she checked on Caleb.

He seemed content to play with the others.

Boldly, she walked into the kitchen, forcing herself to open the fridge but her hands trembled as she tried to pull out a bottle of water, dropping it on the floor.

She bent to get it but froze now standing at the very place where she had almost died.

If it was not for Caleb and Grissom, she would have died, would still want to die but they grounded her; kept her from wanting to be with Mikayla.

She slipped to the floor, leaning her body against the cabinet as she wept.

Grissom slid down beside her, pulling her into his lap as he held her.

The others felt helpless as the couple cried for their lost child.

Caleb toddled to the entrance.

"Momma?"

Sara extended her hands and he ran to her, hugging her fiercely before crying with them echoing their sorrow.

"Caleb scared," he cried.

"Caleb safe," she whispered as she kissed him.

"Momma sad," he said.

"Momma sad," she admitted.

"Dada sad," he said.

"Dada sad," Grissom admitted.

"Baby?" he asked.

It was the first time he had asked about Mikayla.

New sobs tore through Sara as she pressed her body into Grissom's.

"Baby gone," whispered Grissom.

"Baby back?" he asked.

"Baby is in heaven, Caleb. Baby is not coming back," Grissom explained.

"Baby Heaven?" Caleb asked.

"Yes," whispered Grissom.

"No see baby?" he asked.

Grissom shook his head.

"Momma sad…baby?" he asked.

"Yes Caleb. Momma sad because baby is gone," sniffled Grissom.

Caleb's small hands cupped Sara's face as he kissed her over and over.

"Love Momma," said Caleb as he snuggled into her lap.

Sara kissed him, not able to talk through the sobs.

The guys sat in the living room along with Brass.

Catherine quietly ushered the others to the door.

She and Brass remained, not venturing near the kitchen.

The family sat quietly for an hour on the floor huddled together.

They were far from healing, knowing that it would be a long process.

Caleb had fallen asleep, still clutching Sara's blouse.

Grissom kissed Sara's forehead. "Let's get him to bed."

Gently he eased them from his lap, ignoring the shooting pain in his knees as he finally stood, bending over to take the child from Sara's arms.

She rose slowly, mindful of the healing injuries to her body.

Grissom caressed the palm of her hand.

She slipped her hand from his, needing to get away.

His eyes followed her to the master bathroom, hearing the door click.

He wrapped his arms tight around the sleeping child, placing kisses on his cheek as he took the child to bed.

He turned on the baby monitor once he was sure Caleb was asleep.

His hand rested on the door of the baby room.

He could not bring himself to go in there.

"I miss you Mikayla," he mourned.

His resolve broke as he leaned against the door, releasing his grief.

Catherine stood at the top of the stairs with the basket of clean clothes.

She had never seen him so broken.

She stood unmoving, not wishing to interfere.

He stopped, wiping his face across his sleeve as he took in a gulp of air.

He turned and came face to face with Catherine.

"I thought I would bring these up," she said softly.

Grissom busied himself, putting the clothes into the dressers.

"Gil…is there anything else we can do?" she asked.

"No thank…you Catherine," he managed to get out.

"If you need anything…call me," she offered.

He nodded.

He shook hands with Brass, feeling awkward at the gesture.

"Call me," offered Brass.

"Thanks," he said as he shut the door, gulping in air.

It had been hard burying Mikayla.

During the funeral, she appeared to be sleeping, wrapped in the blanket he had chosen for her.

He had pressed Sara's face into his shoulder when they closed the casket, closing his eyes himself.

Both were heartbroken over the loss.

The bathroom door was now open and she stepped out freshly showered, wearing a robe.

Side by side they took the stairs.

It was still difficult for her but she refused to be far from Caleb.

He molded his body to hers as they lay in bed.

The tears began again.

"I'm sorry," she choked. "I can't seem to stop."

"You're mourning," he whispered.

"I…feel so empty, Gil…like I'm never going to be whole again."

"I…know," he gulped.

She turned, ignoring the pain, needing to see his face.

"She looked so much like you," he whispered. "When I held her at the hospital I imagined seeing her walk, watching her as she went to school for the very first time, her first kiss, her first date, the first time she came in late making us worry…and then graduation, watching her drive away…then walking her down the aisle…letting her go," he choked.

"I keep telling myself to breathe…afraid I'm going to forget when the pain is too much. I don't know what I would do…without Caleb…and you," cried Sara.

"We'll get through this," he whispered. "Over time Caleb will….forget. His fear will be gone…and it won't hurt as much for us."

Her hand caressed his cheek. "I love you, Grissom."

He kissed her, gently, longingly. "I love you, too."

Note from author:

Sorry for the late posting but I thought I had released this earlier but I guess with the fog of the sinus congestion I missed a step. Thanks for everyone who leaves a review. I have really enjoyed them! There are about 50 chapters.

Take care!


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter Thirty Nine:**

**Mistakes Revisited**

He trudged into work a few days later at Sara's insistence.

She had placed Caleb into the master bed, curling her body around his.

"We'll be here when you get home," she said not sure if she could bear to see him leave.

"Sara…are you sure? You still can't lift him," he grieved.

"We have to get back into a routine," she explained. "Besides, he'll still be asleep by the time you come home."

The thought of being away from him, frightened her as much as it did Caleb.

He had been the strong one through this.

She and Caleb had leaned on Grissom heavily through the ordeal and he had remained strong for his family.

"If you need me, call," he urged before leaning down to kiss Caleb on the forehead.

"We'll be fine….you can join us when you get home," she implored.

His lips lingered on hers but then he left quickly.

He chose to work in the lab, not venturing outside the walls as he helped process evidence.

He tried not to glance at his watch but he did several times that night.

As soon as the shift ended, he sped home, opening the door and rushing to their side.

Sara looked as though she had not slept, still curled in the bed beside Caleb.

"How was your night?" she whispered.

"It was fine," he replied, quickly changing his clothes and sliding in beside her.

"How was yours?" he asked.

"I…couldn't sleep," she admitted.

"Why?"

"Worrying about you," she said.

He smiled sadly. "I had a hard time concentrating…I was worried about you."

She kissed him, pulling him closer into her arms.

Slowly they eased back into their lives.

Grissom was reluctant to work a double but it happened a few times.

He felt guilty for the time he spent away.

The overtime was no longer an issue as the townhouse sold and money issues eased.

The job kept him away as he worried whether they were coping as well as they pretended.

He felt it would be better if they saw each other more, mindful of the position that remained vacant.

Filling it had been put on hold with everything that had passed.

Catherine and Ecklie had interviewed a few prospects but he had not even inquired about the applicants.

He was surprised when Ecklie finally announced he had filled the position.

He didn't look forward to training the new person but if it would ease the long hours as well as the doubles then he was willing to spend some extra hours.

"Your new C.S.I. started tonight," announced Ecklie.

Ecklie tossed him the file.

He didn't bother looking at it, not liking that Ecklie had personally chosen the woman.

He pulled out his phone and checked for the third time to see if there had been any calls.

If it wasn't so late, he would call home but he feared he would wake them.

They were waiting in the conference room.

He could hear the introductions as he grabbed some notes from Hodges and hurried inside.

He almost dropped everything when his eyes caught sight of the woman.

She smiled brightly.

He gulped, not sure how to react but he cleared his throat and sat down, knowing he was weak in the knees.

"I think you've already been introduced to…" He had no clue what her name was despite the fact that he was staring at the young brunette who had been his one night stand.

"Brenda Phillips," she purred.

He rattled off assignments.

"Catherine…" he stopped.

He had intended to pawn the young brunette off on Catherine but changed his mind.

Catherine had been burdened enough with the office coverage and now he needed to take charge once more.

"Brenda…you're with me," he gritted.

She slid from her seat following him, the smile still glued on her face.

He waited until she was inside his office, shutting the door and placing the desk between them before he spoke.

"I had no idea Conrad Ecklie was considering you for the position," he said.

"I had no idea I was being considered for a position…under you," she said.

There was a hint of seductiveness in her voice with the last part.

He quickly grabbed her folder and scanned through her file.

She was definitely qualified, having been the top of her class.

She was smart and had some experience under her belt.

"I didn't know…you were trained in the field of Forensics," he commented.

"I don't consider myself trained until I've worked with the best…that would be you."

He didn't appreciate the compliment.

He had no desire to be in the same room with her.

"Besides this is the second best lab in the country….as well as good memories…from a spur of the moment trip to Vegas."

"Ms. Phillips…"

"Brenda, please."

"Brenda that never should have happened."

"I'm not sorry it did…but it won't interfere with my job."

"Good because as your supervisor, there are no personal relationships between a…."

"I'm aware of the department policy."

"Then you know I won't tolerate it…it's ground for dismissal."

She appeared a little upset but said nothing.

She shifted in her seat and he took pity on her.

"I'm sorry if I was…harsh but…I wanted to make sure we were clear where we stood."

She nodded.

"Dr. Grissom…I want to do a good job. I know I can do a good job if you'll give me a chance. I don't have any intentions of letting anyone know we have a history."

"We had a one night stand," he clarified.

"We had intercourse," she clarified getting a little miffed.

"I'm not sure this is going to work out," he said.

"What do you mean? Just because we had sex you're firing me?" she spat.

He bristled.

The last thing he needed was a sexual harassment charge against him.

He had his family to consider.

There was no way he intended to embarrass Sara with his past reckless actions.

"That's not what I meant."

He took a moment to let the tension ease.

"I think it would be best if I had Catherine or one of the guys to train you."

"Is it protocol for a supervisor to train a new C.S.I.?"

"No….but I've trained a few."

He trained Sara as well as Greg; letting Sara take over most of Greg's training.

Sara was easily the better teacher.

"I'd prefer to be trained by you."

She wasn't going to make this easy.

"Then I will."

"Good. I promise to be your best student."

He knew that was impossible.

Sara had been the best.

He gave her a tour of the lab, introducing her to the technicians.

"When do I get an assignment?" she asked eagerly.

"Tonight," he said as he took the assignments from Judy.

Judy smiled. "New recruit. She reminds me of Sara."

Grissom ignored the comment.

"Who is Sara? Wait, isn't she the woman I replaced?" asked Brenda.

_You merely filled a position…_

_You could never replace Sara…._

Ecklie smiled as he passed them in the hall.

"What do you think of your new recruit?" he asked.

"She just started," remarked Grissom.

"I thought she was the perfect replacement…young, intelligent, top of her class," he quipped.

Grissom ignored the statement as he led Brenda to the Denali.

She did fairly well in the field.

Grissom was relieved she did not require as much hands on as he stepped back and let her process the crime scene.

Brass was present.

"New recruit?" he asked.

"Yes," bit out Grissom.

"What? You don't like her already? That must be a record. I thought this was her first day."

"It is."

"So….what's wrong with her?"

Grissom shuffled his feet.

He didn't know whether to say anything to Brass or not.

Brass shrugged his shoulders as he started to walk away.

"I never would have hired her," he said softly.

"You never wanted anyone to take Sara's place…she's not. She's just filling a position."

Grissom smiled sadly. "Jim…I need…to tell you something."

Brass stood there quietly as Grissom explained his encounter with Brenda Phillips.

"Do you believe it was just coincidence that she ended up here in the same lab as you?"

"I'm not sure."

"Do you think Ecklie knows?"

"I…I don't know," he admitted. "I've been too concerned for Sara and Caleb to know what has been going on."

"At least your head has been in the right place. I'll look into it…see what the grapevine is saying these days…but Gil, what if you find out she did come here intentionally?"

"I've already told her that any relationship between boss and employee…" he stopped. He had already violated that rule once before.

"She could cry sexual harassment if she doesn't get what she wants. Some women like the tables turned…having control."

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"She could threaten to go to Ecklie if you didn't have a relationship with her."

"I'm not! There is no way I'm going to jeopardize my relationship with Sara."

"How is Sara?" he asked.

"She says she's fine…I'm worried sick."

Brass patted him on the back. "How are you?"

"Me?"

"Are you still going to counseling?"

"Yes."

"Be sure to mention this to your counselor….cover your ass."

She didn't know what to make of his silence when he came home.

He played with Caleb for an hour before finally coming to stand in front of her.

He shifted from foot to foot in a nervous gesture.

"Gil, did something happen?" she asked as she sat on the couch.

"Yes, it did."

He sat down across from her not liking what he knew had to be done.

"Ecklie hired a new recruit…in your old position."

"I'm glad. I know it hasn't been easy for you or the team," she reasoned.

"Sara…the woman he hired…Brenda Phillips…" he stopped.

His beeper went off.

It would have to wait as he was rushing to the door on a case.

He had kissed her fiercely and then hurried away.

He did not return all day.

By nightfall, she knew it must be a difficult case.

She put Caleb to bed and sat there with a book.

By seven o'clock he was still at the lab and therefore it was not likely he would be home any time soon.

His behavior nagged at her.

She prepared sandwiches along with some fruit and placed it in a bag.

As soon as Sandra arrived, she drove to the lab.

If he wasn't there, then she would leave him a note on his desk letting him know there was food in the fridge.

Judy smiled at her when she appeared at the front desk.

"They just got back," she announced.

"Mind if I take this to him?" asked Sara.

Judy glanced around. "I don't see why not," she whispered.

They were in the break room discussing the case.

Greg spotted her. "Hey Sara!"

Grissom whirled around.

He smiled when she held up the bag.

"Did you miss dinner?" she asked.

"Yes," he admitted.

"It's just sandwiches but…"

"Sandwiches sound great," he grinned.

Brenda noted the interaction between the two.

Nick leaned over to her.

"Grissom's…fiancé," he explained.

She pretended it did not bother her.

"Nothing for us?" teased Warrick.

"I'm sorry. If I had known…"

"You're excused," laughed Nick. "Just make him go some place and eat it out of our sight."

Sara noticed the young brunette sitting beside Nick.

"I'm sorry. We haven't met," said Sara extending her hand to Brenda.

"Brenda Phillips," offered Brenda as she took Sara's hand.

"I know. Grissom told me you were just hired. Welcome," said Sara.

Brenda's eyes skirted to Grissom briefly.

Catherine caught the exchange.

"Anyone for Pizza?" announced Greg.

They left them ordering a pizza as they went to Grissom's office.

As soon as the door shut, he took her into his arms.

"Thank you…for thinking of me," he said.

"Always," she purred.

She waited until he finished the sandwich before broaching the subject of Brenda.

"How is the new recruit?" she asked.

"She's a fast learner," he admitted.

"I got the impression you wanted to say more…before you were called in," she began.

"Yes, I did but I'm not sure I want to discuss it here."

"Okay."

She felt uneasy, not sure what to make of the look that passed between the two in the break room.

The guys had not noticed it but Catherine had caught it.

Sara was sure of it.

Women rarely missed things of that nature.

She cleaned the crumbs from his desk, throwing the contents into the trash.

"I'll be home soon," he urged.

She started to leave but he pulled her back into his arms.

The shades were open but he didn't care.

His lips devoured hers, followed her to the door as she stepped back.

Breathlessly she placed her hands on his chest.

"I love you, Sara," he whispered.

Her hand caressed his cheek. "Come home soon," she said kissing him once more and then opening the door.

He stepped out, his eyes following her as she disappeared around the corner.

Sara groaned as she saw Debbie and some of the other gossip mongers in the distance.

Sara ducked into the bathroom, slipping into one of the stalls.

Footsteps were heard and then the door swung open.

"So how was your first day with Grissom?" asked Catherine.

"Great," smiled Brenda as she brushed her hair.

"I couldn't help but notice the look you exchanged," said Catherine.

Brenda's brush stopped in mid-air.

"Are you trying to politely tell me that you and Grissom have a history?" asked Brenda.

"We have a long history," purred Catherine. "We've been friends for a long time."

Brenda sighed. "So nothing romantic then, huh?"

"No," assured Catherine.

"Great…cause I wouldn't want to compete with… a co-worker."

Note from author:

Ouch! What a way to end a chapter....

Take care!


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter Forty:**

**Family Affair**

Catherine glared at the woman. "Did you forget to read the policy manual where it explicitly states…"

"I've read it…but then I also know what goes on around here. I heard about this…Sara Sidle."

"What did you hear?" asked Catherine.

"She got herself knocked up by the boss…left for awhile but he had to bring her back to Vegas when she got mixed up with some guy that…tried to kill her…heard she was relieved when she lost the man's child."

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"I know that he only stays with her because of the child they share."

"Sara and Grissom are very much in love," spat Catherine.

"Yeah…well, if they were he wouldn't be sleeping around."

"Excuse me?"

Brenda leaned against the sink. "Grissom and I met months ago…that's all I am going to say."

"Are you trying to imply that you and Grissom slept together?" gasped Catherine.

"Those are your words…not mine," Brenda replied smugly.

Catherine stepped toward Brenda in a threatening manner. "I don't care what you think happened months ago. Grissom and Sara are happily together. They were devastated when they lost their daughter….did you hear me? Their daughter. If you think you can weasel your way in here and try to…"

"Why should it matter to you…he's not yours…you're not involved."

"It matters because this unit is more than a team, we're family. We protect each other….Sara is still part of that team whether she's here or not. You threaten Sara and you threaten all of us."

"If he really loves her then why did he have sex with me just months ago?" Brenda challenged. "The way I hear it, he's only with her because of the toddler…what's his name….Caleb."

"He's with Sara because he loves her."

"So in love with her that he screws a complete stranger after a few drinks…of coffee."

"A few months ago he thought he had lost Sara…a few months ago he was…lost himself. He has Sara back and there is no way in hell I am going to let you hurt either of them!"

"What do you plan to do? Warn him I'm trying to get into his pants? He's already been in mine…and it was good…which is why I'm here."

"You came here on purpose. Tell me, did you know who Grissom was that night you had coffee?"

Brenda pursed her lips, letting them curl into a smile.

Catherine was surprised that the woman actually resembled Sara.

"I'd read a few articles...seen his photograph. Some friends invited me to come to Vegas since I was planning to relocate here and I came thinking I could mix a little business with pleasure. It was more pleasure than business. I came by the lab and personally delivered my resume but he wasn't here. Imagine my surprise when I saw him coming out of the bar. We went to a coffee shop and then back to my hotel room. I didn't beg…he came on his own."

Catherine chuckled. "I can see why he did… even you're too blind to see it. You saw Sara tonight…tall, slim brunette. She let her hair grow out…usually wears it up. Tell me, did you wear your hair up that night? Did he close his eyes…whisper someone else's name?"

"Shut up!"

Catherine chuckled. "I thought so. He slept with you…because you look like Sara. I bet the moment the fantasy ended, he ran…ran as fast as he could. It must have been the eyes. With his eyes closed, he could pretend yours were brown…not green. You were only a substitute and nothing more."

"We'll just let him…decide."

"And when he picks Sara…like I know he will, you're going to back off…or get out of this lab. Understand?"

The door opened and Sara was alone again.

She took a deep breath several times, trying to calm her nerves.

_Brenda Phillips is the woman Grissom slept with…_

_She's working with Grissom…_

_She wants Grissom…_

She burst into tears.

It was not that she was angry over the situation but rather that Catherine had defended her.

She never quite knew where she stood in Catherine's eyes.

Catherine's relationship with Grissom used to bother her but over time she realized it was only a friendship.

Catherine's loyalty to Grissom had meant a lot to Sara, knowing that she would look after him when she moved to San Francisco.

She slipped out of the stall, splashing some water on her face before stepping out into the hallway.

She was relieved when she made it to the back door, quickly hurrying outside.

She halted when she saw Grissom leaning against her vehicle, glancing at his watch.

His eyes shot up the second the door shut.

She wasn't prepared to see him, hoping to get some time to herself to deal with what she had just learned.

"Nick said your vehicle was still here…so…I…are you okay?" he asked. "I've been waiting for you and…I didn't know where you were."

"I got sidetracked," she said not wanting to start with the lies or the deception.

His hand reached out and cupped her cheek.

He grew concerned from the moisture.

"Honey, what's wrong?" he whispered.

"Just…hormones, I suppose. My body is still adjusting," she admitted.

It was sort of true.

Her body knew she was no longer pregnant but emotionally she still felt pregnant.

She missed the feeling of life growing inside her.

Her six week check- up had passed.

It was hard to believe that six weeks ago Mikayla was still safe within her.

"Thank you for the sandwiches," he said once more.

"Come home…soon."

"I'll be home in an hour…I've got to get this report out," he grieved.

He opened her car door but then blocked her from getting in.

"Would you marry me?" he asked.

"I think you've asked me before," she said.

"I know but…would you marry me…now?"

"Why the urgency?" she questioned.

"I don't want to waste any more time," he said simply.

"Is there any other reason?" she asked.

His mouth opened and then closed.

It was obvious he was upset.

"I'm scared," he choked. "I don't want to lose you and…I'm scared Sara."

She threw herself into his arms, feeling the desperate need to comfort both of them.

"I'm not going anywhere," she soothed.

"Please….couldn't we just…get married?"

She wasn't sure what to make of his behavior.

He stepped back. "I'm sorry. I know you would probably like to plan a wedding…I don't mean to push. Thanksgiving is approaching and then….I can't stop thinking about…her…Mikayla. Next month…she would have been born….Caleb turns two. I didn't mean to dredge up all of this," he said as he started to step away.

"I think about her too…my body has recovered from the loss but my heart…it still aches for her."

"We've been through so much and…I just…don't want anything to steal another moment from us," he said sadly.

Her hand grabbed his.

"Gil, you shouldn't be threatened by…Brenda Phillips."

His face grew pale.

"I was going to tell you," he said quickly.

"I know. You already did…months ago. I also know you had nothing to do with her…coming here."

"I don't like it," he said bitterly. "I don't want you hurt….anymore than you already have been."

"I'm not."

"I'm going to restrict myself…never be caught alone with her," he promised.

"I trust you," she admitted.

He grabbed her to him. "It was a stupid mistake…I wish I could take it back."

"She sort of looks like me…maybe in the dark."

He found nothing funny in the remark. "She isn't…you. I knew that…I just wanted…you."

"Go finish your report," she urged.

"I really want us to get married…I know you don't want a rushed wedding but I want us to set a date."

"How about November 15th?"

"Next year?" he complained.

She shook her head.

"Sara, November 15th is…"

"Tomorrow. You better get moving on that report if we're going to get to the Las Vegas Marriage Bureau before it closes."

"You're serious?"

"I'll call Sandra…I'm sure she won't mind staying over…for this."

He kissed her feverishly. "Wait…we're not going to ask the others…to come?"

"You finish the report. I'll talk with the others," she said with a smile.

She was glad the others were huddled into the locker room as if they were in a secret meeting of sorts.

They practically jumped when she spoke.

"Hey guys."

"Hey Sara…Grissom was looking for you earlier," said Nick.

"I know. He found me. I was wondering if any of you had any plans for tomorrow."

"Sleep," announced Greg. "Unless you have some sordid movie you and I could watch."

"I was just wondering…actually Grissom and I were wondering if you'd come…we're getting married tomorrow."

Shocked expressions were shared.

"Now?" asked Greg.

"We didn't want to wait any longer," she explained.

"Was this your idea or Grissom's?" asked Greg.

"Grissom's….but he let me pick the date…so I picked tomorrow."

There were congratulations but they were stifled.

"Can I talk with you?" asked Greg.

"Greg," warned Warrick.

Looks were shared.

Catherine spoke up. "I'm happy for you."

"You're coming…right?" asked Sara.

"Yes, of course!" beamed Catherine.

"Sara…" Nick interrupted Greg.

"We're surprised it's finally happening…just as you planned before any of this happened," Nick said as he glared at Greg.

Looks were shared once more.

Sara sat down on the bench beside Warrick. "I know…about Brenda."

There was a hush.

"Grissom told me….months ago….explained."

Catherine spoke up quickly. "Sara, Gil didn't have anything to do with Ecklie hiring her. If I had known I would have…"

"I know. He feels guilty…but this is not his fault. He wouldn't do anything to hurt me," she urged.

Warrick hugged her tight. "I'm glad you're finally doing it cookie. Sleep or no sleep I'll be there."

Sara smiled.

"Count me in," chirped Nick.

"I'll come…as the best man," said Greg.

Nick and Warrick frowned. "We thought of you as…the flower girl."

"Oh how funny….not," he whined.

"Great! I better go. I wanted to drop in on Doc and then try to call Brass."

"Mind if I tell Jim?" asked Catherine.

"That'd be great," she said. "I'll call you…with the time…as soon as we get the license."

There were few people near the morgue as she made her way there.

She opened the door and smiled when she saw David.

"Hey David," she said.

"Sara!"

She was not prepared for the bear hug.

It hurt a little and he apologized profusely.

"Is Doc around?" she asked.

"He should be back any second," replied David.

The door opened and Doc walked in.

He was accompanied by Brenda.

"I'll get the results to Grissom," said Doc.

"Don't forget it's my case too," she huffed.

"Yes, but he's your supervisor…and you're still in training."

She bristled when she saw Sara.

"Sara," smiled Doc. He hugged her. "Nice to see you. I'd heard you were in the building but I didn't think you would visit us."

Brenda stepped out of the door but lingered at the entry way.

"Grissom and I are getting married tomorrow…I know it's sudden but we wanted to invite both of you…if you can come."

"Wouldn't miss it for the world," smiled Doc.

"Me either," grinned David.

"We still have to get the marriage license this evening so…I'll let you know the time and place."

She headed back towards Grissom's office, noting it had been well past an hour.

She turned the corner and came face to face with Brenda.

"Congratulations on the…wedding," she said.

"Thank you," replied Sara.

"It's kind of sudden…don't you think?" asked Brenda.

"No, it's not….really."

Brenda blocked Sara's path.

"Are you sure?"

"I know about you," said Sara. "He told me months ago….told me the reason…so there is nothing that you can say…"

"He called me…by your name. When I heard that his wife had recently died, I thought he was referring to her…not you."

Brenda looked at Sara closely. "There's some resemblance…but I'd like to think I'm better attractive. I have to leave Vegas with a little bit of ego left."

"You're leaving?"

"I came here chasing a dream…but it's not mine. A certain person on the team set me straight…you have loyal friends. I want that…and I don't think that will ever happen here."

"It could if you gave them a chance," Sara offered.

"I would screw it up…make a pass at him, cause a scene…I'd prefer to leave now than do that….to him. He probably hates me…but I've sort of idolized him for a very long time and well, I had to try….it was an expensive try. I guess I'm glad I didn't send for the rest of my things…or unpack."

"There's no need…for you to quit," said Sara.

"Yes, there is. I'm not as nice as you. I can play unfair at times and I think Grissom has had enough of that in his lifetime…or so I've heard about his dead wife."

Brenda stepped to the side letting Sara pass.

"Hey Brenda…thank you. I have to tell you though when it comes to protecting my family I wouldn't have played nice either."

"Good thing I decided to throw in the towel now," she quipped. She handed Sara an envelope.

"Could you give this to him?" asked Brenda.

Sara took it.

"I was going to tell you what happened between us…see…hope that he had not told you then I would have believed there was a chance but I can see he never meant for it to happen."

"Are you sure?"

"I could stay another day or two…throw myself at him and see if he prefers me over you but then I think I already know the answer to that."

He was waiting for her in his office.

"I just finished," he announced. "Did you tell the others?"

"Yes…as well as David and Doc…Brenda knows."

His face lost all expression.

"She wanted me to give you this. I think it's her resignation," said Sara.

He opened the letter and scanned the contents. "It is."

"Gil, she conceded…decided it was best to leave…it wasn't vindictive."

He sighed. "I'm glad."

"She said she idolized you," chirped Sara.

"She did?"

"Moved from San Francisco….to Vegas…just to be near you…following a dream…only she discovered it was my dream… not hers."

"Do you have any regrets?" he asked.

"No."

"Let's go get that license," he announced.

Note from author:

And you thought I was going to drag that out. I wanted Grissom to at least sleep with someone with a little morals…LOL.

Take care!


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter Forty One:**

**A slip of the Tongue**

He didn't know how Sara would react to returning to the same church so soon after Mikayla's funeral.

While he never attended the services, he had come here often to pray and to speak once in awhile with the priest.

She felt close to Mikayla in this place and had quickly accepted the offer by the priest when Grissom had come by to pray that morning.

She had sat by his side, following his lead, feeling a calmness encircle them.

His voice was soft as he prayed out loud.

She listened amazed at his faith despite everything he had been through.

Now, they stood there surrounded by their friends.

His hands held hers.

He never took his eyes from hers as the priest spoke.

Tears slipped down his cheeks during the vows unnerving her.

She stumbled a few times over hers but he smiled, patiently, until she had repeated them correctly.

He appeared quite calm as they were announced man and wife.

The small gatherers applauded while he tried to drown her in a sensuous kiss.

It had been an intimate ceremony even for Vegas.

Sandra held Caleb as she sat beside Brass.

Caleb clapped along with the others as he giggled over and over.

He was passed around several times before landing in Grissom's arms.

He kissed his son, holding him fiercely against his chest while Sara swiped at her eyes.

The small child leaned over and kissed Sara.

"Momma happy?" he asked.

"Very happy Caleb," she whispered.

"Me too!" he announced.

They refused offers by the others to keep Caleb, not wanting to be away from the child for even a night.

"We can go on a honeymoon…some other time," explained Sara.

"Don't think that you're coming into the lab for a least a week," glared Catherine.

"Thanks, Catherine," Grissom whispered as he leaned over and kissed her.

It made Catherine cry profusely.

Sara gave him her Sidle smile.

There was a slight catch in Grissom's voice when he turned and spoke to the others.

"I've never been happy…except…in Sara's arms," he gasped. "She runs through my veins, her love soothing my heart and soul. I never want to be parted from her."

He did not care that his cheeks were wet as he boldly kissed Sara once again.

Catherine wiped her eyes and then wiped Brass's as he sniffled a time or two.

"Gil….this is supposed to be a happy occasion," griped Brass.

"It is," Grissom acknowledged. "I am happy beyond words."

He pulled Sara closer, hugging her body to his while Caleb ran down the aisles with Greg in pursuit.

Catherine insisted on a catered meal to be delivered to their home that evening.

They kept to a routine, playing with Caleb before putting him to bed.

When they arrived downstairs, the table was set along with a bottle of chilled champagne.

The food was quite delicious but neither had much of an appetite.

Grissom still wore his dark suit but the tie was lying loose around his neck.

Sara had chosen a crème colored dress that she had rushed out and purchased, not having anything that fit, her body now slim once more.

"I hope you don't mind that I told Sandra that Caleb would be coming with us tomorrow," he said.

"Do we have plans?" she asked.

"We're going canoeing," he announced.

"Canoeing?" she frowned.

"Yes."

She giggled when he lifted her into his arms carrying her to the master bedroom.

She smiled at the rose petals lying on the bed.

"A bed of roses?" she purred.

"Catherine's idea," he whispered. "I didn't dare tell her we were going canoeing…I'm afraid she would have clobbered me."

Sara chuckled. "It will be our little secret."

She disappeared into the bathroom as he threw the suit into a heap on the floor.

He didn't care as he discarded the clothing, replacing it with his pajamas.

He wasn't sure of his choice when she returned in a gown he did not recognize.

It hugged her slim frame and he swallowed.

"You look beautiful," he said.

"I bought this after you proposed," she said.

He smiled.

His hands cupped her face. "Sara…I never thought…to ask…we don't have to do anything…if you're not ready."

She kissed him, letting her tongue glide over his, causing a moan to escape from his lips.

There was no rush.

Each took their time removing their clothing as they came together, skin touching skin.

His hands glided down her smooth skin, reveling in the feel of her skin against his.

"You are so lovely," he gasped. "I've wanted to make love to you as soon as we got home."

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to leave Caleb…"

He hushed her with a kiss. "Me too."

Slowly he positioned himself, easing gently inside her, ensuring her body was ready for this.

The anxiety was building as he forced himself to go slow but she needed him fully inside her.

"Does it hurt?" he asked quickly, trying to withdraw but she wrapped her legs around his waist.

"No…don't stop," she moaned.

He drove quickly and then stopped, waiting for her to signal that it was okay.

She opened her eyes and purposely pulled back, causing him to slip out but then she lifted her hips, shoving him forcefully inside once more.

It was exquisite as she continued until he took the lead and began the ritual.

Their bodies fell into sync, as they made love to one another.

It was pure torture and joy as they let the orgasm build and build until they were both panting, needing release.

He stiffened, not wanting to go first, and she grinned, knowing he would not be able to hang on much longer.

Her muscles clenched around his shaft and then he let go, spiraling downward with her.

He pulled her against his body, placing kisses along her forehead.

"Canoeing huh?" she teased.

He grinned. "Just you wait!"

"I…uhm…used to go canoeing with my grandfather," she admitted. "He had this old canoe…had more patches on the bottom…mom used to say it was going to sink one day with us out in the middle of the lake."

"And did it?" he asked, already knowing the answer. It was one of his favorite stories in her journal.

"Yeah," she laughed. "It did…that was the best summer…of my life."

"I thought the time you kissed Jeremy…" he stopped in midsentence.

She gasped. "You read my journals!"

She fled from the bed, grabbing a robe.

"Sara…wait!" he pleaded.

She stood there with arms folded. "When? When did you…violate my privacy and read…how? It's password protected!"

"You fell asleep one night…with it on the bed so I tried to remove it…without waking you and it….popped up."

Her eyes widened. "When?" she spat.

"After…we fought and I told you…about Brenda," he admitted.

Her gasp was loud and she stepped back.

"Sara…"

"You…changed. You….were less…"

He quickly grabbed her hand and refused to let go when she tried to yank it back.

"I didn't read it on purpose…but I knew my words had hurt and when you wouldn't talk to me…I thought I could find out through the journal. After I read it, I was ashamed of how I treated you! You protected me…loved me…even when I was cruel, your feelings didn't waver. I wanted to change…I wanted to be a better man. I wanted to be the man you deserve. I was a complete failure but I wanted to change…and it meant finding out things you wouldn't share. Sara please," he begged.

He looked worried when she retreated from his grasp. "I started my own journal…at the request of my counselor." He pulled his laptop bag out of the closet.

"The password is Sara…so you can read mine…any time you want," he urged.

"How did you get past my password?" she asked.

"The first time there was no need. For a long time, I never read it again but then your laptop was on the counter one day and I just happened to try…the name of the recent movie you had seen with Greg and….it worked. I read most of it then….but then I stopped, telling myself it was wrong."

"But you didn't stop," she cried.

"No…after I told you about…the murders in San Francisco, I was worried about you so I tried Mikayla's name and it worked."

"I never changed it after that…I couldn't bring myself to," she choked.

"Honey, I'm sorry. I just wanted to….help you…find a way to ease your pain. I didn't think you had dealt with…San Francisco…very well and so I read to check up on you…make sure you were coping….especially after we lost Mikayla."

He cautiously stepped toward her. "Sara, please forgive me."

"You know…all of my private thoughts," she sniffled. "You…know…me."

"Yes, I do! I know that with every word, I fell in love with you more, Sara. All of the pain you tried to hide between the lines even when no one else was reading it…my sweet, sweet Sara! I would never…tell anyone…not even the counselor what was written…but I'm so glad I read it. I needed to hear what your heart said."

She nodded slightly. He pulled her into his arms. "I'm so sorry…for this. This is not how I wanted our first night to be…I'm sorry," he mourned.

"It's okay," she soothed. "I just…thought…I didn't want your pity," she whispered.

"You have it."

She tried to pull away but he held her tight. "I pity…you…because you're stuck with me for the rest of your life. I am never going to let you go."

She grinned slightly. "Were you serious…that I could read your journal?"

"You know the password…read it. I have nothing to hide…from you. You're my soul mate, Sara."

He wasn't prepared for her to take the laptop from his hand.

"Now?" he asked.

She ignored the comment as she turned on the laptop.

"It's our honeymoon and I thought…maybe…"

She glared at him. "I'm reading…it tonight."

"I'll check on Caleb," he said as he fled the room.

She opened the journal, looking down the hall to see if he was still nearby but he'd disappeared.

Note from author:

Let's go read Grissom's thoughts in the next chapter….

Take care!


	42. Chapter 42

**Chapter Forty Two:**

**Grissom's Thoughts**

_Confessions of the soul:_

_I'm not sure I can be honest even with myself as I sit here, doing what my counselor has recommended after I confessed to her that I read Sara's journal without her knowledge. It was done out of love…but she didn't like it and I am sure Sara won't either if she finds out._

_I feel I need to tell her but things have been so difficult and after how I hurt her with having to confess about the woman I slept with…I needed to know where she was emotionally…about it…about me…cause I don't think I could bear to lose her and I'm going to if I don't change._

_I never remembered a single time when I raised my voice much less accused Lizzie…it's wrong…so wrong and I'm afraid that it may be too late to repair the damage I've done to my relationship with Sara._

_I hate counseling. I imagine Sara sitting there in my place, divulging just enough in order to get a report sent to me…me…I sent her for counseling…when I needed it more than she did. I remember those times when I would catch a glimpse of her in the hallways just after a report was sent over. It was those times I wondered whether she despised me for sending her but I had no choice. Still, it was a small way of knowing more about her without getting close like others do. It wasn't like I could just go to her apartment or have dinner with her. There was a line that I couldn't cross…but I wanted to every time I saw a tear slipped down her cheeks._

_I can't stand the counselor even though I know she means well but she won't let me talk about the things I need to get out of my system. I've tried to control the anger but anger and hurt boils to the surface and I lash out at the one person I love more than life…Sara._

_I watched her tonight, struggling to even sit in the same room with me but she did. She puts on a good front for Caleb's sake. She would clearly walk through fire for him or Mikayla. The words in her journal about Mikayla make me yearn to see that smile on her face again._

_She loves this baby despite the ugliness of her conception. I see Sara so much more clearly now. She is beautiful…so lovely…she glides across the room and I am enthralled with her body. I was surprised she let me touch her abdomen…I can't stop touching her. Mikayla is amazing. She takes my breath away each time I see her move inside Sara. I wished I had felt Emily…I could only watch from a distance. I don't want to miss a second with Mikayla and I have already…my fault…not Sara's._

_I reach out to touch her and she flinches. My heart aches at the pain she endured as a child…even as an adult and I want to protect her now…never let another soul harm her. I want to hold her, but I'm not sure if she'll let me. She's willing to share Mikayla…I'm not sure she's willing to share herself with me…she's frightened and I don't blame her._

_I cussed at the counselor…she won't let me talk about Sara and I need to talk about her…not Lizzie. She claims I need to forgive Lizzie. I have. I can forgive…I just don't forget. I can't forget the number of times she lied to me…how many men graced our bed while I was away…how many times I thought that my life was complete while I never really had a life to begin with. I settled for the life Lizzie offered…I thought I could love her the way she needed me to but I couldn't force my heart to feel what it couldn't. It was waiting for Sara…it fell hard for Sara._

_So now I know where the anger, the hurt and guilt come from. I feel guilty for not loving Lizzie the way I pretended…maybe she realized it, felt it and this is the reason she broke our vows. I did love her. I did…just not soul mates. I feel guilty for not coming home that night when I could have but I was afraid I might just let it slip that we were different, had nothing in common except a house, a name, and child on the way. I was afraid I would hurt her and so I stayed away until I could rehearse what I needed to say, never being good with words._

_I feel guilty that perhaps if I had come home, we could have talked and even if she had found out the truth of my deception, she would have recovered, left me and our child would still be alive today._

_Our child. I'm left not knowing if the child I buried is mine or not but my heart loved her, mourned for her, still mourns for her and so she is mine._

_I didn't want to talk with the counselor about her. I had never even mentioned her name but she forced it out of me…no longer able to call her "Lizzie's child." She was mine. You were mine, Emily Kate Grissom. No one can ever take you away from me…not even Lizzie._

_I was a mess when I left the counselor's office. I told her everything. I talked about the pain of trying to give Lizzie want she yearned for: a family, Lizzie's depression when she couldn't get pregnant…my guilt because I thought a child would help. I talked about my fears after Lizzie's wreck and how I talked…no begged Emmie to hang on._

_Emmie…I've not thought of that name in years. It was my pet name for her. I know Lizzie didn't like it but it sort of stuck in my head. I had already lost Lizzie. I wanted Emmie to be safe. I had no idea what I was going to do with a newborn. The night she was born, it was the first time I had left a crime scene unattended._

_Brass had no idea what was going on._

_He grabbed my arm just as I was running to my vehicle._

_I had no idea what to say except that my child was being born and I had to leave and so he covered my ass. He stayed there, calling in someone from first shift, telling them I had taken ill._

_He later came to the hospital. I couldn't talk. Emmie was gone but Lizzie survived. I don't know why I thought Lizzie would pass during the emergency c-section. I was numb as the doctors told me she would make a full recovery….right. She was legally brain dead and she would make a full recovery? I choked on my tears, drowned myself in a bottle of scotch while Brass sat with me, never saying a word._

_A week later, I finally told him…everything. It was good to tell someone. It was even better that he never mentioned it to another living soul…names and faces changed in the lab but ours remained the same and yet he kept my secret. He kept it for my sanity because I was so sick of the looks of pity I received every time I went to the hospital….and then the Center._

_Brass has been a good friend. He's covered my back a few times when I had to rush…to the Center. I know it was wrong…to hide my past especially when I met Sara but I wanted her so much. I know it was cruel but I needed her more than I needed air to breathe. The first time she smiled at me in that lecture hall, I felt alive again, hopeful, that I could dream again. I would have moved mountains to get her to come to Vegas and she did…all I had to do was ask. My God, she gave up her life and moved to Vegas. I was so thankful but I had no idea how to handle things. She was falling just as blindly as I did but I had nothing to offer so I kept her at a distance….close but not close. I thought she would surely leave when she discovered I was married but she didn't._

_I loved her even more though I hid my feelings. I don't know how many times I went to the church to pray for forgiveness for the thoughts that ran through my mind each time I looked at Sara. I wanted her more than anything. I'm ashamed that I also prayed Lizzie would die, or that somehow I could let Sara know how much she meant to me without crossing the line. I prayed a few times that I would have the strength to let her go should she ever find someone else. I knew it would surely be the death of me. I had nothing to live for except Sara._

_After Sara left, I saw no hope. Sitting by waiting for Lizzie to die, was slowly killing me. I wanted the pain to end. There were times when I didn't care if I lived, not bothering to eat or take care of myself. Brass or Catherine would show up…Catherine always insistent that I take care of myself. She was a lifesaver._

_I came home early tonight, just to see them. It had been a low point in the counseling. I checked on Caleb. He was sleeping on his stomach with his bottom sticking in the air. I chuckled as I swiped my eyes. He's so perfect. He has Sara's smile and it melts my heart each time I see it. Her door was cracked so I stepped inside. She whimpered slightly as if in pain so I sat with her, stroking her hair. She's so angelic when she sleeps and I can't imagine how I am going to convince her how much I love her. Mikayla is awake. Her movements are gentle, graceful like her mother's. I place my hand on her abdomen, smiling through tears as the baby thumps back, letting me know she's there. I know sweetheart. I know. Daddy loves you…will always love you…and I will do everything in my power to ensure that no one ever hurts you the way I've hurt your mother. It's hard living with the guilt of how I disregarded Mikayla for months…not anymore. I'm not sure how she will react to the things I've ordered and purchased but I needed to do it. I needed to care for my baby girl._

_Sara hugged me…me. I was so excited about it that I could not keep from smiling. I wished Catherine had not been in the room since there were so many things I wanted to say to Sara but couldn't. It would have to wait. When she came into my arms, I didn't want to let her go. I couldn't believe she came to the lab just to thank me. I was so grateful that she liked the nursery. It was hard letting Catherine come over and help but I wanted it to be perfect. It has to be perfect for my girls. I know the guys saw the way I held on to her but I want them and everyone to know that I am claiming her. She is mine, has always been mine in my heart anyway. I didn't like it that Greg got to walk her out. I wanted to do that, holding her hand in mine if she let me while I walked her through the lab giving those gossip mongers something to talk about. I hope Greg will remember to check her seat beat. It's late and well...I have this fear that I am still going to lose her. I can't lose her . I've got a long way to go but now I know she is giving me a second chance and I am not going to screw this up._

_It's been hard not blurting out the words but she's been hurt so deeply that I'm not sure she's going to believe me the first time I say those three little words. They rolled off my lips to Lizzie without thought but each time I've said them to Sara they come from the heart…my soul. I feel so connected to her. The words hardly do justice to describe the depth of my love for Sara. It runs deep…through my veins._

_She didn't believe me just as I suspected she wouldn't but I refused to let it pass. I needed for her to know, to understand that I truly love her. I wasn't prepared for the tears and I'm afraid that she may really never know or accept that she is loved, cherished. God, I have no idea what I would do if I ever lost her._

_I could have throttled Catherine for confronting Sara in our home. It hurt me that I let this happen. I let those people into our home…me. She was so hurt. I can't stand to hear her cry. I don't know how to make this better. _

_I'm such an ass. I yelled at her again. I wanted to go to the O.B. appointment with her but she wouldn't let me come. I'm afraid she's going to pull away. My biggest fear is that she will get tired of the work that it takes to put up with me and she'll just leave._

_I hit Ecklie and it felt damn good but I am not going to let him or anyone else say something so vulgar as he did about Sara. He has never liked her because she knows him for what he is. I threatened to take his job and for once I saw the fear in his eyes. I'm tempted just to rid the lab of him once and for all but then I'd be pushing paperwork and not in the field. Maybe I need to reconsider this since I would have normal hours and could spend more time with Sara and our children._

_The laptop was just sitting there on the counter. Greg had been there. He's been coming a lot but I trust her…her not Greg because I know he loves her. I can see it in the way he looks at her. It was sheer luck that she changed her password to the name of the movie they had watched. Imagine my surprise when I got access. I know I shouldn't have looked but I did. I went back to the very beginning this time, reading her thoughts and feeling guilty as hell but it didn't stop me. I finished it in one sitting, not bothering to sleep that day. I put everything back in its place so she wouldn't get suspicious._

_Greg is loyal to Sara. He threatened me. I admired him but then I wanted to kick his ass for thinking that I didn't love Sara or that I didn't want to marry her. I do! I want her to have my name…she deserved my name more than Lizzie did. _

_She won't marry me I'm sure of it. It would bind her to me and I'm afraid she'll never accept my proposal. I'm getting worried because Mikayla will be here soon. I want all of our last names to match. Counseling sucks and I hate this journal._

_She said yes and now I'm not sure if she said yes to me or…because of her situation. I want her to say yes to me but I'll take her any way I can get her to the altar. I'm not too proud. It's my night off and I can't sleep so I roam the house. I've checked on Caleb and…_

_She caught me doing my journal but I don't think she even looked at the screen. She's having second thought and I don't blame her…she's marrying me. Everything she said….is true…it scared the hell out of me but then I saw her abdomen move and I felt Mikayla and now none of it matters because I know I am safe with Sara._

_I've never been more scared in my life when Jim came to get me. I couldn't get the bloodied footprints out of my head. I held Caleb as he cried for Sara. He's so frightened and I try to soothe him how Sara taught me but I'm not her. I need her. He needs her. We both need her and I can't stop the tears that keep falling from my cheeks. _

_We lost Mikayla. My sweet Mikayla is gone. I allowed a priest to give last rites, not sure what Sara would want but I did. I held her and spoke to her softly. She was so tiny and so much like Sara that I wept. I wanted to just keep holding her but the nurse told me Caleb needed me so I had to let a stranger take my baby girl from my arms. I held Caleb and we cried together. I know my tears only frighten him but I can't stop. I am so scared. This nice nurse let me take Caleb back to see Sara. I was not prepared to see the ventilator. I thought it was happening all over again and that sooner or later someone was going to come and take Caleb away from me as well. The others offered to keep him but I couldn't let him out of my sight. _

_I told her…God, she was so devastated. I couldn't comfort her…I just clung to her and we wept together. Caleb and I have been back and forth to the hospital. I can't bear to be away from her. I know they frown on Caleb being there but he needs to see Sara as much as I do. We're both frightened of losing her although I am told she will make a full recovery. She tries to hide the pain as well as the melancholy but I feel it each time I step into the room. We both miss Mikayla. She doesn't know what to do with her hands, her body now absent of our daughter and I am at a loss at how to help her. I catch myself wanting to caress her abdomen so I hold her hand while I wipe away the tears on her cheek. The nurses have been good to us, letting us stay the last few nights. Caleb and I slept in the bed next to Sara. It seemed to help. _

_The first day home was horrible. We stepped into the house and it felt odd. Caleb and I had been back a few times but we only rushed up the stairs to shower, dress and then return to the hospital. I set him down and tried to help Sara to her room but Caleb began to scream. He was standing in the middle of the kitchen pointing at the floor. Sara…Sara could not be consoled. She lay in bed and cried uncontrollably. I didn't know what to do except hold her. The first night the three of us slept huddled in her bed, not venturing down stairs._

_I saw her with her laptop this morning. I didn't say anything but I pray I can somehow figure out the password so I can read her journal. I'm worried sick about her. The funeral was hard on us as we're trying to get over the loss of our daughter. I can't go in Mikayla's room. I break down every time I try to come to terms with the loss. It is too much to bear. I hold Sara in my arms each night while we cry together. Words fail me….so I hold her and I mourn with her._

_I got into her laptop…the password was Mikayla's name. I know I shouldn't be doing it but I had to know…I have to go back to the lab soon and I need to know that she's going to be alright. She hardly eats, talks little except to interact with Caleb. Caleb seems to be the only thing that gives her comfort. There are moments when she smiles at Caleb but then her hands fly to her midsection and she is reminded of our loss and she is in tears once more. She loved that baby so much. Her check up has come and gone and yet we're not intimate._

_I know when she is ready, she will let me know. I do know that I would give anything to give her another child to replace the void that has been left. Her words in her journal are void of any true emotions and so I am left to wonder if she is really dealing with the loss of Mikayla or not. She adamantly does not want to return to counseling. She only thing she does mention is that she's trying to deal with the pain so she can heal physically and mentally. She's worried about Caleb and me…not herself…just us. _

_God, I love her so much. She is the life force that runs through my veins sustaining me through this grief. We are going to be alright._

_I can't even express the shock and the horror I felt when I realized who the new recruit was. I didn't even remember her name. I couldn't fathom the irony of the one woman I decide to have a one night stand with winds up working in the lab…and me as her boss. I've told her that there is never going to be anything between us but I'm afraid this is going to get ugly but more importantly I'm afraid this is going to hurt Sara and I don't want her to be hurt anymore._

_Sara found out before I had a chance to tell her. She won't say it but I could tell she was hurt but wasn't angry at me. I wish she would have yelled…I deserved it. I didn't consider us- no, I was too much of a coward to find out for myself if she still wanted me. I just dismissed her, thinking she was like Lizzie- she's not. Sara truly loves me even though I don't deserve it. I've done nothing but hurt her. I can still see the look on her face when I yelled at her after I found out about Mikayla. _

_I had seen the bruises. I suspected he had physically hurt her and yet I jumped to conclusions before letting her explain. I don't deserve her love. She's much too good for the likes of me. I live with the fear that I'll do something wrong, cause her to see the real me and then she'll leave me. I'd give anything to make her happy again…she says she's happy but I don't feel it. There's a sadness. I know that sadness. I lived with it for years. I tell myself it will go away if I could give her another child…she needs another child. I'm not sure if she'll marry me but I want her to have my name. I want us to marry and then I can give her what she longs for and that is another child growing inside her. I want that so much. _

_Brenda's resignation was shocking but such a relief for me. I know each time I walked into the lab my blood pressure was in triple digits. What's more shocking is that we're getting married…soon…very soon. I asked again and she agreed, setting the date herself. I couldn't believe it, not sure if it will really sink in until it is finally over. _

_My dream is partially complete. In just a few hours, Sara will become Sara Grissom. She looks a little nervous but I'm not. I've waited for this moment for years, dreamed about, and now it is finally going to happen. She is upstairs getting Caleb dressed. I've been dressed for two hours. I can't wait. I'm excited. _

_We went by the church before coming home. I'm not a very religious person but, still, if God was giving me another chance at having a wife and family I was going to thank Him. I am so very thankful. I didn't think she would want to be married in the very church where services were held for Mikayla but she feels like me. I feel close to Mikayla there. _

_I can't explain how I felt when she knelt beside me as I prayed. Normally I say the words in my head but today I spoke out loud, letting her know how grateful I was that she was going to become my wife. Lizzie and I never stepped foot in a church- not that it ever bothered me…until later when I needed something to cling to when I was losing everything that mattered._

_Her voice now filters down. Caleb is squirming. He wants to play and she wants him to leave his small bow tie alone. I chuckle…like father like son. Mine is on…crooked I'm sure but I'll straighten it when we get to the church or I'm sure Catherine will help. I'm glad she's not into the traditional part of it. Catherine was a little put off that I would see her before arriving at the church but there was no way I was going to stay away. I'm too afraid she will change her mind and bolt once she realizes she's stuck with me for the rest of her life._

She closed the laptop and went in search of him.

She found him sitting in the rocker in Mikayla's room.

"Hey," she whispered, not sure whether she could force herself to step into the room but he extended his hand and so she came to him.

He pulled her into his lap.

"Her due date….is coming up," he whispered.

"I know."

She kissed him softly on the lips.

"Sara…did you read it? All of it?" he asked.

"Yes, I did."

"Then you know…we both want the same thing," he said.

_You want another child…_

_I want Mikayla back…_

She sighed. "Let's go to bed."

They stepped out of the room and he shut the door.

His hand rested on the handle for a moment.

"Come in here…with me," she said as she led him to her bedroom.

"If you don't mind, I'd like to stay close to Caleb…and Mikayla's room tonight."

He smiled sadly.

Her finger tips were soft as they traced the lines across his forehead.

"Make love to me," she whispered.

He smiled sadly. "Caleb was conceived in this bed," he whispered.

She closed her eyes to hide the pain.

She dreaded Mikayla's due date.

The wedding had been a slight distraction but December was supposed to be a month of joy.

They would celebrate Mikayla's birth and then there was Caleb's second birthday.

She had planned a small birthday party for the young child with just the team.

She imagined they would have their hands full that day.

She imagined Grissom trying to keep Caleb's small fingers out of the birthday cake while she held Mikayla.

Instead of her hands being full they would now be empty.

There would be no baby to keep them busy.

Her hands encircled his neck, pulling him close.

_Time…_

_In time, it won't hurt as much…_

He kissed her as he made love once more to his wife.

It wasn't hurried.

It was slow and purposeful.

She knew he wanted her to get pregnant immediately.

In truth, she didn't know how she felt about it, her grief too fresh.

He molded his body to hers as they finally slept.

Note from author:

Severe storms moving into our area today which may hinder my ability to post tomorrow. If I miss a day I will post two chapters the next.

Take care!


	43. Chapter 43

**Chapter Forty Three:**

**Honeymooning Grissom Style**

She swiped at the annoying tickle at the end of her nose.

It continued until she opened her eyes to bright twinkling blue ones.

"We're going to go canoeing," he announced.

"What about Caleb?" she asked as she stretched.

"He's coming with us," he said.

"Okay," she said hesitantly.

"The camping gear is already in the car and…"

"Camping gear? We're going camping? You said we were going canoeing, " she asked sitting up in the bed.

"Yes….get dressed and pack your bag…just two days worth…Caleb and I are already packed…be sure and pack that gown."

"For camping?" she gawked.

"You're right. Your body nude in the moonlight…is much more….alluring," he winked.

"Gil, wait!" she said as she got out of bed. "Look…your back…on the cold hard ground…"

"Air mattress. I want to take my family camping…and no more excuses," he announced kissing her nose.

"Where's Caleb?"

"Sandra is playing with him…I thought we could shower…together," he grinned.

She squealed when he yanked her over his shoulder and carried her down the hall.

Her cheeks were still blushed at the thought of their lovemaking in the shower.

It had been cramped inside the upstairs bathroom but she was finding that her husband was inventive when it came to lovemaking.

Lake Mead was quite beautiful as they arrived at the camp site.

Grissom had chosen a secluded place far from the others.

She played with Caleb while he put the tent together, smiling when it did not seem to want to cooperate.

Caleb nodded off and she placed the sleeping child on a blanket while she helped him with the tent.

It was quite spacious, having two huge rooms.

The portable crib was then placed in one of the rooms along with some toys.

They then aired up the mattress, making the makeshift bed in the other room.

He pulled her down, forcing her to lie by his side.

"There was a small flap at the top that could be removed, displaying the mesh opening. "At night we'll be able to lie here and look at the stars," he said with a grin.

"I didn't know you were so romantic," she blushed.

He rolled over pinning her with his body. "Only with you," he breathed.

They had rented a canoe and it now sat nearby.

"Of course observing the stars by canoe in the middle of the lake can also be…"

"Wait, we have Caleb. We can't…"

"Sara, I have a life jacket for each of us…the canoe is perfectly safe…no patches," he added.

"Yes but…I'm not sure taking a small child and…"

"How did you expect us to go canoeing?" he challenged.

"It's just…I'm not sure…I want to do this."

"It will be perfectly safe. I promise."

Sara felt embarrassed as he held out his hand to her while steadying the canoe.

She held Caleb firmly in her arms as she sat down.

Grissom slowly guided the canoe out into the water.

I looked over the edge and grinned.

If they capsized the water was only knee deep in this area.

He grinned also but said nothing as she loosened her grip on Caleb.

"There's a red skimmer," announced Grissom pointing to a dragonfly nearby.

Caleb leaned back against Sara, unsure of the insect flying so close.

"Bad?" he questioned.

"Good," assured Grissom.

His small hands tried to reach the water so Sara leaned him over, letting his hand skim the surface.

He splashed and splashed, delighting in the water play. "Tub…big!" Caleb announced.

Grissom chuckled. "It's a lake…Lake Mead," he explained.

A butterfly floated by, dipping its wings up and down.

"That's a Buckeye," said Grissom.

She grinned at his boyish behavior paddling slowly across the water but keeping near the shoreline.

There were much more insects and bugs to see this way along with wildflowers and various plant life which he pointed out while guiding his family safely through the water.

For an hour they floated up and down the shoreline.

Caleb spotted several fish and squealed with delight.

It was getting late so Grissom returned to the camp site.

Caleb sat down intent to play with the rocks.

She spotted a map and pulled it out, sitting down on a huge rock while Grissom began the task of making a camp fire.

"It's been a good day," he announced.

"Yes, it has," Sara beamed.

He sat back admiring his handy work as the fire crackled.

Sara chuckled.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

"The names….of the some of the area," she quipped. "There's Gregg's Hideout…which is near Virgin Cove. There's Katherine Landing and even a Willow Beach."

"Sara…I'm not sure I want to visit any place that reminds me of work…even if it is a beach."

She grinned. "You wouldn't want to go to Virgin Canyon?"

He took the map from her hands and glanced at it. "I'll go if…we can stop off at Boat Wreck Point."

She cleared her throat. "No…thanks."

Dinner had been potato soup which Grissom prepared.

"This is good," she exclaimed.

"Just add water and heat," he said with a grin.

"Don't give your secret away," she teased.

Caleb's eyes began to droop as he crawled into Grissom's lap.

He wrapped the child into a blanket as they sat there in front of the fire.

Sara leaned over, kissing Caleb as she smiled. "He's asleep."

Sara placed him in his crib, closing the flap securely.

"Do you think he'll be warm enough?" questioned Grissom.

"I placed an extra blanket on him," she said as she extended her hand.

"Where are we going?" he asked playfully.

"To bed," she rasped.

He rose quickly pulling her into his arms. "Do you think…we'll wake him?"

"We'll just have to be quiet," she warned playfully.

It was cool as they removed their clothing.

He took his time, enjoying the sight before him as Sara lay there.

"You're quite beautiful," he said with a devilish grin.

"I'm quite cold," she shivered.

His body was warm against hers as he slowly made love to her.

Soft moans escaped her lips which only spurred him more to ravish her body.

She lay gasping through the last orgasm while he rolled to his side, a smug look on his face.

"That wasn't very nice of you," she managed to get out.

"Are you complaining?" he asked.

She pulled him down for a kiss.

They lay side by side as they stared up at the stars.

"Sara…thank you for coming with me," he said.

"This has been nice," she admitted. "The bed…isn't bad."

"No it's not," he said patting the air mattress.

"I was a little concerned with the rocks…jabbing it."

Grissom rolled over on top of her. "I knew it would be less animal traffic if we stayed…away from the water."

She was surprised when she felt him enter her once more.

He kissed her, stroking her hair as he lazily made love to her beneath the stars.

"I can't seem to get enough of you," he whispered.

"I feel…complete with you inside me," she moaned.

His lips dipped lower, taking a breast, causing more moans to slip from her lips.

"Come for me, Sara," he whispered.

She didn't need much coaxing as she let herself go, gliding over the edge just as he did.

"Gil….where…do we shower?" she asked.

"The lake…of course."

"You're kidding, right?"

He stuck the camping gear into the garage while Sara busied herself with giving Caleb a bath.

He had managed to keep them at Lake Mead for most of the next day.

He tried to persuade her to stay another night but when she announced there would be no lovemaking, he quickly packed everything into the vehicle and headed home.

Caleb listened to a story while she rocked him.

His eyes fluttered shut and she waited letting him drift off to sleep.

Gently she placed him in his bed.

Grissom smiled at her as he walked toward her but she put her hands up.

"Shower," she ordered.

"But…"

"Gil…if you want to touch me…you'll shower," she ordered.

He frowned but then purposely grabbed her pulling her into his arms.

"I just showered," she whined.

"I guess you'll have to shower again…with me this time," his boyish grin causing his eyes to twinkle.

The week flew by as he spent every waking moment with Sara and Caleb.

He stepped into the lab just as the others walked in.

"I can't believe it! Gil Grissom getting here on time…and not early," teased Catherine.

"Hello, Catherine," grinned Grissom.

"Glad you're back," she said.

"I'm…not glad to be back," he admitted.

"Wow, you must have had fun on your honeymoon," she chirped.

He grinned. "Yes, I did."

"It shows," she said with a grin.

He turned, grabbing the messages from his inbox and headed down the hall.

"Hey Gil!" she called.

He turned and looked at her.

"I saved the reports just for you," she teased.

He frowned.

He was thrown into a double on the first night.

He called home several times.

"Gil, we're fine. Go to work," she said yawning.

"I miss you," he lamented.

"Be safe," she urged. "Wake me when you get home... I miss you too."

He smiled.

He did just that as he crawled into the bed several hours later, placing several kisses on her collarbone causing her to stir.

His body ached but he had wanted her ever since he had heard her voice over the phone.

"Tough night?" she asked.

"Just tough…being away from you," he admitted.

His lips kissed her temple.

"You should sleep," she stated.

"Soon," he whispered as he slowly moved on top of her, enjoying the feel of her body beneath him.

She moaned from the trail of kisses that began from her neck to her inner thigh.

He kissed her abdomen causing her to tense.

His breath on her skin was slow as his lips pressed once more.

He rose, kissing her deeply on the lips.

"It was so hard…being away from you," he grieved.

"Doubles are part of the job," she got out between moans of pleasure.

"I'd rather be here…like this," he murmured.

Hours later, she silently crept from the bed, trying not to wake him.

The upstairs bedroom was not as dark as the master.

She had intended to sleep downstairs but Caleb had awakened several times.

Already he was escaping his crib by climbing out of it.

She feared he would attempt to go down the stairs in search of her so she had slept in her bed.

It really wasn't her bed anymore.

Grissom slept wherever she was and it made her smile slightly.

He liked to cuddle, making it hard sometimes to slip out of the bed without waking him but she had managed this time, letting her know how tired he really was.

She stood on sore limbs.

He had made up for the missed time insisting on making love several times.

She headed toward the door but he rolled.

"Sara?"

"Go back to sleep. Caleb is going to wake soon," she said.

"Wake me in a few hours," he stressed. "I want to spend some time with you and Caleb before I have to go in."

"You need to sleep."

"Wake me," he said once more.

As the days slipped into weeks, he found himself working more and more doubles.

It was frustrating.

He insisted on taking off on December 6th.

He knew the day would be hard for Sara as well as himself.

He had thought of little else and could not imagine what was going through her head.

She had changed the password now, warning him to stay out of her thoughts and he had obliged.

He still left his password unchanged, not caring if she looked.

She didn't because he checked his laptop for evidence that it had been tampered with and it still remained as he had left it.

The strap was lying to the side, sitting on top of his shirt that he knew she would hang up as soon as she noticed it underneath the laptop bag.

It sort of disappointed him, not sure if she didn't care to think what was really on his mind or that he was missing something that was going on inside her.

He wanted more than anything to read hers.

He wanted to know her thoughts about the honeymoon, his return to work, her time with Caleb and her thoughts on Mikayla's due date that loomed over them.

He had prayed she would be pregnant by then but it was much too soon, not even a month since they had married.

Thanksgiving came and went.

They tried to make a big deal out of it but it was hard.

Their first Thanksgiving was not much to talk about.

The team had come over but in shifts so the office would have coverage as the bodies continued their steady flow.

Grissom had griped when he had gotten called out that night.

"So much for our first Thanksgiving," he grumbled.

"There will be more. Besides, I think the turkey was a little dry."

He kissed her. "The turkey may have been a little dry but your lips…are moist and…"

Her hands pressed on his chest. "Go….don't start something."

He grinned leaning in for a kiss.

"I'll be back in a few hours."

He pulled another double.

While she didn't seem to mind, it bothered him.

He had a plan and intended to accomplish.

Unfortunately Sara did not feel the same.

Note from author:

Sorry for the late posting but then I think this has been a busy weekend for everyone. This week will be just as busy. Remember that last line up there....hints for the next chapter.

Take care!


	44. Chapter 44

**Chapter Forty Four:**

**Something Missing**

December 6th finally arrived.

She kept busy, cleaning the house and doing chores she had put off that week anticipating this day.

He had tried to get her to sit with him and talk but she wanted no part of it, insisting he take Caleb outside for a walk.

"Sara…I took the night off so I could spend it with you…just us."

"I know…but I need…to clean the house and…keep to my schedule. I need…"

"To stay busy?" he questioned.

"Yes."

"Let's take Caleb for a walk together," he offered.

"Take him," she breathed.

"Sara…"

He walked toward her but her hands flew up as she backed away. "I'm not used to this," she admitted.

"Used to what?"

"I need some space," she almost pleaded. "I need to do this…on my own."

"Couples share…we grieve…we comfort one another."

"We've…done…all of those things....already."

He frowned and it was obvious he was trying not to look hurt but he was which made the guilt of her actions even harder.

"I want you to take Caleb for a walk….a long walk…to the park."

He hesitated before scooping up the small child, leaving her alone.

She vacuumed, polished the furniture and then put away the last load of clothes.

She did everything on her list and still there was time left in the day.

He felt uneasy when they returned to find her car missing out of the driveway.

He took Caleb upstairs for a nap then searched the house for any sign of a note but there was none.

The house was immaculate.

He pulled out his phone and started to call but stopped.

_I'll give her an hour…._

She had not intended to go to the cemetery.

In fact, she drove by it several times before finally stopping.

She knew the exact location even though she hadn't been in any condition to remember much of anything that day, too grief stricken to notice headstones or other markings.

She went straight to the gravesite and wondered if perhaps it was her motherly intuition that led her to her daughter.

She stood there quietly, glancing at the small headstone.

There were fresh flowers on the grave and she wondered who had brought them.

A few small limbs had fallen onto the grave and she stooped to toss them away.

There was a bench across from the grave and she sat down, not liking the coldness of the marble.

"You were supposed to be born today," she whispered. "I was supposed to count your fingers and toes. Gil couldn't wait…to hold you. He was always trying to play with you…while you were inside me. You would have liked Gil. You would have looked into his blue eyes and saw how they twinkled like the stars in the sky….and you would have known that…you would love him forever."

She swiped at her cheeks. "I didn't want to cry today. I wanted it to be like any other day….not happy…not sad…just…like any other day but he…Gil wanted us to be together…to grieve, to comfort one another."

She clenched her hands into fists. "I'm so tired of grieving Mikayla. He can't comfort me…not completely. He doesn't understand. I'm not sure I understand. You were a part of me…and I lost that. I feel empty…not complete anymore and I'm not sure if that will ever go away…even if…we have another child. You will still be gone."

Her phone went off and she grabbed it, shaking her head when she saw that it was him.

She had meant to leave a note but didn't know what to say so she had just gotten into the car and left.

She wasn't ready to talk with him so she let it roll over to voicemail, feeling guilty for the action but she needed a moment or two to steady her voice.

She took off, not bothering to retrace your tracks, only to look up to find herself in a different part of the cemetery.

She sighed.

She never liked cemeteries.

She turned back, folding her arms about her body, then dropping them in disgust that she had managed to get turned around.

She stopped suddenly, spying someone at Mikayla's gravesite.

Emma Matthews turned. "I'm sorry. I thought you had left."

"Why are you here?" questioned Sara.

"I…had heard…I didn't mean to pry. I was visiting…my daughter…and saw you from a distance. I remembered you from the Center."

Emma glanced at the dates on the stone.

"I'm sorry...Gil didn't get the family he wanted," she mourned.

Sara glanced at the headstone.

Grissom had insisted that Mikayla bear his last name.

"It's hard to lose a child," Emma whispered.

"Yes…it is."

"It's been more than ten months and yet it feels like yesterday."

"Mrs. Matthews, I'm sorry for your loss. I really am," said Sara.

"I know what you're thinking. She's really been dead ever since she had that car accident…and I suppose she has but it's still fresh to my heart…still hurts just as deeply. I think it always will. She was my child…my flesh and blood."

_I know what you mean…_

Sara started to leave when Emma caught her by the arm.

"You're still young. You could have another child. Gil was so devastated when Emily died….and now he has lost another daughter. He's desperate to replace Emily. A family is something he always wanted. You could see it in his eyes every time he saw….Elizabeth."

Sara nodded.

Emma's words had hit a sore spot on Sara's heart.

"_He's desperate to replace Emily."_

She called him on her way home.

He was relieved to hear her voice.

"Sara…where were you?"

"I…took a drive."

"Oh."

"I'll be home in a few minutes."

He seemed to cling to her more tightly that night as they lay in bed.

She seemed tired, closing her eyes immediately but he couldn't sleep, used to working at these hours.

His hand slipped from her hip and rested on her abdomen, causing her to shift in the bed.

"You would tell me if anything is bothering you?" he whispered.

"Yes."

His hand stroked her thigh, easing upward.

She tensed and he stopped.

"Do you just want to sleep?" he asked.

"Yes…we don't have to…it's not necessary…every time we sleep."

His hand cupped her cheek. "I was just…trying to maximize our chances. In another week, it will be the end of your cycle."

"It doesn't always happen immediately," she huffed, sounding frustrated.

"I…know…but it happened with Caleb…maybe it can happen again."

"What if it doesn't?" she asked.

"Then…we keep trying," he replied softly, wondering if it was the stress of getting pregnant that had caused her to pull back.

Sara scooted up so that she was sitting in an upward position.

"A baby….another baby…_can't replace Mikayla._" She finished the statement in head not wanting to discuss it when her heart was just too weary at the moment.

"Sara, it will happen," he urged trying to pull her into his arms but she shoved him away.

He was shocked.

"Stop! Stop trying to fix….what you can't!"

"Sara, I miss her too. I still…miss the feel of her inside you. I want you to feel that again. I want…"

"I'm not sure I'm ready for this…again."

He quickly sat up. "What are you saying?"

"I can't do this!"

"Sara…"

She jumped out of the bed, grabbing her robe. "Every day it's the same thing. I get up. I take care of Caleb and the house and prepare a dinner that you might or might not eat then we do this…and it starts all over again. Every day…it's the same…while we wait for something that may or may not happen."

"It's life."

"I don't want our focus to be on **this**."

"It won't," he pressed.

He eyed her.

"Are you sure it's this…or…something else that's bothering you?"

Her eyes shot to the floor.

"You seemed satisfied before…with your life before we lost Mikayla. You got up. You took care of Caleb and the house and prepared dinner that I might or might not eat then we…"

"We slept Grissom. We slept, not feeling like we had to…do this!"

"Sara, we don't have to do this."

"Good!"

She stormed off downstairs, angry that she knew he was pursuing her.

She flung open the fridge, grabbing a soda and took a sip.

"I'm sorry…if you feel like I'm pressuring you."

She took a gulp of air.

"I just… I need to get out of this house. I need to work."

He took her hand, slowing guiding her into his arms.

"Sara…I think you're nervous…anxious for next week so that you can find out whether or not you're pregnant."

She stepped out of his arms.

"That's not it! Gil, I need to work. I liked to work. I liked to keep busy."

"And…you're not busy here? Sara, Caleb is a full time job. You have him and the house."

"When I was in San Francisco, I had him, a house and…a job."

"What if you get pregnant?"

"I was also pregnant in San Francisco."

"Okay….so you want to work," he said in a huffy sort of way.

"Yes, I do!"

"Then…get a job," he stated as he walked past her, intent to make coffee.

She didn't like his tone.

"Would it bother you?" she challenged.

_Isn't this enough?_

_Why work?_

_I can provide for us!_

_You can spend time with Caleb and care for our house and in no time you'll be pregnant._

_What good is a job compared to that?_

The coffee maker began as he slipped into a chair, grabbing the newspaper.

"If this…bothers you….then do something else."

He slipped on his glasses that were sitting beside the newspaper.

The reply ruffled her feathers.

"Caleb, you and our home….doesn't bother me."

His eyes skirted over the rim of his glasses.

"I didn't say that," he said.

"You implied it."

"No…I didn't," he retorted.

"Yes…you did," she spat.

"If you don't want to do "that" then let's not do "this," he charged.

"And what is this?" she asked.

"Fighting."

"We're not fighting. You won't admit that you don't want me to work."

He tried to keep his cool. "I didn't say that….let's just…stop talking."

He loudly slung open the newspaper.

She tilted her head back, gulping down the drink.

He swallowed as the robe fell open, revealing the low cut gown she wore.

She put the lid back on the soda and then stalked off toward the bedroom once more.

He drank a pot of coffee as he sat there fuming over the conversation.

_Was that our first fight?_

He had intended to keep his distance but couldn't.

Quietly he sat down on the edge of the bed while she faced the wall.

_Like a moth to a flame…_

_I can't get enough of her…_

He felt guilty for the harshness in his voice.

"I'm sorry, Sara," he whispered. "I didn't mean…"

He didn't finish.

His hand gently slid down her long slender leg.

She lay on her side, facing the wall and he wasn't sure whether she was awake or not.

Slowly his hand slipped under the gown, making contact with her skin as she lay there unmoving.

One more inch and she knew she would initiate the lovemaking.

It was all she could do to hold still.

She had wanted him but she had not wanted him.

The feelings were frustrating.

She wanted to make love to him but not at the expense that he would think that it was only to get pregnant.

For the past week, she had felt like that every time he had initiated the coupling.

When she did not move, he finally got up, leaving her alone.

She rolled over, listening to the soft fall of his footsteps down the stairs.

She sighed.

She rolled over trying to go to sleep but it was futile.

He had stayed out of work to be with her, fearful of how she would react on Mikayla's due date.

_What are you doing, Sara?_

She threw back the covers, grabbing the robe once more as she made her way downstairs.

There was the sound of the shower and she felt it was odd for him to be showering at this hour of the night.

She leaned in the doorway, as she heard him curse under his breath at the coolness of the water.

She felt bad but could not seem to stop grinning as he stepped out of the shower.

He grabbed the towel and was startled by her presence.

"I thought you were asleep."

"I….tried."

He wasn't sure what to make of it as he finished drying off his body.

He reached for his pajama top but she took it from his hand, setting it back down and picking up the towel.

"You missed a few spots," she murmured.

Her hands purposely touched his skin as she dried his chest.

"Sara…you're defeating the purpose of the cold shower," he admitted.

She smiled. "I'm sorry," glancing down at the reaction to her touch.

"Are you trying to tease me?"

"No," she rasped and he swallowed hard.

"I didn't think you wanted…to do this…like we've been doing every day."

His words dampened the moment.

She stepped back. "I don't."

She turned quickly to flee from the bathroom.

"Sara!"

She halted by the bed.

"I just want to make love to you."

He felt completely defeated as she disappeared upstairs.

He dressed, not sure whether he could sleep after the pot of coffee as well as the cold shower.

He pulled out his laptop, intending to make an entry into his journal when she reappeared in the doorway, the baby monitor in her hand.

"I forgot the monitor," she said softly. "If you want to…work, I can…"

He practically tossed the laptop onto the floor as he grabbed her hand.

"No…I don't."

She smiled, running her hand through his damp hair.

She pulled off his shirt, gently pushing him back onto the bed so that she could remove his boxers.

He reached for her gown but she stopped him.

"Lie back," she ordered.

He obeyed, not wanting her to stop.

She straddled his midsection, not letting her skin touch his.

He reacted instantly.

His shaft pressed into her soft folds.

He groaned when he realized she wasn't wearing any panties.

"Don't tease," he groaned.

She rocked forward, slightly, letting him rub gently against her.

"Sara….please."

His hands fumbled through the gown, scorching her skin with its warmth.

He wanted to shove her onto his manhood but he knew she was in control.

His hands caressed her breasts, causing a moan to slip from her lips.

She quickly removed the gown.

His hands glided up and down her ribcage.

Her eyes fluttered shut as his fingers slipped inside her.

He grinned, knowing that she would not be able to withstand much more.

Slowly he stroked her, her panting indicative that she was losing the ability to maintain the tease much longer.

He pulled out his fingers and she sunk down hard onto his shaft, causing each to groan.

She lifted herself but he pursued her, not wanting to withdraw from inside her.

She sunk back down and repeated the process, stroking his shaft with the tip of her folds until she thought she would climax herself.

He rolled, sending her on her back as he dove again and again.

She gasped through the climax, as he continued until she screamed out his name just as he followed.

He refused to withdraw, remaining inside her.

Her arms wrapped tightly around him.

He kissed her temple as he gently moved inside her.

This time it was slow, less rushed or teasing.

When they were finished, she curled her body into his arms.

"Sleep," he whispered.

"I love you," she yawned.

"I love you too."

Note from author:

Good Monday...I think. Thanks to those that are still hanging in there with this story. There are only a few chapters left and then I'm done. There is one last story that I keep putting off. I guess it's because I had intended for it to be my last. There appears to be fewer and fewer readers these days. Perhaps readers are finally moving on to other story lines. I am grateful for those who take the time to leave a review after each chapter. It means alot. I've rewritten the ending a couple of times. LOL. I just don't know which one to use yet.

Take care!


	45. Chapter 45

**Chapter Forty Five: **

**Words Said in Haste**

She woke to a small hand on her face.

"Mommy?" asked Caleb.

"Caleb?" Sara rolled over and panicked when she found Grissom asleep by her side.

"Caleb!"

Her frantic voice woke him up immediately.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Caleb…is down her with us," she gasped.

Grissom sat up. "How did he get down here?"

"He must have climbed out of his bed and came down the stairs."

Grissom grabbed Caleb, dragging him onto the bed.

Their hands examined every inch of his body.

He giggled, thinking he was being tickled.

"Caleb, stop!" she yelled.

His lower lip puckered and he began to wail.

She gathered him into her arms. "Mommy's sorry, Caleb. I didn't mean to yell."

He sniffled a few times as she rocked him back and forth.

Grissom rubbed her back.

"Don't comfort me!" she spat.

"Sara…you were just scared like me."

"That didn't give me the right to yell. He doesn't understand," she cried, giving into her fears as a flood of tears erupted.

Caleb whimpered. "Momma sad?"

"Momma scared," said Grissom as he pulled them both against his chest. "Caleb, you could have gotten a bad boo boo coming down the stairs by yourself."

"Bad boo boo?" he asked.

"Yes," Sara said into Grissom's chest.

"Like Momma?" Caleb asked.

Sara stiffened.

Neither knew how to respond.

She had hoped that he would eventually forget what had happened that fateful day.

"Momma…hurt…bad," he said placing his small hands on her chest.

Sara nodded.

"Baby gone," he added.

Sara gulped.

"Yes, Caleb," whispered Grissom.

"Caleb sorry Momma."

Sara held him tight.

Grissom kissed the top of his son's head.

Caleb patted Sara's chest where she had been wounded.

She could not seem to stop the flow of tears that erupted.

Caleb patted Sara's stomach.

"New baby?"

Sara scrambled out of the bed.

"No," she said grabbing her robe.

"No baby?" Caleb asked.

"Not yet," Grissom said to the small child while Sara started toward the door but halted when she heard his comment.

She glared at Grissom before heading off to the kitchen.

"Sara…Sara, wait!"

She set the bowls onto the kitchen table with a thud.

He tried to corner her but the catch in her breath and the slight tremor made him ease back.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I shouldn't have…said that."

"Now he's going to ask me over and over…" she let out a long breath as she pulled down the cereal box.

He tried to ignore her anger as he placed Caleb into his high chair.

His hand caressed her elbow as she sat by his side.

When she inched away he purposely took her hand, intending to kiss it but it was jerked away, startling him.

He let it go, knowing a full tongue lashing was soon to follow, once Caleb was out of ear shot but it never happened.

He kept out of her firing range, spending as much time as he could with Caleb.

Finally when the young child retired for a nap, Grissom did the same.

He smiled when he noticed that his pajamas were lying on the bed and the covers pulled back.

"I'll wake you an hour before shift," she said.

His hand held hers briefly before he released it, knowing she had no intentions of joining him.

"Sara, I really am sorry."

She did not reply but tried to slip through his grasp.

"I know this is hard for you," he whispered. "I know…"

"I've got things to do," she quipped, flying out of the room leaving him alone.

He pulled several doubles that week, between the cases and court appearances.

He came home, collapsing on the couch too many times that week.

Caleb's birthday came and went.

While both tried very hard to act as though there was nothing wrong, it was apparent by the team.

Caleb however seemed oblivious to the tension, enjoying the wrapping paper and boxes more than the actual gifts.

Caleb insisted on giving each visitor a wet kiss and a "thank you."

It brought a genuine smile to Sara's face and Grissom eagerly felt hopeful but it did not last.

Grissom ignored his beeper just as the cake was being cut.

His phone began to ring and he cursed inwardly as he slipped out of the room.

His eyes met Sara's when he returned.

Caleb clapped his hands while the others sang Happy Birthday.

An ambulance flew down the subdivision and Caleb stilled.

Sara's hand caressed the young boy's back. "Momma?"

"Everything is fine, Caleb," she whispered.

His eyes sought Grissom's.

Grissom smiled at his son.

He quickly returned to the cake, picking up a piece with his hand and smearing it across Sara's face as he attempted to feed her.

Greg chuckled as he snapped a photo.

"Not nice, Greg," she warned as she removed a chunk of the icing and smeared it on his face.

Greg merely licked it off.

"You are going to be a bad influence," teased Sara.

"No doubt," Greg replied.

Sara caught sight of Grissom just as he slipped out the front door.

He had grumbled when Caleb was already asleep when he trudged home.

He stood over the young boy's crib, watching him sleep.

Quietly, he made his way to Sara's room where she sat with a book.

"I'm sorry I had to leave. I couldn't pass it over to anyone else," he explained.

"I know….how much you wanted to be here. It was his first birthday with you," she said.

"He seemed to have a good time."

"Yes, he did," she admitted.

He rubbed her thigh. "Sara…you haven't said anything about…have you taken the pregnancy test?

"I didn't take it."

"Why not?" he asked suddenly.

"There was no need," she breathed.

Most women's cycles were not as predicable and she should be grateful that hers seemed to be returning to normal.

Normal was not a word Sara used to describe herself.

Still, she had not liked how her emotions seemed to change at a drop of a hat.

She knew it was partially because of the emergency c-section as well as the loss of Mikayla and the changes her body was going through.

When Caleb was born she breastfed which helped ease her body into the changes.

He quickly tried to do damage control. "It's only been our first month. Your body is probably still adjusting and…well, we have plenty of time."

Her eyes never left the book.

"I'm sorry," he finally said.

"Gil…don't."

He nodded, not sure what else to say.

He stretched out on the bed beside her.

He meant to close his eyes but his exhaustion won out.

When he woke, Sara and Caleb were downstairs.

"Dada!" exclaimed Caleb.

"Hi Caleb," replied Grissom.

He tried not to react to the wanted section open on the kitchen table but removed the paper in order to sit down at the table.

She fixed a plate of eggs and toast along with a cup of fruit.

She reached for the paper.

"Sandra said she would be happy to watch Caleb if I find another job…even if it's at night."

He finished the eggs and toast without comment.

"I think it would be better if I…found something during the day but…there're some evening classes at UNLV...that might be opening."

He didn't like the idea of her working and his old fashioned beliefs gnawed at him.

_I didn't have this problem with Lizzie…_

_She never wanted to work…_

_I worked while she spent our money…_

_Not Sara…._

_She wants to work and make her own money…_

_Never depending on me…_

He bristled.

"Gil…did you hear anything I just said?" she asked sounding irritated.

"I heard you Sara. What do you want me to say?" he griped.

He spilled his coffee on his shirt and he grumbled.

She tried to help but he jumped up, rushing to the master bedroom where he shut the door rather hard.

She licked her lips. "Well, that went well," she muttered.

He returned after changing his shirt.

"I have to…go in early," he later said while she cleaned up the kitchen.

She tried not to react. "You've been…gone a lot."

"A case is breaking."

"Will you be home for dinner…or to sleep at least?" she asked.

"I'm not sure," he admitted.

She started to say something but stopped herself.

"Sara…"

"We need to resolve this. I'm looking for a job and…I get the impression you don't want me to. I've always worked, Gil. You knew that."

"I just thought that…Sara, things are….going too fast. I don't think Caleb…"

She bristled this time. "I'm going to find a job."

_You don't understand how hard it is to be here…_

_HERE…._

"I guess there's nothing to discuss since you've obviously made up your mind," he gritted.

"You could show some support," she griped.

"Sara…." He struggled with his temper, backing away.

"I'm going to leave Caleb with Sandra for a few hours while I check out some leads on a job."

"At the university?" he questioned.

"No…something else."

"Like...what?" he asked but his phone rang before she could reply.

"Grissom." He grumbled as he closed his phone, looking up to find that she had disappeared.

He found her sitting on the back porch while Caleb played outside.

"I have to go."

"Be safe," she said without any emotion.

"Sara…" he didn't finish.

There was just too much to be said and there was not enough time.

He started to kiss her but stopped, not thinking she had wanted him to touch her, too angry with his remarks.

He didn't like leaving things the way they were but there was no other choice.

She cursed when she heard the door shut.

_He used to kiss me…and Mikayla…his girls…goodbye…_

Christmas was not as gloomy as they expected.

There seemed to be an undeclared truce of sorts.

They purchased a tree and decorated it, each needing to go through the motions for the holidays.

They wrapped gifts for Caleb and hid some that Santa would bring on that special day.

Both agreed they would limit their spending on a gift to one another but they each broke the promise.

The guys showed up on their door step more as well as Catherine and Lindsey.

Everything seemed better except that their sex life was non-existent, each sleeping in separate beds.

Initially it was because of the odd hours he had been spending at work while other times, she had spurned his advances and he too wounded by the rejection caused him to keep his distance, hoping that she would eventually come to him.

It didn't happen, resulting in a standoff of sorts.

Caleb broke more than his share of ornaments and they threatened Greg within an inch of his life when he brought a rather huge but loveable boxer puppy for Caleb.

New Years Eve the gang insisted they spend it together but they refused to accept their offers.

"Come on guys, you're newlyweds," offered Nick.

Sara fidgeted almost second guessing their decision.

"You could be at home with Caleb, snacking on popcorn and watching Dick Clark…hey is he still alive?" asked Warrick.

Greg chuckled. "I know why Grissom doesn't want to go home."

Grissom's head snapped up.

"Really? Why is that?" asked Sara.

"You don't want to have to deal with Bruno," chuckled Greg.

"That puppy is destroying the house," grumbled Grissom. "He's eaten two pairs of my shoes and I caught him gnawing on the table leg."

"He's a baby," explained Greg.

A slight silence followed and Greg was embarrassed for the use of the word, "baby."

"Greg's right," said Sara. "He's just a puppy and needs supervision."

The others left the house and headed to work while Grissom remained.

"Are you sure you want me to work New Years Eve?" he asked softly.

"We agreed."

"I know but if you'd like…"

"Gil, Caleb will be asleep and we'll just sit there watching others get plastered on T.V. wondering how busy the graveyard shift is getting and…"

"Are you trying to avoid making any New Years' resolutions?" he asked.

"I never make them," she scoffed.

He was silent.

"What about you?" she asked.

He shook his head.

He leaned in kissing her lightly and felt hopeful when she returned the kiss.

"I'd like to talk with you about…working," she began.

His body stiffened.

It angered him that she had not responded to one of his kisses in quite awhile and it made him suspicious that she had only done so in order for him to be receptive to the conversation.

"I need to go," he lied.

"Now? Griss, you have an hour before shift," she huffed.

_That is not enough time to say what needs to be said…_

"Night," he said gruffly.

"But…"

He was out the door within seconds as she sat there fuming.

The shift rolled into a double and was working its way into the top five longest shifts they had managed to work.

He sat in the break room accepting the cup of coffee offered by Catherine.

"Long week," she sighed.

"Too long," he grumbled.

"Hours like this can't be good on newlyweds," stated Warrick.

"Hours like this can't be good for anyone," muttered Greg as he stretched.

"I can't remember when I've had a decent night's sleep," admitted Nick. "If tourist knew how many bodies we see every shift, they'd stay home."

"I hate to give bad news," said Grissom.

They moaned.

"Ecklie pulled the vacant position back to swing," he said.

"You mean Sara's position," muttered Greg.

"I feel it's my fault," Grissom said.

"I didn't care for Brenda," yawned Warrick. "Any person picked by Ecklie can't be good."

"She was well qualified," stated Grissom.

"Yeah, well, I like being the only female around here," spoke up Catherine.

Heads turned.

"She finally admits this?" asked Nick.

Warrick chuckled.

Catherine grinned. "Gil, we don't blame you. We just need to get Ecklie to let us use swing a little more. I think we could stand some regular hours for a change."

"I'll talk with him."

"I think Greg fell asleep on the couch," yawned Nick.

"Let him sleep," said Grissom. "We have to be back here in just a few hours."

"Hey, why don't you go home?" offered Catherine.

"I have paperwork," he said as he gulped down the last of the coffee.

He'd managed to get through a couple of reports before stretching out on his couch for an hour nap before shift.

He was back making his rounds, hoping to catch a few minutes alone so he could call Sara on the phone.

He knew he should have gone home but he was taking the coward approach at confronting their problems.

He frowned when he saw Ecklie at the end of the hall.

"Grissom," he called.

He pulled out the reports from his notebook.

"I have them," he announced.

Ecklie looked unconcerned about the reports.

"I filled the vacancy on swing," he said.

"We need help," Grissom blurted. "Someone trained," he added.

"I'll send the new recruit tonight," he said grinning.

"Conrad, we're tired. I don't have time…or the patience to train someone…"

"She's trained. I have to go. I have a meeting with the undersheriff but I don't think you're going to complain about my choice…at least I don't think you will."

He turned and was off down the hall before Grissom had a chance to catch the name of the new hire.

He didn't care at the moment, relieved that he would not have to train someone.

He attempted to reach Sara at the house but there was no answer.

He glanced at his watch, not liking that he had not gone home.

_Maybe things will get better since we'll have another pair of hands…_

He shook Greg and was surprised when the young man did not move.

"Greg…wake up," he urged.

Greg shoved Grissom's hand away. "Grandpa Olaf…I don't want to get up."

"Greg!"

The young man sat up straight, rubbing his eyes.

"Sorry Greg but you have just enough time to shower before shift."

Greg grimaced as he stood. "I stink."

Grissom chuckled.

He'd showered when he woke, feeling the same way.

"I'll make some coffee. A cup will be waiting on you," smiled Grissom.

"Did you go home?" he asked.

"No time."

"You think…that's wise? Not seeing Sara or Caleb?"

"No, it's not wise and I intend to change that. We have help tonight…a new hire. Ecklie assured me she's trained."

"Good looking?" he asked.

"If you don't shower, it won't matter. No one will want to be near you," he warned.

"Right."

Grissom chuckled as the young man sped off to the showers.

He sat with the team getting an update on their cases.

He glanced at his watch. "I guess the new recruit doesn't understand the need for punctuality."

"I'm sorry I'm late," came a voice at the door.

Eyes turned.

Grissom smiled at Sara.

"Sara, what are you doing here?" he asked.

"I got caught by the new security guard. He couldn't let me pass until I was given a new badge."

Grissom looked shocked.

"You're the new recruit?" asked Greg.

"That's me," she announced.

Note from author:

Gee, it doesn't sound too good at the Grissom household. I wish I had the time to respond to everyone's review. I do read each and every one and I thank you for leaving them. They let me know what you think of the story. Grissom once took a sabbatical and I guess that is what I plan to do. Don't think for a second that if I don't dream about GSR that I won't write it down…you know me and how obsessive I can get at times. Some of my best stories have come from my dreams…yeah I know but it's easier and cheaper to write the story than do therapy. LOL.

Take care!


	46. Chapter 46

**Chapter Forty Six:**

**An Old New Recruit**

The others jumped out of their seat congratulating her while Grissom sat there.

"You have your assignments," he said, indicating to the others that they needed to get to work.

Sara waited until they were alone.

"I intended to tell you when you got home…but then you pulled another double."

"You could have told me you were applying for the position."

"I didn't know that I was until…I'd forgotten about submitting the resume and I got the call so I figured why not…try."

"Ecklie hired you?" he asked.

"Yes, he did."

Grissom looked unsettled.

"I've worked everything out with Sandra. She'll come over after we get Caleb to bed. She's going to sleep in my room."

He bit back words, not wanting to vent his anger at the lab.

She knew he was angry and it made her nervous.

"As I understand it, I've been loaned to graveyard until things calm down a bit or until another person can get trained. I thought that since we both worked the same shift, we could take turns sleeping at home. I'll spend time with Caleb in the morning and you can spend time with him in the evenings. Gil…"

"What about doubles?" he gritted, no longer able to keep silent.

"Sandra agreed to stay over. I don't expect both of us to have to work a double…especially since one of us is a supervisor and…"

They were interrupted by Brass.

"I heard Sara was back," he said smiling.

Jim gave her a hug, already feeling the tension between the married couple.

"This is great," he assured them.

"No, it isn't!" he said harshly.

He crumbled the assignment in his hand, trying desperately to contain his anger.

"You can give me that," she said. "I'm already trained and ready to work."

"I guess there's no need to show you around," huffed Grissom.

He handed her the assignment and walked out.

Sara and Brass exchanged looks.

"He didn't know…that I was hired. I didn't get a chance to tell him…that's not true. I expected him to come home and when he didn't I went ahead with my plans to come into work tonight."

"It just caught him off guard. He always worried about you…not liking how you took things to heart."

"He never said he didn't want me to come back…for those reasons."

She glanced down at the assignment.

She swallowed not sure if he'd done it on purpose or not.

Of course she had told him to give it to her.

"I better get to work," she said.

"Hey kiddo…what case do you have this evening?"

"Bradley case."

Brass was silent for a moment. "I'm working that too. I'll meet you there."

Brass stepped into the lay out room, shutting the door with a thud.

Grissom glanced up briefly.

"I'm busy," he gritted.

"I can see that. You could have given this to Sara to work…on her first night rather than the Bradley case."

"Jim, she knows the types of cases we have to work," he grumbled.

Brass stepped closer. "Yes, she does. You didn't have to blind side her on the first night. You see if she had been handed this case by any other supervisor it wouldn't have mattered as much…but this coming from you, her own husband…it just wreaks."

"Sorry but I was a little blindsided myself tonight."

"Did you give her a chance to tell you? As I recall, you never went home. Ecklie offered her the job and was told to report tonight. If you had come home after shift she could have prepared you."

It was true.

He was just too tired to face the conversations that were overdue, deciding to hide out in the lab another day until there was more time.

He was having a difficult time these days controlling his anger, not sure how to take her odd behavior.

Even when Lizzie was screwing half of Vegas she never withheld sex. In fact she sought him out, ignoring his need for sleep after working doubles.

He worried she had already grown tired of him, not wanting to be tied to someone so troublesome.

"Has she left already?" he asked.

"Yes but don't worry yourself. I'll get switched to the case and be there in case she needs someone. She certainly doesn't need the likes of you!"

He felt guilty for the hasty decision, letting his anger get the better of him.

He had tossed her the rape case without a second glance.

He had intended to give it to Catherine since she was on standby to assist Greg if he needed help.

Sara stepped into the hospital, making her way to the floor designated on the slip.

Memories of her two week stay flashed before her eyes as she glanced into the faces of the nurses she passed, some a little familiar.

She stood outside the door waiting to see the victim.

She could hear voices inside.

Sara surmised it was a doctor and nurse.

Her trembling hands set the field kit onto the floor as she leaned against the wall.

She never liked rape cases.

She took a deep breath as she heard the voices nearing the doorway.

A doctor stepped out along with a nurse.

"I'm Sara Sidle from the Las Vegas crime lab. I'll need to talk with Laura Bradley and do an S.A. kit."

"We've kept her clothes and bagged them for you. We went ahead and did an S.A. kit," stated the doctor.

Sara was relieved.

She grabbed her kit and stepped inside.

The young woman did not appear too battered, her scars visible within.

There was some visible bruises on her arms.

Sara introduced herself, trying to ease the woman into what she had to do.

"I'll need to collect trace evidence…anything that might help us catch the person who did this to you," explained Sara.

"I know who it was. It was my neighbor," she whispered.

"Have you told the officers?" asked Sara.

She nodded.

Sara took several photos, feeling a kindred spirit with the young woman as she relayed what had happened.

"I finally stopped fighting," she whispered.

"It probably saved your life," reasoned Sara.

The young woman nodded.

Sara began small talk trying to put the woman at ease.

"I'm through with the photos. I'll need to scrape under your fingernails and…"

There was a knock on the door.

Sara turned and saw Catherine standing at the entry.

"Could I talk with you?" she asked.

"Laura, I'll be right back," said Sara as she stepped out of the room.

"Grissom wanted me to take this case," said Catherine.

"I've already started," began Sara.

"He didn't intend to give you the case," explained Catherine.

Sara bit her lower lip. "I've started…I'm going to finish it."

"Sara…you think that's wise? This being your first case and…maybe you should let me finish it."

Sara bristled. "This is my job. I was assigned the case by the acting supervisor."

Sara started to go back inside but Catherine stopped her. "He's just worried about you."

"Then he can…I need to get back…finish this," she said.

There was small talk as she began collecting the evidence.

"My boyfriend, Chris Holmes, and I wanted to wait until we got married this summer to have intercourse. It's not like we hadn't been with someone but we just sort of wanted it to be special," sniffled Laura.

"It still can be," whispered Sara.

"I'm not sure. He hasn't been by even though…the nurses have called him. I don't have any family nearby….we met at work and have been dating for three years."

"I met my husband at work," stated Sara. "Maybe he's working."

"I…work the same schedule…he's not working right now. I even tried to call his cell but his phone…is turned off. That's not like him."

"He's probably trying to deal with it before he comes…this affects him too."

"Do you think he's mad…at me?"

"You didn't do anything wrong," emphasized Sara.

"Maybe if I had fought a little harder…"

"Laura, you survived a brutal attack. He should understand that."

"You don't know…what it's like. Maybe…"

"I was…raped. I understand."

"How did your husband deal with it?"

Sara didn't know why the question bothered her.

Her beeper went off.

"I have to get back to the lab. There are counselors that each of you can talk with. If you need a lift back to your apartment, one of the officers can take you…they can even call a counselor so you can talk with them before you're discharged."

The young woman nodded.

Sara stepped outside the room.

A young man stood nearby.

"Are you Chris Holmes?" asked Sara.

"Yes, I am."

"We're finished. You can go inside."

"I don't think so," he said backing away.

"She's been waiting for you."

"Is she okay?"

"Physically she's okay but she would really like to see you."

He shook his head.

"Chris, there are counselors that can talk with both of you…about the rape."

"She was raped?"

Sara swallowed. "They didn't tell you?"

He nodded. "I…just wasn't sure," he admitted.

"So you thought it was consensual…sex that got out of hand?" Sara griped, trying to tap down her anger.

"I…the guy was always hitting on her. He'd even been over a time or two for coffee. I told Laura to stay away from him but she's too friendly…always trying to help someone. I never liked the guy…never liked the way he looked at her. Laura said she didn't know what I was talking about. I guess she does now."

Sara swallowed. "Mr. Holmes, your fiancé **was **raped. If you can't step up to the plate and be there for her then at least contact her family….someone who really cares."

The man looked shocked as Sara stormed passed the man.

She spoke softly to one of the nurses, urging them to contact the rape crisis center.

Brass stood nearby.

He said nothing until they were at her vehicle.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine," Sara spat.

"Sara….seeing you back at work…caught him off guard."

"I've got to get this back to the lab."

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked.

"I'll see you later," she said not wishing to air her dirty laundry in front of their friends.

As soon as the evidence was logged, she began to sort through it, making her notes for her report.

He appeared, closing the door behind him.

She refused to look in his direction.

"Sara…"

"I was half way finished when Catherine got there."

"I'm sorry. I meant to give it to her."

"Did you?" she said turning to face him.

"It was wrong of me to hand it to you. I should have given it to Catherine like I planned."

"Why didn't you?"

His eyes sought the floor but then met her hurt look.

"I was angry. It was wrong….in so many ways."

"So you send Catherine to take it back…like I'm incapable of…"

"No, that's not why I sent her. I knew you would do a good job…just like you've always done. I shouldn't have given you something like that on your first day. It was…"

"I need to get back to work."

"Are you okay?"

"Do you even care?"

His eyes widened. "Yes! I do care. You're my wife and…"

He glanced down at her name tag.

"Why does it say Sidle rather than Grissom?"

"Personnel thought it would be easier…with just one Grissom rather than…."

He yanked it off her belt.

"Your last name is Grissom," he seethed.

He whirled out of there, not bothering to care when the door shut rather loud.

Sara took a gulp of air.

She had not seen this kind of anger in quite awhile.

She stepped into the hall practically colliding with Debbie, one of the gossip mongers.

"Whoa…I guess I know why Dr. Grissom is in such a bad mood. Nothing like a marriage on the rocks."

"Our marriage is none of your business," spat Sara.

"Look, no offense but this lab has been a soap box ever since you came back to Vegas."

Sara started to open her mouth but then halted when she caught sight of Ecklie down the hall.

"Stay out of my personal business," warned Sara in a low voice.

Debbie looked down the hall. "I would be worried too. First, Ecklie hires the top of the applicants only for her to quit mysteriously and now you're back. What did you do? Did you see that she was going to be competition and decided to force hubby to get rid of her?"

Sara did not reply but turned in the other direction.

She grabbed a bottled water and stormed outside, trying to find a secluded area.

She groaned when she stepped outside and into Nick's arms.

"Wow…in a rush?" he grinned.

"I needed some air," she fumed.

"Sar, you okay?"

"I hate….gossip mongers," she breathed.

His face grew concerned. "Who was it? I'll handle it."

She imagined he would do just that.

His friendship had always meant a lot to her.

"It's nothing. I shouldn't have let it get to me," she sighed.

"I'm glad you're back," he said with a grin.

"Me too…I think," she admitted.

"You didn't want to come back?" he questioned.

"I did…Gil didn't. Look, we just need to work out the logistics of it all," she quipped not wanting to get into it.

"If you need anything, you can come to me. Okay?"

She smiled. "Thanks Nicky."

She sat in on the interrogation of the rapist.

Brass did most of the questioning.

He denied it but the evidence was overwhelming.

It would be a matter of her word against his but with the bruises and tearing, no jury would consider it consensual.

It would be far easier if he confessed, letting him plead guilty.

Laura Bradley would not have to testify and relive the ordeal.

"Mr. Forrester, do you care for Ms. Bradley?" asked Sara.

"Yes, of course I do!"

Sara displayed copies of the photos she had taken.

"This was not consensual."

"I told her she was making a mistake by marrying that…Holmes fella."

"You thought she was better off with you," stated Sara.

"She was! I looked out after her. I made sure she was in every evening. I picked up groceries for her…she was always working late…forgetting to eat, take care of herself."

Sara nodded.

_Vincent made those same claims…_

"I was good for her. I checked the maintenance on her car…made sure she got in safely to her apartment from the parking garage. I was there…he wasn't."

_Vincent was always checking up on me…_

"She needs your help now."

"What can I do? They won't let me see her," he grieved.

"Mr. Forrester, you don't want her to have to relive this…to sit in front of strangers and tell them what you did. You don't want to hurt her anymore…do you?"

"No," he cried.

Brass slid over the confession form.

His attorney stepped into the room.

"My client is not saying anything further…nor is he signing anything."

"She asked me to stop. I didn't. I begged her…she shoved me and…tried to get away, we fell. She hit her head on the end of the couch."

"That's enough. Mr. Forrester, I'm advising you…"

"Shove it!" He took the form. "I'll write it down. I want to change my plea…to guilty."

Sara headed toward the door.

"Miss…is she going to be alright?"

"The bruises will fade after a few weeks...the scars…this will help."

She brushed past Grissom who stood outside the interrogation room.

His hand caught hers, needing to feel her.

"You're off the clock," he whispered.

She was glad to see that Caleb still slept.

"Thanks Sandra," Sara whispered.

"How was your first night back?"

_Harder than I thought…_

"It was long," she breathed.

"Get some sleep. I know a little boy who will want to go out and play."

Grissom arrived an hour later.

By then Caleb was downstairs, eating breakfast.

"Dada!" exclaimed Caleb.

"Good morning Caleb," he said as he leaned over and kissed Caleb.

He glanced at Sara who was busy washing up a few dishes.

"I was hoping Sandra was still here so we could talk," he offered.

"You should try to sleep. I'll stay up with him. It will take me some time to readjust to graveyard again."

He stepped closer reaching out to touch her but she sidestepped his touch.

"Who wants to go to the park?" she asked.

"Me!" smiled Caleb.

"I'll come too," offered Grissom.

She shook her head. "You need to sleep. I can take him."

"Sara…."

"Don't," she warned.

He let it go, not wishing to make a scene in front of Caleb.

When they returned a few hours later, he was asleep in the master bedroom.

Sara busied herself with house chores while Caleb played in his room.

She fed Caleb lunch and then had him lie down for a nap.

She then pulled out the crock pot and prepared a dish for dinner.

By evening he woke, showering and then rushed upstairs to find them playing in Caleb's room.

"You should have gotten me up," he said.

"It's fine. Caleb and I were just putting away the blocks," she said. "I'll leave you two to finish."

He grabbed her hand.

He wanted to talk more than anything but she needed to sleep before shift.

He wondered if she had purposely let him sleep late in order to avoid him.

"Get some sleep," he said softly as his fingers caressed her palm.

It sent tingles down her spine.

It was amazing that a simple touch could ignite the need for him.

"Night," she rasped out.

He wanted so much to follow her.

She tossed and turned, not able to sleep.

She hugged his pillow taking in the scent of him.

She had slept little.

Her mind was too busy thinking about what he had done.

She'd managed to get through the case but it still bothered her, bringing back memories she wanted to leave buried.

She didn't expect him to hand pick her cases but it would have been nice to be eased back into the brutality of the job.

Eventually there was a tap on the door.

She rose expecting to see Caleb but he was not there.

"I asked Sandra to keep him for an hour or so," he explained.

He sat down on the edge of the bed.

"I think a talk is long overdue," he said.

"Yes, it is."

"I'm sorry for…hurting you," he said. "It was inexcusable."

She said nothing.

"I intended to give the assignment to Catherine…but then you appeared and I was upset that I didn't know."

"Why didn't you come home?" she challenged.

"Because we've let too much pile up and a few hours is not going to…"

She sat up in the bed. "A few hours are better than avoiding it," she huffed.

"Yes, it is. It's no excuse but I just wanted to shut down for a little while…before shift."

"You could have done that here."

"I didn't feel like I could. I'd put off too much already and…"

"I would have understood. I would have let you rest. I wouldn't have pushed," she lamented sounding rather hurt.

"I know. I know honey…"

"But you didn't! You stayed at the lab. You'd rather sleep on some damn couch than come home and…"

"Sara, I won't do it again."

"I can understand doubles…really I can…but avoiding…me…" she gulped not wanting to vent her full anger on him.

"I only avoided you so…I wouldn't hurt you. I tend to lash out when I'm tired."

He gave her a moment to calm down.

"I am so sorry…about the Bradley case."

"I handled it."

"Honey…"

She climbed out of the bed, grabbing her robe.

He quickly took hold of her hand.

"You handled it…but I know it had to be hard. I was too mad….needing to prove a point that I…."

"What point was that?" she spat.

He stepped back, trying to contain his own anger. "I remembered how some cases bothered you. I didn't like it then and I don't like it now! Sara, you don't have to work. You don't have to see the same damn horrors that I do! We can live on my salary! You could stay here and care for Caleb…our son…watch him grow, be a mother…just a mother!"

She glared at him. "I am not going to shirk my responsibility to Caleb! I can work and be a mother! Catherine has done it for years and…"

"Catherine would much rather spend time with Lindsey but she's a single mother and…"

"Oh so you think that since we're married, I should stay home, barefoot and pregnant!"

He scowled at the old saying. "That's not it and you know it! How did it feel Sara when you had to do an S.A. kit on Laura Bradley? When you had to listen to the details of how she was forcibly raped by someone she didn't think was a threat? Did it remind you of…"

"Shut up!" She swallowed a gulp of tears.

"Honey, I'm not trying to be cruel here but…this is our job. We see cases like that all of the time. I can't bear to see how it affects you. If you want me to say it then I will. I didn't want you to come back to the lab."

"Cases like that bother all of us…not just me. I'm not…I can be just as professional as Catherine or Nick or…"

He took her by the arms. "Yes! You can but then you used to go home and hide the pain…honey, it's got to hurt…you've got too many scars…as an adult…a child. I don't like handing you an assignment, knowing…."

"It's different. I can remove myself….just like you can."

"Do you know how much I detested listening to what that man did to Laura Bradley? I heard it and I thought of what…"

She interrupted him, not wanting to hear Vincent's name.

"I'll admit…I wasn't prepared to work…that kind of case on the first night but…"

"Sara, just admit it bothered you!"

"Fine! It bothered me! It bothered me that Laura didn't see Forrester as a threat…just like I didn't see… Vincent as a threat. It bothered me the way Forrester rationalized his actions…his love for Laura…just like Vincent did. It bothered me that her fiancé blamed her…"

She stopped putting up her hands as if to ward off another argument.

"Sara…"

"I don't want to talk about this anymore!"

"There is too much…" he sighed out loud. "Sara if we don't talk about this, I'm afraid of what's going to happen to us."

"I went to work…at the lab…just like before," she said calmly. "We worked together…before…this is no different."

He wanted to yell in frustration. "It wasn't right then," he seethed.

Her eyes widened. "Maybe it wasn't."

Note from author:

Ouch! That didn't go well at all….

Take care!


	47. Chapter 47

**Chapter Forty Seven:**

**Things Not Explained**

She slammed the bathroom door locking him out.

He cursed.

He slumped down on the bed, fearful of the damage he'd caused to their relationship by his callous treatment at work.

He wanted to protect her not only from the ugliness of the world but also from the skeletons hidden deep in her closet.

He raked his hand through his hair.

He had a few of his own.

It was difficult working a rape case these days, imagining how Sara had suffered at the hands of Vincent and Bill Thornton.

They kept their distance, each trying to recover from the harsh words that were spoken.

Within a few hours they were back at work.

She insisted on taking separate cars in case one of them had to work over.

That night he kept her in the lab, telling her to assist with Nick's case.

She'd said nothing but it was obvious she didn't want any special treatment.

"You get the next case up," he said aloud, indicating he wasn't giving her any.

She glanced at the board and saw that she had been placed in the rotation.

It was good to work with Nick once again, enjoying the bantering between them.

She saw glimpses of Grissom as he made his rounds in the lab.

It felt almost like old times as he questioned Nick as well as her about their case.

Midway through the shift, he handed her an assignment.

It was a burglary.

"It was next," he said defensively.

She took it without protest.

She was back by the end of shift.

He was nowhere to be seen.

She was even surprised when she noticed he was already logged out for the day.

She was further surprised when he was not already home.

She sipped on a cup of tea.

_Where is he?_

A few hours later, he arrived home, taking Caleb into his arms as he spoke softly to the young boy.

"You look tired," he said.

"I'll eventually get used to graveyard again," she said.

"Want the first shift…of sleeping?" he asked.

"I think it would be best if we kept to the schedule," she yawned.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. It will help me adjust faster."

"Okay," he said reluctantly.

"Gil…night."

A week passed and then another.

He would have felt hopeful that now they were at least sharing the same bed but their sleeping hours proved to be fatal to any chance of being intimate.

Sara had quietly moved most of her things to the master bedroom since Sandra slept in her room each night.

He liked her things so close to his, and even emptied a few drawers giving her plenty of room.

He just wished they could manage to sleep together.

He missed holding her while she slept, fearful her nightmares may have returned which would explain her tiredness these days.

It hurt that she was so close and yet untouchable.

He grumbled as he stepped into the master bathroom and found there were no clean towels.

He made his way to the upstairs bathroom, relieved to find clean towels.

He showered and then dressed but lingered.

He had no idea what he was doing as he fumbled through the different baskets.

He had hoped she would have moved her things to the master bathroom but chose to keep their things separate. using the upstairs shower most of the time.

It was funny but he liked having her things interspersed with his.

The basket contained mainly makeup as well as creams and lotions.

He opened the medicine cabinet, noticing the birth control packet.

He quickly picked it up, feeling betrayed by what he found.

The front door opened and then closed.

Footsteps were heard coming up the stairs as well as Sara's voice as she sang softly to Caleb.

Quietly she put the child down for a nap and then headed to the bathroom for a quick shower.

She opened the door but then jumped when she found Grissom sitting on the edge of the tub with the birth control pills still in his hand.

His hurtful eyes stared at her.

"I've been trying to tell you," she began.

"You started these…right after you got your period...about the time you decided to get a job. Didn't you?" he barked.

"Yes."

He tossed the packet of pills at her but she let them drop to the floor.

"I guess we know your priorities," he gritted.

"Griss…"

She reached out to touch him but he flinched. "Don't!"

She had never seen him so wounded.

She shuddered at the unshed tears in his eyes.

He grabbed his jacket and flew out of the house, letting the door bang as it shut.

She never meant for him to find out this way.

They were boss and employee again, ever professional.

They discussed cases and theories but never mentioned their marriage that was slowly unraveling.

Neither spoke about the birth control pills as each tried to pretend for Caleb's sake.

Once or twice there was a double but Grissom worked it, sending Sara home to be with Caleb.

He kept her in the rotation, trying desperately not to play favoritism but it was hard handing her a difficult case despite how much her deception about the birth control pills had hurt.

Their marriage life was taking a toll.

They rarely slept together anymore.

Even their nights off were separate despite his attempts to manage one night together but he had been called in on one of his cases that was breaking.

He slept little these days not sure if she was pulling away from him intentionally but he felt it every day.

Clearly the pills were an indication she did not want any more children with him and it hurt him to the core.

Grissom glanced down at the assignments in his hand.

_A 419 involving a child…_

_A rape/murder combo…_

_Domestic case…_

He sighed.

It was going to be a long night.

"Warrick and Nick you have a 419 on Vancouver," he said.

"Catherine and Greg take the rape/419 case near the strip," he added.

He took a deep breath. "Sara, you're with me," he said.

Her eyes drifted from her note pad.

She was waiting by the Denali when he stepped out of the building.

He started the engine, waiting for her to fasten her seat belt.

He handed her the assignment slip.

She glanced at it.

"It's been awhile since we've worked a case together," he said.

"Over two years," she admitted. "So…what are the details of the case?"

"Domestic violence…that got out of hand," he said softly.

Her brain sifted through the other assignments that were handed out.

None of them had seemed appealing.

She took no time jumping out of the Denali, grabbing her kit and heading toward the house.

An officer stood at the door.

"Is it clear?" she asked.

"Yes Ms….." he attempted to look at her name tag.

"Sara…Grissom," she said.

He smiled. "I haven't seen you around. It's nice to meet you."

It had been awhile since anyone had really noticed her.

She wasn't sure whether to be flattered or not.

The officer reminded her of David when he had attempted to be flirtatious.

He quickly opened the door for her.

Sara gave him a slight smile as she stepped into the house.

Grissom frowned at the spectacle.

He stopped at the door, glaring at the young officer.

"Interested in knowing who I am?" he asked.

The young man swallowed. "You're with the crime lab also?" he sort of joked.

"I'm Gil Grissom…her husband!" he gritted.

"Oh…sorry. I didn't notice the ring on her finger."

Sara stared at the mess.

There had apparently been a fight.

A wedding picture still hung on the wall but the glass was shattered.

A broken wine bottle lay under it.

The table appeared to have been set for a romantic dinner that didn't happen.

The candles were toppled and the bouquet of flowers lay in a heap across the room.

A chair was overturned.

The remnants of dinner in a huge pot were still sitting on the stove.

It was now scorched.

Sara checked the stove to ensure that it was off.

She turned and faced Grissom.

"Do you think he hated what was for dinner?" she quipped.

He glanced at her hands but they were covered with gloves.

"There's no body here…so it must not have happened here," she announced.

They glanced into the bedroom.

A body lay on the bed.

"I think we found the wife," Sara said softly.

They were startled when Brass stepped out of the room.

"Nice of you to finally get here," he announced.

"Nice of you not to announce that you were here," grumbled Grissom.

Brass glanced at Sara. "I'll let you get to work. By the way, there is another body."

"Mind telling us where it's located or do you want us to hunt for it?" asked Grissom.

"It's on the other side of the bed," he called out as he stepped past them. "It's not the husband…or boyfriend."

"How do you know…it's not the boyfriend?" asked Sara.

"The husband and boyfriend were arrested in the front yard, finishing up the brawl that started in here," said Brass.

"Both claim they found the bodies," he added.

"We'll see where the evidence leads us," replied Grissom.

It felt strange to finally work together.

Sara walked through the evidence, verbally making speculations.

"There's a condom in the waste can next to the bed….no…wait…two," she said. "They weren't trying to hide anything."

"Unless she planned to take out the trash before hubby got home," he commented.

"Don't you think it's odd….that she was wearing a gown…and robe while he's naked?" she asked.

"Perhaps she dressed in order to check on dinner…while he relaxed."

"Where are his clothes?" she asked.

Grissom looked around. "There are not any here."

Sara stepped into the bathroom. "They're in here. There are wet towels…maybe he was taking a shower."

Grissom collected a hair lying next to the male body.

"I have semen…in the bathtub," she called out.

Sara stepped out and returned to the bed.

"More semen…in several places…she must have been very sexually active."

"Lucky guy," he said under his breath.

She looked at him and he was relieved that she had not caught the comment, not knowing what possessed him to say such a thing except that he missed making love to his wife.

"Well, if he's showering here then…wait," Sara bent down and pulled out an overnight bag.

She quickly took inventory of the items.

"Enough clothes for a few days," she said yawning.

He glanced at her.

"How have you been sleeping?" he asked.

"As much as you," she retorted, not liking how tired he looked these days.

She pulled out the clothes inside the bag, locating a gun underneath.

"I've got a gun," she announced. "38 special…could be the murder weapon."

Sara checked for prints but found none.

"There looks like there's a bit of blood…maybe the trigger person got his hand caught."

They wrapped up the scene within a few hours.

Sara slipped off the gloves and began packing up.

Grissom quickly grabbed her hand.

"Where are your rings?" he spat.

"Rings? I forgot to put them on this evening after I showered," she confessed.

He glared at her accusingly.

"What? You think I purposely did this? This is the first time I've not worn them," she shot back.

"Lizzie did that…she would take off her rings…said it was because of the pregnancy…so I didn't question her," he admitted.

"So you question me! In your eyes Lizzie would never do such a thing but me…."

"Sara, I didn't mean it like that. It's just hard..."

"Just say it Gil. You trusted her but you don't trust me….you never did."

"That's not true!"

"Oh so you did trust me once but not now…why is that? Because of the birth control pills?" she yelled.

Jim's head popped inside the door.

"A crime scene is not the place to be discussing this," Grissom glared.

"You pointed out the missing rings," she challenged.

"Sara…there were so many signs…that I ignored."

"So…you're looking for signs…in our marriage. Do you think that I am cheating on you?" she asked.

"No," he said quietly.

"I don't believe you," she admitted.

"Sara...you go birth control pills without my knowledge, return to the lab and," he took a deep breath while stepping closer. "We've not been intimate in weeks....and now you don't have your rings on. I'm just looking at the facts."

She took a deep breath. "We need to get the evidence back to the lab."

She shot out of the house without waiting for a reply.

He leaned against the wall, feeling as if he couldn't breathe.

_Don't break my heart Sara..._

Brass stepped back into the house.

"You okay? Sara is ready to go," he said.

He nodded as he grabbed his these walking past his friend.

"Hey buddy, are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm just tired," he said wearily.

Both were silent on the way back.

Brass shook his head as he stood outside the interrogation room.

"The husband, Mr. Marvin, claims he came home and found Mr. Jenson inside the house and confronted him. It seems Mr. Marvin had already caught his wife in bed with Mr. Jensen before and warned him to stay away," said Brass.

"The condoms in the waste basket puts Jensen in the house," said Sara.

"Jensen having sex with another man's wife…that would give Mr. Marvin justification for killing her…but why the other person?" asked Grissom.

"Justification? Just because he was married to her didn't make him husband of the year," snapped Sara.

Jim's head snapped up, not sure what to make of Sara's comment.

It clearly hurt Grissom, shuffling his feet as he looked at Sara.

"It did give him motive," clarified Grissom in a harsh tone.

"She sleeps with Jensen but then is found dead with this mystery guy," stated Sara. "It doesn't make sense. The gun I found was the murder weapon but the blood found on the gun did not match either Mr. Marvin or…Mr. Jensen."

"Could either of them identify the guy?" asked Grissom.

"We'll soon find out," stated Brass.

They began with the husband.

He recounted the events, indicating the boyfriend must have killed his wife but had no explanation for the other man.

"Maybe she…was doing a threesome," he seethed.

"Was your wife known to associate with more than one man?" asked Brass.

"It appears she did," he grumbled.

"Mr. Marvin, the semen found in your wife belonged to you," stated Sara.

"The semen found in the condoms in the waste basket belonged to Mr. Jensen," added Grissom.

Sara frowned.

"So you're trying to tell me she was at least practicing safe sex," he muttered.

Brass grinned but Sara glared.

"There is nothing to substantiate that the dead guy was having sex with your wife," clarified Sara.

"Look, I've caught her more times than I care to admit. I should have left a long time ago but I stayed because of Stacie."

"Stacie?" asked Grissom.

"My…stepdaughter. She's a good kid…never a problem."

"Where is she now?" asked Sara.

"She is down the hall…services is trying to locate next of kin," explained Brass.

"Good luck," griped Mr. Marvin. "I've been married to her mom for over three years and none of them have ever helped."

Sara opened the folder and displayed the photo of the man.

"Do you recognize this man?" asked Sara.

Mr. Marvin studied the photo. "Yes…that's my wife's brother."

He looked again. "I'd met him a few times…a black sheep of the family. She had mentioned he was going to pass through here."

"Was he in some kind of trouble?" asked Grissom.

"Just never held a job for very long….do you think someone was after him and then killed…Melanie?" he asked.

"We're not sure," admitted Brass.

Sara stepped out into the hall, leaning against the wall as Brass and Grissom joined her.

"Well, that got us nowhere," she grumbled. "In the meantime we have two dead bodies…two suspects with motives and a child who is headed to foster care."

"It's late. Anyone for dinner?" asked Brass.

Sara and Grissom were quiet.

"Great! I'll go check with the others and tell them both of you are coming," mused Brass.

Sara sighed.

"You okay?" Grissom asked softly.

She nodded.

Both walked down the hall.

The young girl came into view.

She sat quietly as she gazed down the hall at the interrogation room.

"Unless we come up with more evidence, Mr. Marvin is going to be set free on bond for assault and battery," whispered Grissom.

"At least….maybe the young girl could go home with him. He seemed genuinely concerned for…" Sara stopped in midsentence.

Grissom glanced at her. "What is it?"

Sara stared at the young girl's hand.

There was a bandage over it.

Sara's eyes locked with Grissom.

Dinner was skipped as they sat in the interrogation room with the young girl.

The stepfather was present along with a child advocate.

"Stacie…could you tell us how you hurt your hand?" asked Sara.

She quickly hid her hand under the table.

"At school."

"Stacie, we found a gun under your mother's bed. It had blood on it. If we take a sample of your blood and compare it to the blood on the gun…I think it's going to match," warned Sara.

The young girl began to cry. "I overheard…Dad telling Mom that if he caught her with…that man again, he would leave. He's the only Dad…only stepdad that really cared. I didn't want him to leave. We were finally in a decent house and I had friends at school who didn't make fun of me and I…just wanted her to…stay away from Jensen."

"Can you tell us what happened?" asked Sara.

"I was supposed to be spending the night with a friend but I had left my ipod so I came back to get it. I stepped into the back door…I saw the dinner…what she was wearing. I also knew that Dad was working late so it was meant for someone else. I could hear someone in the bathroom. I saw the gun…in the duffle bag."

The young girl began to cry. "She was going to ruin everything! She came into the bedroom and found me…I didn't mean for any of that to happen. I was just going to threaten her boyfriend…make him leave. The next thing I know the gun went off. Mom fell on the bed. A man…came rushing out…naked…he was screaming at me…so I pulled the trigger. It happened so fast. I didn't have time to…really see his face. I thought it was…"

"You thought it was the boyfriend," finished Sara.

The young girl nodded.

"What did you do next?" asked Sara barely above a whisper.

"I shot him and then wiped off the gun. I put it back in the bag….then I shoved it under the bed. I grabbed my I-pod and went back to my friend's house," she cried. She looked at Mr. Marvin. "I didn't want you to leave….but I knew she would screw it up. She always screwed it up…never could…"

The young girl began to sob as her stepfather held her.

Grissom and Sara stepped out along with Brass. "Some night," muttered Brass.

Grissom glanced at his watch. "You should go home," he urged.

"I'll see this through," she said.

He knew they would only be a few hours late so he didn't push it.

When they finally walked through the door, Sara plopped down on the floor and took Caleb into her arms.

"Hi Momma," he said.

"I missed you Caleb," she whispered.

Grissom whispered softly to Sandra while Sara hugged Caleb.

Neither of them could sleep.

They played with Caleb for the next several hours.

The young child finally rubbed his eyes.

"Tired," he announced.

He was asleep within minutes.

Sara let him lay on the rug in the living room, a blanket draped over him.

She gently stroked his hair.

"Sara…come," Grissom whispered as he extended his hand and she took it, sending sparks between the two.

Each undressed.

It felt odd that it had been weeks since they had shared a bed at the same time.

Grissom tucked his hand behind his head as he lay on his side of the bed.

She was surprised that he did not try to initiate anything.

It had been weeks since they had been intimate, the pressure of getting pregnant now replaced with the slow unraveling of their marriage.

She lay on her side, unable to sleep.

She tossed to the other side but then regretted doing it, now able to see him lying there.

His eyes were closed but she knew he was awake.

"Can't sleep?" he whispered.

"No…maybe I'll get up and…"

"Sara…couldn't you just lie here with me?" he asked sadly.

"I don't want to keep you awake," she explained.

"I won't be able to sleep anyway," he admitted.

"Why…not?"

"I hate to see a child's life ruined…Melanie's life…is…"

"All…because she wanted a home," whispered Sara. "I remember feeling that way."

Grissom rolled to face her. "When you were in foster care?"

Sara shook her head. "Before…my mother killed my father, I wanted anybody's life…but mine. The yelling…the screaming…never knowing what lay in the next conversation…I liked it when they didn't talk…it was safer when they…" she stopped not wishing to admit that it was part of the reason why she avoided conversations with him.

"Sara…can I hold you?" he asked.

She curled into his arms.

"I'll hold you until you fall asleep," he whispered, kissing her tenderly on the forehead.

He noticed she was now wearing her rings.

He stroked her hair.

His lips kissed hers briefly, gently, but quickly moving away in fear that she would reject him.

She scooted closer, slipping her leg between his.

She could feel his need for her already swelling but he continued to stroke her hair, controlling his urge.

His touch was gentle as if he were consoling her.

It soothed away some of the old pain and hurt as she closed her eyes, enjoying the feel of him next to her.

He stilled when her hands glided down his chest.

Her fingertips caressed him, scorched him as he tried to be still, not wishing to pursue her.

His advances had only gotten him cold showers.

He knew it had to be on her terms.

Her lips sought his, slowly, hesitantly.

He returned kiss for kiss.

Her hand stroked him, caressing him until he was sure he would not be able to control the urge to take her.

He groaned as her hand slipped away, returning to his chest.

He placed a light kiss on her forehead and returned to stroking her hair.

A single tear slipped down her cheeks.

He kissed it away.

She grabbed his neck pulling him tight against her chest.

"It's okay," he soothed.

She kissed him feverishly as she struggled to remove his shirt.

He removed it and then slipped out of his boxers.

He watched as she stripped off her clothing.

They came together in a frenzied state.

There was so much pent up emotion in the love making that once they drifted over the edge, they refused to stop, succumbing to another bout of lovemaking.

He wrung out another orgasm from her and they collapsed together. Bodies were intertwined.

He woke an hour later.

She still lay curled in his arms.

He didn't dare move.

He smiled at the memory of their lovemaking.

It had felt earth shattering.

She trembled and he pulled up the covers.

There was a soft sound from the living room.

Reluctantly, he eased from the bed.

He sat down in the chair and looked down at Caleb.

The small child rolled over and smiled.

"Hi Caleb," he whispered.

He gathered his son into his arms.

"Mommy is still sleeping," he whispered.

"Okay Dada," he said kissing Grissom on the lips.

"I love you, Caleb."

"Love too, Dada."

The scream from the bedroom frightened Caleb.

"Momma!" he wailed as he scrambled away from Grissom.

Grissom jumped to his feet, grabbing Caleb into his arms as he ran to the bedroom.

He wailed for Sara as they rushed into the room.

She sat there gulping in air, shocked that Caleb had heard her.

"Momma!"

"Momma…is…fine," she managed to get out as she took Caleb into her arms.

He clung to her. "Bad…Bad….bad…man," he cried.

Sara shut her eyes as she rocked him back and forth.

Grissom pulled them into his arms.

"It was just a dream," he soothed. "Bad…man is gone."

Caleb's wails soon turned to sniffles.

She kissed him over and over, easing the young child's fears.

"Mommy scared Caleb."

"I'm sorry," she breathed.

She was quiet during dinner.

Caleb seemed out of sorts as he clung to Sara, not wanting to leave her.

Sara rocked him to sleep that evening, whispering his favorite story to him.

She came down stairs, avoiding Grissom's stare.

"Maybe you should take the night off," he offered.

"It was just a dream," she said.

"It may be just a dream but…"

There was a tap at the door.

He grabbed her hand, ignoring Sandra at the door.

"Sara, it affected both of you."

"It was just a dream," she whispered once more before letting Sandra in.

Grissom cursed under his breath not knowing how to help her.

Note from author:

And to think we are going to wrap this story up over the weekend. Thanks to everyone with your humorous comments.

Take care!


	48. Chapter 48

**Chapter Forty Eight:**

**Words Unraveling**

The shift became chaotic.

He had to give her a solo, his stomach churning over the task.

He knew she was capable of handling it but he couldn't get her scream out of his head and he wondered if there had been other times when he had not been there to comfort her.

His hand held out the assignment and she took it disappearing from sight.

He returned from the field early, and found her doing an interrogation.

His phone rang and his heart sank when it was Sandra.

"Gil, I'm sorry to call you but Sara's phone kept rolling over to voicemail."

"She's in an interrogation," he explained. "Is something wrong with Caleb?"

"He woke from a nightmare. He's very agitated…keeps crying for Sara."

"I'll have her come home," he said anxiously.

He tapped on the window and she stepped out.

"Is it almost over?" he asked.

"Yes. What's wrong?" she asked.

"Caleb had a nightmare. You need to go home."

"I'll hurry."

"Go…I'll finish."

"But…"

"Sara, he's more important than this job!"

"I know that! I also know that I'm required to finish the interrogation."

"As the acting supervisor, I'm removing you from that duty."

"You can't do that! Look, if I get back in there I'll be done faster than you can get up to speed on the case. Call home and talk to Caleb. Tell him I'll be on the phone in just a few minutes. I'll talk to him all the way home if necessary."

It made sense but Grissom couldn't bear the thought of Caleb in tears.

He remembered the tearful episodes when she was in the hospital.

It had broken his heart that he could not give his son what he needed and that was his mother.

"Sara…"

"Stop! You're not helping matters," she cried as she backed away from him with her hands in a defensive stance, hurrying back into the interrogation room.

Grissom cursed as he called their son.

He was still talking to him when Sara stepped out ten minutes later.

"Momma is here," he said.

He handed Sara the phone.

"Hi Caleb, did you have a bad dream?" she asked.

"Momma home now," he pouted.

"I'm coming," she assured him. "I'm going to hang up and call you on my phone so I can tell you a story on my way home."

"Bye Momma," he pouted.

Sara handed Grissom his phone.

She was gone without another word.

He was late getting home after shift.

It angered her that he had not come home immediately.

He stepped into the door and found Caleb asleep on the couch beside Sara.

"How is he?"

"He's fine," she said.

"Did he tell you…what the dream was about?"

"Bad…man…Vincent," she whispered.

"Maybe…maybe we should make an appointment for him to see a psychologist."

"No."

"Sara, there is nothing wrong with seeking help. It's not for you, it's for your son!" he gritted.

"It was a dream. My scream…brought back what happened that day. I remembered screaming at Vincent…Caleb. It sparked his memory. We handled it by showing him that I was okay. We handled the nightmare…although next time, I think we could just talk with him on the phone. He's very bright and…"

"You think? You're not qualified to make those decisions. You're no child psychologist!"

"No, I'm not. I…"

"I won't have him scarred by this. I'm making an appointment whether you like it or not."

"No, you won't! I won't have my son subjected to that. I've talked with…a counselor. I asked…about how to handle this…if it should happen. We're handling it!"

"A counselor? When?"

"I met with Ms. Evans a few times," she admitted, her eyes on Caleb as he shifted.

She refused to look at Grissom, knowing he wanted more details that she had no intention of giving.

He was surprised she had returned to see the same counselor, especially since he was seeing her as well.

"I didn't know. Sara….maybe we can go together."

"Why?"

"She can help us sort through some things."

"She can't fix our marriage," she blurted.

She had not meant to say it out loud.

He gulped. "I didn't know our marriage needed to be fixed. I thought we were talking about our inability to communicate…face issues."

Caleb stirred.

Sara patted him on the back.

"I thought…after the other day…what do you think is wrong with our marriage?" he asked quietly.

She shook her head.

He plopped down in the chair across from her.

"Talk to me!" he whispered in a pleading voice.

"Not…now," she said shifting Caleb.

"Stop hiding behind our son!" he seethed.

"Fine! Would we even be married if it weren't for Caleb?" she threw at him.

"Are you saying you don't want to be married anymore?" he asked incredulously. "You just want to fuck and move on?"

"Don't ever…say anything like that to me again," she warned.

He'd never been so frustrated in his life.

"Sara, I don't understand! For weeks you haven't let me touch you and then all of a sudden we have sex on your terms and now…this?"

"Gil…please."

"What do you want me to do, Sara? Sit around and let our marriage dissolve in front of our very eyes?"

"Would it matter?"

He glared at her and for a moment she eased away from him as if she were afraid he would strike her.

He wanted to scream at her.

Instead, he flew out of the house, shutting the door with a thud.

She burst into tears.

She had no idea why she had been so harsh.

She was just as concerned about Caleb as he was.

He had truly been a savior when she had lost Mikayla.

The lost was still unbearable at times but work kept her mind busy which was exactly what she needed these days but she had not been able to explain this to him.

She felt that he assumed they could just replace Mikayla with another child.

The few times they had been able to make love, she had slipped away to cry uncontrollably for the baby she had lost.

Her emotions were out of control at times, prompting her to get on birth control pills to help her body recover from the miscarriage.

It had been suggested by her physician although she wasn't sure if anything could help ease the emptiness she felt.

She knew he would have comforted her but she could not bring herself to share her grief or worse, the feelings of being so out of control these days.

Her grief was unbearable at times.

Mikayla had been hers, just hers.

She could not find the words to tell him how much it still hurt.

She had returned to the lab in hopes that things could be the way they used to be.

Now, there would no Lizzie, no wife to separate them.

They had been happy as friends.

She saw a glimpse of that friendship the other day.

She had given into the pure need for physical release as well as the need to feel whole, making love several times that day.

It had been the most peace she had felt in months.

It was too brief.

She had no idea how they had gotten to this miserable state.

Weeks passed and there was little progress in their relationship.

She pulled a few doubles despite his protest.

They acted as boss and employee but the relationship was different than before.

It was awkward and strained.

Each lost their temper too easily.

The others began to notice it.

She slipped into his office one evening while he was doing paperwork.

"I'd like to take a few hours off," she requested.

His head bobbed up.

"Is there something wrong with Caleb?" he asked.

"No…it's for me."

"Oh. It's slow….go," he said quietly.

He glanced down at his paperwork, and thought to ask if she were ill but by then she was already gone.

He threw the paper into the unfinished pile as he picked up the phone.

"Ms. Evans…could I…I need to talk with you," he said.

He knew Ms. Evans could not divulge what was discussed during Sara's counseling sessions but he needed to prepare himself if she were planning to leave.

His disposition had not helped matters but he didn't think either of them could live without Caleb and thus a custody battle would ensue.

He could not bring himself to take Caleb from Sara.

He didn't think she could endure another loss.

The problem was that he didn't think he could either.

He stepped into the building, not noticing the red car parked out front while he talked on the phone with the lab.

He tapped on the door, knowing that it was late but Ms. Evans had made an exception for meeting with him in the late evenings.

Grissom was startled when he stepped into the office and saw Sara.

Both pair of eyes glared at Ms. Evans.

"It seems I've overbooked myself…Sara I forgot…that I gave Gil…this appointment…last week."

Grissom's eyes softened, understanding Ms. Evans' tactics.

"I'll reschedule," said Sara as she started to get up.

"Since you're both here, I'd like to talk with you about Caleb," she said.

Both sat down abruptly.

"Caleb?" questioned Grissom.

Sara looked just as concerned.

"While I can't discuss the explicit details of what each of you said during counseling sessions, both of you have voiced a concern for Caleb's wellbeing and I must say…I'm concerned also."

"What do you mean?" asked Sara.

"Caleb is likely to remember the events of the attack for quite some time. His reaction when Sara had the nightmare is proof that he's not forgotten and still harbors fears of losing one…or even both of you. It would be detrimental if he…were to lose one of you at this time."

"He won't!" urged Sara.

"Sara and I spend time with him every day….together and then individually," added Grissom.

"I'm concerned about what he may be picking up…feeling…a child as bright as Caleb can sense when things are not right."

Both were quiet.

"I didn't want Sara to return…to the lab and I've been upset about it," admitted Grissom.

"Why?" asked Ms. Evans.

"Because he wanted me to be a housewife…someone to care for his needs and his child and…" Sara stopped, knowing that Grissom was turning red.

"I didn't say you couldn't work…I just said I didn't know why you would want to work. I can provide…"

"I don't need you to take care of me," she spat.

"No! You don't! You don't need anything from me!" yelled Grissom. "You've never needed me!"

Sara was shocked by his outburst, the pain evident in his voice.

"Gil, it's admirable that you're willing to be the primary provider for your family so Sara can stay at home with Caleb but Sara may not want or need that."

"I don't mind Sara…working…I just don't think it should be at the lab."

"Why?" asked Ms. Evans.

Grissom raked his hands through his hair. "We meet people on the worst day of their lives. Most of our time is processing some of the most horrific crime scenes," he explained.

"I knew that when I entered the field," replied Sara.

"Forgive me for wanting to protect you, Sara! You would think that you'd be sick of death after…" he didn't finish but looked away.

"You don't have to protect me. I can…"

"It's my job to protect you! You're my wife."

"You can't always…protect me," she whispered.

"I guess not. Despite patrol units in the area, cautioning neighbors…a new alarm system…Vincent still managed to get into our home and…"

He gulped, trying very hard not to break down.

His actions alarmed Sara. She felt his vulnerability.

Grissom stood, feeling the room was much too confining.

"I didn't have to work that evening. It was slow. Nick offered to take the assignment but…I just figured…why not? I'd finish it and then take a couple of days off. If I had come home instead then…"

"Don't Gil. You don't know that," cried Sara. "If I had been more careful…kept the door shut then he wouldn't have gotten inside."

Ms. Evans glanced at Sara, her face rather pale.

"Sara, are you alright?"

Sara took a deep breath. "I left the door open while I put the stroller away. He just walked into the house and…" she didn't finish, her hands slipping around her midsection.

Grissom slumped back into his seat.

He quickly grabbed her hand. "It wasn't your fault, honey."

Both sat there, ignoring the tears that fell freely.

"Sara, we can't go on…like this. Tell me what you need…Just tell me and I'll get it because I can't bear to see you so sad anymore."

"I want…Mikayla," she cried. "I want my baby!"

"Honey, Mikayla is gone," whispered Grissom.

"You think I don't know that! I buried my baby. I put her in the ground and I'm just supposed to move on…get pregnant again!" her hand covered her mouth.

Grissom looked shocked. "You think I don't feel your pain, Sara? I do every time I look at you. There's a sadness that I can even bear at times. We were supposed to be busy with feedings and juggling baby bottles and diaper changes. We have a nursery with no baby!"

"So you think that I would have been fine by just having another one? If we lost Caleb, could we just replace him?"

"I didn't mean for you to think that I was just…replacing Mikayla."

"You were! I'm supposed to just forget that she ever existed…one minute Mikayla was safe inside me and the next…she's gone."

"I didn't mean for you to feel that way," Grissom mourned.

"Every day I slept down the hall from an empty nursery…stared at the floor where I went into labor…and lost Mikayla. One minute I'm laughing and the next I can't control the tears…hiding from Caleb, fearful he'll see me so upset and remember what that bastard did! I just wanted out…to get away. Every time I wash the floors I know the blood is still there…you and I both know you can't really hide it."

"I'm sorry, honey. I didn't know," he soothed. "I would have taken off more time and…"

"You're still not listening to me!" she cried. "I needed to work through this. I needed to handle this! For weeks, I leaned on you while you took care of Caleb and me…while I fell apart. I needed to keep busy…so I returned to the lab."

She swallowed a sob. "I was tired of the tears so I went on birth control…at my doctor's advice, Grissom. I want another child...but not like this! I was going to explain everything but then Ecklie wanted me to start immediately and you didn't come home."

She sniffled. "You sent me back to that damn hospital where I lost Mikayla…the same floor…on my first night at work. I recognized some of the nurses, passed the room where I..."

"Sara…"

"I told Laura Bradley that I understood what she was going through…that I was raped. I wanted to tell her…that she could put it behind her but I didn't want to lie."

He gathered her into his arms despite her protest.

Her fist beat at him but he held her firmly as she sobbed into his shoulder.

His hand stroked her hair as he whispered how sorry he was.

His words did little to soothe the hurt or pain.

His lips kissed her forehead then kissed each tear away.

She relaxed in his arms as he kept his arms protectively around her.

"I'm sorry, honey. You're not ready…we're not ready. I never want you to think that Mikayla didn't matter…she did. God, I loved her Sara. I knew the first time I felt her inside you. It's been so hard…staying away from her. Sometimes, I go to the cemetery and see my…girls. I tell them about you and Caleb. I tell them how much they were loved…missed. I talk to them because I can't tell you how much it still hurts…because I don't want you to be reminded of the loss."

"You've gone there?" she whispered.

He nodded.

"There were flowers on her grave," began Sara.

"You went to Mikayla's grave?" he interrupted.

"On her due date."

"I stopped by there on my way home from work and left a bouquet of flowers. I didn't think you would want to go there," he whispered.

"Thank you…for getting the flowers."

"Sara, if working at the lab again helps you then…I'm fine with it. I'll still worry but I just want you to be happy again."

They looked around and noticed Ms. Evans had left the room.

"I guess we're done with counseling."

They walked out to their vehicles, his hand still firmly in hers.

"I'll uhm see you at home," she managed to get out.

"Ride with me," he urged. "We'll pick up your car later."

"I'm fine….really."

"I know…but I need you to come with me…please."

She felt exhausted as she sat in the passenger's side.

Within a few turns she realized he was not heading toward the house.

Within another turn she knew he was going to the cemetery.

"I hope you won't mind if we see Mikayla…before we go home. I think this visit is long overdue."

She wasn't sure if she was up to it.

Her emotions were spent and her body screamed for rest but she felt herself nodding, accepting the detour.

As soon as the vehicle was parked, he opened the passenger door and grasped her hand firmly.

She followed him as he walked through the headstones she'd come to memorize.

As they approached, her feet slowed.

His arm wrapped around her midsection, urging her to take the marble bench.

She sat down, noticing the fresh bouquet of flowers that had recently been placed on the grave.

"I brought these the other day," he explained. "After…I left the house…I just needed to come here."

Grissom knelt down in front of Sara.

"I know how much it hurts to lose a child. I wish I could tell you that the hurt will stop…go away but I don't want to lie to you. I still…mourn for Emily…just as I do Mikayla. Sara, I know you can't replace a child. I never wanted Mikayla to replace Emily…but I love them both. I uhm…tried not to mourn for Emily…it was a mistake. I want you to grieve for Mikayla…but grieve with me. I lost her too," he whispered.

Sara wiped his cheeks.

She nodded as he held her.

"Sara, let's sell the house. We can look for another…"

She shook her head violently. "No! I don't want to move….believe it or not Grissom, working….being with the others…is helping. I don't like the hours…the living situation but…"

"Are you sure? It might help if we were not constantly reminded of what happened…there."

"That's our home….I don't want to move…with the nursery never filled. I want to be awakened out of a deep sleep to the sound of our baby's cry. I want to sit in the rocker and hold our baby…for hours. I want our house to feel like a home…again."

He kissed her fully on the lips, pulling her tight against his chest.

They sat on the bench staring at the headstone, their voices hushed but they talked about their fears, their pain, their grief and the need for change.

Note from author:

Two chapters left and then that's it folks! Thanks for the reviews and the private messages.

Take care!


	49. Chapter 49

**Chapter Forty Nine:**

Caleb tossed a Cheerios at Grissom and giggled.

Grissom snatched it from the table and ate it.

He tossed Grissom another one but it landed on the floor.

He leaned over and retrieved.

"Do not put that in your mouth," she warned. "He'll think it is okay to eat food off of the floor."

"Sara the floors are so clean we could eat off them."

"That doesn't mean you should. Give it to me."

He placed the Cheerios in her hand and she tossed it into her empty cereal bowl.

Caleb picked up another one, intent to throw it but she caught his hand.

"No."

He frowned, looking very much like Grissom when he was angry.

"No," she repeated.

He glanced at Grissom.

"Don't look at me. This is your fight with your mother. I had mine last night."

Sara looked shocked. They had argued over bathroom rights in the master bathroom which followed with orange smudges on pillow cases.

"_What are you doing?" she asked._

"_Having a snack," he replied. She quickly grabbed the Cheese Puffs bag from his hands._

"_Sara!"_

"_No eating in bed."_

"_It's my side of the bed," he argued._

Sara huffed. "We did not fight."

"What do you call…it?" he challenged.

"A difference of opinion…which has not been settled."

"You could have fooled me. If that wasn't make- up sex then…."

He knew he was in trouble when he felt the kick under the table making him close this mouth.

"Sex!" Caleb blurted out.

Their eyes widened.

"Sex!" he yelled once more.

Sara grabbed Grissom by the arm, practically yanking him out of the room.

"Do not react. Just ignore him and he'll stop saying it."

Sara returned, wiping off the table as she set the dirty dishes into the dishwasher.

Grissom leaned against the counter.

Caleb glanced at the two.

Sara smiled when Caleb spoke. "Done Momma."

"Good boy, Caleb," she said with a smile.

"Sex!" he yelled.

Grissom hid the smirk.

Sara continued to ignore the outburst.

There was a knock at the door.

Grissom opened the door and was surprised to see Greg.

"Shift just ended," he explained.

"Okay."

He remained at the door. "Don't I get to come in?"

Grissom stepped to the side.

Greg stepped inside but Grissom was surprised when Nick followed.

"Sorry, I was on the phone," said Nick.

Greg was already holding Caleb.

Nick smiled. "We were in the neighborhood so we thought we would drop in."

Grissom smiled. "Nick…I didn't make waffles this morning."

Nick frowned.

Grissom patted him on the back. "We just finished breakfast but I'm sure there's still enough cereal left."

"Hey, you got Captain Crunch?" asked Greg.

Sara frowned. "Cheerios."

"Oh," the guys said in unison.

Sara fixed each of them a bowl.

They sat down at the table and ate while discussing the night's cases with Grissom.

"It was sort of quiet," said Nick as he thanked Sara for a glass of orange juice.

Greg took a drink of his juice but almost spewed it when Caleb yelled, "sex!"

Nick and Greg glanced at one another while Sara and Grissom pretended as if the young child had not done it.

"Anyway," said Nick. "Catherine was finishing up on a…."

"Sex!" yelled Caleb.

Greg smirked.

"Greg!" warned Sara.

"What? I didn't teach him that," he muttered.

"Gil did," huffed Sara.

Nick and Greg chuckled as they watched their boss squirm.

"I didn't! I said it one time and he hasn't stopped saying it."

"Really? How did you say it?" inquired Greg.

"I said…never mind, Greg!"

Greg and Nick chuckled.

Caleb blurted out the word once more causing Sara to blush.

"Well, my sister Shelly, says if you ignore it then…"

"Which is exactly what we're doing," stated Sara.

Caleb reached for a cheerios that Greg handed him.

They finished the cereal and headed for the door.

"Next time, Captain Crunch," announced Greg.

"Goodbye Greg," muttered Grissom.

"Bye Caleb," called Nick and Greg.

"Sex!"

Grissom handed out the assignments that evening, yawning as Warrick talked about his 419.

"Didn't you get any sleep?" asked Catherine.

"Some," he muttered.

"It must have been all of the sex," snorted Greg.

Nick and the others laughed but Greg howled when he received a kick under the table by Sara.

Grissom glared at Greg.

"So….how did Caleb learn such a word?" asked Catherine.

"You have assignments," he gritted.

"Ask Grissom," retorted Sara.

"I take it, he's still saying it?" asked Catherine.

"Yes. He says nothing but sex," sighed Grissom.

Brass tapped on the door. "I've got another one."

Grissom took it from his hand and then handed it to Sara.

"It's all yours dear," he said.

She faked a smile and then left.

"Say, I hear the little man already has a problem with sex," snickered Brass.

"Jim…this isn't funny. Sara is liable never to have sex with me again if Caleb doesn't stop saying the word."

"Tell him to stop," said Brass.

Grissom rolled his eyes. "You can't tell a two year old to stop saying a word…and he just does it."

When he arrived home, things had not improved.

Grissom kissed Caleb on the cheek as he sat down for breakfast.

"You should have kept the assignment for yourself. I was back in no time. Rough night?" she asked.

"Yes…and I have to be in court in two hours," he yawned.

"You could take a nap," she offered.

"I think it would be better if I just stayed up."

"Sex," smiled Caleb.

Grissom gulped down his juice.

"Sex," announced Caleb.

"Caleb, sex is a bad word. Stop," said Grissom.

"Okay, Dada."

Sara snorted. "You think that will work? Just tell him to stop?"

"You're right a need a nap….I just took Jim's advice."

"Jim told you to do that?"

"Yes…I guess I am too tired."

He stretched out on the couch and was asleep with minutes.

An hour later, she gently nudged him.

He rubbed his eyes.

"Has he…said it again?" he asked.

"It's only been an hour," she said.

Hours later, he returned home from court, dragging himself to the couch.

"Go to bed, Gil."

"Where's Caleb?" he asked.

"He's taking a nap."

"Has he said it again?"

"No."

Grissom looked surprised. "You mean…just like that he stopped saying it?"

Sara smiled as she sat down beside him.

He pulled her close.

"We could take advantage of this time," he whispered.

"No S-E-X," she ordered.

He chuckled.

He still worried about her assignments while she refused any special treatment.

More than once she butted heads with Catherine who insisted on taking every rape case but Sara knew she was only trying to protect her.

The door to the nursery remained shut, off limits but every now and then Sara found Grissom sitting in the rocker holding the ragdoll he'd purchased for Mikayla.

It usually occurred when a case reminded him of his past.

Each time he was caught he apologized profusely but she just curled into his lap, needing to feel his arms wrapped securely around her.

Valentine's Day was quite a surprise.

She was a little disappointed that he did not offer to give them the night off.

While the others talked about flowers and candy, Grissom was busy talking about bugs and time line regressions.

She pretended it didn't bother her but it did.

She never cared for the holiday, never getting something special from a loved one and on this particular date she not only had a loved one but a husband for that matter.

So, it should have been special, right?

A few of the girls talked about bouquets of roses as well as chocolates that were out of this world.

Even Greg was courting a lab technician, often asking for Sara's advice on what she thought would be the perfect date.

"I dunno," she miffed. "It's hard to remember such a time."

Grissom acted as if he had not heard the comment as he chatted with Brass in the corner of the room.

"Does she have a clue yet?" whispered Brass.

"None so don't crack a smile or…say anything that might give my surprise away," he said sternly.

"Sara? Are you going to help me or not?" asked Greg.

"A nice restaurant…nothing gawdy but elegant which means stay away from the strip. Flowers and candy are overrated unless you've never received any. Don't send a plant."

Grissom flinched.

"I thought girls liked flowers and candy," Greg whined.

"Mindy probably would like flowers but she's too conscious of her figure."

"Oh, gotcha," agreed Greg.

"Besides candy give her something memorable…that reminds her of when you first met," sighed Sara.

"I'm lost…don't get that," remarked Greg.

"Grissom and I met…at a seminar. He wore this dark suit…that set off his eyes. I practically drooled when I saw him."

"He wore a suit to a seminar?" griped Greg.

Sara frowned. "Not intentionally. He met with a task force…to discuss appropriations of funding for crime labs to advance the research in Forensics. Several states got funding for body farms," she explained. "You can't imagine how much we've learned from the body farm that Grissom started."

Greg nodded. "Okay. I sort of get it."

"Anyway, he arrived at the seminar in this suit. Later, I asked him out for coffee and he accepted. Coffee led to dinner then a walk on the beach. He ripped off his tie, leaving on his suit and we took a walk along the beach. We stopped off at this beach hut and he bought this ridiculous straw hat…"

"Wait, the same hat he wears when he goes out in the desert?" asked Greg.

"The same one," Sara quipped. "He looked so dorky and handsome in his suit…with the straw hat."

"Got to have loved him," teased Greg.

"Yeah, I did. I would follow him to the ends of the earth," she whispered.

"Sara…to earth? I still need help…so Mindy and I met over a Bunsen burner."

"Take her back to your place…for a candlelight dessert, only use a Bunsen burner…involving chocolate," she said.

"You're good….I think but didn't you say she wouldn't want chocolate?"

Sara grinned. "I didn't say she had to…eat the chocolate. I'm sure you could find something to do with it."

Greg swallowed. "You are good. I think I need a shower."

Sara chuckled but it faded as she looked in Grissom's direction.

He was still engrossed in a lab report while talking with Brass.

She grabbed her case file and left the break room.

"Melted chocolate, huh?" teased Brass.

"Never mind," grumbled Grissom.

_We never used melted chocolate…_

She pulled into the garage, surprised that his car still remained in the driveway.

_Oh great, he probably has to return to the lab…_

_It figures…_

She tossed her keys onto the counter, along with her purse as she contemplated prospects for a quick meal.

The house was still quiet which meant Caleb was still asleep and most likely Grissom was in their son's room.

She leaned against the counter, her eyes on the kitchen floor.

"Hey," he said softly.

She smiled at him.

"How about waffles? I'm sort of tired of cereal," she admitted.

His eyes drifted to the floor briefly before meeting hers.

"How was your night?" he asked.

"Quiet…for Valentines," she said.

He nodded. "I uhm forgot to get a card," he began.

"It's fine…all of this stuff is sort of new…for me," she said but then she thought if he had ever forgotten such a holiday in his previous married life.

_Don't go there, Sara…_

Sara glanced toward the stairs.

"Caleb is okay," he urged.

"He should be awake by now," she said as she started out of the kitchen.

He quickly grabbed her hand.

"Caleb isn't here."

She looked worried. "Is something wrong? Where's Caleb?" she asked quickly.

He rubbed her back. "He's fine, Sara. He's with Sandra."

"Why?"

"I wanted us to do something special."

She looked surprised.

"What? You don't think I can be romantic?" he asked.

_We went canoeing and camping the day after our marriage…._

"Of course…I think," she teased.

"I wanted us to take a trip down memory lane," he said with a grin.

"Memory lane?"

"I wanted to take you to…back where we met but…then…" his voice faltered not that either of them could ever return to San Francisco. "I want to take you some place special."

"Really?" she said with a grin.

"Yes…so get dressed," he said.

"Dressed? Like...jeans and blouse or…"

"Nice cotton dress," he tossed over his head.

"Oh."

She grinned.

_We're going to a nice restaurant at least…_

She smiled when he returned wearing the same suit he'd worn in San Francisco all those years ago.

"Ready?" he asked with a twinkle in his eye.

"I thought you'd ruined it that day…all the sand and salt water," she mused.

"I wouldn't have gotten salt water on my suit if a certain brunette had not pushed me into the waves."

She grinned.

She'd not paid attention as they drove.

Her head leaned back as she listened to the soft music he was purposely playing.

"We listened to this that evening…the night you were scheduled to leave," she whispered.

"You have a good memory."

"I remember a lot about that night," she breathed.

"Really?"

"You seemed nervous. I mean it was as though you were afraid I was going to jump you…or something," she teased.

"I was actually. I felt the attraction immediately…thought you did too but I could…would only allow myself to go so far," he sighed.

"It made me mad."

"Me too," he said.

When the vehicle stopped, she opened her eyes and gaped.

"Ready?"

"You brought me back to Lake Meade?" she asked.

He was already out of the car and circling to her side.

"He opened the door and took her hand.

"I know this is not the beach but it's the closest beach from home," he explained.

She smiled taking his hand.

Each kicked off their shoes.

They started to walk toward the water but he stopped abruptly, hurrying back to the vehicle.

She giggled when he returned, wearing the silly straw hat.

"How's that for remembering?" he announced.

He offered his arm and she took it but soon their hands entwined as they walked along the beach line.

"That was the best week of my life," he said softly. "I had wanted to kiss you so much but couldn't."

"I understand now," she replied.

He pulled her into his arms and took her lips into his.

She grinned when he finally released her.

"What do you supposed would have happened if I had done that back then?" he asked.

"I'm not sure you would have made your flight."

"I'm not sure I could have ever left you."

She smiled but then turned her head to glance out over the water.

"I love you Sara. I fell in love with you the moment I met you at that seminar. You've always run through my veins."

Sara leaned into him fully.

"Happy Valentine Day," she whispered but then shoved him into the water.

He growled as he took off after her, grabbing her around the waist and pulling her against his body.

"Happy Valentine Day," he replied.

They had to return to the house in order for Grissom to change into dry clothes, making their reservations at the restaurant.

She smiled when a violinist appeared out of nowhere and began to play.

Glasses of champagne were poured.

"We didn't get a formal toast at our wedding…so I thought we could this evening," he grinned.

"Trying to get me drunk?" she teased.

"That depends…on whether I find out how you got the idea for the melted chocolate."

She swallowed. "Some secrets are best kept private."

His glass stopped in mid-air. "Who was the lucky fellow?"

She grinned. "You…if you play your cards right. It's been a fantasy of mine…and since Greg was being nice I decided to share my fantasy…with him…at least the idea anyway."

His eyes twinkled as he leaned forward, his breath sending chills down her spine. "The chocolate is waiting…at home."

They skipped dessert, rushing home.

The Grissom household had indeed become a home.

Note from author:

Sorry for the late posting but we are flooding! We have spent the morning moving neighbor's out furniture to keep it from floating away and now we are next folks! We are going back out to bail water. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers. We need them!

Take care!


	50. Chapter 50

**Chapter Fifty:**

He frowned when he arrived home one day and noticed that the living room was messy.

He picked up the stack of entomology books and returned them to the book shelf.

Their bedroom wasn't much better.

His dirty socks lay on the floor just shy of the clothes hamper.

He retrieved them, putting them in the hamper.

He opened his closet door and gawked when he noticed his favorite court shirt was wrinkled.

Things were out of place.

He huffed, intending to have it out with her but she was still sleeping, having worked over a few hours, messing up their sleep schedule.

He dressed quickly, needing to get back to the lab but the wrinkles in his shirt bothered him.

This wasn't the first time he'd noticed the slacking off of chores but they'd put in quite a few hours so he didn't mind.

That is, until his favorite court shirt was left wrinkled.

Brass immediately noticed Grissom's fidgeting.

"Something wrong?" he whispered.

"Do you notice any wrinkles…with my jacket on?" asked Grissom.

Brass grinned. "What did you piss off Sara for?"

"I didn't! At least I don't think so," muttered Grissom.

"Guess the honeymoon is finally over," sighed Brass.

"Honeymoon?"

"The little love notes…that is if you were lucky to get any, the nice dinners, desserts, special treatment goes down the toilet."

"It's not like that," defended Grissom. "Sara's…just been…busy."

_Right…_

_Maybe the honeymoon really is over…_

He tossed his briefcase onto the couch as he stepped into the house.

Sara glanced up. "How did court go?"

"Better than my appearance," he griped.

She looked confused and started to open her mouth when Grissom glanced around the room.

"Did you work late?" he asked.

"No, I've been home for a few hours. Caleb is taking a nap."

"Mind telling me why the house….looks like this?" he asked.

Sara glanced around. "What's wrong with it?"

Grissom took a deep breath. "Is the honeymoon over?"

"Honeymoon?"

"Sara…I went to court today wearing a wrinkled shirt."

"I bet that didn't look good," she mused.

"No, I guess it didn't. The guys ribbed me that our honeymoon is over."

"Oh," she grinned. "I see."

"Is it? I mean I know we didn't really start out acting like newlyweds but now…well, is it?"

"Gil, how often do we have sex?"

"Sara…we agreed not to use that word…after Caleb's fascination with it…but we make love…often."

"To be precise, the average newlywed couple has sex three to four times a week. We average…five or six times even when we work a double," she rasped.

He swallowed.

They had been inventive.

He certainly wanted to continue being above the norm.

"I wouldn't say our honeymoon is over," she said getting off the couch, just as the timer sounded in the kitchen.

He took a good whiff.

It smelled wonderful.

_Okay…_

_So she's slacking off with the cleaning…_

_I can tolerate that…_

He frowned when he tripped over his house shoes.

She noticed.

"Okay, so we're still on our honeymoon…I just would have preferred to have my favorite shirt without wrinkles."

She licked her lips. "Your shirt had wrinkles because you knocked it off the hanger, pulling your laptop in and out of the closet. You could just leave it out. It's not like I read your journal."

He frowned. "Why is that?"

"Because I'd rather have you tell me…than read it."

"You don't tell me things," he charged taking his finger and trying to sample the dish but she smacked his hand.

He feigned injury.

Suddenly she stopped, setting the dish onto the pot holders.

"Have you been reading my journal again?"

"No," he lied.

"You have," she snipped.

"Not in a long time," he admitted.

She fumed.

"I've noticed some things," he said quietly.

"Like what?"

"I know it's little things but…my shoes…for instance…are still lying where I took them off," he began.

Sara folded her arms. "So…you've noticed that I'm not picking up after you."

"Yes…I have," he pouted.

"Gil, you're a slob."

He gawked. "I am not."

"Yes, you are. You never bother to pick up your things, leaving them everywhere….you're not setting a good example for Caleb."

"Sara…"

"We both work. You could…pick up after yourself."

"I did…for awhile but then…I just thought you liked staying busy."

"Not anymore," she sighed. "I'd like some down time."

"So…if I pick up…am less than a slob…I can still count on having….making love more than the average newlywed?" he teased.

"Perhaps," she grinned.

He pulled her into his arms. "Why don't you take a night off?"

"I'll wait until we can both have a night off."

"That might be awhile," he admitted.

"Then I suggest you go pick up your mess," she said as she began setting the table.

"Yes, dear."

She tried to ignore his persistent gaze across the table that evening during dinner.

Caleb attempted to feed Bruno but Sara caught him.

"Caleb, no."

"Momma, please."

"You can feed him after dinner. He needs to eat his food."

"Puppy food?"

"Yes."

"Good puppy."

Grissom snorted but he covered it with a cough the moment he caught Sara's glare.

Caleb patted Bruno. "Good …baby."

Grissom glanced briefly at Sara.

"Yes, Bruno is a good…baby," she managed to get out before scrambling to the bathroom.

He was standing outside the bathroom door when she emerged.

"That's…twice…this week," he said.

"Frank's food was greasy the other night. My stomach will need to adjust to it again."

"What excuse are you going to use this time?" he asked, concern written on his face.

"I'm not," she replied softly.

"Sara…we said we wouldn't…don't you think you should check…take a test?"

She breathed out a long sigh. "Yes."

He wasn't expecting her to give in so easy.

"I don't have a pregnancy test," she admitted.

"I'll run to the store," he offered.

"Gil, shift will be starting soon…it can wait…until tomorrow."

"But…"

"I don't want…to do this now," she breathed.

She started to leave but he grabbed her, pulling her into his arms.

"This is just a precaution," he whispered. "Nothing more."

He started to pull away but she refused to break the contact.

"Are you scared?" he asked.

"Yes."

He held her tight.

"Me too."

"Let's…not think about…it. Let's just forget that…I'm late this month…by a week…and that…last month was…weird…and…"

"Sara, you're not helping matters," he whispered.

She chuckled. "Now…you know as much as I do."

They both seemed on edge.

It was noticeable to everyone.

Nick and Catherine exchanged glances.

He glanced at the assignments, worry etched on his face.

"I'm next," said Sara.

Grissom's eyes floated up to stare at her.

"I'm taking it," he said.

"Gil, give me the assignment," warned Sara.

"No."

Eyes shot from Grissom to Sara.

She stood, attempting to take the slip from his hand but he refused to give it to her.

"I'll take it," offered Greg.

"No…you won't. It's mine," warned Sara.

She extended her hand but it remained empty.

"You…have your assignments," Grissom said, getting up, while trying to ignore her.

She grabbed his arm.

"Sara..no!"

He felt awful for yelling at her.

"You didn't have to yell," sneered Greg. "She just doesn't want you to play favorites."

"I'm not, Greg. It's just that I can't let Sara go out on this."

"Yes, you can."

"No."

Sara cursed under her breath.

"You can assist Nick. He'll be in the lab all evening processing evidence."

"I'll come with you," she offered.

"Sara…"

The others headed toward the door, not wishing to witness the argument.

"You said you wouldn't do this!" she spat.

"You may be pregnant! I am not sending you out…on this!"

Feet stopped and heads turned.

He hadn't meant to say it so loud.

"Sara…"

Grissom didn't finish as she rushed past him.

He pursued her.

"Sara, wait!"

He grabbed her arm. "I need you to stay…here honey, please."

"You shouldn't have…said anything…what if I'm not pregnant?"

"I'm sorry. I…"

"I need to process evidence," she muttered as she disappeared down the hall.

Catherine lingered nearby.

"Is she okay?" asked Catherine.

"Yes…no. I don't know," he admitted.

"I take it she's not taken a pregnancy test yet?"

"We…we're going to take a test after shift."

"This is going to be a long shift," muttered Catherine.

He raked his hand through his hair.

"You okay? You want me to take the assignment?" she asked.

"No, I'll handle it," he said quietly.

"Mind me asking…what kind of case it is?"

"Decomp," he said softly.

Catherine grinned. "Well, she'll certainly understand once she gets a whiff of you."

"Catherine…"

"Don't worry I'll make sure she doesn't go out on anything that isn't safe."

His eyes floated to the floor.

"Gil, I'm sure she understood why you raised your voice."

"I haven't done that in a long time. I wished I hadn't…at a time like this."

"You're both on edge. Are you sure you don't want me to take it?"

He shook his head as he disappeared down the hall.

Sara slammed the box on top of the counter causing Nick's head to pop up.

"I appreciate the help," stated Nick.

"Sorry, Nick. It's just that he wouldn't even tell me what kind of case it is."

"Can you really fault him? If I were in his shoes I would…"

"You would have done the same thing," she finished.

"Then…why the fuss? He's sick…with worry. All of us could see it the moment you two arrived."

"I'm worried…he's…going to be disappointed if…I'm not…" her voice trailed off.

Nick understood. "I never saw a man more happy to get married than Grissom was. Sara he loves you…he just wants to protect you….don't forget that."

She nodded.

She felt bad for her actions, making it harder on him than necessary.

"Nicky…you should…be married."

"Now you sound like my Momma. She's always griping that I should get married and settle down. As for me….I wouldn't mind that at all," he quipped.

He winked at her as he returned to his work.

Hours later, Grissom trudged back into the lab.

He was startled when he heard her voice.

"Hard night?" she asked.

"It…was…okay," he admitted.

"I uhm wanted to say how sorry I was that…I…"

He grabbed her, pulling her into his arms.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you. I'm so sorry, Sara."

"Hey, I….wouldn't back down. I was insubordinate."

"Would you like for me to discipline you?"

She licked her lips. "Here….or at home?"

He swallowed. "Don't tempt me."

She grinned as she headed down the hall.

"I'll see you at home."

**Epilogue:**

**Too Tough to Give Up:**

He sits holding her hand like he's done so many times and yet today is different.

Today, they called him and he came rushing.

Her blood pressure had skyrocketed prompting the call.

He was in the middle of a crime scene when his beeper went off.

The only time he was ever called to her side was during a crisis or when she wanted him to sneak food into her room.

He dropped his gloves into his kit, grabbing it as he ran.

He whispered briefly to Brass as he hurried to his vehicle, speeding away.

His sudden departure caught the attention of his team, not used to seeing their boss leave before the job was completed.

There were whispers of concern.

A certain blonde's head bobbed up, glancing at Brass, needing to know that Grissom was fine.

His smile indicated that perhaps the wait was almost over.

As he sped to the hospital, he wondered if this would be the night.

It didn't feel different.

It felt like any other night.

He thought that when it happened he would sense something or get caught unprepared.

He was prepared to face what was to happen.

He'd been prepared for years.

He had been there so many times he thought he could drive there blindfolded.

He knew how many steps there were from the front entrance to her room.

He knew how many tiles there were on the ceiling where she had remained for the past three weeks.

He knew how many machines were attached to her body, particularly the ones that monitored the tiny life waiting to be born.

The layout of the room never changed.

There were photos of Caleb, their wedding and the family portrait of the team.

She had insisted they be brought, placed around the room along with some of her other things.

Upon her admittance to the place where she would remain until going into labor, he had walked out of their home taking nothing with him.

Catherine had been the one to return for Sara's things.

He'd been too frightened to leave her side, fearful he would lose her as well as their baby.

She was the calm one in the middle of the chaos.

Twice their daughter had threatened to arrive too soon and finally after the second episode, she was admitted as a precaution, her blood pressure a constant worry.

He was completely captivated by her every movement and yet too afraid to touch her since this last admittance.

Sara was a vibrant, intelligent glowing mother to be and was finally able to convince him that she would not go into labor just by merely holding hands.

Sara still had four more weeks remaining and now he had been called once more to her side.

He was not prepared to have her whisked away for an emergency caesarean.

He alerted the others and they came, just as frightened as he was.

Sara had been the strong one in the last several months.

It had been Sara who had chosen to go off birth control pills without his knowledge.

It had been Sara who had kept the pregnancy a secret for almost three months until the morning sickness gave her away.

It had been Sara who had proudly announced that it was going to be a girl.

He had been thrilled, elated and scared to death in the same moment although he had not hovered like she suspected he would.

In fact he was supportive of her working until the first complication arose followed by another.

It had been quite a battle but in the end, she had given up work, clinging to him, begging for forgiveness while he soothed her tears.

"It's not your fault, Sara. You've been careful," he urged.

And she had by keeping to the lab and not going out into the field unless it was absolutely safe.

The latest complication had taken a toll on the entire household.

Greg practically moved in to help with Caleb as he and Grissom convinced Sara everything was under control.

Of course it was hard to believe when Grissom spent every waking hour by her side.

The team took turns slipping Caleb in after hours so that they could be together.

All of her friends were taking care of her family and she was overwhelmed by their kindness especially Catherine who took charge of Grissom's well-being, making sure he slept and ate while covering for him at the office.

Now, they waited once more.

He'd managed to get into the room just as their daughter was delivered. There was a faint cry as he whispered into Sara's ear. "She looks just like me."

"Is she alright?" she begged.

The baby was whisked away.

Grissom caressed Sara's wet cheek. "They'll tell us something soon, honey."

"Gil, what if…"

A nurse returned with a small bundle. "She's a little cranky."

Sara gazed at the newborn.

She kicked her legs and then let out a loud wail.

"Yes, I think she does look like you…at least she has your temperament."

Grissom wiped his eyes. "Never mind, Catherine Grace, your aunt Cath will spoil you."

"No doubt," smiled Sara. "Does Catherine know yet?"

"I was waiting to let you have the pleasure."

Hours later the team stood around the room.

"She doesn't act like a preemie," announced Greg.

Catherine gazed at the baby in Grissom's arms.

"Are you ever going to let us know what you decided to name her?" asked Catherine.

Grissom's eyes locked with Sara's.

"I wanted to name her….Catherine Grace," announced Sara.

Catherine's eyes watered. "Really?"

"I couldn't think of a better role model than…you," replied Sara.

Catherine wiped her eyes. "Do I get to hold her?"

Grissom refused to give his daughter up.

"In a little a while," he whispered as he swayed back and forth, marveling at the way his daughter's lips curled into a smile.

He looked at Sara, mouthing "I love you" as their daughter slept peacefully.

The End.

Note from author:

Thanks for the reviews. We were evacuated for awhile but have since been able to return. While there is flooding underneath the house and our central heat and air units are lost, we fared much better than our neighbors who have inches of mud in their homes. By the grace of God our house did not flood inside minimizing the damage. Thanks to everyone for your thoughts, well wishes and prayers. I hope you enjoyed the story. I did not proof read the last chapter as we have been assisting our neighbors with the clean up while contacting our insurance agents and going through the process...yuck. One of our neighbors is living with us since she had no place to go. Our house just added another cat, dog and person. LOL. Our other neighbor is going to try to live in second story part. Keep TN in your prayers. We have major loss here and we cant even get our daughter home who is stranded in another county with roads closed due to flooding. Have a blessed summer.

Take care!


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